Name: 1-11-18 Responses to Wife Strife | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #66
Uploaded: 2018-01-11T15:12:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '1-11-18 Responses to Wife Strife | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #66' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '1-11-18 Responses to Wife Strife | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #66' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-11. Transcript available.

1-11-18 Responses to Wife Strife | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #66

All right, we got caller suggestions for Andrew.
Them Olympics are on the horizon.
We got one of the best caller's questions that I've heard yet has hit the hotline.
Happy and excited to share that sucker and drop that lint into your trap.
It's only Thursday.
So what?
So why?
We've done Thursday before.
We got this again.
It's Thursday, January 11th.
This past weekend.
There we go.
Man.
It's like taking your shoes off at your cousin's house, baby.
That's what I feel like when this hits.
Like taking your shoes and your socks off.
Gonna let your cousin
You know that soon we're gonna die.
Get a hit of your stank.
Let's have some fun while we all die.
And that is Spencer Jacob Grau Band.
And Spencer Jacob, for those of you guys who don't know, he hit me up.
Okay, I don't even remember when.
It could have been a year ago and said, hey, I feel like this is something you
could use.
It might be able to help your podcast.
And I've met him in person.
He have long hair.
I mean, that boy has long hair.
You know, and long hair is dangerous to me.
Because say you're hanging out of a window.
You don't think anybody could get you.
With a fade, nobody can really wrangle you.
But you're hanging out of a window and you got that long hair.
Somebody could jump up.
Get you.
Snatch on to you.
You know, you could get your hair cut in a fucking blender.
You're trying to make a smoothie.
Next thing you know, you're making yourself.
Woo.
Next thing you know, boy.
Next thing you know, one of your ears and cheeks ends up in a big sippy cup.
It's just that.
And that's the dangers I feel like of having that long hair.
So sometimes when I do see people with really long hair, you know, I'll say a
soft prayer for them in my head.
Or somewhere in the back of my head.
You know, that's something that happens with me sometimes.
Small prayers will go off in the back.
In the back of my head.
Good to be here, man.
Welcome to this past weekend.
And it's the Thursday edition.
And I am excited to be here with you guys.
Thank you all for joining me.
I'm just checking my levels here and making sure that we're all good.
And that is that.
I got to guest host today on Fighter and the Kid.
You know, and it was fun.
I got to go in there.
Brendan Schaub was in there.
They got that beautiful, they have a beautiful Korean gentleman in there named
Chen Yun.
And he is, I mean, he's Korean, you know.
And he is, and Koreans, they seem very, you know, it seemed like they have
secrets in them.
And I've always felt that sometimes about a lot of Asian people.
And this, this can be me being judgmental.
But this is also just me exploring my thoughts here is that, you know, when you
see an Asian, you kind of, for me, I get a sense of wonderment.
You know, I got a sense of, like, oh, peacefulness.
Staring at two Asians or three Asians, it's almost like meditating for a minute.
It's almost just as effective when you see the docileness, that docility that
the heavens and that the Lord have packaged in, you know, to a Korean or to a
Laotian.
You see them just, oh, man, it's, it's pretty remarkable.
You know, it's pretty remarkable sometimes to see, to see an Asian and to feel
that inquisitiveness about what's going on in there.
You know, and I've always wondered what it would be like to be Asian and what
it feels like.
And I actually got to talk to him about that a little bit.
And it was pretty cool to get some of his take on there over at the Fighter and
the Kid.
And to spend time with Brendan Schaub.
He said he's sick.
He said he have a little bit of something.
I don't know what it is.
Something got him.
Something got up in his system.
You know, he wears a lot of fancy clothes and different types of fancy wool on
his body.
If you guys don't know who this man is, his name is Brendan Schaub.
And he is a, he was a fighter.
You know, and he was one of those men that would get into those cages and those
dirty cages because some of them look dirty.
If you look at them on maybe the television, I might be watching in only 720p
or something.
But some of them cages look like they don't really dust all the bars and
everything on them.
And these men get in there and they're fighting and, you know, and some of them
look like they have ear infections and all kinds of shit.
And they're tatted up and they're in there just beating the damn bile out of
each other's assholes.
And he was one of those guys.
And he didn't die or anything.
And he's, you know, mentally he is, he's alert, you know, and he's, I don't
know if he, I mean, he might have to wake up every day and hit those smelling
salts just to get his day going.
I don't know.
But he seems active and quaffed.
He's very, you know, he's coming in a little bit French.
If you look at him, he's very quaffed up.
You know, we have special types of gels and lotions on his ears and everything
and his whole skin and everything.
You know, it's almost like, you know, like something, like they just dip him in
some type of a fancy tub of, of damn fucking Guatemalan space chemicals or
something in the morning.
And it just leaves him fresh.
You know, it looks like he's the kind of dude that kind of washes his ass with
coconut water.
You know, he's a little bit fancy like that, but he was a fighter.
So there's these two elements to him where he's, you know, coming in kind of
France, kind of France, kind of French.
And then he also has this element where, you know, he's been through the
battles of men.
But he wears a lot of fancy different types of wool and shit, you know, fancy
attire.
Could be alpaca, could be Mogadishu.
You know, I'm not sure what types of furs and stuff he wears, but he, you know,
he has a lot of fancy footwear and he might, you know, he might have cuff links
at his house.
