Name: Theo Asks Kevin Gates What Prison Was Like
Uploaded: 2025-07-02T02:48:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Asks Kevin Gates What Prison Was Like' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Asks Kevin Gates What Prison Was Like' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-02. Transcript available.

did you get a degree i at some point i saw that or i read in um that you got a
degree in jail in
prison yeah is that true yeah that's true wow what were the classes like in
there and stuff
what is it it's not it wasn't no classes you just test i got credits by testing
oh so they don't
have like um do y'all have do y'all do like um i'm trying to think of what it's
called do y'all
have like um group projects or whatever no they you have an administrator that
administered a test
oh damn you test whenever you're ready to test you test well you can't say
whenever you're ready to
test like you might test once a month or something like that but i had a little
way that i was able
to keep testing shout out to them yeah yeah shout out to them but so you don't
you don't have group
projects i was wondering if you got a group project or something what if your
group leader gets put in
like in a solitary confinement or whatever it wasn't like that yeah it was it
was not like that in
louisiana prisons it's like really every man for they so so you take your test
and then like was it
studied a curriculum and then you go take a test you have an administrator that
makes sure you don't
cheat and did other people look down on you if you were trying to study in
there or no no you're trying
to get out just trying to get out the door yeah trying to get out the door yeah
i was just wondering
if you had like a now when i went to prison in chicago when i what does illinois
it was
i forgot uh it's emcc east moline but i forgot the place in illinois that it
was now they had
individual classrooms like on the campus if y'all would go to class yeah it was
beautiful dang that
that that that last bid i did it changed my life completely that's how i got
into yoga like they
offer programs and everything at the prison at the prison and they had weights
and i say that like i
live in weights but they like if you wanted to be better you could become
better yeah because i was
just wondering if you're in jail do you have group projects or is there like
most likely to you know
like that kind of thing like is it like a real like most likely to succeed or
most likely to
get out of jail or whatever it's still individual based learning but
you do earn good time by going to school that's i like i like the the way they
had it set up in
illinois they had programs and you earn good time by going to school it's like
that in louisiana and
some facilities you earn good time by going to school but the way they had it
set up in illinois was
different like they had real programs like real classrooms that you go to they
got some facilities
that offer that but it's not the same so it's more organized over there yeah it
was it was
it was more i'm gonna say this it was based to help people it was geared toward
anti-recidivism
recidivism is repeat offenders anti-recidivism is people that that go to jail
and become better and
don't come back it was geared toward anti-recidivism like in louisiana it's not
geared toward that it's
geared toward it's a revolving door you're going to come back right we'll see
you soon yeah yeah welcome
back that type of thing see you next time you know like you going in there they
we missed you the this
is one of the worst things but it was the most beautiful thing that ever
happened too because i
needed this they called me in they had switched my po they switched my po so
they called me in i go in
i'm thinking i'm just going to piss yeah like you know give an update on what's
going on yeah put your
hands behind your back took me to jail they said you traveled without uh notifying
anybody i'm like
y'all switch my po i had been attempting to contact and nobody had ever picked
the phone up bang and
where'd you go you took a vacation no i didn't take a vacation i was working i
won't say anything yeah in
the same spot that the same spot that the po had already approved travel for
and that's what made me
start getting copies of everything right so you got proof of what somebody said
yeah i want can you sign
it can i get a travel for me can you sign it and i start getting copy can you
make me a copy and i
start keeping a folder and keeping copies it was beautiful though it made me be
more organized what
is something you miss about prison i don't miss nothing about prison even
something little no i don't miss
nothing about prison so there's nothing in it but what about even just getting
some rest every now
and then was it like that or no i can get rest out here yeah i need to go to
prison for the right
you're right man i'm trying to yeah what i miss now i'm going to read ads for
some of the prisons
somebody coming up somebody coming up making sure you in compliance bed made up
all that i ain't got
time for that i do that on my own anyway and what about a cellmate at night
like do people say good
night to each other or people just quietly go to sleep um it depends on if you
