Name: Theo and Forrest Galante Discuss Animals on Drugs
Uploaded: 2025-09-30T22:01:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Forrest Galante Discuss Animals on Drugs' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Forrest Galante Discuss Animals on Drugs' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-30. Transcript available.

you have a new show uh that definitely like sparked me up it's animals on drugs
that's right
we were texting when i was in columbia that's right yeah yeah it's on hbo max
as of like
yesterday i think um oh yeah dude i was just like dude send me a gift from columbia
so i can snort
but take me through this show animals on drugs because you know they had like
the cocaine bear
uh-huh cocaine bear the movie cocaine bear and then they have i was trying to
think of some uh
oh crack coons would be good crack coons how did i not think of that as a title
come on crack coons
what is bro what's in that's a no-brainer what's that in your recycling bin
yeah you see a little
bit of smoke coming up from the recycling bin yeah the bins vibrating yeah uh
crack coons he's like
smiling yeah crack coons so yeah i was thinking of crack coons i'm trying to
think oh that's
actually a movie i didn't even know that that's a movie you're lying 2024
official trailer
crack coon oh my god i mean look so for that show we capitalized on this this
hilarious thing that
we're talking about but the show is legit it's the reality is animals are
getting into like human
substances across the world right whether that's bears breaking in to get on
booze and getting hit
by trains and stuff because they're licking up booze off train tracks just a
whole story i can tell
you the cocaine hippos in columbia like pablo escobar brought hip hippos over
they escaped now
there's 200 of them they're going crazy because hippos are not native there um
in florida we found
an alligator that actually tested positive for having meth in its system
because it was living in the
cesspool behind a meth house um so that's what the show is about it's about it's
really at its core
it's a show about human wildlife conflict but you don't get people to watch a
show called human
wildlife conflict but you do get them to watch a show called meth gator you
know so that that was
kind of what it was oh yeah or ketamice that's what i was thinking ketamice
there we go man we need we
need like four you're like the chat gpt of drug animals over here you're like
oh you see a mice go
in a hole what about a k-hole a k-hole he's just old yeah he's surrounded by
cheese but he can't even
swallow um no well take me through some of that like so so take me through the
escobar when is that
when i was texting you in columbia yeah yeah yeah what was that trip like down
there sure so i mean
i had this idea to do that show a long time ago and really originally i just
wanted to go work on
the hippo problem in columbia so for context pablo escobar brought hippos to
his personal zoo called
hacienda napolis in the 90s because he just wanted nice he just wanted big
animals yeah he built this
insane place down there um and so he brought in giraffes and elephants and
lions and all this stuff
when he died in 99 93 when he died in 93 um the columbian government came in
and they're you know
they had a shootout he died whatever then they came in they're like we'll take
the lions we'll take
the the giraffes we'll take whatever oh we can't do anything about these hippos
like hippos are gnarly
people think of hippos like fantasia happy whatever hippos are gnarly animals
and so the hippos they
let angry super super hungry um angry i said no uh they are they're just very
territorial very defensive
i think on my instagram there's clips of them charging me at the fence and
stuff but um
anyway these hippos got out four of them now there's over 200 there's no
predators because
it's columbia not africa there's no lions to eat them there's no crocodiles to
eat them there's
unlimited food and they're killing people and injuring people and um and so and
but some of them have
also ingested cocaine well there was a rumor that pablo escobar used to feed
them coca leaves to make
them more aggressive to kill his uh his enemies um which is a really cool
legend whether it's true or not
i have no idea but anyway the colombian government and i have been so you know
i work on these kind of
large-scale animal projects so i i started speaking with the colombian
government about this when there
was like 100 hippos like four five six years ago and they're like please help
we're underfunded we're
understaffed we need whatever help we can get to help mitigate this problem so
people columbia don't
want to kill the hippos they like them they've created a tourist uh like a
tourism industry around
them there's like kind of cute the whole town there um where hacianianapolis is
i'm blanking on the name
of it now it's like hippo theme there's like hippo statues everywhere they've
