Name: Favorite Movies, British Sidekicks, Men w/ 1 Testicle | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #29
Uploaded: 2017-06-27T00:32:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Favorite Movies, British Sidekicks, Men w/ 1 Testicle | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #29' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Favorite Movies, British Sidekicks, Men w/ 1 Testicle | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #29' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-27. Transcript available.

Favorite Movies, British Sidekicks, Men w/ 1 Testicle | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #29

what's up guys got a little bit of a tickle in my wickle if you know what i'm
saying but that
ain't gonna stop us we're talking to a fella that only got one nut in his sack
oh half sacker
we got high altitude skeet issues and one of my favorite movies family man
welcome to this past
weekend this past weekend
what's up guys
it's june 26th
stayin with this song for this week
you know that soon we're gonna die
let's have some fun while we all die
i kind of wish that's that that lyric was let's all have some fun while we're
alive
that would really be something ideal to listen to for me for today i'm feeling
good about being alive
i hope you guys are uh welcome to this past weekend it is uh monday june 26 as
we're getting
late into june and i appreciate you guys being here with me today
this weekend i was uh well i spent the past few days in phoenix
phoenix now phoenix is a hot city and i don't know if you spend time in the
heat but i mean i
remember being there because i attended university of arizona for a while and i
actually went to high
school for a little bit out in arizona um as well for a semester of high school
and they had a lot of
mexican kids that would fist fight each other and and um and beat each other up
in an abandoned car wash
near the campus of the high school i was attending santa rita high school and
they also had
they had
they had these alarms that would go off when different gangs uh would threaten
each other or
fight each other and everybody was always spray painting everything it was
it was it was fun but it was also just different than what i was used to
uh in louisiana and in the environment i'd grown up in
but yeah i spent some time out there so i was back in arizona i was in phoenix
this time
and phoenix is it's nice man it's really and it was hot it was i mean i think
it was honestly 108
degrees or something someone melted i think they were looking for somebody and
they found him in a
puddle and that was that you know i mean that's not candle country you can't
have outdoor candles there
because they'll just they're gone they're gone but after that i went over to
new york city directly
there on friday and that was a good time man um did anything else happen on thursday
oh i was at
the chive had a had an event and we did a comedy show there at the stand-up
live downtown in phoenix
and a lot of people came out this one guy he was kind of like an alcoholic
and i and this dude kind of cornered me i had a couple conversations with some
nice people
men and women but this other fella kind of cornered me he was all tatted up and
he just kept talking to me about comedy and saying he wanted to do comedy
and at a point a certain point sometimes what i don't like is when like
i'm trying to be a decent listener a communicator
and then somebody's just taking advantage of my time yapping
and this dude had a little he was a little bit liquid around the lips and so he
would
every now and then something fly over into my face
you know and i'm catching bits and pieces of uh
of of moisture and atmosphere off of his face
and that kind of just got under my skin you know because
he's so wasted he doesn't know that
we don't really have a conversation it's just him
saying shit over and over again
and and me having to listen to it
so i don't like it when people
you know monopolize a conversation to the point where it's not
it's not even fun to be a listener
to be an active participant in that conversation
but whatever that's the worst shit that happened to me that was it
otherwise we had a great comedy show
i met some cool cats out there
as well in phoenix
my voice is going
i don't know what happened to it
i might have left it on the road
i did a lot of traveling here in the past few days
but i'm happy to be with you guys man
i got to new york city
and and i like getting to new york man
you just feel
there's energy everywhere
and there was a transvestite that was
kind of dancing and beatboxing
and had an umbrella open
and that was kind of cool to see
um i saw
i saw a man take an awning down
that had been up for a long time
and there was a bunch of dead birds and animals and leaves on it
and so that was crazy
it was almost like a little coffin that he'd opened up
that he didn't realize
and they all came falling down
and you know kind of surprised everybody
sort of the dead kind of striking back
surprising everybody long after they'd been dead
a lot of these birds
and what else
uh that was it man
had some shows at gotham
i appreciate everybody that came out
we had a good time man
met some
met some uh some more alcoholics
but i met some people from england
uh and they were nice and friendly
and
the british
i've never been a huge fan of the british
and i'll tell you straight up
i mean we beat them a couple times
and i don't understand why a lot of them are still milling around over here
you know it's um
and they're good
i mean one-on-one
you know it's different
but when it comes to teams
i'm not gonna
i'm not on the british side
and i think a lot of the world still gets
uh and a lot of places
in the world
still get blamed for a lot of things
the british started
you know you look at the some of the slave trade
the british really were
handily in that
and we're over here still dealing with a lot of the repercussions
of uh slavery and stuff like that
even though the british
were running around
slanging slaves
okay
so sometimes when i'm
meet someone who's a descendant of a slave
you know maybe it could be a black person
could even be a chinese person
hell it could be a white person too
there was a few white slaves
you know
and everybody knows
you know i have dreams a lot
