Name: This Past Follow Up: Ahmad
Uploaded: 2017-04-08T08:47:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'This Past Follow Up: Ahmad' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'This Past Follow Up: Ahmad' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-08. Transcript available.

How you guys doing huh? What's up you little crispy Guatemalan bedpans? Welcome
to this past follow up. Today I'm going to make a call to Ahmad. Ahmad is a 22
year old young buckaroo who's been out there doing self skeet, pleasuring
himself and touching himself.
You know he's just been caught up in really just a Bermuda Triangle of just
just body parts and visuality and self pleasure you know and I bet he's a
little bit cornered and I know how he feels man because because daddy been out
in them skeet streets.
You know it's too much bro. It's too much. I'm calling you today to ask you
about advice for laying off masturbation and pornography.
But I'm curious to see how he's doing so we're going to check in right now with
Ahmad.
Hello?
Hey Ahmad?
Who's this?
What's up man this is Theo from this past weekend that you called in.
What? Really?
Yeah what's going on man how are you?
How you doing? I'm doing good man. I'm doing good.
Nice dude.
Crazy.
I appreciate you answering dude. I was just touching up man just checking in
seeing what's going on you know?
Yeah. That's awesome man. Actually yesterday was my birthday so that's how I'm
going to taste it. It's a little birthday present.
Nice man. Well I hope you got something better for your birthday than this old
fella calling you right here.
Nah I've been working with business man. I've been trying to make some money.
Yeah?
I'm a hammock salesman right now.
Oh what are you selling hammocks?
A bunch of hammocks yeah.
Oh yeah dude. I had a friend when I was growing up actually that was in the
hammock game.
And it was a pretty good business back in the day.
I don't know if people are as lazy as they used to be you know.
Yeah and I think laziness is making a big comeback.
Oh that's beautiful.
To be honest with you.
Oh that's beautiful. Everybody likes a rest.
Sometimes you're just standing around two trees and you just want to rest but
you can't you know.
Exactly. Yeah yeah. I got just the thing for it.
I love your attitude man.
How's everything going with the uh like on the jerking off front?
You feel like you got any hold on it?
Nah. I mean I literally got a hold on my dick but I don't have any hold on it.
Like I'm jerking off.
Dang dude are you still watching the pornography as well?
Yeah man I actually realized.
Oh man.
Yeah.
That's why this is crazy because I realized today and I was thinking about it
all day and
then you called me.
Man I wanted to ask you something for you.
Have you ever been to any 12 step programs?
Because a lot of the shit you say it feels like that wisdom comes from there
you know.
Yeah no I've been to some 12 step programs man.
Um you know I go to a couple of them right now.
So I feel you.
Yeah no it's it's definitely like you know it's definitely part of my life.
You know it's trying to figure out why I do certain things and try to get past
some
of them you know.
But yeah man I feel you on the masturbation stuff dude.
I mean I spent years because it just got easier to do that than it did to
actually
go and spend time meeting somebody you know.
Like it's easier.
Yeah that's crazy.
It is a lot easier man.
And that's crazy when I think about it because I'm 23 and I just turned 23
yesterday.
Nice man.
Like this was my introduction like pornography and masturbation was my
introduction to women.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
That's crazy.
I think there's like a generational difference.
Yeah no I feel you man.
I got rejected by a bunch of girls when I was young and my friends didn't.
And it made me feel just too nervous to talk to women.
And so then when pornography came along it was easier.
I'm like oh these girls are easy to talk to.
I can say whatever I want.
Because they're on a screen or in a magazine.
You know.
Yeah of course they'll listen.
But I do notice though.
The less that I do it.
The more like kind of bravado I feel like.
Which makes it easier for me instinctually to approach women.
Because I feel like you got to let it build up in you.
You know.
You know.
You got to let someone.
Basically got to let a little bit of nut kind of pile up in you.
You know.
I've talked before for long periods of time before.
And I felt a difference.
I know what it feels like.
Yeah you did.
What do you think it felt like?
I felt like I was walking around with a red hot knife in my pocket.
That's what I'm saying boy.
That's a secret weapon.
Boom boom.
Chop chop.
Chop chop.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
Nice man.
Well as long as you know dude.
If you get too dark in it.
You know.
Feel free to reach out man.
I just.
Because you're still young.
I can call you?
Yeah man.
You can call me.
You got my number here.
So.
You're still young dude.
You know.
I just want you to see.
I wasted a lot of years.
You know.
Where I probably could have been out meeting people.
Or just being.
Yeah.
But I was just kind of.
Just cowering behind the computer.
And I was just.
I was afraid.
You know.
Yeah man.
Yeah man.
This is very honest.
I'm really happy you reached out to me man.
Well I appreciate it man.
I appreciate you discussing it with me.
I mean this will.
And look.
If you gotta.
If you gotta jerk off dog.
And you trying to stop.
Think about me bruh.
You know what I'm saying.
No.
Cause you said that.
It's definitely happening man.
Alright.
Good bruh.
Long as you stop.
You know what I'm saying.
Alright.
Good bruh.
Long as you stop.
Dude.
If you follow through.
We got issues bruh.
Hey man.
I appreciate it dude.
You bet man.
Well look.
Happy birthday.
I think you're gonna.
I'm gonna be a good year for you to meet a chick.
Or at least.
You know.
Be out there balling with your red hot knife.
You know.
If you need me.
Reach out.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah man.
I'll call you later.
Alright.
Cool man.
Thanks for the nice words too dude.
About the podcast.
I appreciate it.
Dude.
That's actually my sponsor calling me on the other line.
Right now dude.
So I'm gonna click over to him dude.
Hell yeah.
Alright man.
Look at Ahmad.
Wow.
It seems like Ahmad's doing well.
You know.
For a young guy to be out there.
You know.
Just continually addicted to jerking off.
And touching himself.
And doing.
You know.
Nasty stuff.
And naughty.
Not nasty.
Cause he's not a nasty guy.
He's just caught up.
And for him to be doing that.
You know.
But also looking forward to not doing it.
That's beauty.
I mean that's true beauty dude.
Name seven things that are beautiful.
That better be one of them.
If you have an issue.
It can be anything.
Big.
Small.
Whatever.
If it's something I can relate to.
I'm happy to share my story.
So at least.
We can have the issue together.
You guys.
Check out the new episode of this past weekend.
I'll record it after this weekend is over.
Be good to yourself.
Why don't you try that.
I bet you deserve it.
Bonsoir.