created like a thing
around them but so they're dangerous but also it's part of the culture now yeah
exactly so it's a
weird thing where it's like okay there's this huge invasive species that's
super dangerous but the
average people love them like the people from medellin will take weekend trips
to go see them
and they don't want to kill them but they don't want them to get worse because
they'll hurt people
so what do you do so we went down there and worked with the colombian
government with coronary which is
the organization down there and we came up with this sort of threefold approach
which doesn't kill
them so it's castrating them chemically castrating them sterilizing them and
relocating them so i went
down there with tranq rifles and chemicals and vets and all these things and
cotton cotton snip nuts off
of hippos yeah chemically castrating so take me on that are you finding them in
the wild yeah okay
so we build bomas which are like giant like funnel traps basically and then we
bait them in with giant
bags of carrots and beets and things like that boma it's called yeah there
might be one on my
instagram you might be able to find it do y'all sneak up on them yeah yeah so
you you sneak up on
them you find yeah that's like a boma that second picture there so a boma trap
it's kind of like a
kennel exactly okay yeah exactly put a lot of good snacks in there put all the
goodies in there and you
make a trip wire so that when they go in the door closes and then they go nuts
you know and they
start banging against the fence and blah blah blah so we're catching these hippos
it's super fun and
the little ones you can chemically castrate with a chemical called gonicon
meaning basically you shoot
them with this dart and the chemical goes in and it stops them from ever
sexually maturing so they
grow up but they don't if you go to that one on the far right there down oh
there's me doing surgery
uh in the middle of the night yeah is this uh a castration surgery yeah castration
surgery so this
is right here so you guys have a hippo here that's been sedated yep so this was
a large
female she had four offspring with her we chemically castrated all the four
offspring with the gonicon
that chemical okay so gonicon you inject it so are now sorry are those asleep
as well no so them
you can do awake but the gonicon only works if you're pre-sexually mature once
you hit adolescence
it's too late it just the effects would just wear off so that's me darting them
right there i kind of
saw it for a split second okay so you so you can dart them with the gonicon and
it doesn't hurt them
no it's just like it's just like getting a shot and then they can't have
children they can never
have children they grow up they're okay with it they i don't think they know
yeah to be honest i
think they still get all the fun um okay yeah and uh and then but then the
adults that doesn't work
on so we have to go into the bush and catch the adults and then actually
perform surgery on them
which is what that video was which is much harder to do what do you have here
pause it for me
so that's the mouth of a hippo held open with a piece of like metal pipe
between the tusks oh my
gosh and then a breathing tube going into its diaphragm so can you smell their
breath while
they're breathing oh yeah is it pretty intense or is it okay and they mostly
eat veg well they
primarily eat vegetation so it's not too bad but it's kind of like a salad bar
like being at a salad
bar or something yeah you know they got some stuff in their teeth it's hot like
you get you get your
head up in there and it's like with this big hot sticky breath coming out yeah
that's crazy
and so you have their mouth probably open they're asleep yep and so what do you
do then in order to
because you can you have to castrate them a different way yeah so the males are
easy you just grab the
nuts lop them off sew it up right takes a few minutes from when they go to
sleep reach in through their
mouth to do it no you just go down downstairs yeah why are y'all doing this
then that's just to keep
them breathing and alive so see there's a pipe in the bottom bottom right there
bottom left that's
a breathing tube so that's just keeping them breathing but this is a female so
females are
way harder you have to make an incision that's like this long reach in there
feel for the gonads
snip them cauterize them pull them out and then close her back up and if you
don't close her up
perfectly one stitch breaks water floods in there get an infection and die so
it's got it's a it's like
a 12-hour process per animal really yeah it's a big and you have to do it at
night because it's so hot
if you do it during the day they overheat in the sun because it's columbia so
like you catch them
keep them as calm as you can until like 9 p.m then you start putting them to
sleep and work all night
and release them at like 4 or 5 in the morning wow and so how many people does