and your celly cool
if you ain't you got a cell and y'all cool like that you know but with me
anytime i leave
in the cell i have they gonna always man i'm gonna miss you bro because i just
i keep it going yeah i run
eps and everything and when i say run eps that mean like i'm running an episode
like we talking about
shit but it might go when i first get in the cell might go by 90 days my cell
is gonna always ask me
the same thing hey you sleep all day and you be up all night you don't watch tv
and you don't get on
the phone i'll be reading i just read i read books i got stacks of books yeah
then i'm then i don't even go to
child so like say if you indigent indigent mean don't nobody send you no money
i'm gonna ask you
you're you got family out there they love you they send you money you're gonna
tell me no that what
i'm gonna do i'm gonna put a hundred dollars on your books you're gonna give me
80 worth of
and you're gonna just keep the 20 for you yeah that's business yeah so you know
you eating and i'm
eating because i don't even go to child so i do hookups every night i cook so
you in your own space
then yeah i'm gonna cook every night so you kind of try to create your own
system within that system
do you feel like in a way no that's just how i live that's how i do my time i
do my beard like
that i don't really go to child this is on chicken day right and then no
judgment on that i probably
don't go on chicken day because all the chicken gonna get brought to me anyway
and i'm gonna just cut
all that i'm gonna cut all that up and put that in a soup put that in a hookup
a hookup like where
you get a big bowl and you you know we cook you got your own thing going now
how do you heat the food
up in the cell it depends on what spot we at it depends on where we at they got
some people they cook
on the bump like on the middle they got some people they got some jails where
they give you a hot pot
but you gotta rig it for to make it boil it depends some people make a stinger
what is that a stinger
that's the thing they hook in the electric socket and a little stinger it
depends oh there you got
somebody grilling something right there on a bed sheet yeah oh that's good it
depends it depends on
what spot we at they have some good chefs in prison the best amen amen dude
yeah where's that cooking
show huh they got people make pizzas everything anything you could think of
stir fry everything
yeah i love that they got i was locked up in florida they got some they do they
called making a brick
where they take it man they put everything in there turkey sausage everything
and they just
i'm talking about everything you could think of they can get out of the kitchen
they put in there
and they make it they they cook it in a dorito bag and make it like a holy
brick oh yeah man i'm talking
about the truth good huh you ever do a prison night or something at the house
remake some food like that
or try to you ever remake any stuff like that for your friends so they can
taste it yeah i done did that
for my partners and my little son he like all that oh hell yeah but we come
from that anywhere on the
street number ramen noodles and all that we come from that putting anything you
could find in it
yeah well the big thing in our house oh yeah my partner used to make my he he
wasn't my silly but
he was like two dollars down about three dollars down he used to make burritos
oh yeah did he really
he's a mexican guy nah he wasn't mexican but he used to make burritos he
pretended he was mexican
you would have thought he was a mexican yeah i love a burrito bro man he used
to make the best ones
i didn't like him at first because i didn't want to do i like sandwiches i didn't
want to betray a
sandwich he used to do it with all beef all turkey all chicken i'm talking
about the truth my god
onions everything bell peppers everything oh he was putting everything in it
now all the ingredients
you get them through the jail or some people smuggle in a bell peppers you get
that from commissary but
like like vegetables and all that's gonna get broke that's coming from the
kitchen yeah that's gonna get
broke that's broke and what about it got any good desserts in prison was there
ever like uh yeah
they got dudes in that make candy they got dudes in that make ice cream god
dang really wow i would
love that they got dudes make everything you know them some of the most
creative people you're gonna
ever meet in your life them some of the most intelligent people you're gonna
ever meet in your life yeah
the most intelligent you talk about weights you talk about yoga you got any
yoga when you're in there
yeah i accidentally got in the yoga how'd that happen my partner kept telling
me man bro but i think a lot
of black men they you can't just say i got any yoga i think you have to be like
i accidentally i was
against it i was all the way against it oh yeah he was telling me man bro i'm
telling you bro they got
yoga classes i said well you going there and bent over i'm not going in there
and yeah you're going
there and beating your ass over yeah so that was i was just i was like too hard
for myself just
whatever whatever whatever so one of my partners from across the hall he was
like yeah bro i'm a
