Name: 7-17-17: Disneyworld, Nationalism, Infidelity, & Cat recipes | This Past Weekend #33
Uploaded: 2017-07-18T00:37:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '7-17-17: Disneyworld, Nationalism, Infidelity, & Cat recipes | This Past Weekend #33' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '7-17-17: Disneyworld, Nationalism, Infidelity, & Cat recipes | This Past Weekend #33' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-18. Transcript available.

7-17-17: Disneyworld, Nationalism, Infidelity, & Cat recipes | This Past Weekend #33

This Past Weekend
Alright, alright, check, check. Are we cruising?
Okay, we're cruising right there. Let's get going right here.
It is Monday, July 17th, and welcome to This Past Weekend.
I'm Theo Vaughn. I appreciate you guys joining me.
I'm in Orlando. I'm in Orlando, Florida.
I know the audio is kind of bad in here. I had to set up shop next to this sink
in one of those loud refrigerators.
You know, I think a lot of these mid-level hotels they put in, the refrigerator
in the room, it never keeps anything cold.
It basically is just something loud in the corner.
It's almost like a pet. It's like having a grandparent that has dementia,
but that has like adult asthma, you know, or that kind of snores a little while
they sleep
and that it's always, you know, those, they're always just, it's just too much,
man.
It's always just, it's like a rattle.
Like the thing always just sort of rattles a little bit.
It'll just kind of click on, even though it's on all the time, every now and
then,
the refrigerator just sounds like it just cuts, like, ha ha, like somebody
startled it or something, you know?
Like somebody just tried to shove something up its freezer section.
I don't know.
I'm in Orlando, man.
It's late.
I had a long day.
I'm about to get into it.
But I want to thank you guys for joining me.
I hope you had a good weekend.
You know, I think a lot of people are still enjoying some of that 4th of July-ness
and, you know, a little bit of that aftermath of Labor Day and vacation time.
And I went to Disney World, man.
I went to Disney World this weekend.
That's probably the biggest thing that I did.
I was down here at the Orlando Improv and I went to Disney World.
And I don't know if you've been down to Disney, but I have before.
I went twice.
I went once as a child.
My mother saved up some money, I'm sure, and took my brother and I to Disney
World.
My father didn't go.
He was probably 75 at the time and he stayed at home.
You know, my mom took us and I only have a few maybe vague recollections from
that,
just still images in my head.
But I went to Disney World when I was in high school and we took acid.
We took some LSD.
Now, this was a time when people were experimenting with drugs,
which is all the time in America, you know.
If you've ever been around or opened your eyes in America, you'll see people on
drugs.
And we went there.
We took a bus from Louisiana over to Orlando, Florida, here where I am right
now.
And we stayed in some shit motel.
And it was a school-organized trip.
And they brought us down.
And I remember on the bus, I'd been seeing a gal at the time in high school.
And I remember we're making love on the bus.
I remember that.
You know, getting in the middle of the night.
And I remember, you know, her, you know, just escalating her body on top of me
and making love.
And really making that joy, adding more joy to that bus ride than usual bus
rides.
Because I've been on some other bus rides.
And I'm happy to talk about those.
And I would like to just, while I'm thinking about it, let's make that the
topic for next week.
If you have been on a wild bus ride.
I'm talking Greyhound or a bus adventure of some sort.
Peter Pan.
You know, one of those troubled bus lines.
And if you've had a wild experience, you can hit the hotline and let me know
about that.
And we'll try to drop some of those in for next week.
That number is 985-664-9503.
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
So, we got down to Orlando and somebody had some acid.
And so we took some acid.
You know, a little bit of LSD.
And I remember, if something was in this LSD, it made everybody look Asian.
You know, if I don't know if we, you know, if the guy who had gotten it had copped
it off of a, you know, an Asian guy or a Viet or, you know, a Cambo, a Cambodian.
They call them Cambos, a lot of people.
But we had that Vietnamese acid or whatever it was, a Cambo acid.
And I remember everybody I looked at looked Asian, you know.
And I got thin eyes, so game recognized game.
But when I'm on that acid and everybody's, it just made everybody look Asian.
So, we came there and it was like graduation night.
And all of my high school buddies, probably about eight or nine people on acid
and didn't tell the rest of the class.
And we're just running around.
It's a small world.
We probably went on that about nine times.
Some kid kept drinking the water out of Pirates of the Caribbean.
And he got sick.
He drank probably about two gallons of it.
And he got pretty sick.
But we just spent the whole night on acid running around and doing the
different rides and being scared of each other and being scared of ourselves
and hiding in the bathroom.
And like six of us tried to split a hamburger.
That's how geeked out we were and couldn't even do it.
Couldn't even eat it.
But that was a good time.
And that was part of high school, you know.
But that was the last time I'd been to Disney World.
And that was only one of two senior trips.
Now, we'd taken another senior trip to Mexico.
Mexico, you know, one of the larger countries, South of America.
And we got down there and everybody, I remember, bought a bunch of prescription
pills and was doing, was stealing each other's stuff.
I mean, it wasn't but a couple of, probably nine hours.
We were down there in Cancun and half the class, and this was a senior trip in
high school.
Half the class was, you know, hopped up on prescription pills and stealing each
other's luggage and selling each other's shit on the streets and, you know,
getting, stealing each other's whatever it was at the time.
We didn't have cell phones.
We had those calculators, TI-85s, those fancy, you know, U-laters.