it take to really pull
this off honestly honestly we probably had a team of 30 yeah it's a big to do
is it exciting so exciting
i mean i get goosebumps talking about it because it's just like it's high
adrenaline the hippo's trying
to kill you you're you're racing the clock before the sun comes up you can't
over anesthetize the
hippo because then it dies and if we kill one the freaking columbians are gonna
kill us you know what
i mean not really but they'll be so upset my career is over yes if i kill a
hippo giving certain my
career is over right i'm canceled across everything so it's like it's like all
this action and adrenaline
it doesn't sound exciting because you're spending 12 hours like with your
elbows deep in a hippo but
it's it's really exciting yeah i think it certainly seems high energy
especially since there's other
people there and you guys are all locked in with this one mission oh yeah it
seems like that game
remember that game operation you played as a kid yeah it seems like that but
like the highest level
that's right yeah exactly right it's fun man it's cool wow dude that's
incredible so uh so that was
the experience of going down there and uh and those animals the drug
relationship was that escobar brought
them over and so that's why they're there and so that gets you into that whole
universe of hippos
in columbia exactly it's not that the hippos are doing lines right now it's
just that they got brought
here through the drug trade and it's like a vessel to tell that story yeah yeah
and that's network tv
that's that's cable right i'm on discovery that's how you do it on discovery oh
it's exciting yeah and
it's you know it's cool it's cool man nobody else doing that stuff on tv you
know like get to catch
hippos and show the world how you cut their nuts off and like this whole like
backstory on pablo
escobar and i mean it's like it's like a rodeo you know it's cool yeah i like
it anyway oh dude it's
fascinating to me and do you get to keep any of the um animals nuts or not dude
i wanted to but in
order to travel with animal parts you have to have cites permits which is this
international
conservation thing oh yeah i wanted a jar of hippo nuts on my shelf so bad so
bad but i left them all
in colombia oh yeah dude you can't even fly out of hawaii with an avocado nope
no it's like same
thing yeah so imagine trying to explain especially in colombia you know i got
them like wrapped up a
little bit of paper towel it's tucked under my dirty underwear they're like
what's that it's like yeah
that's gonna be hard to explain but hey i think they'll be glad that it's not
okay they'll be like
oh dude yeah he said there's a couple kilos of fucking yeah of hippo nuts bam
bam but a different kind yeah
Thank you.

Theo and Forrest Galante Discuss Animals on Drugs

you have a new show uh that definitely like sparked me up it's animals on drugs
that's right
we were texting when i was in columbia that's right yeah yeah it's on hbo max
as of like
yesterday i think um oh yeah dude i was just like dude send me a gift from columbia
so i can snort
but take me through this show animals on drugs because you know they had like
the cocaine bear
uh-huh cocaine bear the movie cocaine bear and then they have i was trying to
think of some uh
oh crack coons would be good crack coons how did i not think of that as a title
come on crack coons
what is bro what's in that's a no-brainer what's that in your recycling bin
yeah you see a little
bit of smoke coming up from the recycling bin yeah the bins vibrating yeah uh
crack coons he's like
smiling yeah crack coons so yeah i was thinking of crack coons i'm trying to
think oh that's
actually a movie i didn't even know that that's a movie you're lying 2024
official trailer
crack coon oh my god i mean look so for that show we capitalized on this this
hilarious thing that
we're talking about but the show is legit it's the reality is animals are
getting into like human
substances across the world right whether that's bears breaking in to get on
booze and getting hit
by trains and stuff because they're licking up booze off train tracks just a
whole story i can tell
you the cocaine hippos in columbia like pablo escobar brought hip hippos over
they escaped now
there's 200 of them they're going crazy because hippos are not native there um
in florida we found
an alligator that actually tested positive for having meth in its system
because it was living in the
cesspool behind a meth house um so that's what the show is about it's about it's
really at its core
it's a show about human wildlife conflict but you don't get people to watch a
show called human
wildlife conflict but you do get them to watch a show called meth gator you
know so that that was
kind of what it was oh yeah or ketamice that's what i was thinking ketamice
there we go man we need we
need like four you're like the chat gpt of drug animals over here you're like
