Name: Theo Von Gets Electrocuted by a Food Truck
Uploaded: 2017-04-27T16:46:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Gets Electrocuted by a Food Truck' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Gets Electrocuted by a Food Truck' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-27. Transcript available.

Somebody asked how many volts it was, and I'm going to answer that, I don't
know, bro, you know, like, I don't know if that's what you, like, I'm not, I'm
not like a tachometer or whatever, I don't know, I'm not trying to set a
fucking record, dude, I got electrocuted by electricity.
And I'll tell you what happened, I had a comedy set on Melrose Avenue in West
Hollywood, and afterwards I was walking a few blocks, and they had a food truck,
and I don't like food trucks, man, you know, it's all, you know, for people out,
everybody in LA and all these cities are like, oh, food trucks, food trucks,
but then they'll like, you know, but then they'll make fun of people who were
picking up animals,
on the side of the road, you know, like the area where I'm from, and they're
like, those people are fucked up, you know, like some hillbilly grilling
something in the back of his truck, you know, but you're eating out of a
fucking truck, dude, you know, like, I've never eaten sushi out of a truck, you
know, like some kind of damn creep, you know, like some kind of just damn
fucking calorie lurker, you know, so I don't like food trucks, because I don't,
I don't like to eat,
when somebody's cooking something right next to the gasoline, I mean, the
gasoline in a truck is eight feet from the fucking griddle, you know, like, I
don't eat around that shit, so anyway, I've had a personal issue, I guess, and
I'm sorry if I'm a little fired up, dude, I mean, I didn't, I didn't expect
this, and it's just been a long, it's been a long few days,
so anyhow, I saw this food truck, they were selling lobster, lobster rolls,
which I don't give a fuck about those either, dude, to be honest, and so I, you
know, though, I was being myself, and I, they're, they're selling lobster rolls,
and I thought they were out of jurisdiction, you know, I didn't know that food
trucks were allowed to operate on this certain avenue out here in West
Hollywood,
so, you know, being a nosy SOB, I wander over, because I'm thinking that these
people need to know my point of view,
you know, like, oh, you guys are selling crab, or, you know, seafood out of,
you know, out of a proper jurisdiction, really,
and in hindsight, that was my fault, I should have minded my own business, and
kind of around the back of the food truck, they had this,
you ever seen, like, one of those electric things on the wall, like, just
something, an outlet,
they had a huge one of those on the ground, and I just kind of wasn't paying
attention, and, like, a huge one, like,
like, I don't know if you've ever seen a, like, I think there's a movie, maybe,
it could have been Home Alone,
where the boy is dancing on a, one of those pianos that's on the floor, like,
with the big keys,
they have it at FAO Schwartz, they have it at a fancy toy store in New York
City,
where you can step on the keys and make the sounds, you know, and they're like
$3,000, rich kids have them, I guess,
and it was like that, man, it was that big, it was that big of a, of an outlet,
you know, just a big outlet,
and I, and had a bunch of cables coming out of it, and I stepped on it, and I,
I felt a meat, like, I was,
I kind of got straight, and then I just got literally crumpled to the ground,
almost like if you've ever seen,
like, one of those videos where they pour some type of liquid over a Coke can
or something, and it just crumbles,
uh, that was me, man, I was, like, kind of crumbling, but one of my legs was
staying kind of straight,
and, um, and I was scared, dude, it felt like the devil was just grabbing me
down, you know,
and I didn't know what was going on, um, and I realized that I was in unsafe
territory,
and thank God it just didn't last for too long, you know, it was probably two
or three seconds,
uh, which you don't think is long, you know, I mean, if you're a bull rider,
you know,
they're supposed to stay on for eight seconds, that's so, you know, me riding
an outlet for three
seconds isn't a big deal, but when you are unexpected, unexpectedly start
surfing electricity,
basically, riding the lightning, it's, uh, it's real, man, it gets real pretty
fast,
and so, so I was scared, dude, I didn't know if I was gonna, I didn't know if I
was gonna die
for a second, you know, for one of those seconds, I probably thought that I was
gonna die, um,
uh, anyhow, I went home, um, the next day, I went to the doctor, and I went
into the doctor's office,
and this, things got even worse in there, uh, I went into the doctor's office,
and he kind of, like, pushed on my ribs from the front and back, and made me,
like, turn to the left
and right, because there was this sharp pain in my ribs, and, uh, and they
ended up figuring out
that there's a muscle in there that got damaged, or it's called an intercoastal
muscle, and I don't
know if maybe the electricity kind of, you know, all met up right there in my
body, but, uh, but it
hurt, man, and this guy was, like, squeezing on it, it made it hurt even more,
I lost my breath, I thought
I was gonna die in the office, I thought I was gonna die, he pushed on it, and
I couldn't breathe,
and he's like, what's wrong, and I'm like, I can't breathe, and he's like, well,
what, well, what, what,
what happened, and I'm like, he had just done this to me, I had been able to
breathe when I was in there
before, and I'm like, I, I feel like, you know, like, I'm gonna be killed, you
know, um, and so he's
like, just take the smallest breaths you can, anyhow, fast forward, I, uh, I
slowly breathe myself back to
neutral, um, they laid me down for a while, uh, they gave me a tordol shot in
my butt to get, uh, some of the
muscles to relax, and for a little bit of relief, and then the dude says, uh,
don't, I suggest you
don't sleep alone, you know, and I'm not sleeping with anybody right now, you
know, I'm bedding up by
myself, I don't even have a cat or anything, so I'm thinking, well, now I gotta
find some fucking
muppet, uh, to bed up with me, you know, like, I, I don't want, and then I'm
torn, because it's like, well,
what if I get some type of fucking, you know, some straight up fucking, you
know, just animal, some
female, you know, just, just some girl that's out in the grind squad, I don't
want some last minute
chick laying up in my bed, because then what if I, what if I die, what if I die
in my sleep, then
everybody's like, well, he's fucking sleeping with this chick, um, and maybe
that's a silly thought, I just, my brain
started racing, and I got very scared, um, so anyhow, I've been, I've been
recovering from
electricity, man, the dude's like, find somebody to sleep with, and, uh, I just
braved it out and slept
alone, and here I am, man, I got electrocuted, but I'm still alive, and I'm
living to tell about it,