Name: Theo Von on Mannequins
Uploaded: 2017-10-13T19:20:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Mannequins' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Mannequins' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-13. Transcript available.

But a man got caught with a mannequin in his front passenger seat, but it was
like a hot mannequin.
Like he put like a blonde wig on it. It seemed to have a nice, at least a C cup.
And the cop stopped him.
And my thought is like, if you're going to put a mannequin up there, put a
busted ass mannequin.
I mean, a beautiful blonde mannequin is surely going to capture the desires or
the eyes of an officer.
So that's just baffling, I guess.
You got to get a schlubby mannequin. Get a fucking thick uncle.
And that's always been one of my issues with mannequins, with these mannequin
makers and distributors of fictional human figurines.
Is that the mannequins are never realistic.
I remember shopping when I was a child, shopping during the holidays.
And it's like, I don't know if that sweater is going to, where's the mannequin
with the hunchback?
Or where's the mannequin with the big mole on its neck?
You know?
Because how am I going to know if that sweater is going to fit my grandmother
if the mannequin don't have a hunchback?
You know, I need to know if that sweater, you know, if that, I need a mannequin
that's taking up a couple extra,
maybe two more square feet up around the upper spine to know if that mannequin
is, if that sweater is going to fit my grandmother.
So, I've always been, I guess, disappointed in mannequins, you know?
Or what about a mannequin with a little bit of like a limp, maybe one foot
shorter than the other?
My father, when I was a child, he had, he had this gentleman that worked for
him, just did some day work here and there.
This kind of, he was a handicapped gentleman.
What was his name?
Marks was his name, a black gentleman.
And he would watch us from time to time when my dad had to work.
When we went to the office with my dad, Marks would watch us.
And Marks had one foot, or one leg, was about probably three, four, three, four
inches shorter than the other.
You know, he was coming up light in one of his appendages.
He was real, just, I guess, shy in the femur.
And so he would always stand on this stoop so that he looked even, you know?
And he wouldn't really leave this little stoop.
It was just a, it was a few inches of concrete that were outside of the front
door.
And he would stand there on, with his one foot on the stoop and his other foot
on the natural pavement or natural earth.
And he would be even.
And, uh, and I remember that man, we would spend time with him.
He would take us to the hot dog cart and get us a hot dog.
And, um, and a bird attacked him one time.
He got attacked by a bird pretty good.
It was, uh, just a violent pigeon, I think.
And they have those in a lot of, you know, in areas where, this was down in New
Orleans,
and they have a lot of violent, uh, birds down there.
Those inner city birds that have, I guess, just been through hell.
And, you know, they're not out there living in natural habitat, uh, as much as
other animals or other birds are.
I spent some time around birds in my day.
But, yeah, that man would watch us, and he was, he had a short limb.
And, uh, and I always thought that mannequins should be more realistic.
You know, I'd love to see somebody come out with some realistic mannequins.
You know, how do I know if this, you know, if this, uh, if this shirt or, you
know, blouse is going to fit my father or mother
if the mannequin don't look like it's about to whoop my ass, you know?
Like, that's the mannequin I'd like to see in the store.
A mannequin with a spatula in its hand and an angry look on its face.
Then put the blouse on it, and I'll be like, oh, definitely, that's for dad.
So I've always had issues with mannequins.