oh you see a mice go
in a hole what about a k-hole a k-hole he's just old yeah he's surrounded by
cheese but he can't even
swallow um no well take me through some of that like so so take me through the
escobar when is that
when i was texting you in columbia yeah yeah yeah what was that trip like down
there sure so i mean
i had this idea to do that show a long time ago and really originally i just
wanted to go work on
the hippo problem in columbia so for context pablo escobar brought hippos to
his personal zoo called
hacienda napolis in the 90s because he just wanted nice he just wanted big
animals yeah he built this
insane place down there um and so he brought in giraffes and elephants and
lions and all this stuff
when he died in 99 93 when he died in 93 um the columbian government came in
and they're you know
they had a shootout he died whatever then they came in they're like we'll take
the lions we'll take
the the giraffes we'll take whatever oh we can't do anything about these hippos
like hippos are gnarly
people think of hippos like fantasia happy whatever hippos are gnarly animals
and so the hippos they
let angry super super hungry um angry i said no uh they are they're just very
territorial very defensive
i think on my instagram there's clips of them charging me at the fence and
stuff but um
anyway these hippos got out four of them now there's over 200 there's no
predators because
it's columbia not africa there's no lions to eat them there's no crocodiles to
eat them there's
unlimited food and they're killing people and injuring people and um and so and
but some of them have
also ingested cocaine well there was a rumor that pablo escobar used to feed
them coca leaves to make
them more aggressive to kill his uh his enemies um which is a really cool
legend whether it's true or not
i have no idea but anyway the colombian government and i have been so you know
i work on these kind of
large-scale animal projects so i i started speaking with the colombian
government about this when there
was like 100 hippos like four five six years ago and they're like please help
we're underfunded we're
understaffed we need whatever help we can get to help mitigate this problem so
people columbia don't
want to kill the hippos they like them they've created a tourist uh like a
tourism industry around
them there's like kind of cute the whole town there um where hacianianapolis is
i'm blanking on the name
of it now it's like hippo theme there's like hippo statues everywhere they've
created like a thing
around them but so they're dangerous but also it's part of the culture now yeah
exactly so it's a
weird thing where it's like okay there's this huge invasive species that's
super dangerous but the
average people love them like the people from medellin will take weekend trips
to go see them
and they don't want to kill them but they don't want them to get worse because
they'll hurt people
so what do you do so we went down there and worked with the colombian
government with coronary which is
the organization down there and we came up with this sort of threefold approach
which doesn't kill
them so it's castrating them chemically castrating them sterilizing them and
relocating them so i went
down there with tranq rifles and chemicals and vets and all these things and
cotton cotton snip nuts off
of hippos yeah chemically castrating so take me on that are you finding them in
the wild yeah okay
so we build bomas which are like giant like funnel traps basically and then we
bait them in with giant
bags of carrots and beets and things like that boma it's called yeah there
might be one on my
instagram you might be able to find it do y'all sneak up on them yeah yeah so
you you sneak up on
them you find yeah that's like a boma that second picture there so a boma trap
it's kind of like a
kennel exactly okay yeah exactly put a lot of good snacks in there put all the
goodies in there and you
make a trip wire so that when they go in the door closes and then they go nuts
you know and they
start banging against the fence and blah blah blah so we're catching these hippos
it's super fun and
the little ones you can chemically castrate with a chemical called gonicon
meaning basically you shoot
them with this dart and the chemical goes in and it stops them from ever
sexually maturing so they
grow up but they don't if you go to that one on the far right there down oh
there's me doing surgery
uh in the middle of the night yeah is this uh a castration surgery yeah castration
surgery so this
is right here so you guys have a hippo here that's been sedated yep so this was
a large
female she had four offspring with her we chemically castrated all the four
offspring with the gonicon
that chemical okay so gonicon you inject it so are now sorry are those asleep
as well no so them
you can do awake but the gonicon only works if you're pre-sexually mature once
you hit adolescence
