Name: 1-4-18 Denny's Shooter Call In and Virginity Values | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #64
Uploaded: 2018-01-04T23:09:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '1-4-18 Denny's Shooter Call In and Virginity Values | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #64' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '1-4-18 Denny's Shooter Call In and Virginity Values | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #64' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-04. Transcript available.

1-4-18 Denny's Shooter Call In and Virginity Values | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #64

all right it's thursday baby so take your tits off and throw them down the
street player
this ain't time to be breastfeeding one another we got work to do this past
weekend
you hear that
that's jesse lucero
with that dirty barbaric beat right there
it's jesse lucero here on uh on thursday january 4th uh i just i got that in my
inbox i want to thank
jesse lucero jesse also played the auld lang syne from the new year's episode
last weekend uh on
monday and uh and i forgot to mention uh that jesse did that and jesse could be
a man or a woman
um i believe that jesse is a man but that's me you know jumping to uh jumping
to crotch clusions
if you will because i don't know you don't really know you know i'm from an
area where they had a lot
of people had names that were could be anything a lot of people named after
weather stormy uh stormy uh
hail dusty you know dusty is not really a weather but it's just more of like a
dirt condition
you know um skimpy that's just really like some of this cheap but uh but yeah i
grew up in that in that
belt where they had a lot of names a lot of people named different things
you know rodolfo they had a boy by us named rodolfo and they used to call him
dolphy and uh and kids
honestly used to beat him up a lot uh we had people that had this boy named tot
by us t-o-t and i've talked
about him before and he was you know he had a little bit of the affliction kind
of he was one
of god's favorites really you know he you know the he was half angel half
person you know had a
hit of that tism and he used to he uh he would have to stay under a blanket all
the time he was afraid
to be outside of a blanket and so tot uh tot had an easy name he was you know
granted an easy name
so it'd be easy for him to spell you know hard to forget tot tot same thing
backward forward
that's tot but that's jesse lucera one more time and this is that music
if you're like a little maybe if you're like a gay guy getting chased by like a
barbarian you know
but then the gay guy morphs into like a 19 like a 1990s metal rocker unicorn
with long hair and just
fucking attacks the attacks the barbarian
and then they end up banging probably and moving to a sanctuary city you know
uh good to be here with
you guys welcome to this past thursday man i'm fired up i just i'm gonna tell
you right out of the gate
that have some upcoming dates uh january 5th that's coming up asap i'll be in santa
i'll be in santa
clarita on main street uh at comedy mashup you can uh google that and find
those tickets 11th through
the 14th i'll be at the brea improv of january january 18th through 20th the
new comedy club in
jacksonville florida february 16th through 18th la jolla california february 22nd
uh through the 24th
indio california at fantasy springs casino and april 6th and 7th in tampa at
rock brothers brewing
oh good to be here with you guys you know that's how i'm feeling today i'm
feeling i'm feeling you know
i'm feeling good when did a little bit of yoga yesterday and i like yoga man i
like yoga until
the teacher the the teacher in ours is like this really acrobatic um homoerotic
gentleman
and i don't he might be gay might not be gay we might all be gay you know i'm
saying a special hit
of lightning hits the earth and it might shake everybody's uh shells up a
little and next thing
you know you out there blowing the neighbor for powdered milk you know the dicky
dicky dust bowl
is only a couple of you know lightning strikes away we don't know what the
future holds but i know that
uh i know that this gentleman was uh seemed you know was being homoerotic in
there and uh and we're in
there in the yoga studio and he you know it's a good class until the end of the
class is basically just him
doing tricks and it's like all this stuff that you can't do and he's stretching
and he's got his
you know he's got his asshole wrapped around his shoulders and he's just you
know he's wearing he you
know he's wearing his earlobes as a fucking you know as uh he's got his earlobes
tied around each
one of his nuts and it's just you know he's in these poses that you can't
duplicate he's at another
level and uh and that's when i don't like it because then it's just about him
it's like at that
point he's just you know he's tricked us all into stretching for 40 minutes so
that he can have a
crowd to be around him so that's you know that's when it's a little wild for me
but uh but i did that
i felt a little bit better you know i hit it hit an a meeting last night you
know i needed that i needed
that hit um and i'll probably go to one i'll go to one tomorrow morning i might
go again tonight
because you know i'm out there i'm out there in those staying dry streets right
now
i want to get to a call this is going to be our first this is a special episode
because this is
the first live call that we've ever done um i'm thankful to cory uh he just
came on board to help us
out and he's like he's like a little bit of that he got that um that wizard of
oz in him a little bit
you know he's out there in the in these electric streets you know he knows what's
going on with
electricity and how to manage it and you know um didio uh digital video
management you know he's like
a um he's like a you know he's like a peeping tom but he he's not doing the
work he's making these
cameras do the work so he's like a second he's like an overseer of uh these
little electric peeping
timers that we got out here from canon and panasonic and uh and thank you to
the patreoners for helping
us uh get a new camera and get things rocking and get things rolling but we got
our first call and
this is a gentleman that called in um on the monday episode he called in there's
