Name: This Past Weekend: May 2nd Los Angeles
Uploaded: 2016-05-02T20:28:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'This Past Weekend: May 2nd Los Angeles' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'This Past Weekend: May 2nd Los Angeles' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-02. Transcript available.

It's Monday, May 2nd, and this past weekend, things got a little eventful.
I ate some mushrooms that I found in my car.
They were dried out, but they were magical mushrooms.
I definitely ingested them, and things got a little bit weird.
Just tried to change my evening up.
That happened on Saturday.
I saw Dave Chappelle in the kitchen at the Comedy Store wearing a captain's hat
and smoking a cigar.
That happened on Friday.
I went to a musical event on Sunday where Ryan Cabrera was playing, Yellow Card
was playing,
a little bit of a walk through some singer-songwriters of the past decade.
So that was pretty cool.
I read this story this morning that over the weekend, a young man in India was
trying to
take a selfie of him pointing a gun at his head, and you can guess what
happened.
Yeah, he didn't live through it.
I guess he was holding the camera and the gun at the side of his head, and then
the camera
back at him on his phone, and just kind of pressed the wrong trigger, honestly,
I think.
I read that of 49 fatalities over three years worldwide from selfies, there
have been 49 fatalities
during people's attempt to take a selfie.
19 of those, nearly 40% were in India, and I can't figure out why.
I mean, I got some Indian buddies that kind of shake, like their head kind of,
you know,
they got that free little wobble-witted, jiggle-witted, wobble-witted, wig-jiggle-witted,
twerk-twerk, like their neck twerks a little.
When they're talking and stuff, they got that little bit of vibrance in them,
but I can't
imagine that that's what's, you know, causing it, but 40% of this young man.
Sad story, but, I mean, who's doing that?
You know, you just, I feel for the kid, but jeepers, creepers, you can't be
shoot, you can't
be fake shooting yourself in the head.
You just cannot be doing it.
So, and I think it's that whole thing with, like, you rub your stomach with one
hand and
rub your head with the other hand, like, that thing's, you know, that's hard to
do,
that little trick that people are like, oh, rub your hand one way and the other
way.
I bet that's probably what happened when you hold the gun, you hold the phone,
and you
just get confused a little bit, because you're looking in the phone as a
reflection of you,
you're seeing, trying to line up the picture, and then you press the wrong
capture button, and that fella captured in heaven for eternity.
Anyway, yeah, so hey, stay, hey, teach you with that Debbie down or out of the
gate, but
I just thought that was some real Darwinian shit.
Yeah, so this past weekend, Friday, I didn't do too much, I did comedy shows, I'm
watching
the show Love right now, I don't know if you've ever seen that.
It's on Netflix, it's a new series that's on there, it's from Judd Apatow.
It's amazing, if you haven't seen it, Paul Rust, I think is the guy's name in
it, the male
lead, dude is hilarious.
Yeah, I think you'll like that if you get to check it out.
I'm also watching Marco Polo, I'm trying to get into that.
Yes, I was also, I was on stage with Joe Rogan on Friday night, he brought me
up, that was
pretty cool, brought me up, this means he was on the lineup before me, so that
was pretty
awesome.
I got to see some of my favorites this weekend, performing around the comedy
store.
The weekend got interesting, on Saturday, I was driving and I went to wash my
car, I cleaned
out from under the seats, found a bag of mushrooms that had been in there for a
while, and ate
them, just said, you know what, I'm going to change the game a little bit, I'm
going to
eat some, I'm going to shroom out a little bit.
I remember shrooming one time back in the day, and got way fucked up, dude, and
cooked a pizza
in a dryer, so it takes two cycles of permanent press to get a medium pretty
good.
But yeah, so got pretty, started to feel pretty lit, and then I was on a street
corner, ran
into my neighbors, who I don't see very much, so that was weird, because I didn't
know how
to act towards them, like I couldn't remember how good of friends we were, so
it was fucking
way awkward, talked to them for a while, went to a costume party, was dancing
with a friend
of mine who gets hella aggressive, this girl, she like starts body blocking
people on the
dance floor, and like really commanding her space, and it was like dancing with
like Chris
Farley, kind of not in a physical sense, she's an attractive chick, but just
like straight
up body blocking, fools out there on the dance floor, that shit was hilarious,
dude.
