Name: This Past Weekend (Follow Up): Missing Persons
Uploaded: 2017-05-05T04:08:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'This Past Weekend (Follow Up): Missing Persons' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-05-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'This Past Weekend (Follow Up): Missing Persons' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-05-05. Transcript available.

This Past Weekend (Follow Up): Missing Persons

All right, guys, welcome to this past weekend, the follow-up edition.
We had a lot of guys call in about being a missing person or becoming a missing
person,
if they knew any missing persons or had had any involvement with the missing.
And I'm happy to kind of get into that.
The episode last weekend or on Monday was a little too long.
And so I figured that I would, you know, kind of juxtapose some of those ideas
and questions and inquiries
because we had a few calls about missing people and missing personage.
So let's get into some of that, man. I'm going to take you right into them.
Hey, man, what's up, bro? This is Theo. Just calling in, dude.
I wanted to check in and see how you're doing.
I know you talked about, you know, being missing, disappearing, some family
issues.
So I wanted to get an update on what was going on with you, bro.
So drop me a buzz back, man.
If you get a chance, you can hit me up on that hotline there.
That's 985-664-9503.
And let me know, man, you know.
Not going to say that you alarmed me, but certainly, you know, just riding the
Greyhound is dangerous in general.
And $20 is not enough to get you far.
So I just wanted to check in with you, bro, see if you're actually missing or
not.
Or if you were just kind of throwing us on a wild goose chase.
All right, get back to me.
So we'll see, man.
You know, we got a guy who's, you know, supposed to be missing, I guess.
I don't know if he's one of these, you know, I don't even know how these young
people, if they even know how to run away from home anymore.
I don't know how young this guy is.
To me, honestly, he sounded Asian.
And he sounded about 30, about 32 maybe.
So he sounded like an adult Asian or a sullen, younger Asian, quiet, kind of
younger Asian, medium to heavy build.
So I'd be intrigued to even get a photograph of the gentleman to know, you know,
just to guesstimate who we're dealing with.
But we might have a missing person out there.
We try to check in with him, and I'll try to check in with him again.
You know, I've never been missing, you know.
So I can't tell you how those people feel.
I do watch a lot of the shows where people are missing or have gone missing.
I've always been infatuated with people that are missing.
I remember I used to collect the, they used to have these little cards that
they would pass out or mail to you, and it said the missing, 1-800-THE-MISSING.
And I used to collect those as a child.
I had them pinned all over my room.
I just had always had an infatuation with people that weren't where they were
supposed to be.
You know, and so, you know, I think it's interesting that here I am now in
young adulthood really discussing the missing with you guys.
So let's crack into a couple of calls, man.
And let's see what you guys, you know, kind of threw into the fire here when it
comes to, you know, dealing with missing persons and possibly being missing
persons.
We're also going to call the gentleman who said he was missing and check in
with him, see if he is, if he is still missing, if he's, you know, how, how
long he plans to be out there or not where he's supposed to be.
So, and if he's, and he also, if he was just bullshitting us, because the guy
said he was getting on a Greyhound bus, and he sounded a little bit Asian to me,
but who knows?
We'll see.
All right, let's check in with a couple of callers right here.
Mr. Vaughn, how you doing, sir?
It's Kevin calling from Port St. Lucie, Florida.
What's up, Kevin?
Port St. Lucie, Key Lime Pie Country.
I don't know if you spent time there, but I would say that's a safe bet.
I'm a missing man in certain people's eyes.
I have had no contact with my mother's family in over five years.
You might ask how it's possible.
I wasn't going to ask that, but I will ask it now.
How is that possible, brother?
Well, about five years ago, we had a death in the family, and my grandmother
died, my mom's mother, and a lot of shit happened, you know.
It was a shitstorm of misfortunes, and I ended up being Baker Acted, bro.
They called the police on me and told them I had a gun, and I was—
Yeah, Baker Acted.
If you're not familiar with the Baker Act, that is a—it's a piece of
legislation that if there's fear that somebody's going to harm themselves,
then they can be detained for a certain period of time to have some
psychological evaluation done, I believe.
Don't, you know, hold me to those 100% words, but I would say that's 85% of it.
Let's keep it going.
I was going to kill myself, and cops came to my house.
Okay, possible self-kill with this guy.
They had their guns drawn on me and shit.
Cops came to his house, had their guns drawn.
And it was for no reason.
I didn't threaten anything or seen anybody, and this is South Florida, so I was
carrying a gun.
You know, the cops come at you and get on the ground, scumbag, and let me take
you to jail.
You're in jail for three days.
Okay, you know, we've already got a lot going on here, man.
You've got—you know, you're a missing person, self-proclaimed.
You are—you have some family issues, it sounds like.
You're falling out with your mother after the death of your grandmother.
You know, 70% of the time, that has to do with inheritance, and I'm not
assuming that.
But you also use the word misfortunes, you know, that has fortune in it.
So I don't know if that's subconscious or not.
I'm not accusing.
I'm just saying, you know—I'm just sharing, you know, the corn that's popping
in my head with you.
So, it seems like there was family issue then.
Next thing you know, you're not doing anything wrong.
You are carrying a gun, and you're being held for psychological evaluation.
So I'm sorry to hear these things, but let's get into it.
I want to hear a little bit more about how you are missing, if you are indeed
missing.
Jail.
You're in jail for three days.