a part in one of my
comedy in my comedy special on netflix where i talk about shooting up a denny's
i'm going to play that
for you right now i got denny's here fuck denny's bro fuck denny's man i wish
people quit shooting
up movie theaters and shoot up a fucking denny's okay because if you now that
part is in my comedy
special right and then we got this call from him on the hotline uh and this was
a call that came in
uh right here here we go hey theo my wife and i were watching uh your special
on netflix last week
and we both almost had heart attacks when you started talking about uh shooting
up a denny's because when
i was 19 i went to jail for shooting up a denny's the story i'd love to tell
you wow that's the dark arts
right there boy and we're gonna get we're gonna call him right now it's gonna
be our first live
call uh and we're gonna hear um we're gonna hear we're gonna hear the story so
i'm excited i hope you
guys are uh i'm grateful that we came this far because to me this is a big deal
you know you're
talking to a man who if a camera doesn't work i'll i'll get some color pencils
and take a sketch pad with
me you know i'm i i i'll stay old-fashioned if i have to you know um you know i'll
send a homing
pigeon out there hell i'll send a fucking i'll send a uh a nightingale you know
with a little bit of
graffiti on his leg you know i'm i'm i'm okay with going old-fashioned so to be
this high tech right now
uh and be doing this man i'm i'm keyed up well i'm hopped up boy this is that
digital cocaine right here
here we go
hello fuck denny's man i wish people would quit shooting up movie theaters and
shoot up a
fucking denny's okay hey brother it's theo hey buddy how's it going man it's
good how are you good to
hear from you yeah well look it's good to hear from you you know uh assuming
that obviously your your
release date we you know we got your call on the hotline and i appreciate you
calling i appreciate
you listening to the podcast always man big fan big fan well thank you very
much uh yeah you said
you and your wife were uh checking out uh the netflix and and saw the bit about
denny's and uh
if you don't mind will you just take us from there yeah yeah we were uh we were
watching the netflix
special and um got to that point and man we just looked at each other and uh
almost fell over because
it was it it it brought me back and uh uh uh you know when uh i'll i'll just
tell you from the
beginning um so you were part of you were part of shooting up at denny's is
this yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah i was that's cool man i mean it's unfortunate but it's uh i mean it's i
mean it's dark to be
laughing at this but this is the dark arts and sometimes the dark arts brings
people together you
know sometimes it brings people together you know and we are together we are
yeah we are and i'm
nervous and look i'm excited this is my first caller that we've ever had in on
uh on this past weekend so
well uh i i certainly nervous about that geez man that uh well i don't think
you could tell
us a more heartwarming story though you know because sometimes people got to
pop off at a denny's
you know we've all wanted to and um so tell me tell me what happened man okay
well uh let me just start
from the beginning when i was uh when i was 14 years old i had uh uh uh my
sister who was like a
couple years older than i am she had a boyfriend who was he was in the military
and again she was 16 years
oh so he was older much older wow uh i never really knew how old he was but um
he was in the military
and you know he only hung around with her for about a year or so um but uh were
they in love do you
think if you look back on it no no well she might have been you know she might
have been i i i have no
idea right she but but she might have been you never know yeah um so your
sister's dating this fella
she's dating this fella i'm 14 years old maybe 13 i'm not i'm not exactly sure
you're just a sapling
out there and you're young too man you're probably coming into your own at that
age a little bit
no i was i was that was a long long way away before before i was ever coming in
my own are you still a
novice you're still out there tad polling you heavy polling out there most
certainly yeah i've been out
there man yeah i i was a i was a late bloomer for sure yeah yeah uh and this
guy i'll i'll call rambo
um because he to me at the time he he was he was he was a badass he was rambo
he was he didn't wear
the eye black he wore the eye black under his eyes and stuff at dinner like
that kind of deal no no
eye black yeah because i can't like that because i'm picturing a dude like you
know elbow crawling
across your living room you know to try and spend time with your sister but you
know he he made it
sound like that to me right right you know he to me he made himself out to be
this you know just
killer yeah so he was he was you really looked up to him it sounds like yeah i
did i really did i
thought i thought he was the best yeah then and then out of nowhere he just
disappears and you know my
life goes on and you know i'm sad for a while but things go on and things
change but you know
here comes 19 years old adam's adam's 19 years old and uh i don't remember how
he came back into
my life but he did and uh ends up hanging out with me and my friends and the
the two the the key figures
in the story are myself rambo and my buddy two dark mark two dark mark okay two
dark mark and i'm
guessing he wasn't was he in the bp oil spill or we're talking about a brother
a brother he's
certainly a brother he's certainly a a a great fella and i can't you know he i
can't say
too much of great things about him he's he's an awesome dude and too dark you
just mean he just
has dark dark skin dark dark skin yeah can't see him can't see him yeah yeah
they can keep a secret
oh yeah real super black person can keep a secret you know yeah um and i and
that's so because we're
all on the spectrum whether you some people are almost see through when you can
see their veins
you can see their heartbeat a little bit sometimes they'll eat lunch and you
can almost see it kind of
going under their skin a little bit and then you have and then you have the
other end of the spectrum
where people are so dark you know they usually end up being soccer players i
feel like in brit