it's too late it just the effects would just wear off so that's me darting them
right there i kind of
saw it for a split second okay so you so you can dart them with the gonicon and
it doesn't hurt them
no it's just like it's just like getting a shot and then they can't have
children they can never
have children they grow up they're okay with it they i don't think they know
yeah to be honest i
think they still get all the fun um okay yeah and uh and then but then the
adults that doesn't work
on so we have to go into the bush and catch the adults and then actually
perform surgery on them
which is what that video was which is much harder to do what do you have here
pause it for me
so that's the mouth of a hippo held open with a piece of like metal pipe
between the tusks oh my
gosh and then a breathing tube going into its diaphragm so can you smell their
breath while
they're breathing oh yeah is it pretty intense or is it okay and they mostly
eat veg well they
primarily eat vegetation so it's not too bad but it's kind of like a salad bar
like being at a salad
bar or something yeah you know they got some stuff in their teeth it's hot like
you get you get your
head up in there and it's like with this big hot sticky breath coming out yeah
that's crazy
and so you have their mouth probably open they're asleep yep and so what do you
do then in order to
because you can you have to castrate them a different way yeah so the males are
easy you just grab the
nuts lop them off sew it up right takes a few minutes from when they go to
sleep reach in through their
mouth to do it no you just go down downstairs yeah why are y'all doing this
then that's just to keep
them breathing and alive so see there's a pipe in the bottom bottom right there
bottom left that's
a breathing tube so that's just keeping them breathing but this is a female so
females are
way harder you have to make an incision that's like this long reach in there
feel for the gonads
snip them cauterize them pull them out and then close her back up and if you
don't close her up
perfectly one stitch breaks water floods in there get an infection and die so
it's got it's a it's like
a 12-hour process per animal really yeah it's a big and you have to do it at
night because it's so hot
if you do it during the day they overheat in the sun because it's columbia so
like you catch them
keep them as calm as you can until like 9 p.m then you start putting them to
sleep and work all night
and release them at like 4 or 5 in the morning wow and so how many people does
it take to really pull
this off honestly honestly we probably had a team of 30 yeah it's a big to do
is it exciting so exciting
i mean i get goosebumps talking about it because it's just like it's high
adrenaline the hippo's trying
to kill you you're you're racing the clock before the sun comes up you can't
over anesthetize the
hippo because then it dies and if we kill one the freaking columbians are gonna
kill us you know what
i mean not really but they'll be so upset my career is over yes if i kill a
hippo giving certain my
career is over right i'm canceled across everything so it's like it's like all
this action and adrenaline
it doesn't sound exciting because you're spending 12 hours like with your
elbows deep in a hippo but
it's it's really exciting yeah i think it certainly seems high energy
especially since there's other
people there and you guys are all locked in with this one mission oh yeah it
seems like that game
remember that game operation you played as a kid yeah it seems like that but
like the highest level
that's right yeah exactly right it's fun man it's cool wow dude that's
incredible so uh so that was
the experience of going down there and uh and those animals the drug
relationship was that escobar brought
them over and so that's why they're there and so that gets you into that whole
universe of hippos
in columbia exactly it's not that the hippos are doing lines right now it's
just that they got brought
here through the drug trade and it's like a vessel to tell that story yeah yeah
and that's network tv
that's that's cable right i'm on discovery that's how you do it on discovery oh
it's exciting yeah and
it's you know it's cool it's cool man nobody else doing that stuff on tv you
know like get to catch
hippos and show the world how you cut their nuts off and like this whole like
backstory on pablo
escobar and i mean it's like it's like a rodeo you know it's cool yeah i like
it anyway oh dude it's
fascinating to me and do you get to keep any of the um animals nuts or not dude
i wanted to but in
order to travel with animal parts you have to have cites permits which is this
international
conservation thing oh yeah i wanted a jar of hippo nuts on my shelf so bad so
bad but i left them all
in colombia oh yeah dude you can't even fly out of hawaii with an avocado nope
no it's like same
thing yeah so imagine trying to explain especially in colombia you know i got
them 