Name: Theo Von - Animal Man vs Swan (Caller)
Uploaded: 2017-11-28T21:37:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von - Animal Man vs Swan (Caller)' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-11-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von - Animal Man vs Swan (Caller)' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-11-28. Transcript available.

Hey Theo. This is uh your animal man calling uh to share that story about
having to choke out that
swan up in Alaska. Animal man. Thanks for calling animal man. Let's go more. Um
it was a survival
situation. Oh it's a survival situation every time you have to choke out a swan
bruh. You know what
I'm saying? The only people ever to do it I think are you and Billy Madison.
Let's hear more. Not a
hostage situation um and we were supposed to get a food drop like in a
waterproof bag a bunch of
food. We were out there three weeks and halfway through a plane was supposed to
fly over and drop
a bag of food and the pilot sorry about that man calling from Costa Rica here
where there's a rooster
here. Damn boy you got cock in the back son. Onward thank you for this call
this is interesting so you
you're supposed to get a food drop and now a food drop that's when you have a
plane that's dropping
off food that's simple basically says is what it says. Onward. Doing his thing
um so yeah the pilot
couldn't get down low he had to drop the bag from twice as high up and the bag
hit the river we were
on exploded all the food washed down the river so we had another week and a
half to go. Dang man I'm sorry
for laughing dude but sometimes I love when shit like that happens. One time
somebody threw a pool ball
you know like an eight ball from a pool table but it was an 11 ball somebody
threw it down the street
and it hit this dude right in the leg and you couldn't hear it at all but the
dude was in so much pain
uh and I laughed. Sometimes shit like that is just funny but watching people
lose a week and a half
worth of food into a river yeah that's up there. Onward. And uh we had to just
kill whatever we could
so we shot a lot of grouse um we were making our way down the river everything
was going fine eating a lot
uh spruce grouse and rough grouse a few geese. Oh you hopped up on that grouse
huh? What you know in
that grouse? Onward. And then we were running out of bullets and it was one of
the last days and I
came around the bend and saw a group of swans trumpeter swans which are either
either endangered or
threatened. I think it sounds like you got one playing the cello right there
with you now. That's a
onward. So I shot one in the back and uh oh you shot a swan in the back? How
many years of bad luck is
that more? The rest of them flew off and that was the last bullet our shotgun
show we had so I ran up
to the thing. I was alone and uh once you get up to them they're a lot bigger
than you really expect
um so the thing started hissing at me and beat me with its wings and I grabbed
on its neck thinking I
could just choke it out say good night but uh the thing's neck is like a vacuum
hose it's really
really thick and it was really beating me up with its wings. So I just oh my
god man I can't even
this is so crazy uh so you choking a swan out and it's beating you up more?
Just had to turn its
head around and around and around until it was dead and then we ate it. Wasn't
that good even. Pretty tough
kind of a muddy taste but um you ever eat any wild meat? Any road meat you
found on the side of the road?
we ate part of an anaconda we found in Argentina that was still moving a little
bit that wasn't that good
either but anyway liked your Keurig coffee ranch? That is some bullshit that's
basically hot bark mulch
water. Keep it up to good work buddy. Bye bye. Animal Man thank you for calling
in. He's gonna call in other times as well. That's a real story from Animal Man.
Calling out of that Costa Rica and uh be well down there man. I know
you're down there checking out the animals and making sure that Kingdom Animalia
is running 100. You know running that top notch. You know because sometimes you
know Mother Nature needs a little bit of a needs a little helper. Just like
Santa need helpers sometime to build those little wooden trains and stuff.
Sometime Mother Nature needs a helper to go out there and touch a swan or you
know to fucking choke a duck out. Or to pet a deer. You know or to you know
where to
you know bottle feed a porcupine like you see on Facebook sometimes. You know
or sometimes people you know Mother Nature needs assistance and it's good to
see you out there you know doing some amazing work man. So thank you for that
dude. Damn you fucking swan you shot a swan in the back yo. That shit don't end
well. And I've never had swan meat. I've had some dove. I've had a little bit
of dove. A couple brothers was grilling up a dove one time.
And that was out there outside of Natchez Mississippi and I copped a little bit
of food with them. I denied them. They invited me a couple days to eat with
them to break dove. And finally I gave in man and had to be a little D you know.
I had to break a little dove.