holler trying to go do yoga i say for what he was like man i couldn't even like
he was telling me he
had knee pains and all kind of different pains in his joints he said i don't
even have that no more
since i've been doing yoga he said man everything on me like he said it's been
healing my body so i'm like
whatever like two days past i give it a try going up the first maybe two poses
of the i did i'm thinking
it's some like oh yeah when you see on tv you see people oh namaste yeah you
know you thinking
it's so i did it yeah like maybe after the third pose i ran to the bathroom and
everything
like it cut my appetite it's really what started my kind of started my fitness
journey like a lot of
the people that was lifting weights and doing all that would still come and do
yoga because
i had read in the what's it what's that uh the honor swanzenegger encyclopedia
uh that big yellow
book what's he got on there he had a big it's called uh dead go right there on
the swanzenegger
encyclopedia that's the one but and he did yoga he was like whenever a lion
wake up a lion stretch
first before they do anything so i started looking at it i did prejudge it i
thought that was for
pussies oh yeah when i first when they first told me about yoga i'm not about
to do that
especially in prison i didn't know they had different sports i thought
homosexuality was
the only sport in first thing i told him i said man you going in and beating
your ass over i'm not
about to do it yeah a little zest next thing i know next thing i know i was
doing them warrior poses
and all that hey you in there bro that ain't no joke yeah you get in there with
your little sugar cane
in there i ain't going in there that's how i would think at first you know you
get in there with your
little spicy baby body no you only victim of what you're in the time yeah oh
but that was i was all
did i that's how i was i was against everything yeah i used to plex like that i
think in juvenile
attention because you hear so many up stories about jail when you go in there
they're gonna try to
you yeah they're fucking people and you think that's how it's going so yeah don't
wear no cologne and
then you go in there the first thing you do is plex and what i mean by plex you
have a complex you
in defense you're in defense mode but when you get there you really see that
prison is structured yeah
it's really off respect it's ran off respect respect run the compound ain't
nobody gonna pass by you and
not say excuse me it's different do you admire the the level of respect that
was in there in some ways
i give my respect first but at the end of the day i still demand it
did you get treated special because you had celebrity in your life i wasn't a
celebrity at first
got it like juvenile detention through that circuit i wasn't a celebrity was it
scary to go back to prison
like damn now they know juvenile facilities are more chaotic than adult
facilities oh yeah i could see
they way more chaotic so that's what the fighting and all that go on every day
and adult prison is
structured and i like that it's laid back yeah that they be showing on tv them
mickey mouse counts yeah
that's not no right it's not real there's not no maximum security that's not no
none of that them mickey
mouse counts i used to want that's not like louisiana like louisiana prisons
are the roughest prisons
from my perspective because i've been around a little bit i haven't been in
prison in canada so that
sounds nice so man they had the best food oh man canada's great i'll go to
prison in canada it was
it was different like the way they respect you there is told like the way the
guards respect you there
is different when you get to louisiana it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah
it's a whole nother story yeah

Theo Asks Kevin Gates What Prison Was Like

did you get a degree i at some point i saw that or i read in um that you got a
degree in jail in
prison yeah is that true yeah that's true wow what were the classes like in
there and stuff
what is it it's not it wasn't no classes you just test i got credits by testing
oh so they don't
have like um do y'all have do y'all do like um i'm trying to think of what it's
called do y'all
have like um group projects or whatever no they you have an administrator that
administered a test
oh damn you test whenever you're ready to test you test well you can't say
whenever you're ready to
test like you might test once a month or something like that but i had a little
way that i was able
to keep testing shout out to them yeah yeah shout out to them but so you don't
you don't have group
projects i was wondering if you got a group project or something what if your
group leader gets put in
like in a solitary confinement or whatever it wasn't like that yeah it was it
was not like that in
louisiana prisons it's like really every man for they so so you take your test
and then like was it
studied a curriculum and then you go take a test you have an administrator that
makes sure you don't
cheat and did other people look down on you if you were trying to study in
there or no no you're trying
to get out just trying to get out the door yeah trying to get out the door yeah
i was just wondering
if you had like a now when i went to prison in chicago when i what does illinois
