Name: Sam and Colby Got Lost Inside the Paris Catacombs
Uploaded: 2025-10-17T19:28:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sam and Colby Got Lost Inside the Paris Catacombs' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sam and Colby Got Lost Inside the Paris Catacombs' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-17. Transcript available.

One place that's like even worse than that, I think, is my top scariest we've
ever, ever gone to.
And will that be on Hell Week?
Will that be on you guys' Hell Week?
And how long is Hell Week?
It's one week of just all episodes of you guys?
So Hell Week is like the brand we've started for the last like five years.
But this year, we switched it to Hell Month.
And so basically once a week, we go to the most demonic places in the world.
And we're leading up to Halloween.
So every Sunday until Halloween.
Nice.
It's pretty terrifying.
But by far like the scariest for me of this entire Hell Month was going to the
Paris Catacombs.
Oh my God.
I don't know if you ever heard of that.
I've been there actually.
You've been in the catacombs?
Yeah.
The illegal part or the legal part?
I'm not sure.
My buddy got a little like a whatever that's one of these.
A little tarsal or something.
Okay.
He got a boot like tarsal off one of the staff there, like a little piece of
bone.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Oh, jeez.
So he's obviously not going to be doing well.
Take a bone from the Paris Catacombs.
You curse forever.
Yeah, dude.
I said, dude, just get some astronaut ice cream from the gift shop.
What's your problem?
Take a skull.
But he wanted to be different.
So he got a little piece of foot or something.
So there's like two miles of this tourist part of the curse catacombs where you
can legally go into.
And then there's 200 miles of illegal territory.
That's a whole labyrinth that doesn't even have a map.
And it's seven stories.
So like you can go up and down like different floors.
So yeah, you get lost very, very easily.
And there's six million dead bodies that are buried down underneath.
And it's pretty much a mirror of Paris.
So if you think of how big Paris is, you're walking around there.
There's an equivalent underneath Paris itself, which is insane to think about.
And people go down there, get lost and die all the time.
And so basically we had to go down there and trust this like random guide that
we'd met that day and be like, hey, don't leave us because if you left us, we
would die.
We've actually known people that have gone down there and the guides will like
take them into a corner and be like, hey, go check out that cave, steal their
bags and run.
And like leave them there to die just to rob them everything.
Because who would even notice that they died because of all the other bones?
Exactly.
Just show them in the corner.
And no one's coming to save you.
It's like hundreds of miles of this and it's all legal.
Bring that up.
Can you give me some information on that?
I didn't know it's like that.
Dude, I remember.
Oh, my God.
I forgot about this.
I was trying to like flirt with our tour guide down there.
And she was looking at me like I was the creepiest guy in the world.
First date and a bunch of skeletons.
In hindsight, I was.
And some dude in our group kept making these boner jokes and shit.
It was so dumb.
It was ridiculous.
He made like 40 boner.
I'm like, dude, that's a.
Yeah.
Just chill out.
He just wouldn't stop.
But yeah, I remember trying to flirt with this girl down there.
And she must have been like, this guy's a creep.
Placed in the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But hey, shooters shoot.
Right.
No matter what the circumstance.
That's it, bro.
That's just what's a rib cage amongst friends, you know?
The Paris Catacombs refers to a vast underground network beneath Paris
consisting of approximately
200 miles of tunnels and passageways.
While these tunnels originally functioned as limestone quarries, dating back to
the 13th
century, they were repurposed in the late 1700s as an ossuary, a final resting
place, eventually
holding the bones of more than 6 million Parisians.
That's unbelievable, man.
And there's really crazy structures down there.
So like, they'll have like ritual rooms.
They'll be like, like literal thrones made of human bones down there.
There's like all these things they call the bone rooms that are just stacked
super high
of like towers of different bones.
It's like the most insane thing you've ever seen.
Like trying to conceptualize seeing like a dead human, now see 6 million of
them.
And they're all stacked in weird formations.
And there's like baptismal rooms and things like that.
That's the bone throne.
Like, what?
Yeah.
That's a shitter?
I mean.
Well, hopefully not.
It'd be crazy if it was, right?
Bro, you know someone's tried, for sure.
Oh, definitely, dude.
I've never had stayed right out the back, but I think I'd have it on that show.
Oh, God.
What was the cause of all the deaths?
So a lot of it was just people that were dead above in the cemeteries.
Mainly from the plague.
Yeah, from the plague.
And also, Paris was just like a very popular city, obviously.
And so like over time, as it got like more and more people, they didn't have
enough room
for the dead.
And so they would just bring a lot of like people, like dead bodies down to
just dump them in
the tunnels.
Oh, yeah.
Down below.
There's nothing tackier than a dead dude.
When you're trying to have like a, yeah.
Especially like on the Champs-Elysees or something like that.
Nothing's more tacky looking than some dead ass dude.
While you're trying to have like beautiful outfits and shit.
