Name: Theo Von - Soon To Be Missing Person
Uploaded: 2017-06-30T22:07:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von - Soon To Be Missing Person' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von - Soon To Be Missing Person' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-30. Transcript available.

This week you asked listeners to call in about a missing person.
And that's ironic because I'm about to become a missing person.
So to provide you with some context.
Please do, brother.
This guy's threatening to become a missing person, pretty much.
So I'm a son of like two immigrant parents.
Okay.
He's a son of a couple of grunts.
The quality that runs rampant among immigrant parents is narcissism and a bit
of a controlling behavior.
That's pretty true.
I think my friend Fahim is a – he might be a first, second or first
generation.
I don't know what it's called.
But he said his parents have a lot of expectations onward.
And they really try to impose their goals on you.
And that's really what I'm trying to run away from.
So my parents want me to be in college.
But I'm absolutely miserable in college.
Wow.
You know, and I almost feel like this is a joke at first.
But then I feel like in this guy's voice you can hear some reality.
You know, I'm looking to run away from home and kind of follow my goals in life
rather than theirs.
Wow.
You know, it's interesting.
I didn't – I didn't have that – personally, I didn't have that, you know, I
didn't have anybody really saying –
I had a friend of mine's dad that said I should go to college.
But other than that, I didn't have that pressure.
So I can't imagine what that pressure would be like.
And then to feel like you're literally going to run away from it.
So –
Wow.
I'm going to be running away, I guess, or be a missing person.
This kid may have indigestion.
That's the thing.
I can't tell a little bit.
If he's being real and he's faking a voice or if he might have a little bit of
indigestion.
Could have had – chicken parm gives me that.
No one word.
By next Monday.
And all I really have to my name is 20 bucks and a Greyhound ticket.
Oh, man.
Hold on.
I'll just – let's keep – well, Greyhound – I used to ride Greyhound, man.
There's a lot of men on there trying to show you their dick.
A lot of people got out of prison.
Some light cocaine on there.
I mean, hell, let's be – some man cut another man's head off of a Greyhound
– on a Greyhound bus.
Or it could have been Peter Pan lines, but I think they're all coagulated.
But did that to him up in upstate New York.
So there's a lot of seedy, you know, a lot of people, you know, just riding
around trying to collect fucking abortion money, I feel like, on those buses.
But anyway, onward.
And really, that doesn't really worry me because I'm pretty optimistic about
what the future holds for me.
Okay, you're optimistic about what the future holds.
Well, college can be – you know, I wish you could take away the – seeing
college as something your parents are pressuring you into doing and find –
try to, you know, reframe it so it's something that you can actually enjoy.
Because if you have a lot of – if you feel confident in your abilities, then
there should be an ability that you can maneuver or use in a college – on a
college template that you can actually, you know, find some joy.
Your own joy onward.
And I know I could make something of myself if I work hard.
So just letting you know about my soon-to-be missing person story.
Thank you.
And big-time fan of the podcast.
Wow.
Wow.
To think – I mean, that guy's going to be a missing person.
Jesus, man.
That's crazy.
I mean, I always – I always – I love – I love missing people, man.
I've always loved missing people.
You know, I – I just felt – I guess I just felt missing for so long in my
life.
I just felt missing.
Well, look, brother, if you were – I mean, this was – and this call was six
days ago.
This call was six days ago, so this boy could potentially be out there and be
missing now.
If that's the case, man, I do hope that you will call and check in.
That seems to be a theme, this episode.
I hope you'll call in and check in and let us know what you're doing out there.
And at least let your parents know, I guess, that you're okay.
You know, I don't know.
I've never been a parent, but I can only imagine what it feels like to not be
in touch with your child.
And that seems very alarming to me.
Oh, Jesus Christ, dude.
But I don't even know – I don't know what to say, man.
Good luck.
Good luck being, you know, being missing.
And good luck.
You know, I don't know – you know, I don't know how you hide better.
I know you use cash.
That's what they say.
I mean, I do encourage you to chase your dreams.
I just – I wish that you could figure out that issue with your parents so
that that didn't have to affect you to the point where you feel like you had to
run away.
But maybe that's so intense.
I just hope you take care of yourself.
$20 and a Greyhound, that's ill-advised, man.
I don't know who's advising you if you're getting it, you know, or if you're
getting any advice at all.
You might want to check in with somebody that can – you know, you might want
to check in with some other people.
Because for me, my vote is no on that.
If this was, you know, what's that show where Howie Mandel and Mel B are on
there?
I don't know.
But if this were my vote, I'd say Ixnay on the Eving on a Us Bay.
Eving lay on a Us Bay, yeah.
Don't leave on a bus, bro.
Bad idea.
Greyhound, never a good idea, dude.
Never.
I'm going to say that, and I've been known to troll the Greyhound bus help
Twitter feed.
Never a good idea.