it was
i forgot uh it's emcc east moline but i forgot the place in illinois that it
was now they had
individual classrooms like on the campus if y'all would go to class yeah it was
beautiful dang that
that that that last bid i did it changed my life completely that's how i got
into yoga like they
offer programs and everything at the prison at the prison and they had weights
and i say that like i
live in weights but they like if you wanted to be better you could become
better yeah because i was
just wondering if you're in jail do you have group projects or is there like
most likely to you know
like that kind of thing like is it like a real like most likely to succeed or
most likely to
get out of jail or whatever it's still individual based learning but
you do earn good time by going to school that's i like i like the the way they
had it set up in
illinois they had programs and you earn good time by going to school it's like
that in louisiana and
some facilities you earn good time by going to school but the way they had it
set up in illinois was
different like they had real programs like real classrooms that you go to they
got some facilities
that offer that but it's not the same so it's more organized over there yeah it
was it was
it was more i'm gonna say this it was based to help people it was geared toward
anti-recidivism
recidivism is repeat offenders anti-recidivism is people that that go to jail
and become better and
don't come back it was geared toward anti-recidivism like in louisiana it's not
geared toward that it's
geared toward it's a revolving door you're going to come back right we'll see
you soon yeah yeah welcome
back that type of thing see you next time you know like you going in there they
we missed you the this
is one of the worst things but it was the most beautiful thing that ever
happened too because i
needed this they called me in they had switched my po they switched my po so
they called me in i go in
i'm thinking i'm just going to piss yeah like you know give an update on what's
going on yeah put your
hands behind your back took me to jail they said you traveled without uh notifying
anybody i'm like
y'all switch my po i had been attempting to contact and nobody had ever picked
the phone up bang and
where'd you go you took a vacation no i didn't take a vacation i was working i
won't say anything yeah in
the same spot that the same spot that the po had already approved travel for
and that's what made me
start getting copies of everything right so you got proof of what somebody said
yeah i want can you sign
it can i get a travel for me can you sign it and i start getting copy can you
make me a copy and i
start keeping a folder and keeping copies it was beautiful though it made me be
more organized what
is something you miss about prison i don't miss nothing about prison even
something little no i don't miss
nothing about prison so there's nothing in it but what about even just getting
some rest every now
and then was it like that or no i can get rest out here yeah i need to go to
prison for the right
you're right man i'm trying to yeah what i miss now i'm going to read ads for
some of the prisons
somebody coming up somebody coming up making sure you in compliance bed made up
all that i ain't got
time for that i do that on my own anyway and what about a cellmate at night
like do people say good
night to each other or people just quietly go to sleep um it depends on if you
and your celly cool
if you ain't you got a cell and y'all cool like that you know but with me
anytime i leave
in the cell i have they gonna always man i'm gonna miss you bro because i just
i keep it going yeah i run
eps and everything and when i say run eps that mean like i'm running an episode
like we talking about
shit but it might go when i first get in the cell might go by 90 days my cell
is gonna always ask me
the same thing hey you sleep all day and you be up all night you don't watch tv
and you don't get on
the phone i'll be reading i just read i read books i got stacks of books yeah
then i'm then i don't even go to
child so like say if you indigent indigent mean don't nobody send you no money
i'm gonna ask you
you're you got family out there they love you they send you money you're gonna
tell me no that what
i'm gonna do i'm gonna put a hundred dollars on your books you're gonna give me
80 worth of
and you're gonna just keep the 20 for you yeah that's business yeah so you know
you eating and i'm
eating because i don't even go to child so i do hookups every night i cook so
you in your own space
then yeah i'm gonna cook every night so you kind of try to create your own
system within that system
do you feel like in a way no that's just how i live that's how i do my time i
do my beard like
that i don't really go to child this is on chicken day right and then no
judgment on that i probably
don't go on chicken day because all the chicken gonna get brought to me anyway
and i'm gonna just cut
all that i'm gonna cut all that up and put that in a soup put that in a hookup
a hookup like where
you get a big bowl and you you know we cook you got your own thing going now
how do you heat the food
up in the cell it depends on what spot we at it depends on where we at they got
