Name: 2-1-18 Fear | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #71
Uploaded: 2018-02-01T16:11:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '2-1-18 Fear | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #71' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '2-1-18 Fear | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #71' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-01. Transcript available.

2-1-18 Fear | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #71

I'm gonna be all right.
You hear that?
Banner now.
You hear this naughty head?
How naughty is this thing?
Somebody's shopping for underpants.
Being naughty.
Somebody's wearing a dirty scarf around their neck.
Who is it?
It's you.
It's never too late to come over.
I'm gonna slip some away from you and me now.
Wow.
It's never too late to come over right there.
And that is Stevie Starlight.
And some people think like who's Stevie Starlight?
You know?
It sounds like somebody, you know, that, you know, roller skates around and
just, you know, puts dirty peppermints into the mouths of adolescents or, you
know, middle-aged children.
You know, who's Stevie Starlight?
And the answer is, I don't fucking know who it is.
Because that's the way the world works now.
Somebody sends me an email.
They said, hey, I'm Stevie Starlight.
Stevie Starlight.
And this is my life's work.
This is the magnum opus of my existence.
This is this dirty, naughty hit.
And that's Stevie Starlight right there.
And that is called, Come Over.
Time slips away from you and me now.
And that's the kind of song you hear if you're like, you know, if you broke
into somebody's house and you're trying on their clothes.
You know, that's what I feel like, you know?
It's never too late to come over.
That's what Steve, that's that Stevie Starlight.
And Stevie Starlight sounds like the kind of dude you would never let babysit a
kid.
Obviously, yeah, he might, you know, have an ad on the internet to be a babysitter.
Might also have ulterior motives.
And that's just my, that's just my, you know, I'm just basing this solely on
the name Stevie Starlight.
Or he could be the fucking awesomest airplane pilot you ever get on a plane
with.
Imagine you get on an airplane, you get on, the guy has a fucking no shirt on,
the pilot.
Zero shirts.
Zero shirts.
You think he has a shirt on?
Well, apparently you're not, you're not getting a good look at him because he
does not.
He's got on chest hair.
He's got on a Southwest.
He has a, it says Southwest tattooed across his chest.
Pierce nipples, both of them pierced.
And each piercing has like a half of a heart hanging off of it.
One half says B-E-F-R-I.
The other half hanging off the other nipple says S-T-E-N-D-S.
He has a best friend's heart hanging off, half and half off each, you know,
slippery little, you know, little nerve ending, little, dirty little brown,
baby titty nipple.
And that's Stevie Starlight.
Imagine you get on that airplane and there he is.
You're like, where are we going, Captain?
And he just cranks it up.
And you know you're going, you're going to fucking heaven.
That's where you're going, dude.
That's the only place this jet goes.
Newark to heaven.
But you know what this is, guys?
This is that comeback music.
This will make you stomp your foot, dude.
This will make you fucking just put your, both your fingers into a baby's mouth
and just take that little, whatever you gave them, some cream peaches or
whatever you just fed them.
It will make you take it right back out of their mouth and just eat it right in
front of them.
You can see, right now you can feel somebody just, and the baby is just like
looking like, the baby is like, what?
Yeah, baby, that's what happens in this universe.
Welcome to the world.
Because sometimes people will take the food right out of your mouth.
And I'm just fired up today because I'm back, man.
That's what I felt like when this, when I, when I saw this hit from Stevie Starlight.
This come over.
That's, that's what I just.
This is like Rocky.
It's like that Rocky music, but for like a guy who sometimes questions his
sexuality.
And that's what I felt.
I mean, it just like, man, that's that Stevie Starlight.
And I want to thank you guys for being here with me.
Welcome to this past Thursday.
And this is that comeback.
You know, last, on Monday, I just felt rattled, man.
I just didn't feel, I didn't feel good.
You know, I just felt.
And I was thinking about how I felt and, and I guess I just felt a lot of fear,
man.
I just felt, I felt like the episode or just be, I just, I don't know.
I just didn't feel good.
You know, I didn't feel that good.
And I just didn't, I just felt disconnected.
You know, I just felt disconnected and I'd been doing everything that I kind of
need to do to stay connected.
Because for me, I have to follow, I have to try to follow a, you know,
organized set of, you know, things each day to try and stay connected.
And I'd been doing that and I just, and I was feeling not connected.
And that was, you know, it was just getting a little bit scary to me.
But, uh, I want to thank some of you guys that reached out and, um, and just
said, Hey man, you know, uh, you know, keep your head up.
Everything's okay.
You know, and sometimes we just have to hear that.
Sometimes we have to hear somebody say that to us.
And so I appreciate it.
That was some of you guys that, um, that did that.
And I just was just afraid.
I was thinking about it.
I guess I was just afraid.
You know, I had some fear that, you know, we've been getting more listeners to
the, to the show and we have like, um, we have, you know, some, we have some
exciting plans coming up for, uh, this year and for the coming months.
We're going to do a state of the podcast address on, on, um, on Monday's
upcoming episode where we're just going to kind of, you know, we have some
things that are, you know, going to happen that we want to start to, um, you
know, unravel out into the universe.
And I guess I was just feeling like a lot of pressure.
Um, you know, and I was, and I was just, I just kind of lost my, you ever seen
a baby deer?
Sometimes if a baby deer gets born, they come out of their mom.
First of all, a baby deer walks out backwards into the world.
Do you know that?