While you just throw them down.
Like, oh, leave them in the tunnel.
Get them out of this beautiful city, all right?
Let's stick them underneath.
Yeah.
It's like just putting something under the rug, really.
For real.
Yeah.
Paris' rug.
It's crazy.
And there was not only just like paranormal danger there that we like
encountered, but
also like extreme claustrophobia where we were like cave diving on like our
hands and
knees, essentially.
Like wading through waters that were freezing cold up to like our nipples and
stuff, like
walking around.
Yeah.
Imagine getting frozen nips in two miles in the catacombs.
Yeah, literally.
Uh-huh.
And then we're talking to ghosts.
And then I think the scariest of it all, actually, is the fact that there are
known gangs that like
roam around in the Paris catacombs that actively try to steal from tourists
because they know
it's so popular for people to try to go out there and film and like take things
down there.
And so if you get close, which actually, again, like we know a couple of
buddies that have
had this happen to them, they'll be, they'll come and just jump you, just take
all your
stuff and walk around.
Like there's people that know the catacombs like the back of their hands.
And so when they encounter a tourist, they're like, oh, I got you.
Like, I'll just take all your equipment and like make you run, which is
terrifying.
And what are you going to do?
Like grab a femur and beat somebody?
Like it would be almost be scary.
It would be a weird spot to even defeat.
It would all feel so surreal if somebody's rocking you there.
Oh, Brian, if they turn off your light, you're done.
Like you can't see this far ahead.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, we went to some other catacombs and that was really rough.
This is in Ukraine.
So not Paris.
But yeah, basically like that, all, all around the Paris catacombs.
And so that was part of one of the demonic places you guys checked out?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Got it.
So it was one of the four episodes of Hell Month, but it was like really
surreal because
that was the closest we'd ever really been to like dead bodies.
And not to mention, we got lost down there.
So like we had our guide that we had just met, shout out Gaspard.
Gaspard?
Gaspard.
What an incredible name.
We'd be like, there's no way this guy's going to leave us.
His name's Gaspard.
We have to find our way out of here.
But yeah, we were like super, super late.
Like we were only supposed to be down there for like seven, eight hours,
something like
that.
And we were like in our last investigation, realized like the time was up.
And then it took us like another hour to maybe, yeah, to find like the exit
because we would
go to like where Gaspard thought there was going to be like an exit to like a
manhole
and the police would actively like seal it up with cement.
It was scary.
Yeah.
Three different exits that we thought were exits and they're all closed off.
And so we were like, oh my God.
Not only are we now like two hours late, all the people that we told to like
worry about
us are now worried about us, but we actually don't know where to get out.
So we had to go all the way back to our original entrance and it took so long
and everyone was
like calling us.
We like came out and there's no service down there until a bunch of texts being
like,
are you dead?
It's so terrifying.
Gaspard.
Gaspard.
But he led us to safety.
Let's go.
It was good.
The name Gaspard is of French and Parisian origin.
It means bringer of treasure or treasurer.
Oh, he brought us some treasure.
Yeah.
We treasured him a lot.
Gaspard.
That is still a treasure.
That is a good name.
Yeah.
That was actually one of the more crazy investigations.
So we use this thing called, or honestly, we actually just use a voice recorder.
So it's like a stereotypical voice recorder, but there was one rendition of
this Japanese
voice recorder that they actually recalled back in the seventies because they
kept getting
other voices.
And when they were like play back the voice recording, like they'd, you know,
talk a sentence,
but then they'd get a couple other voices and sentences in it and they're like,
oh, this
must be weird.
But then like later on, people were like, wait, no, these are legit other
people talking
in a room that nobody else is in.
So now we use this as like basically ghost equipment and we can record on this
voice recorder
and ask a question and play it back.
And there's actual conversations coming back to us that are not in the room.
And it's the thought that these voice recorders can pick up frequencies that
the human ear
can't hear.
And so it's a literal way to have a conversation.
And so we will ask someone like, we'll ask a spirit, like, you know, Hey, like,
what are
you doing here?
Or something like that.
Or like in this specific sense, we asked like, uh, are you dead or alive?
Just to see if it would fuck with us.
And it literally said, I'm alive.
Back.
Very clear.
Like super clear.
It was one of the craziest things I've ever heard.
And again, that's why we bring guests that have never experienced this before
so that
they can like see this for the first time.
And so like everybody was mind blown.
Like imagine you're sitting there underground next to thousands of skeletons
and you ask
to a voice recorder, are you dead or alive?
You wait, you play it back.
There is a new voice that wasn't there saying I'm alive.
And you're like, what?
Crazy.
It's so crazy.
That's a bar, dude.
It's a bar.
Fuck.
That's a, that's a, that's a, that's a skeletal drake.
We ran the fuck out of there.
We're like, all right, well, this is actually terrifying.
That's heavy, dude.
It was crazy.
Yeah.
Thank you.