some people they cook
on the bump like on the middle they got some people they got some jails where
they give you a hot pot
but you gotta rig it for to make it boil it depends some people make a stinger
what is that a stinger
that's the thing they hook in the electric socket and a little stinger it
depends oh there you got
somebody grilling something right there on a bed sheet yeah oh that's good it
depends it depends on
what spot we at they have some good chefs in prison the best amen amen dude
yeah where's that cooking
show huh they got people make pizzas everything anything you could think of
stir fry everything
yeah i love that they got i was locked up in florida they got some they do they
called making a brick
where they take it man they put everything in there turkey sausage everything
and they just
i'm talking about everything you could think of they can get out of the kitchen
they put in there
and they make it they they cook it in a dorito bag and make it like a holy
brick oh yeah man i'm talking
about the truth good huh you ever do a prison night or something at the house
remake some food like that
or try to you ever remake any stuff like that for your friends so they can
taste it yeah i done did that
for my partners and my little son he like all that oh hell yeah but we come
from that anywhere on the
street number ramen noodles and all that we come from that putting anything you
could find in it
yeah well the big thing in our house oh yeah my partner used to make my he he
wasn't my silly but
he was like two dollars down about three dollars down he used to make burritos
oh yeah did he really
he's a mexican guy nah he wasn't mexican but he used to make burritos he
pretended he was mexican
you would have thought he was a mexican yeah i love a burrito bro man he used
to make the best ones
i didn't like him at first because i didn't want to do i like sandwiches i didn't
want to betray a
sandwich he used to do it with all beef all turkey all chicken i'm talking
about the truth my god
onions everything bell peppers everything oh he was putting everything in it
now all the ingredients
you get them through the jail or some people smuggle in a bell peppers you get
that from commissary but
like like vegetables and all that's gonna get broke that's coming from the
kitchen yeah that's gonna get
broke that's broke and what about it got any good desserts in prison was there
ever like uh yeah
they got dudes in that make candy they got dudes in that make ice cream god
dang really wow i would
love that they got dudes make everything you know them some of the most
creative people you're gonna
ever meet in your life them some of the most intelligent people you're gonna
ever meet in your life yeah
the most intelligent you talk about weights you talk about yoga you got any
yoga when you're in there
yeah i accidentally got in the yoga how'd that happen my partner kept telling
me man bro but i think a lot
of black men they you can't just say i got any yoga i think you have to be like
i accidentally i was
against it i was all the way against it oh yeah he was telling me man bro i'm
telling you bro they got
yoga classes i said well you going there and bent over i'm not going in there
and yeah you're going
there and beating your ass over yeah so that was i was just i was like too hard
for myself just
whatever whatever whatever so one of my partners from across the hall he was
like yeah bro i'm a
holler trying to go do yoga i say for what he was like man i couldn't even like
he was telling me he
had knee pains and all kind of different pains in his joints he said i don't
even have that no more
since i've been doing yoga he said man everything on me like he said it's been
healing my body so i'm like
whatever like two days past i give it a try going up the first maybe two poses
of the i did i'm thinking
it's some like oh yeah when you see on tv you see people oh namaste yeah you
know you thinking
it's so i did it yeah like maybe after the third pose i ran to the bathroom and
everything
like it cut my appetite it's really what started my kind of started my fitness
journey like a lot of
the people that was lifting weights and doing all that would still come and do
yoga because
i had read in the what's it what's that uh the honor swanzenegger encyclopedia
uh that big yellow
book what's he got on there he had a big it's called uh dead go right there on
the swanzenegger
encyclopedia that's the one but and he did yoga he was like whenever a lion
wake up a lion stretch
first before they do anything so i started looking at it i did prejudge it i
thought that was for
pussies oh yeah when i first when they first told me about yoga i'm not about
to do that
especially in prison i didn't know they had different sports i thought
homosexuality was
the only sport in first thing i told him i said man you going in and beating
your ass over i'm not
about to do it yeah a little zest next thing i know next thing i know i was
doing them warrior poses
and all that hey you in there bro that ain't no joke yeah you get in there with
your little sugar cane
in there i ain't going in there that's how i would think at first you know you
get in there with your
little spicy baby body no you only victim of what you're in the time 