Name: Halloween, Bingewatching, Foursomes, People Eatin Snacks | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #47
Uploaded: 2017-10-24T01:17:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halloween, Bingewatching, Foursomes, People Eatin Snacks | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #47' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halloween, Bingewatching, Foursomes, People Eatin Snacks | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #47' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-24. Transcript available.

Halloween, Bingewatching, Foursomes, People Eatin Snacks | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #47

Something different.
Welcome, guys.
Does that music get you pumped up?
I don't know.
Sound like somebody drowning and playing a guitar at the same time to me.
But that's just me being judgmental.
And that is music sent in from a man named Tiny Sandhu.
And this gentleman hit me in the email.
He hit me where it hurts.
You know what I'm saying?
The email.
And he hit me in the email.
Tiny Sandhu.
I get an email yesterday.
And first I see the name in the namespace.
It says Tiny Sandhu.
And I'm thinking, Tiny Sandhu?
You know?
Well, what is it?
Turns out it's a man.
Tiny Sandhu sent in music.
And that was it right there.
And that's Voodoo Child that he played himself.
And that's Voodoo Child.
And that's a cover of Jimi Hendrix.
And he sent an email.
It's a cover of Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix.
Yet another magic man from the south.
Home of the blues.
Thank you, Tiny.
Thank you, Tiny.
I appreciate that.
And I know they had a boy named Small Allen growing up in my neighborhood.
And who could do, who could hang off of his daddy's scrotum and wiener.
And some people know that.
And not in a sexual way.
That's not a sexual thing.
You know?
Sometimes people were, you know, his daddy was in the Eastern European vaudeville
in the circus.
You know?
And whatever that was.
I'm sure a real rot gut establishment.
You know?
And his, but Small could hang off of his daddy's, when his daddy would drink,
his daddy would drop drawer.
And Small could grip onto his daddy's wiener and balls, you know?
Both of them.
Not at the bottom like a fucking, you know?
Like a fucking, you know, midget on a punching bag.
I'm talking up at the top.
You know?
Where the rubber meets the road.
He could grip them at the top and just hang there.
Hang off of his daddy's, you know?
Um, uh, fertile accomplishment pieces.
And that was pretty wild that Small could do that.
And the Small Allen fellow that grew up in my neighborhood.
But, uh, anyhow, Tiny Sandhu.
I'm sure that's probably the Small Allen of, of, uh, of India, maybe.
Of West India.
I'm not sure.
But thank you for that music, man.
We appreciate it.
I've gotten a lot of music sent in.
And one of these days, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna play you some of the, uh, you
know what?
Next week, I'm right now.
Next week, I'm gonna play you that.
But, uh, some of the ones that have been sent in, man.
And, and some of them are great.
Some of them are really not even great.
Or just not fit for this show.
But I'm gonna send you the type of stuff that people have sent in.
That they felt was, um, a complimentary to the show.
And to me, it's, some of it's just, it's striking.
And it's interesting.
And it's, it's, it's great, man.
It's something else, dude.
Some of it's sheer shit as well.
Some of it is sheer shit.
Like, somebody just, you know.
I mean, it's something else, man.
But anyhow, welcome to this past weekend, October 23rd.
Okay?
And I know Halloween's right around the corner.
And also, I want to welcome you to this past weekend because we have our new
first charter sponsor.
And that is Gray Block Pizza.
1811 Pico Boulevard, Santa Monica, California.
On your way to the beach, if you like pie in your face, go get that hitter at
Gray Block.
They got it.
G-R-E-Y-B-L-O-C-K.
They got the Frenchie, the quad, the Bella Goat.
Meet yourself up.
You know what I'm saying?
Get that beef in your teeth.
Or go for the famous salad pizza.
If you lean in out for the beach or for prom or for a second marriage, if you're
trying to cut some gut.
Hit that salad pizza if you're trying to cut some gut.
If you're Italian or if you're not, it's the place, Gray Block Pizza.
Order online.
It's in Los Angeles on Pico Boulevard.
Gray Block Pizza.
G-R-E-Y.
Grayblockpizza.com.
We're happy to have them on board as our first charter sponsor.
I'm very excited.
And I'm excited for you guys to be here with me on this past weekend.
What's going on?
What did I do?
You know what I did this weekend, man?
I did what I wanted to.
I did what I wanted to.
And you know what it really was?
A lot of it was nothing.
A lot of it was nothing.
Dude, I got trapped watching that show Mindhunter.
Have you seen this?
Have you seen Mindhunter?
You know, it's on Netflix and it's about serial killers.
You know, people that want to kill somebody and then also want to kill somebody
again.
Because apparently if you kill someone, it's enjoyable.
Who knew that?
Honestly, sometimes, I think it's sometimes in the dark recesses of my mind, I
probably knew that.
You know, that if I just wrap my, you know, meek little palms.
I mean, I got the fingers of a talented cat.
You know, I got real meek.
I got the fingers of like somebody who makes pasta or, you know, makes pasta in
a cave.
You know, I got real just, I mean, if you set my, if you painted my fingers
brown and just hung them out the window, a bird would land on them.
You know, I got them lean little branch, just little branch giblets, you know,
almost could easily be made out of wood.
And not a nice wood either, you know, maybe teak, something not very sturdy,
but those are the kind of hands that I have, you know.
I mean, I'm just probably, I'm a half hour away from carpal tunnel, I bet.
You know, I do a Rubik's Cube and I hit, I get hit with that, with that carpal
tunnel.
You know what I'm saying?
I got meek fingers, dude.
If I started to fall off a cliff and I grabbed for a rock, dude, I would, I
would definitely still fall off a cliff.
I don't have that kind of, you know, that hand strength, you know.
