Name: Theo Von - Quizno's and Man Sensuality
Uploaded: 2017-09-14T17:06:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von - Quizno's and Man Sensuality' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von - Quizno's and Man Sensuality' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-14. Transcript available.

But at a Carl's Jr., a lot of lonely men eat at Carl's Jr., you know, because
they push these big burgers, these man burgers, these man meals, you know,
meals for a man.
And you see a lot of lonely men eating in there, because I used to go get a
turkey sandwich over there a lot of times in the evening, and I've spent a lot
of time being lonely.
And so it's no surprise that I ended up with my kind, you know, with those
types of people.
And the men are in there eating slow, and they're sitting by themselves.
And single men eat slow. Lonely men eat slow. Watch a lonely man eat. Take his
time. No hurry.
Married men, they eat. You know, they eat fast, because they've got to get back
to business, because they've got a lot to do, and people are holding them
accountable.
Before they die. So they've got to eat fast. But a single man eats slow. They
eat slow.
And at the Carl's Jr., I'd always find myself sitting in there, and I'd look
around, and it's all just lonely dudes in there eating.
So go in there. Go to a Carl's Jr. You'll see.
And it kind of made me nervous, because you find yourself looking around, and
then you're locking eyes with another fella.
And you're trying to eat, and you've got your mouth open.
And it made me feel, just, it kind of brought some feelings up inside of my
body.
You know, it made me feel a little bit, not gay, but it made me feel like
something gay could occur, something gay was lurking.
You know, a homoerotic activity.
Because think about it. If you're eating something, okay, and go with me on
this, because some of you guys are probably like, you know, what is he talking
about?
If you're eating something, right?
If you look at, if you lock eyes with another man, it's nothing, right?
But now, open your mouth, and then lock eyes with another man.
It's different.
If you have your mouth closed, and you're looking at another man, that's one
type of feeling.
You have your mouth open, and you're locking eyes with another man, there's a
different type of feeling there.
I'm not saying it's wrong.
I'm just saying that it riles up kind of some more homoerotic thoughts, and
that's what I would notice at Carl's Jr., because I was in there with these big
sandwiches, you know, having to get your mouth open big, and then you're
looking around, because that's nature, you know, being natural, and you'll lock
eyes with another lonely man, and you'd have a flare-up of something, just a
spark of some light eroticism, I felt like at times.
And not that I was going to act on anything like that, but it just became an
element in the air, that there was some, you know, that something could occur,
that something could occur.
And this is one of the reasons why I think Quiznos went out of business.
Quiznos, good sandwiches, remember?
Black olives, maybe some cooked ham, you know, they got the lettuce on there,
and sometimes they cook it, and then they changed to not cook it, and then they
went back to cooking it.
But one of the reasons I think Quiznos went out of business was because that
toasted bread, okay, you get that toasted bread, you can't eat that easily.
You got to open your mouth, you know, you got to go wide on that toasted bread.
And as a man, when you open that mouth, and you're in there, and you're looking
around and seeing other men, I think it subconsciously made a lot of men
nervous.
Or it made them uncomfortable, you know, if they were, you know, if they were,
you know, extremely straight, hardcore heterosexuals, then it probably made
them nervous.
You know, here I am with my mouth open constantly, because you have to open
your mouth to eat that cooked bread, that, you know, that bread gets really
hearty, crusty.
You know, that bread gets tight, tight on the outside, tight, tight.
And you got to open your mouth.
And I find that, for me, it would get, there were times when it was just
uncomfortable.
Not that there was anything wrong with, you know, somebody feeling gay or being
gay or acting gay, you know.
But there were times when I just noticed it was unexpected, because sometimes I
just wanted a sandwich.
I didn't want to have to deal or feel anything that was homoerotic when I was
just trying to have a meal.
And that's something that I found was an issue with Quiznos, because it was
more than a meal.
It was stirring up feelings that sometimes you're okay with thinking about the
feelings, but sometimes you don't want to do that at lunchtime.