Why are you watching him?
You're shooting to kill yourself.
Didn't kill himself?
And when I got out, I just disappeared, man.
I just—like I said, I moved like nine miles away in the next town, and I
haven't been, you know.
Okay.
All right, dude.
So you moved nine miles away.
That's not disappearing.
That's, you know, that's running an errand.
You moved nine miles away.
I mean, did you drive?
Did you get a ride from someone?
Because that's not—
I guess every—I guess immediately I'm learning that everyone's idea of
disappearing or being a missing person is different.
I don't consider getting nine miles away disappearing.
But maybe you do, and maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions.
Maybe I'm having pre-conclusions here.
So let's hear some more.
They ask all my friends and shit, where is he?
Have you seen him?
No, it's just—I don't know how I did it, but I'm still missing.
I'm still—I'm still missing, huh?
Um, well, I get you.
Look, you are missing, man.
I mean, if nobody's—are people looking for you, though?
Because I think that's what makes someone missing.
It doesn't sound to me—I don't have the fact where somebody's looking for you,
where people are, you know, 100% interested in what's—in where you are, what's
going on.
Let's keep going.
You know, but she don't go anywhere, and I don't go to that town anymore, so.
I mean, yeah.
I got some other shit going on, too, man.
I've been—
Okay, now.
Now we're getting into some real shit, it seems like.
That might have been—that might have been a little bit of fluff.
You know, that might have been a little bit of dander.
Now we're getting into the big sneeze.
I'm real fucked up.
I just got fired from my job yesterday.
I just spent all morning calling hookers off Craigslist and Backpage to no
prevail.
Backpage.
Ended up working out too early in the morning for the hookers.
Yeah.
But, yeah, you know, I watch you.
I wait for you every week.
I'm excited about your show, man.
All right, man.
I appreciate it, dude.
I appreciate trying to think about where you're coming from because, you know,
it's—you know, you had the issues with your mother, it sounds like.
And you guys had a falling out.
You live close by, but you're not seeing each other.
But that's a—it seems like you almost—maybe even subconsciously you want to
see each other.
You know, if you're not that far, you're—you went and you specifically said
nine minutes.
That's not very far, man.
That's not—you know, it's almost like hide-and-go-seek, but you're not
looking for each other.
I don't know if that's as much missing as it is, like, you know, I'm going to
be over here, you know.
So, so you had that.
And then, you know, you were—you had the issues with prison or going to jail
for a few days with the Baker Act.
You had—but then you go on to say you just lost your job, you know.
And that's when I feel like we're kind of getting into what's really going on
here.
It sounds like you're just in a rut.
You sound—to me, you sound lonely, man, you know.
And that's the first place, even as I'm talking right here, listening to you
and sharing, that I feel like I can connect with you on this.
Because I've been lonely, you know.
I feel like I spent a good deal of my life lonely, you know, and I can
understand that.
And it sounds like you hold some grudges.
There's some issues there with family stuff.
As far as the family stuff goes, at a certain point, you should decide for
yourself so you are comfortably living within your decision.
And you should decide for yourself, do you want to make amends with your mother
or whoever it is?
Do you want to forgive?
Do you want to forget?
Because the grudge—otherwise, it sounds like this is just a grudge that's
going to keep you nine miles away.
That's never going to get better unless you take action.
So you can also take action to decide that you don't want to forgive, that you're
okay with where you are, and that's that.
But don't let there be a hang-up for you anymore.
Don't use it as an excuse, and don't use it as a motivation.
Because sometimes negative motivators, it doesn't end well.
You know, it's like if I'm chasing my dreams or do—you know, if I'm just
going to do well just to show somebody else,
it's a negative motivation.
It's not bad, but it's not as effective.
I don't feel as a motivator as saying, I'm going to do something just for me,
you know.
I'm going to do something to prove to myself or because I want to better myself.
So anyhow, that might be some of the family stuff you got going on there.
But I feel you, man, being lonely, feeling like, you know, maybe you've made
some poor choices.
You can't bounce back from them.
Maybe you sound—you know, it doesn't sound like there's somebody else in your
life.
And there may be.
I'm just sharing what I feel through the lines here.
You know, you're—well, I mean, you're looking up escorts early in the morning.
That's often a sign sometimes of, you know, you're up early.
So is there drugs there?
What's going on?
You know, you said no hookers were available at the early hours.
You know, I'm not surprised that Port St. Lucie doesn't seem like an early hooker
area.
You know, and a lot of those hookers on the Internet aren't who they say they
are.
It's a lot of false advertising.
Same kind of stuff you get, I feel like, with a lot of political parties.
You know, a lot of yammering, a lot of fancy pictures, but not a lot of reality,
you know.
And I'm not saying either one in general.
I'm just saying politics overall.
And everything these days, a lot of pomp, little circumstance.
But it sounds like you're lonely, bro.
And you know what I'm going to suggest to you, dude?
And I know I suggest this kind of stuff a lot.
I'm going to suggest you get into AA.
That's what I'm going to suggest.
If I had to make a suggestion, go to a couple meetings.
Because here's what's going to happen.
One, you're going to be surrounded by other people.
You're not going to be alone.
You're going to hate it at first.
You're going to think it's gay or it's cheesy or it's this or that.
But eventually you're going to go and you're probably going to enjoy it.
Because there's going to be other people aroun