I could maybe throw a pool ball, like a billiard ball.
I could throw a billiard ball about 45 feet.
I got these meek fingers.
But I'm heavy in the, I'm girthy in the shoulders.
I'm girthy in that up, in that, I got that uproar.
I got that uproar, you know.
Like I took a deep breath and it just got stuck inside of me forever.
That's what happened.
I'm thick up top, you know, I'm thick up in that chesty.
I probably have 50 or 60 ribs, I bet.
If they cracked me open, you'd have a bunch of damn,
I bet you'd have a bunch of brothers and sisters showing up at the park
because it's time to barbecue if they crack me open and you know that.
But yeah, I got, I got caught in.
Well, first I want to thank Tiny again for the music.
And look, Tiny, I'll tell you this, Tiny, I don't know about music.
You know, I've never been a big music man.
You know, you're talking to a guy who's seen Goo Goo Dolls four times.
You know, you're talking to a guy who would probably go to a Miley Cyrus
concert.
You know, if I had a box seat, I'm not staying down in the bottom with the, you
know,
with the children and PDOs that are down there because that's PDO country.
And Miley Cyrus is a place where I bet a lot of people that are, you know, PDO
and they're
even out there just to have a good time and not even to meet children because
it's kind
of that kind of fun music where everybody enjoys it.
But I, you know, you're talking to a guy who, you know, I've been, have also
been to see
that widespread panic.
You know, I've caught maybe six or seven of their shows.
You know, I've slept out in a van in a parking lot with a bunch of people that's,
you know,
men and women smell the same and have the same haircut.
And, you know, they got different, you know, they're eating grilled cheeses out
of each
other's, you know, crotch.
It's just, just wild stuff.
You know, people that are, you know, selling homemade biscuits out of a van and
laying next
to dogs or wolves at night, you know, and eating spider webs and, you know, who
knows
what else?
Ginger snaps.
I've been around those types of people that, you know, go to string cheese
incidents and
do the other stuff and listen to fish, you know, and ride around and learn to juggle
and
shit, even though they're in their early forties.
I've been around some of those damn fucking, you know, architects, whatever
they are, shit
architects.
But, you know, so I don't have much of a music, but Tiny Sand, who sent the
music in and I'm
grateful for it.
But yeah, watch that Mindhunter.
If you haven't seen this, now, first of all, the thing is about Mindhunter, it's
about people
learning that serial killers think differently.
And I've always been obsessed with, you know, with serial killing a little bit.
I've always liked those shows.
For some reason, my mother had us watching America's Most Wanted as a child.
That was the show that our family got together and watched.
And man, that was, I just remember being so scared.
And I don't know if, my mother probably should not have let us watch it.
But my mother, we were adults early because we, there weren't a lot of, you
know, she kind
of let us make our own choices really in a lot of ways.
And, you know, of course, as a kid, you're like, oh, I can handle whatever.
But I remember hiding behind the sofa sometimes at some of the stories.
And, and I, but I got into that stuff, dude.
And some of these shows, it's addictive.
You know, you won't see a friend for three or four days.
You're like, man, are you okay?
Would you have the flu?
And they're like, nah, man, I, uh, you know, I didn't have the flu, dude.
I had Ozark.
You know, I had a, I had a heavy case of the Ozark.
I came down with it.
And then my lady came down with it, you know, and then spouses start fighting
because you're
on different episodes.
You seen these episode fights?
Oh, well, he fucking Frank, you know, he thought he'd be cute, come in drunk
and watch
two episodes of Ozark without me.
Fuck you, Teresa.
You know, you always doing, you watch six date lines without me.
So what are you even talking about?
But you got couples getting into episode fights, you know, and it's ruining
bedroom stuff, you
know, cause they don't want to be in that, you know, people on different
episodes and
they feel like that that's how they relate anymore.
Play some Scrabble with your wife or play some damn cards, take a night off,
sit in front
of each other, look into each other's eyes.
But with that said, man, I love some damn serial killing and I've never had a
strong
taste or knowledge base for music.
Cause you know what happened to me?
I, for years I drove around, I wouldn't even listen to music in my car.
Maybe I could be a SK, serial killer.
Because that's the kind of serial killer things, things serial killers do.
You know, I, I, and I think I just got addicted to listening to my own thoughts.
I was so trapped in my own head.
I would just drive around and listen to my own fucking thoughts that were on
repeat, dude.
It was like five tracks.
All of them were shit.
So, you know, at least whatever you sent me, Tiny Sand, who was better than me
listening
to my own thoughts for a little bit.
But we got a lot going on.
We got a lot going on this week.
Like, people are getting fired up because Halloween is coming up.
Halloween.
And I got the hands for Halloween, dude.
Oh, I couldn't.
The, the, the only person I could probably strangle about a, I bet, I bet I
could strangle about
a 13 month old.
Anything over than that, I would need assistance.
That's how my, I got weak fingers, man.
I got weak fingers, dude.
I got fingers that are just, you know, like I have trouble sometime with a Ziploc.
You know, for me, red and, you know, yellow and blue, most of the time still
just make
yellow and blue.
I got to call somebody in because I'm just, I don't have that, I don't have
heavy pressure
in my fingers.
And I think I get that from my mother.
You know, she has, but she's strong, but she got them lean fingers, I think.
Or maybe my father, I don't know.
Maybe my father.
I mean, my father, by the time I got a look at his fingers, my father was, you
know, 80 years
old when I was 10, so I think anything I get that's not working good, I think
it's maybe
it's safe to assume that I got it from my father.
You know, the genetics on there, probably, you know, I might have these senior
citizen fingers.
But, but yeah, that Mindhunter, I got trapped.
And you can get trapped in these episodes, man.
You're watching, you wake up in