Name: Theo Von Daily Habit
Uploaded: 2011-08-15T07:45:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Daily Habit' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-08-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Daily Habit' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-08-15. Transcript available.

Welcome everyone to the Daily Habit. I'm Pat Parnell.
We now give you a random act of stupidity.
Let's watch
dude trying to impress pro surfer babe, Alana Blanchard.
Hey, check this out.
How do you like me now?
Tonight on the Daily Habit, Theo Vaughn, Mike Mason,
Amy Paffrath, plus musical guest, Cradle of Film.
Welcome everyone to the Daily Habit presented by Verizon.
I'm your host Pat Parnell. And if you're watching this show, you probably
forgot it's Valentine's Day. Yeah, don't worry. You can jet to the drugstore to
buy
overpriced chocolate later. First,
let's meet today's panel, ASA freestyle
motocross champ, pro FMX
rider, Mike Mason.
Got my lurch voice on that one.
That was good. That was nice.
You've seen him on Comedy Central. You love him.
Comedian Theo Vaughn.
TDH correspondent
most likely to unfriend you,
Chris Fairbanks. Really?
And
we are very lucky to announce
who will be with us all week. The lovely
Amy Paffrath.
I swear to God, I'm good for it.
I just need to...
You ordered pizza great. I think that concludes our clinical test.
Let's...
That pizza guy looks like Matthew McConaughey.
All right.
This next clip is from a Danish game show.
People are put in a dark room
and compete in a game of
in that smell. And yeah, they went there.
They went deep in there.
Maling.
Ost.
It's sick.
Oh!
No one...
No one wins in this scenario.
And if you know what a guy's ass smells like,
do you admit it? Right?
You would not...
You wouldn't want...
I would not admit that.
Yeah.
I'd smell it and just be like, no, that's not...
That can't be.
I got nothing.
Yeah.
How badly does he need to
Febreze his shoes if he thinks dirty socks smell like human ass?
That was his first...
Oh, that's what my socks smell like.
Yeah, man. Who wears an ass on their foot?
I bet if he would have licked it, he might have said cheese.
Yeah.
It's not fair factor, it's rear factor, right?
You have to get up in there.
And like I said, how about the guy having a nose in your bottom?
That's not a win situation either, right?
No, no.
It sounds very German.
Yeah.
Why is he smiling?
Yeah, okay.
I wouldn't mind it.
Wow, okay.
Good to know.
I noticed he had a mustache after.
I know you have a lot of fans out there, and I know the comedy thing's going
really
well, right?
You've been busy?
Yeah, staying busy, staying busy telling jokes.
Yeah.
So, it's pretty fun.
I believe recently, Mr. Fairbanks paid a visit to one of your shows.
Is this true?
Yeah, I just want to talk Theo through the process, prepare him mentally.
Really?
You know, a lot of guys get nervous.
I never do, so I teach them stuff.
Real nervous, yeah.
Yeah.
Let's watch some hand-holding via Chris Fairbanks.
Here it is.
Life code.
Chris Fairbanks here at The Improv in beautiful Brea, California for a very
important
night, the headlining set of Mr. Theo Vaughn.
Now, I've been a headlining comedian for quite some time now.
I've learned a lot.
So, I'm going to go in there, coach, and mentally prepare Theo for this very
important
night.
Maybe you need to be in a headspace that is healthy for going out on stage.
What do you think of that?
I think it's not a bad idea.
I've actually been thinking about trying to get in a better headspace recently.
I'm going to speak in a soothing voice as I just kind of clear the air with
this sage.
Success.
It's a ball.
It's floating.
It's white.
It's white hot.
You're in the woods.
You're hunting for something.
Is that a random?
Yes.
It's your spirit animal.
Your hair looks nice to open your eyes.
You're ready.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Theo Vaughn.
About six months ago, I get a text message on my phone.
Okay?
It's like a random text message from somebody.
Okay?
It just says, "Hey, it's Wanda."
Um, and so I write back, you know, Wanda who?
And she writes, "Duh Wanda, yo cousin."
I was going to say, I don't have any cousins, but instead I was like, "What's
up, shawty?"
And, uh, and for the next six months, she and I texted.
She thought I was her cousin that lived here.
She's from Chicago, based on the area code.
And I was like, "Oh, this is so much fun.
Like, I have a cousin, you know?"
And I actually have a god nephew now named Damari, who's going to be two years
old.
And I'm like, "What's up?"
And I'm like, "What's up?"
And I'm like, "What's up?"
And I'm like, "What's up?"
And I'm like, "What's up?"
And I'm like, "What's up?"
And I'm like, "What's up?"
And I'm like, "What's up?"
And I'm like, "What's up?"
And I'm like, "What's up?"
And then once she and I texted, she thought I was her cousin that lived here.
She's from Chicago, based on the area code.
And I was like, "Oh, this is so much fun.
Like, I have a cousin, you know?"
And I actually have a god nephew now named Damari, who's going to be two years
old in February.
So it's kind of a big time for our family.
If you've never seen VO stand-up, I'm telling you, it's something not to be
missed.
You're not afraid to make it raw.
No, let's get irrational, right?
And people can follow you.
I believe you have a website as well, right?
Yeah, I have a website.
It's called cranktext.com, actually, which is about the text messaging
conversations.
And then just Theo Vaughn.
And some show dates coming up.
South Beach?
South Beach Comedy Festival in Miami, first week of March.
So you guys won't be there because you're sitting right here.
But some people might.
There's airplanes.
Yeah, there's planes.
And there are storks for little people.
Theo Vaughn, everybody.
Buddy's stuff.
Welcome back.
I'm on to The Daily Habit.
Before we wrap things up, it's Valentine's Day.
And who cares?
Me neither, right?
Pat, Valentine's Day is actually a great day to pick up girls because they're
more likely
to be feeling the romance and be open to new relationships.
That's true.
Really?
Viewers, you hear that?
Okay, so it's not too late to pick up some Valentine's Day table scraps, right?
Yeah, I like scraps.
Okay, so tell us what chicks really dig then.
Well, it's really simple.
Girls just like sensitivity and humor.
That's it?
That's it.
Okay, well, alright.
Let's have these guys.
They'll pitch you their best qualities and let's see who wins your heart.
Okay.
Okay?
I can be sensitive.
Okay.
We had so much fun on panel today.
I really felt a connection.
Um, maybe we should go to dinner.
Like a candlelit dinner.
As friends, of course.
Uh, nothing more.
My parents will be there.
I want you to meet them.
Sweet.
A family guy.
Maybe a little too soft.
Um, Theo, please, tell me you got something in the chamber.
Uh, yeah.
Woo!
Um, yes, I think that I am in love with you, your face.
And, um, right now, these aren't just skinny jeans.
I have a heart on.
Aw.
That was cute.
That's funny.
It's a little funny.
Yeah.
I think there's one other guy that, uh, deserves a chance to pitch.
Where's Mike Mason?
Mike?
Yep, I'm over here.
Okay.
Mike Mason, what do you have?
I'd love to hear your pitch.
Here's my pick-up line.
Really?
I'm gonna go with him.
I'll play you when he breaks up with me and then I'll cheat on you with him.
This always happens.
Don't forget to wear a helmet!
And I mean that!
Metaphorically, of course.
Oh, that's funny.
That's funny.