Name: 7-10-17: Back to Basics, Nashville, Youth Caller, Underdog Hair | This Past Weekend #32
Uploaded: 2017-07-10T23:13:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '7-10-17: Back to Basics, Nashville, Youth Caller, Underdog Hair | This Past Weekend #32' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '7-10-17: Back to Basics, Nashville, Youth Caller, Underdog Hair | This Past Weekend #32' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-10. Transcript available.

7-10-17: Back to Basics, Nashville, Youth Caller, Underdog Hair | This Past Weekend #32

This past weekend.
Let's get into some activity, huh?
It's Monday, July 10th.
We're gonna die.
Monday.
Let's have some fun while we all die.
Celebrate our days.
What's up, guys?
It is July 10th, and I am happy.
You know the usual, man.
I'm here, and I'm happy to be with you.
I just got back from Nashville.
Nashville, Tennessee, and man.
First, I've never seen a place that had so many cranes, so much construction.
Construction, building.
I mean, they were building.
Everything's being built.
You couldn't find probably a spare stick or thing of glue in the city.
Everything there.
Stacking, building, cranes, lifts, Latinos, people yelling, send up another
brick.
Send up another brick, Manuel.
You know, a lot of contractors out there, you know.
Hey, I'm a contractor.
You know, I've got a tool belt, and I've got a hammer, you know.
This is my hammer.
This was my daddy's hammer.
This is a sixth-generation hammer.
Look at the net.
Look at all the, uh, look at my initials.
I'm, uh, I'm Wyatt Dunhill the ninth, and we've all been having this hammer in
our family.
This is a family hammer.
A lot of construction in Nashville, man.
Blew my mind.
You know, because I actually thought about trying to get into that market.
You know, tap into there, buying something, rent something.
Just be involved, you know.
And, uh, in, uh, a while back, and now it's, I believe now it's too late to get
in there.
It's just so, so, it's so big.
There's so, I've never been to a city that had so much being built.
You know, just really big over there in Nashville.
Um, we had a great time out at Zaney's, man.
We took a ride.
Uh, we took a ride on that stage, man.
It was my first time being there.
I want to thank everybody that came out.
I mean, we had, um, we had some rambling Ricky, some rambling Rickys from
Arkansas that drove five hours.
We had some, uh, some trippy Vixens from Mississippi, you know.
Some cute Scoopsies, you know.
Running that trim out there, you know.
We had, um, people from Atlanta, uh, Chattanooga, the noog.
We had people coming out and enjoying it and enjoying the show, and we had a
great time, and I want to thank Zaney's, and I want to thank everybody in
Nashville that came out and enjoyed it, you know.
Um, went out with some friends.
I had some friends I hadn't seen in a while.
One of my buddies had a, a girl that he knew met us at the show or whatever,
and he ended up not being able to make it until the end, so his girl was there.
Man, she got drunk.
She was in the front row, and, you know, there's sometimes there's these women
at the, at the shows, and it's usually, honestly, it's women.
And it's this, it's usually an attractive woman or a woman who thinks that she's
attractive or has always been told she's attractive or, you know, kind of
spoiled.
Let's just say spoiled.
Because you can look any way and be spoiled.
And just really ruins a lot of the show.
And that happens Saturday night, man.
This girl wouldn't shut the fuck up.
You know?
Like, dang, dude.
You know?
If I'd have had a bag of, uh, shut the fuck up feathers, I'd have probably just,
uh, hit this young lady with them.
This lady would not, I mean, she just, she had to be the center of attention.
And it's really, when somebody does that, it doesn't happen a lot, but it's
just, it's just such a selfish move.
You know, I'm up there trying to give it my all.
There are people that have come to see this.
I've come to do this.
And you got these selfish, just damn pigeons, dude.
Bunch of fucking, honestly, coke pigeons, probably.
Because this girl looked like she'd been just, you know, beaking around a bit.
You know, huffing for a little bit of that dust.
Just, uh, you know, trying to cop a gram off through the bottom of her beak.
And so it just made me mad, man.
My buddy, I didn't even get to tell him.
And here's what I couldn't decide was.
Because my buddy, he didn't get there until the end of the show, so he didn't
know this girl.
And she didn't ruin the show.
Now I'm a professional.
I could have thrown her out at some point if I wanted to.
She was, but if I'd have been going another 10 minutes on stage, I would have
tossed her.
But she did just, she did enough where it was like she definitely impaired the
show.
You know, when you have to tell somebody a couple times to get their act
together and they're an adult.
That's unfortunate, you know, that's unfortunate.
But anyhow, man, um, now I just can't decide, do I tell my friend?
Because it's the next day, do I tell him, look, man, you know, you know, these
beautiful birdies that you sent out, you know, they were just, you know,
chirping up the little Armageddon that was wrecking everything.
Or do I not say anything?
Because if I don't say anything, I'll just let it pass and it's gone.
There's nothing, there's nothing there.
You know, and sometimes you just have to make that choice.
And sometimes I'm bad at making that choice, figuring out what to do, you know.
Because at a certain age, at a certain point in your life, and it can be any
age, if you're smart, you realize it just, if I bring something up again, then
it's up again.
If I let it be, then it's gone.
But then it could happen again.
And it just, man, it just burns my dick skin when somebody behaves that
entitled, you know.
You can just tell that somebody hadn't been told no.
You know, when you see that with a lot of these pretty girls, I'll be honest
with you.
They haven't been told no.
They haven't been told no.
Because we live in a society that caters, that makes it easier for you.
Man, if you are beautiful, you're symmetrical looking, come on.
Let's be honest, dude.
Let's just be honest.
Let's just be real.
Anyhow, we got there.