I actually had to quit dancing at one point, because I was laughing so hard.
Hit on some chicks at the bar that were younger than me, they basically looked
at me as if
I never, ever would have a chance with them, so that was cool.
Had that weird experience where some guy across the bar is like, it looks like
he's talking
to you, I go over there, and I thought I recognized him, so I went over there
to say what's up,
I just couldn't remember how I knew him, I get over there, I like tap him on
the shoulder,
dude turn, I'm like, what up, dude turns around, this is fucking nothing, I
have, we have no,
he's like, huh, he's like, I'm just getting a drink, man, I'll be done in just
a second,
I was like, fuck, I don't know, there was a gay guy in there who was kind of
lurking,
that was, like, every time I'd be, like, on the dance floor, like, I'd be just,
like,
boozing, like, in the distance, I would see this young guy kind of, like, posturing
and
kind of lurking like a little peacock, heavy on the cock, and so I had to
fucking, you know,
just, you know, look the other way, fucking, it's, like, weird, like, now I
gotta ask,
like, now I have to act like I'm not interested, you know, like, that's the
weird thing,
you know, you're not into fellas, a dude checks you out, you know, like, you
gotta,
now you gotta act like, like, you're not interested, so there was a chain of
not interested
going around the bar, I was not interested in that guy, as chicks were not
interested in me,
then I went to, to, did some, did both my comedy sets on mushrooms, that was
pretty interesting,
but both of them went good, by the second one I was kind of coming down, so
that was chill,
what else, yesterday, that was Sunday, I, I went to this thing called Vino Palooza,
because, you know, they added Palooza on the back of everything now, and I went
to Vino Palooza
in Marina Del Rey, and that's where some of those bands were performing, Yellow
Card, Ryan Cabrera,
Trev Lukather, who all was out there, man, everybody was out there, man, it was
a blast, dude,
I had some good conversations, talking with a, a couple of guys that played
professional sports,
hearing what some of their stories were like, a one buddy of mine, this guy
Owen, was a kicker
for the Patriots, who was drafted by the Patriots years ago, and this was
before Tom Brady, like,
struck it big, this was when Bledsoe was still there, and Tom Brady was an
understudy,
and he said it was funny, because Brady used to hold, when he would, Brady
would hold the ball
when he would kick it, you know, because that's what, you know, there's always
a holder
for the extra points, and for the field goals, and so, he just remembers that's
who his practice
partner was, because they were both, you know, not starters, and so they, Brady
would hold the
ball for him while he kicked it, kind of just a, a neat story, just to show,
you know, it's
not where you are, it's where you're headed, you know, you can, you always got
to remember
to, you know, kind of set that up, put things in a perspective, you know.
Now, I'm sure Tom Brady at that point, he, who knows what he was thinking, but,
you know,
if you look at where you are, or where you were, to where you are, that's the
way to do
it, see your progress.
So, that was this past weekend, dude, kind of uneventful.
I'm ready for this week, I'm going in full steam, I started off great today, I'm
going
to keep it going.
I wish everybody an amazing week.
I'll be in Tempe in two weeks, Tempe, Arizona, at the Tempe Improv, that's May
12th
through the 15th, and then I'll be in Cleveland, and that is June 2nd through
the 5th at the
Hard Rock Rock Sino, and then I'll be in Atlanta, and that is at the Atlanta
Punchline, and that
is June 9th through the 12th.
So, yeah, I hope everything's good with everybody, y'all be swell, God bless,
stay confident,
keep going forward, and that's just it, man.
That's the lesson that that reminded, that made me think, you know, it's not
where you
started, it's where you're ending up.
And make sure that you notice value, value that distance, you know, like, oh, I
started
here, but here's where I am now.
Make sure to put things into perspective and see how far you've come.
Continue to grow, let's fucking do this!
I'm ready for this week, and this was this past weekend.
Thank you.