where i go back in time
and i am
like an undercover slave
in the american slave times
and i'm on a
you know a ranch
or a plantation
and i am
you know sent back in time
to help free a lot of slaves
and
and guide a couple of slaves
out
of the plantation
and get up to the north
and
you know kind of just get things on
more of a positive track
and a lot of the slaves
uh are on board
but there's always this one slave
and this is just a dream
this isn't real life
there's always this one slave that
won't come
you know
this one slave
he does not want to come with me
and so that's
it's a dream i've had a few times
and i
and it's always a battle
because he doesn't trust me
you know
and here i am trying to help
and this slave lilac
is the slave's name
and he does not trust me
and so that's sometimes hard to deal with
even in my dreams
to not be trusted
but anyhow
i don't even know what i was talking about
but yeah i was in new york
and um
and
and we had a good time
and the british came out
and i just felt like
sometimes that
if i meet a friend in the future
who has an issue about
you know
slavery or
or mistreatment of black
black people in america
a lot of times
that
a british person should be there
to handle that conversation with you
if you're just a regular white person
because i didn't do anything
you know
i mean my mother was from
um
the north
and
her family were first generation here
and my father was from nicaragua
so he
i was first generation on that side
um
i was
so anyhow
i just sometimes feel like the british
don't take a lot of responsibility
for the
for the dismay
and some of the just
the rape
and everything that they caused
around the world
i don't know why i got off on that
outside of that
had a good time in new york city
sorry to start off on a low note there
but that's just
you know
i guess some things that were on my head
you know
i don't have any news for you guys this week
uh
as far as news goes
like topical news
because i just can't stand it anymore
you know
everything in the news
is just
dismal
it's dismal
you know
it's just attacking
anything i feel like
most of the news
is just attacking anything
it's
you know
american
and i know it's hard to find a sense of what is american these days
but
i don't think it helps
when the news is just out for money
and not out to communicate with people
um
or to bring people reliable information anymore
it's crazy
i mean it's really crazy that we are in a time
where
we're almost post truth
where anything
is fair game these days
you know i mean
20 years ago
you sat at the news
you sat at the television
to get the facts
and
now you
and people could
can say that
well those weren't the facts
and that was all bullshit
and this and that
and there could be truth to that
but
it was most of
what was said
was universally agreed upon
and now
dude it's all
entertainment television
i mean i don't think anybody cares about
getting us the facts anymore
and in some ways
it's kind of nice
it's like finally
i'm free
from all of this bullshit
because
none of it is true anymore
none of it
or you don't know what the truth is
so it's kind of nice
just to be away from it
you know
the problem is
there's so much more
access to it now
so in a lot of ways
i don't find myself
addicted to the actual
information
but i do find myself
addicted
to
my phone
to my computer
and addicted to
accessing it
if that makes any sense
man
i hope it does
i'm trying to make sense
guys
it's one of my original goals here
that is one of my original
goals here
what else is going on
we got some great calls
that came in man
a lot of people hit the hotline
we got an issue about honesty
we'll have a last minute call
about a little bit of
a young fellow
who's been jerking it
a little too much
and having some problems
with his cock
and stuff out there
and his activity
we got a man called in
about some movies
he wants to know about movies
so we are going to get
directly into the hotline
first i'm going to tell you guys
about some dates here
i will be in
stark county illinois
this friday night
june 30th
that is a fundraiser
for a defunct
local theater
it's a theater
where i saw my first movie
pink cadillac
as a child
and this will be
the second time
i've ever been in the theater
and now i'm there
having the
the privilege
to help perform
and raise some funds
there to get
that theater
back on its feet
so everybody's really excited
and that's in rural illinois
but it could be close to you
if you live in illinois
look up stark county
and come on out
that's this friday night
two shows
7 and 9 p.m
we're getting close
to sold out
so i feel really fortunate
about that
july 7th and 8th
i'll be in nashville
at zanies
i'll be at the
orlando improv
july 13th
through the 16th
i'll be in san diego
july 20th
at the house of blues
with sal vulcano
from impractical jokers
and roy wood jr
from the daily show
as well
i will be
in addison texas
august 10th
through 13th
and september 6th
through 9th
in austin
and cleveland
at hilarities
september 21st
through 24th
you can find
all of those
dates on
theovon.com
slash tour
as well
you can get
the album
30 pound bag
of hamster bones
and the other album
musket fire
both of those
are available
on itunes
hayley joel osmit
is now
29 years old
you remember
the young man
from the sixth sense
from pay it forward
wow
what a movie
that was
and he will be
on the allegedly
podcast
my other podcast
that i have
with matthew
cole weiss
it's more
hollywood stuff
and you can check
that out
it'll come out
on tuesday
and that's
our hundredth
episode of that
very grateful
to matthew
for all of his
effort and hard
work
all right
let's get into
some questions
right here
we've had some
amazing ones
on the hotline
man
i'm so grateful
again the hotline
number
is
9
8
5
6
6
6
4
9
5
0
3
i'll post it
on my instagram
this week as well
so you can always
reference there
to check it out
but let's get into
uh
to some calls
right here
this is uh
from santa anna
here we go
hey theo
this is jeremy
in santa anna
i love that you
just allow
and even
encourage people
to call in
and just talk
about anything
that's on their
mind
i have a question
thank you jeremy
and i appreciate
the calls
you know i
want to let you
guys know
that i appreciate
uh the fact
that you guys
um meet me
halfway
and share your
feelings and thoughts
let's keep it going