Name: 8-28-17: Mayweather McGregor Fight, Hurricane Harvey, Vancouver | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #39
Uploaded: 2017-08-29T03:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '8-28-17: Mayweather McGregor Fight, Hurricane Harvey, Vancouver | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #39' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '8-28-17: Mayweather McGregor Fight, Hurricane Harvey, Vancouver | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #39' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-29. Transcript available.

8-28-17: Mayweather McGregor Fight, Hurricane Harvey, Vancouver | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #39

this past weekend let's connect that boom boom all right oh yeah thank you
guys happy Monday happy Monday August 28 the year 2017 a lot of years huh
a lot of years in the books this one's coming in hot coming in hot boy it's
coming in wet it's
coming in wet we're celebrating dark days right now it's what we're trying to
do I just want to
send some some love and some light and some thoughts and prayers out to
everybody that's
affected by Hurricane Harvey you know and they make it sound so nice Harvey you
know what's Harvey
gonna do you know oh Harvey don't ever do nothing you know they make it sound
like a like a you know a
fella in the neighborhood that you know still lives with his parents oh Harvey
you know collecting
bottle caps and doing that you know Harvey opened up his own window washing
business and they went out
of business you know freaking Harvey stealing all the Christmas candies but
then that's not what it
is you know and it shows up and it's more violent a lot of times than its name
and uh and my thoughts
and and feelings and everything go out to those people in Texas that are
struggling or if you have
family members down there in Houston you can make a donation you can text
Harvey H-A-R-V-E-Y
to 9099 and that'll make a $10 donation you can also I believe to the Red Cross
you can also look
online JJ Watt who is a uh I mean a just a a volatile beautiful you know uh
capable caveman um from the
NFL from the National Football League uh has started a fundraising program you
can look it up online you can
donate there as well but I'm happy to be here with you guys today you know that
rain that rain comes in
and it's heavy that rain comes in and it's heavy and if you're dry today and
you're able to drive
down your street or get out of your home you know for you that's probably you
know you're probably doing
better than a lot of people you know a lot of people down there struggling and
I'm gonna find
some other ways that I can donate uh but thank you guys for being here with me
today I remember when I
was young I was a heavy sleeper I was a heavy sleeper man I mean I would dream
that I was sleeping
and that's when you're dreaming that you are asleep you know that's that's
heavy that's double sleep
you know you're you know you're under two realms of of uh of brain peace and so
that's where I was at
and I remember one time uh fell asleep and a lot of rains came because I grew
up in Louisiana and a lot
of rains would come and um and one time the baseboards or whatever the thing
was rotten at our place
and and the water came in while I was resting and I remember it getting all on
the floor an inch or two
and I'd been resting in my mother's room and she had a package of I guess uh
you know how to say this
appropriately but feminine care sticks you know those feminine care sticks that
women use
and um and that some men might even use I don't even know what's going on these
days but uh you know
these feminine care sticks and they were still in the packages and they had
gotten you know a box of
them had gotten caught in the water or whatever and they were floating all
around the room and they had a
bunch of uh a sack of marshmallows because I'd sometimes I'd have me a little
bit of marshmallows
you know before I go to bed or or just I'd keep a sack by my by my bed
sometimes and they had a sack
of marshmallows that had you know the water had opened up and there was just
all these feminine care
sticks and marshmallows kind of floating around the room and they had uh they
had uh the neighbor's
cat was over and was kind of kicking these feminine care sticks around the
water and um and it was it
was wild because I was so scared but here this cat was finding so much joy you
know snacking on these
marshmallows and uh kicking around these feminine care products around the uh
around this little lake
that had formed um in our home so you know what I'm just saying is sometimes
you just even though it's
tough you know find those bright moments you know even when the rains uh when
the water gets deep
I had a friend I texted a friend in Houston to check on him see how he was
doing and he sent me back a
picture of this cajun navy and that's people that have these airboats uh that
are able to get out in
the neighborhoods and help people out and you see a lot of it I mean it's just
a I mean it's that's a
neighborhood Dunkirk right there that's neighborhood Dunkirk flaring up you
know when you got a fellow just
showing up at your doorstep you know bringing you pizza or you know uh cold
water or phone charging
whatever I mean and that's it's beautiful to see uh people helping each other
out but he sent me a
video of in his own neighborhood you know of a boat going by it's pretty just
interesting to see
you know something you normally wouldn't see in a neighborhood you know you don't
see a lot of boats
on streets so that was interesting man and I appreciate him sending that in but
my thoughts and uh
and and prayers and well wishes go out to all those people struggling down
there in Texas
and uh and I'm looking forward to making more donations as those opportunities
arise
but Harvey you know they name it Harvey and that's what I don't like about some
of these storms
you know because if you're a senior citizen you're sitting there and you hear
oh Harvey's coming
you know what's Harvey he's harmless you know Harvey sounds like that boy in
the neighborhood
that never really got it together you know that maybe that boy that had a you
know he had a flick
of a tism in his brain or something light you know he still live with his
parents and he was always