You know, somewhere in his closet, he might have a shelf that's starting to
come out of the wall a little bit because it has so many cuff links on it,
heavy cuff links.
Because he has strong arms, too.
He could probably hold up some heavy cuff links.
But he's, you know, he's, he is one of, he's one half of the duo called The
Fighter and The Kid.
And it was nice to be in there.
And Brian is his partner.
And they're non-sensual partners.
They're just work, work partners, associates, and friends.
And their podcast is called The Fighter and The Kid.
And if you haven't got to check it out, I recommend that you do check it out.
And, but Brian couldn't be there today because Brian is, he's an actor.
And I've known Brian Callen is his name.
And I've known him since I came into town.
And he was always like this guy that I really looked up to.
His, he just has a charisma.
You know, he has a spark in his eyes.
He has two sparks, one in each eye.
And it's like, I'm trying to think of what it feels like when you're around him.
It's almost like he has this grin and stuff like he's up to no good.
And he probably is up to no good.
But he's also, at the same time, up to good.
And that's the vibe that I've always gotten around him.
But I've always admired him as a performer.
And I remember seeing him on Entourage, the television program.
And I've always admired seeing him.
And, but anyway, he wasn't, he couldn't be in there today because something
happened to him.
And so I was able to go in there and be a guest associate in there today.
And it was fun.
We had a nice time.
And that's one thing that's been like a blessing, I guess, in this podcast
universe.
Is that you just get to have conversations with people.
You know, for so long in my life out here in Los Angeles,
and even probably just in my regular life, there was something I couldn't
conversate very well.
I couldn't sit there and listen to someone.
I couldn't, sometimes I couldn't hear people.
You know, I really just was so, just stuck inside of my head that I couldn't
hear.
I mean, I could hear them.
I could hear the sounds.
And I knew what they were saying.
But I couldn't ever internalize or really be involved in the conversation.
And it's been nice with some of these podcasts to sit in a room for a while
with another man.
And nobody's doing cocaine or nobody's trying to touch each other's privates or,
you know,
you know, pretend the lights went out so they could, you know,
try and touch each other's underarms or anything like that.
And just enjoy, enjoy their company.
And also not feel that pressure.
Because out here in Los Angeles, there's a lot of, there's a lot of pressure on
straight men.
To let men out there, you know, to turn around, you know, to get into the, into
that, you know, to,
you know, just to throw your dick out into the, into the, into the,
it's a lot of pressure out here.
I don't want to say it's gay pressure.
But you get out here in some of these environments.
And, you know, there'll be a dude trying to trick you into just throwing your
dick up in the air
to see who will catch it.
And it's like, I know who will try and catch it.
You will.
You will, brother.
And so a lot of times, you know, a lot of gay men will be like,
well, you know, this fellow's trying, um,
gay men a lot of times will be like,
you know, I didn't choose to be gay.
It's a, it's part of nature.
And I believe that a hundred percent.
You know, I think it's, I think it is,
it's very, to me, to me,
it seems narrow to believe that people who are gay don't want to,
um, that they chose that.
Now, I think these days we are getting into more times where, uh,
people are choosing whatever they want,
whatever they feel like that evening, you know,
if they want a little bit of that, you know,
a little bit of that fricking brown eyed girl,
then they might find another man.
You know, if they want that Hershey, you know,
that little, uh, Hershey peephole,
they might find another man for their night.
But internally, you know,
I think men who are gay are born that way.
And, um,
and so you have a lot of men out here will be like,
well, I didn't choose to be this way.
You know, this is not choices in mother nature.
This is the way I am.
And that's, that's, and I respect that.
That's, that's them.
That's the, who they are.
But then it's wild because you'll be at a bar and you'll have a gay gentleman
trying to get you to trying to be gay.
And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy bear.
I'm not gay.
And it would be like, well, how do you know?
Because dude,
when I look deep into your eyes,
when you look deep into my eyes,
I want to defend myself.
That's why.
But it's crazy.
Sometimes a lot of gay dudes,
the gay dudes are keen because they're still dudes.
They still going to try to get what they want to get.
You know,
they're still going to try to maneuver and block and,
and parry and,
you know,
assault and,
you know,
and not assault,
you know,
but just,
you know,
take action,
defense,
action,
defense to try to catch that hit a seed.
You know,
to try to get another man to spray out.
And so it's,
you got to beware out here of men.
Because that's the,
for straight men in LA,
that's the pressure circle comes around
when they,
when the gentlemen show up
and they're fancy.
and they want to be fancy with you,
but you don't want to.
You know,
I remember they had a,
I had a manager that set me up with a,
and I think I've talked about this before.
I had a manager who set me up with a,
what was it?
A agent.
And this gentleman trying to take me out to the club.
And I'm thinking I'm young.
I'm new in town.
You know,
I still,
my hair still had all of his full natural color.
From God,
that straight up Roy G.
Biv that he dropped into my skull
was still fully evident
in my mane.
And this man,
you know,
I remember him when we're,
you know,
he's trying to be fancy in the club
and get me drinks,
get me tall drinks.
Drinks that have two drinks in one drink.
Double drinks.
And I'm just,
you know,
kind of,
you know,
I'm wise,
I'm keen,
but I'm also,
you know,
I'm wanting to make it in Hollywood.
You know,
I got those kind of desires
and thoughts in my head.
And this man,
he had a convertible car.
And so,
you know,
he's got me trying,
you know,
he's