Name: This Past Weekend: Tempe (May 16th)
Uploaded: 2016-05-17T22:45:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'This Past Weekend: Tempe (May 16th)' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'This Past Weekend: Tempe (May 16th)' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-17. Transcript available.

Gotta get down on Friday it's the weekend weekend hustling hustling yeah I'm in
Tempe Arizona this
weekend having a little dinner before the show this sandwich it's a beautiful hickory
smoked
turkey and cheese sandwich on cracked wheat let's get into it huh I'll be
honest bro a little crispy
around the edges bro that meat's a little hard maybe the turkey had gout or
tendon you know
stiffness in the muscles I got this thing in a CVS boy because I'm in these
streets son
no stranger to the struggle
there it is guys headline and it says damn responsibility this is my friend
Casey right
here he's one of the uh famed managers of uh of many comedy clubs actually
this is the club here I'm taking y'all this is uh it's the green room right
here
mix bag right here brother Latina Friedman what's up guys I'm good and I
probably how do you feel
like this show what do you give me a little bit of insight it's Friday early
show I'm gonna get a
little glass of wine in me maybe uh shrimp tacos with the steak bites that's
real really
no how do you think the show's gonna be
oh the show
just backstage here in Tempe um just going over some jokes right here
got this little thing of red bulls I'm looking at
look at them in there beautiful
they're in a little I guess it's like a little aquarium see if they can see me
you know what great like growing up in Denver like I was the big tough black
dude like in Denver I was
shooting tonight
then I went to Miami and found them oh shit I'm more Wayne Brady
the other two girls yeah oh one of them knows Theo one of them was so negative
that couldn't be around
her anymore she was the one who knows you yeah I got her number I got her
number and I couldn't remember
who she was there's a girl I got a number I guess at some point maybe a couple
years ago I don't even know that's what she said yeah a couple years ago it was
just in my phone she slipped you her number oh she did that's what she said
Jesus I just hit it up and I was in town
she called me on her to music I bet you're just texting random girls numbers
are you
have in town I was like oh girl
you just saved the city state
you know I'm not like that
absolutely your name is not Brianna Arizona
and she's like well tell me something you remember about me and I was like I
just remember you had like beautiful long legs and she's like I'm 5'1
your legs took up most of your body though
yeah I was like yeah
yeah but you all legs baby all legs
you 4'6 of it is legs
you got that short cage
little spine
small head
rise and shine man
my room is a fucking mess bro
what I did
this one I don't drink man
well
it went that so
desert man you gotta hydrate up
got that water you gotta hydrate up baby
you gotta know how to ride that bottle bruh
making gerbils jealous baby
wow bruh
you gotta hit that get your water table decent
because sometimes
and one fact is your water table
like you're a person
but inside of you you have water
water your water your water can be different amounts like your water table
might be here
maybe right here
maybe right here
but you need it here
so you gotta douse up
I'm about to hit about to meet up my boy
jared quay the other comedian get a little breakfast
so let's get it down
man I haven't even brushed my teeth dude
that's where I'm at
playing gutter ball
look at the beautiful little fountain right here
little piss wanner
that little piss scenario right there if you want it
drop it off brother
what's up fam
what's good with you man
we survived
i made it bruh
and then breakfast was good
what you gonna do j
i'm gonna go get this workout in and work off the calories i just got in
we might hit that pool party today huh
oh yeah yeah we definitely hitting that that's why i'm going to the gym
that's it see ladies
all this feminism now you're making us feel like we got to work at it every
hour
we got to have a six pack or we can't be at the pool
see how you making us feel
damn
what's up hey what's up everybody
that's for my vlog your vlog yeah we're here in tempe arizona
at the tempi improv yeah
theovon these dudes
i'm these dudes
i'm making it
look man i'd love it if i would love it if you guessed that will you
will you do a guess that yeah i would love it if you would thank you man i
appreciate that
right now right after me or after him
backstage right now watching hannibal on he's out there taking my stage time
man this
shit
i'm joking man uh yeah it's cool when a guy stops in you know a guy you admire
you love his style
if you're not familiar with hannibal burris uh you should get familiar man he
just has
just a tone and just an amazing unique style um y'all give it up for that
beautiful right there mr
paulie cassius right there guys big latina fella right there give it up for hannibal
burris he was just out here
beautiful dark gentleman and jared he was right before him mr jared quay campbell
beautiful brother as well so we getting diverse and the little white kid that
was up here he is
he was fucking white wow dude he's like that kind of white where you're like
good luck buddy
you are white as fuck bro so so you guys saw me where at hotel hotel oh that
place is rich
dude i saw jerry springer when i was there the same weekend i saw jerry springer
walking with his
daughter or she might be a daughter or she looked like a bigger lesbian woman
it might not be his
daughter but anyway great to see you guys again uh i'll see y'all on my blog
they're gonna be on
there they're good people they're rich they are rich too they are a couple of
rich whites too
who are you man i'm just a normal kid with a normal hat really yeah you don't
seem super normal to me
do the service already start go ahead church in there just a little bit of
church okay
and now a little bit of lunch yeah now a little bit of lunch man you got to
fill up your heart
and then you got to fill up your belly brother huh on uber i try to dry lift
lift more yeah uh it's so
funny they're both right sharing apps but the the clientele is like night and
day is it really the
clientele what between uber and left like what give me an example people on
left really yep
someone scratched my window oh wow right there someone broke this and that was
all uber that was
all uber it was all uber passengers yeah now lift passenger might get in and
repair those things for
you huh uh how the how do you bring a cat how do you bring a cat into a
restaurant bro like i'm all about
like we should be able to everybody should have a bathroom to use i'm okay with
transgender bathrooms
or whatever but this lady got a damn
you're a cat bro you don't know that motherfucker son we don't know what you've
been up to last night
uh oh uh oh that's not a cat wearing that pussy on her sleeve too that's
hey bro they just put him in a cage just because he's black
that's cold bro wow unreal brother racism never ends man we out in these
breakfast streets
i really can't say but baby it's cold outside
but baby it's cold outside this evening has been hoping that you dropping i'll
hold your hands they're just
like ice beautiful what's your heart listen to the fireplace the
beautiful please don't put some records on while i pour baby it's bad out there
no cabs no cabs to be had out there your eyes are like starlight i'll take your
hat your hair
hair looks so out i want to say no no mind if i'm moving closer at least i'm
gonna say that i try what's the sense of hurt my pride i really can't stay oh
baby don't hold out baby it's cold outside
i simply must go oh baby it's cold outside