you know doing small businesses pressure washing or you know painting people in
the neighborhood would
hire him to paint stuff that didn't need to be painted just so Harvey could get
him a little bit of pocket
money you know or Harvey would always be you know that you know Harvey never
got it together you know he's
still living in his parents basement in his 30s you know and he you don't
invite him to the Christmas
party because he steals all the Christmas candy and they give it a name like
that Harvey that sounds
like it could be a miscreant or a door-to-door salesman but then it shows up
and it's violent
and sometimes I wish they would start giving these these storms names that
showed who they were
you know you know here comes Manson you know here comes Ray Lewis you know what
about that here comes
Ron Artest is coming out you know see who we got you know this Timothy McVeigh
this storm
you know give him something that at least is going to put if you're a senior
and you hear Harvey's
coming might not be as aware you might not hide the cat on top of the cupboard
but if you hear
that um you know that Lee Harvey Oswald is showing up you know you might be
make some different uh
different adjustments in your home so it's just alarming you know and it's sad
and I'm not trying
to make light of the scenario that people are dealing with but uh I've been
through some water times and
they're really tough but it's amazing to see if you can if you can find them
and you can find the joy
uh to see you know what people are doing to help each other out and when we're
far away um instead
of pointing fingers and thinking about this or that what we can do is to donate
you know because money
helps money helps it all uh thank you guys for joining me on this Monday August
28th 2017 you know
it's crazy to see winter is coming you know winter is coming and mother nature
you know she
lifting her dress up and she got a cold crotch and we're about to see some of
that wrath show up
you know and people talk about these you know the climate change and the
warming and this and that
and who knows you know how much that's affecting us at this point exactly in
certain areas you know I
was in Canada in Vancouver this weekend and um there were some drunk girls who
were all fired up about
global warming saying we want beaches you know we sick of the winters we want
beaches out here
and it's like look you can't have beaches just so everybody else can suffer in
the world
but outside of that I was in Canada this weekend I had a good time I went up to
Vancouver
we had a fantasy football draft a destination draft so every year my fantasy
football league one of them
we do a destination draft we pick a city and we all fly in and we meet up and
we do our draft
we've done some you know we've done Austin we've done uh Chicago uh New York
where else um uh New Orleans
uh Los Angeles San Diego some other places Miami and we hit up uh Vancouver and
Vancouver's the kind
of city it's it's a small city I mean you can almost walk everywhere and you
kind of feel like you're just
waiting for the city to get going that's what I kind of felt like you know it's
a small city very
friendly as people I mean friendly men and women if he's talking to men or
women it just there's a
nice vibe in there you don't feel like anybody's putting on airs or trying to
be too cool for school
you don't feel as much pomp and circumstances you do here specifically in Los
Angeles you know
where you go to a bar to a night event and everybody's trying to be that fancy
cat
you know everybody trying to get you to you know smell their breath to let you
know that they had
the best tune of that night you know they trying to get you to take a hit off
that albacore off their
tongue but you don't feel that up in Vancouver it just felt like a good vibe
friendly people kindness
um everywhere you know you stop and ask somebody for directions they take you
there
I mean you know we asked for directions to this beach and somebody just took us
there
I mean it was a couple of miles it was 15 minutes
you know uh but it was captivating a little city you're just kind of waiting
for the city to get
going you keep feeling like oh there should be more of a an energy or a bustle
but people there
are just more at peace you know and I've always thought Canada was a very
peaceful place but I was
you know like and New York's kind of gotten that way New York it's gotten so I
don't want to say
gentrified because I don't know if gentrified just means white but whatever the
financial version of
gentrified would be it's gotten so greenified moneyfied that in New York you
don't even get
mugged anymore you know you got to go up to you know north of Harlem they even
get mugged
you know in New York it's like you walk around these days and it's just
everybody's
it's just a bunch of business people people with money
you know you almost want some you almost have to ask somebody to you know fuck
you up a little
you know stab me a little or something or just you know call me a pervert and
you know hit me in the
back of the knees with a with a broomstick could just if you want to get that
vibe that you know
that New Yorkie you know mug me you know I want to feel something I want to
feel like I'm in the city
and you can't get that in New York proper anymore in Vancouver you're always
you're just kind of
waiting for it to pick up but it's just a peaceful city there's just peace
going on
um we had a nice time though uh we had a great fantasy draft there we went out
to this place
called Kits Beach they have a beach and it's it's it's like right on the edge
of the city
and there's people out there just enjoying themselves it almost looks like you're
in heaven
I mean it's extremely multicultural and you're out there and everybody's just
enjoying themselves
everybody seems to be having a good time it definitely seems like they like
kind of the
heaven you would picture in your brain you know there's like there's mountains
in the background and
there's there's city there's skyscrapers and you know even the homeless people
seem to be
on the uptick you know like they were like they can still at least remember the
homes they had
you know they can at least still remember maybe a two-bedroom two-bath that
they used to spend time
in you see the homeless people in America they're you kno