We did it.
We had a good time.
And I want to thank everybody that came out, man.
What's going on with me?
I got into Nashville.
And I went and had me some barbecue.
And if you know me or you ever seen me, I like to find a meat place when I'm in
town, you know.
I'm no stranger to a meat.
And you could find me usually lurking around some type of pork or a beef or a
brisket.
And I'm no stranger to that activity, you know.
Or a sauce or some sort of a piquant or, you know, a honey dip.
Something, you know, a Motown.
Just something.
Something.
A condiment.
You know, something.
And that's something that I like.
And I find that place and I find me a meat.
You know, I was in Tampa, Florida and I ate barbecue five days in a row.
From a shitty establishment.
I'll say that.
So, you know, if a man's eating shitty barbecue five days in a row, you know he
will fucking turn his skin inside out.
To show up.
And what he'll do.
The damage he'll do at a decent establishment.
And that's me.
That's me around a meat.
So, if you ever want to trap me.
If somebody out there is thinking about trapping me or murdering me.
Because I know they got murderers out there.
You know, I've been a long time fan of murder shows.
And of actual murder.
I don't condone murder.
And I don't want murder for anybody.
I've never laid in bed at night wishing for murder.
But I have.
I do get excited with a new episode of Dateline.
And sometimes I will, honestly.
Every time a new season comes out, I will pray.
That, you know, I'll pray for the people in the episodes that are gone.
But I will also pray that if more people get murdered in the future, that they
don't find their killers just yet.
Because I want another season, man.
And maybe that's selfish.
I don't know what that means about me.
But I know I'm not the only one.
Because murder is probably the most popular genre of entertainment on
television.
You know.
We've come to love murder.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Hopefully, Lester Holt.
You know.
Hopefully, Tamron Hall.
Those are Dateline hosts from Dateline.
But yeah, people love a murder, man.
Hopefully, Robert Stack.
Unsolved Mysteries.
I'm John Walsh.
But I've always been, you know, I've always been a fan of the missing and the
murdered and that.
Anyhow, what was I telling you guys?
If you ever want to trap me somewhere, the meat or the ruse to use is meat.
You know.
If I'm walking down the street and I see a plate on the ground and it looks unhampered
with and they got a bunch of, you know, some freshly stacked meats on there,
boy.
Face first, son.
You've never seen a dude dive face first, arms by his side, not in front of him,
into a meat plate.
And that's just how I get sometimes.
And I think a lot of that's growing up.
I grew up in around cereal, a lot of grains.
You know, and you'd see occasional meat.
You'd see, you know, they had a lot of people doing bologna in our neighborhood,
bologna slices.
They had a lot of, not a lot, but they had a couple of brothers around us
always grilling up Dove.
And, you know, air game and small air game and usually a legal air game.
I had family that had owl for Thanksgiving.
That was actually this past year.
Two owls, actually, which is an overrated bird.
And I will argue with that to the death with anybody.
But, but yeah, we had, but if you ever want to trap me, meat is the way.
And so I probably shouldn't have given that clue out there, but it is.
But yeah, man, a lot of construction sites in Nashville.
And that made me think if you're going to murder.
And this goes out to, I guess, anybody that, and if you have ever killed
anybody, man, and you want to confess it, you can hit that hotline.
Boy, that number is 985-665-9403, I believe.
Yep, 985-664-9503.
And we're going to get to some calls in just a few minutes.
We've got some great calls this week.
But, but yeah, if you hit the construction sites, great place to get rid of a
body.
You know, that's body country.
I mean, and I've often wanted to go look for bodies and stuff at night, but a
lot of those sites were secure.
But anyhow, man, Nashville is definitely a great place to hide a body this time
of year and a lot of, a lot of real estate going up.
But one, one thing that gets me when you see these buildings going up and all
this construction and activity, you see, I start to get, I start to get, it
makes me a little mad.
Because now real estate's become such a business that, you know, they just move
in and they know how many square feet, like these contractors and these big
developers.
It's all, it's just, you know, it's the same property they have here that they
have in Minneapolis or that they have in Huntsville or that, that they, that
they have in Houston or Chicago or Champaign-Urbana.
It's like, it's just, it becomes so formulaic, you know, and that's one thing
that's happened with real estate over the years.
It's just become very, it's become, you know, just such a formula out there,
like everything else.
And, you know, I guess it's just part of the, you know, the cookie cutter
future that we're really just rippling towards here, it seems like, a lot of
times.
Yeah, so that was it, man.
That was Nashville.
Had a great time, man.
I want to thank everybody that came out.
We had a great time.
And I hope that Zanies has me back.
I want to thank my friend Richard who called in there a bunch.
I want to thank my boy Mike and them that came in from Arkansas.
Um, and, uh, and I want to thank, uh, Lucy over at Zanies and everybody at Nash,
everybody at Zanies in Nashville.
Uh, this coming week, I'll be in Orlando this weekend.
I'm in Orlando and you can check that out.
Also, if you're on the YouTube right now, you can see right behind me.
Uh, well, first, let me tell you these Orlando dates.
Uh, the 13th through the 16th of July.
Then on the 20th of July, I'm in San Diego.
Um, the 27th through the 30th of July, I'm in Montreal at the Just for Laughs
Comedy Festival.
Uh, August 10th through 13th, I'm in Addison, Texas.
And September 7th, 6th through 9th, I'm in Austin, Texas.
So there we go, man.
Those are the dates coming up.
And if you're on YouTube, you can see right behind me.
Um, we got a beautiful, uh, a beautiful print that you can order online.
It's from, uh, the Hampin' Ain't Easy, uh, soundtrack.
It's from that album.
And it say