Name: My Typical Day on the Road
Uploaded: 2011-06-11T17:41:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Typical Day on the Road' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-06-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Typical Day on the Road' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-06-11. Transcript available.

What up, so I just woke up, um, it is 6 AM, uh, we are in Florida, Marco Island,
Florida,
uh, gonna go hit some radio and, um, damn, I can't even think, gonna go hit
some radio
and, um, and, uh, yeah, uh, you know what it is, black and yellow, black and
yellow, black
and yellow, yeah, uh, you know what it is, black and yellow, black and yellow,
black
Hey, here to pick me up for radio, so, this is the next, next part of it.
Black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, I put
it down
from my lips and my diamonds, I'm in, black and yellow, black and yellow, black
and yellow,
starting on one, Rob.
Well, if you're a fan of MTV, you might recognize our next guest, Theo Vaughn,
the main attraction
this weekend of the Off the Hook Comedy Club, here now to kind of give us a
preview of what
to expect, thanks for coming.
Yeah, thank you very much for having me, I appreciate it.
Getting up early this morning, aren't we?
Yeah, I think I look like I just got up, that's how I feel.
You were on Real World, right?
I was a Road Rules cast, and then like the little challenges where the Real
World plays
the Road Rules, different games and stuff like that, I did that for about six
years, and
then about eight years ago, I got into stand-up, did Last Comic Standing, and I've
just been
telling jokes ever since, I guess.
Was comedy always sort of part of who you were?
Yeah, I think I was just like a real weird-looking kid, hence I'm a weird-looking
adult, and the
other kids would just make fun of me, so I had to have something to say back to
them,
you know, so I mean, I always had like kind of like a, I look like kind of a
cross between
like, I would say like Patrick Swayze and Shrek, so kids were always messing
with me all the
time, so I just had to think of rebuttals.
And is that what you use when you're on stage, it's kind of your life, your
experience, and
you make fun of the South?
Yeah, I make fun of the South, dating, my father was in his 70s when I was born,
I always talk
about that, I travel and do a lot of military shows, I talk about different
things that happen
on tour, I actually did a show in Iraq last year and ended up hooking up with
one of the
girls in the military, which is kind of rare.
Okay.
So I guess that's a good way to support the troops, I guess.
That's one way I guess you can do it in a normal television fare here in the
morning.
We are going to radio.
Yes, we are.
Awesome.
Yep.
We'll come back in a second, Theo Vaughn, you're at the Off the Hook this
weekend, like every
day.
Yeah, maybe cook them, I bet they make a fine meat.
You ever had Pony?
Never had Pony before, is it good?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah?
Is it gamier than Panda or not so much?
Uh, it kind of tastes like a child's birthday party, I don't know, like.
It's not bad, actually.
It's kind of tasty.
Yeah, it's a good meat.
Yeah, that's my favorite circus meat, is Pony.
Yeah.
Vagina's my favorite party meat.
Black stripe, yellow paint, them niggas scared of it.
Okay, so I'm home again.
It's nap time.
Let's do this.
Hit the pedal once, make the floor shake.
Sway inside, my engine roaring.
It's the big boy, you know what, I paid for it.
And I got the pedal to the metal, got you niggas.
There I am, I'm about to go find a cafe to get some breakfast, see what's going
on.
And, um, I'm going to do a little bit of reading and then I'll get ready for
the show tonight.
Uh, pretty much the goal right now.
Crown Vic, it's the only thing I roll in when I'm on the road.
So, unless I drive my own car from home, if I go somewhere, this is my car
choice.
Every time, I like a black crown, so.
So, I know you with your folks, but that nigga is broke.
You might as well open your legs up and let a nigga poke.
I'm going to show you what it is, not to be a window shopper.
Mama, you can have candy.
Mama, you can have pride.
All you got to do is break a nigga off pops.
You can be with your man.
I ain't trying to stop you.
Put my hand down to my shoes.
Look at them all sitting back there like they're happy, like they're lovely.
That's beautiful, man.
That's just, you know, that's the Lord working.
You never know when the Lord is going to work through you, you know.
That's what you got to say.
You got to be ready for, you know.
So, and then I get my shit in, boy.
I do my shit like that, you know, because I care for my groceries, son.
Look at my shit all buckled in, son.
Thug.
So, hood in the Vic.
It's about 8.15, so I'm just going to head in, have something to eat, and then
we'll start the show.
You guys have been feeling good on tonight.
You guys have seen them on MTV Rolls.
You guys have seen them on last time we're staying together with my homeboys.
This is the award that you never do.