Some animals come out frontwards, humans, you know, figures, dude, idiot humans
coming out frontwards.
What an idiot.
Because somebody can attack your head immediately.
Say you're being born and there's a damn war going on or there's a fire and you
stick your head out first.
What an idiot.
You're an idiot.
You're an idiot.
And when I say you, I mean all of us, cause that's how we do it.
And that should show us right there that humans were not, it's, you know, it's
not, we're not really pro.
We're not, we're kind of just dumb a little.
We go head first into the world.
I mean, it's brave, you know, it's adventurous.
It's, it's that pioneer spirit.
But to think about this, you've, there's, it's a place you've never been
because you've never been anywhere because you're brand new into the universe.
As far as we know, and you're going to stick your head out there first.
What a damn Muppet.
What a greased up damn snicker sniffing Muppet.
It's crazy.
And that's why breach birthers, I trust a breach birther more often.
And I wish that if we should all have to wear a little name tag that says if we
were breach or head first.
Cause while head first, it's brave and everything.
Also way idiot.
Yeah.
Never been in the universe before.
I'm just going to stick my head out first.
Well, that's nuts.
So breach birthers, at least they're like, I'm going to put a toe into the
universe and see how it feels.
Maybe I'll put two feet in the universe.
Way more.
And if, if a breach birth, if it's a fire, if it's a war, or if somebody lops
their heads off, their legs off, you still, you still got the rest of your body.
You can still get born and go live out in the world in a wheelchair or on a
skateboard.
If you don't have any legs.
Sometimes when people don't have legs, you know, you can see them on the
internet.
It's a lot of some men and some men in India, even they duct tape them to a
skateboard and that's their body is the skateboard.
You know, they still have their chest and their genitalia and hip, you know,
hips.
But, but anyhow, you know, that's, uh, that's kind of, I was just fearful.
You know, I was just fearful.
Um, I was just scared, you know, I think just some fear that there's a lot
going on and that, you know, uh, and I was, that I was just going to mess up.
You know, that I just lost my confidence.
I lost my footing for a second.
And, uh, and going back to what I was talking about and going back to what I
was talking about a baby deer, they come in, they back into the universe.
If you ever, sometime I'll stay up at night watching animals be born on the
internet, you know, and I was watching funerals for a while, but my therapist
said I should quit watching funerals because it's depressing.
And I'll say this, dude, honestly, a lot of the funerals on the internet,
extremely long, like most of them are Middle Eastern.
I'm talking, you can watch, there's funerals on the internet that are six hours
long, not, and not very bizarre, exciting, but also bizarre.
But, um, you can watch babies be born, but baby deers, they back into the
universe.
But when they get here, their legs are so shaky.
You know, their legs are just like, just long, just, they're almost just like
marshmallow with hoofs on the end.
Imagine trying to stand up on marshmallow.
I mean, it's tough.
It's almost, you know, it's, uh, and sometimes if you do a lot of drugs or
something, you, you can have that similar experience.
But that's how baby deers are and their legs shake.
And that's how I felt.
I just felt shaky.
I felt like my legs and my neck and everything was just marshmallow.
And I just got, I just, you know, I just felt like I didn't want to, I don't
know.
I just wanted, I don't know.
I just didn't feel okay.
And, and sometimes you're gonna have days like that.
And so that's just kind of what was going on.
And I'm not apologizing.
I'm not complaining.
I'm not, I just was trying to, you know, the past few days, I was just trying
to think about what was going on.
You know, and sometimes fucking, you know, the universe is going to be, you
know, it's going to be this, it's going to be this cool little, uh, crystal
ball that I'm going to play with and look at.
And sometimes the universe is going to be a damn cannonball.
That's going to rip right by and just rip my sister's tits off.
You know, or it's going to just, just come steaming fast right through my stepdaddy's
legs and just blast his nuts into the, the next, uh, nutosphere.
that kind of stuff's going to happen. And that's what was going on. So I just
had some
fear, man. You know, I had some fear of just failure, I guess. I had some fear
of, you
know, I don't know, just everything. I had some fear. So that's what was going
on with
me. And today, I'm feeling better. You know, I've done some things. I went for
a run. I'm
staying, I'm just staying confident. I'm coming back, man. I'm Stevie fucking
Starlight,
dude. I'm not Billy Blackhole. I'm not Billy Blackhole, dude. I'm just, just,
just, just
falling into my own gravity. And I'm just going to go hide in my shirt like a
Punxsutawney
Phil that's lazy and don't want to get out there and do his work and see what
his fucking
shadow is going to do. I'm not going to be like that. I'm going to be like
Stevie Starlight.
And I'm going to fucking, when my mom's at work, I'm going to go in her room
and I'm
going to get her nightgown out of the fucking closet and I'm going to get in
front of the
mirror and I'm going to.
I'm going to be human. That's what I'm going to do. Thank you guys for joining
me, man.
It's Thursday. What's going on? What's going on in the universe? Uh, I'm here.
You know
that you're here. I appreciate you guys for joining me. Um, and I want to thank
everybody
for listening. I want to thank everybody on YouTube for subscribing. We're up
to, uh, 25,000
subscribers. When we get to 30,000, I'm going to put out some new, uh, comedy
content for
you guys. Um, we have the studio is, uh, we got some updates coming up and I'll
announce
all that stuff next week. Some cool stuff. But, uh, but thank you guys for
being here.
What's, what's been going on with me, man? What's been going on in the world?
They had
the state of the union address. Um, yeah, I 