And we were, you know, those number crunchers, you know, that do the, they do
algebra.
And we were stealing those and selling them and buying more pills.
And, I mean, for a group of 17 or 18, 19-year-olds, it only took us about 12
hours to go completely AWOL.
And half of us be addicted to painkillers and out there selling each other's
goods and different type of textiles and wares.
So that got bad.
And then everybody's fighting.
And half of us were sharing a room.
And I remember we were stealing stuff from each other and hiding it in the same
room we were in.
So that right there will tell you what some prescription pills will do to you.
You know, so that's one thing you need to stay off of.
But anyhow, that was, and a lot more happened on that trip.
But that was some of those high school trips.
And one of those was to Disney Town, Florida.
And I'm here this weekend in Orlando, Florida.
And some lovely ladies, Miss Suzanne and Megan, they just hit me up, actually
on the hotline.
And they said, Theo, we would love to take you to Disney World.
And I said, I would love to go.
And Jiggy, he's a comedian as well.
His name is Jiggy, and he's a white guy.
Because you'd think Jiggy, you know, you'd think it's more of a urban hip-hop
name, you know.
Jiggy!
But it's not.
It's a white Jiggy.
And he's a very funny comedian.
He tours with the Impractical Jokers.
And he's a great guy.
No ego on this young man.
Really great guy.
But he came along with us as well.
And he met some little bird the night before she came.
So we got a motley crew out there at the, out there at the, and his friend Giovanna
came as well.
So we had a great little crew out there at Disney World.
We got there early, out of the gate.
I was up at 8 a.m., did not want to be awake, did not want to go see the mouse.
But we got there.
And it was a great time, man.
We got a little bit of sun.
You get there and you park, and then you get on the tram.
And it seemed a lot more like a theme park than it did like a magical kingdom.
That's where we went.
We went to Magic Kingdom.
But when I was young, I remember, even in high school, it seemed like, wow,
Disney World, you know.
But as an adult now, it seemed a little bit more just like a theme park.
You know, like, okay, it's, you know, you get, you go on the rides, you wait in
the lines.
It's not as, more of the magic was for the youth, I found.
But it was very picturesque.
You know, they had the castle.
I mean, it was 100 degrees.
You got the little gerbils out there, chipmunks, you know, Alvin and Simon, or
whoever they are.
And they're out there, you know, just sweating.
I mean, you could just see their fur just drenching up at the paws and at the
elbows from the sweat.
And they didn't even have a lot of, you know, Alice in Wonderland was out there.
But she looked, man, she looked like she'd been through some things, you know,
like she'd been living in Reno for a little bit.
But we got there and you get on the tram and they take you, first of all, they
take you right past where the little baby got eaten by the alligator.
We fought the alligator.
And I used to have dreams a lot of times when I was younger where babies would
be fighting animals.
And so it's hard for me to not say, it's hard for me to say I haven't seen
animals and babies fight each other.
Because I have.
You know, I haven't seen it live.
You know, I don't even think, I don't even know if you can see that even in
Mexico or in maybe Russia.
I bet you can probably still see some of that, that type of, you know, gambling
activity and such.
But, but, but in my dreams, I've seen it often.
I remember they had a tournament one time over about a week and a half when I
was sleeping, not consecutive sleeping, but in the evenings, you know, resting,
catching rest.
And I would have these different dreams of different babies and animals in this
big tournament and fighting each other and fighting each other off.
And, and, and then, you know, it kept narrowing down and narrowing down until
you had one animal that won.
And that animal was a, I want to say it was a lynx, I believe.
Large cat, dark kind of looking, black cat.
But not a black cat like you see just on your street or on a side street.
A black cat you have to really get into the woods to see, you know.
Kind of like the evil black cat in Jungle Book, something like that.
But it, it beat a pretty strong baby in the last kind of dream that I'd had.
But anyhow, I'm getting tangential here.
But let me tell you this.
So, you drive right past the place where that baby fought that alligator and
lost.
And so, that's a little crazy out of the gate because you haven't even gotten
to the magic.
And then they got this, I mean, you literally go right over the beach.
We've all seen the pictures of the beach and the, you know, the roped off area
where, you know, the alligator just snatched up that baby.
And so, that's wild because you've just seen that and you get there.
And then you get to the park and you go in and you see the magic castle.
And a friend of mine, one of the friends that went with us, this young lady, Gio,
she was telling us that they, there's a whole underground city there at Disney.
And I'm like, wow, you know, this is very much like Vietnam.
You know, when you think about it, because, you know, the Vietnamese, they
would really, they had these, the Koo Chi tunnels.
And if you're not familiar, you can look that up.
And that's spelled C-U-C-H-I, I think separate words.
But the Koo Chi tunnels where the Vietnamese would hide in the ground and then
just poke you out with, you know, bamboo spikes up through the ground and
surprise you and kill you.
And, but Disney's not like that.
You know, they're trying to show you joy, but they have a whole underground
city apparently where the, you know, the Disney Vietnamese, if you will, are
down there just subbing out chipmunks and subbing out, you know, dancing raccoons
and wild animals or, you know, Winnie the Pooh.
So whoever their characters are that are on the lot that day that are, you know,
up there rocking, you know, regular ground, they got it where you're, where
they're subbing each other out and kind of piping each other in and out.
So it was pretty, it was just crazy to just even hear that.
And then you'd see some of the activity.
You'd see li