Name: Whivilege
Uploaded: 2017-11-02T18:10:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Whivilege' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-11-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Whivilege' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-11-02. Transcript available.

Yeah I grew up in a shitty neighborhood, man. Poor black, poor white. That was
my neighborhood.
So I didn't have any white privilege, man. I mean, I knew some motherfuckers
with sweaters.
But I was two tank tops in the winter, you feel me? Okay?
So if it was available, I'd miss the sign-ups, you know?
And my black friends would always get pissed, man. They'd be like, "Man, look
what you did to us. Look at all the shit you did to us."
I'm like, "Dude, do you think I would do all that shit and move right next door?
Are we gonna split this plum or not?"
We're fucking down here together, man. You think I took all your shit and now
don't have it?
We need to get together and chase wealthier white people, man.
Being poor sucks, man. I don't care what color you are, being poor sucks.
Uh, fight. Poor people like to fight.
You poor? Yeah, I'm poor too. Let's fucking fight!
Fighting black dudes is tough, man.
I don't know if you ever fought a black dude or not, but they win.
They win, bruh. If you haven't, I'll watch you drop.
They win, man.
I got jumped once by five black dudes at night. I don't know if you ever fought
five black dudes at night, but...
Imagine you're fighting five black dudes.
Now close your eyes.
Now how many black dudes are you fighting?
Many as your imagination can hold.
And it's the same the other way. If you're a black guy, imagine you're fighting
five white dudes in a cloud.
But this cloud is aggressive.
Yeah, but everybody thinks only other colors. You have to have some color to be,
you know, poor and that's a struggle, man.
It's hard. Going to college, you're trying to go to college, you're poor and
white.
There's no program specifically for poor and white people.
Name one, dude. I would wait.
Nothing, man.
I remember going to the financial aid office, she said, "You gotta be black,
you gotta be Latino, Native American, Pacific Islander."
Fucking surfers?
Fucking surfers are getting this money?
We're landlocked, lady.
Had a beautiful lady, beautiful black lady worked in our financial aid office,
Ms. Linda.
She said, "Well, come back when you're black."
"What's the password?"
She said, "Go talk to the basketball coach."
I said, "He ain't making black kids."
"Those kids were black when they went to him."
"He's not that good of a coach."
And I don't argue, man. I don't argue with black women.
You can.
I'll watch you try.
They're smart, man. They're cunning. They're crafty. They switch angles.
They're like Jews that can fight.
That's hilarious, dude.
That's hilarious, dude.