Name: Mushroom Straitjacket l This Past Thursday Highlight
Uploaded: 2018-03-24T20:46:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mushroom Straitjacket l This Past Thursday Highlight' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-03-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mushroom Straitjacket l This Past Thursday Highlight' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-03-24. Transcript available.

This lady called in a couple weeks ago. I was talking about burial and
different ways you could be buried.
You know, and I think there's only a couple of ways out there. You can do cremation
and they do throw you in that box, in that wooden box.
You know, wrap you in that plywood. You know, wrap Uncle Carl in that plywood
and drop him.
You know, drop him in that $6,000 hole over there on the east of town.
But this lady, she said they have another idea right here. This call came in on
the hotline. Here we go.
Yo, Theo. This is Rebecca from Palm Desert. Regarding cremation and burial.
Thank you for calling Rebecca. I appreciate your call. Rebecca.
I think that means, actually in Spanish, it means the flower, like the flower
salesperson, saleswoman, onward.
There is another option, and that other option you can see on a TED Talk from J.
Rim Lee.
Ooh, J. Rim Lee.
Swung too low.
We too low.
Holy fuck.
Remember that? Remember when that plane was crashing?
That's sad, but if you haven't seen that video, go get that hitter right there.
Onward.
There's a, by J. Rim Lee.
Onward.
She has a TED Talk called the Mushroom Death Suit, and it's a really
interesting burial way where the suit is mushroom spores sewn into the suit.
Ooh, that Mushroom Death Suit.
Now, that sounds fucking tasty as hell, to be honest with you.
You know, I think I could do a Mushroom Death Suit, you know?
Wrap me in that, you know, in that, in that, uh, butter squash neck brace.
You know, that's what I would do.
I think that freaking, that cauliflower body cast put daddy in that.
You know, that beef jerky straight jacket.
I could ride something like that, you know, something more flavorful.
You know, that, uh, I could, you know, in that, you know, that guacamole
straight jacket put daddy in something flavorful.
Well, they, you know, where people would be like, oh, damn.
You know, he's going to heaven, uh, with a little bit of, uh, you know, with a
couple side items wrapped under his arms.
You know, he's going to, you know, the dam, he's got a fucking brisket.
They made him a brisket helmet.
You know, that's a better way to be buried.
You know, there's just so many great ways to, there should be so many great
ways to be buried.
And to know that somebody out there is selling a mushroom jacket, you know,
where you can get all shroomed up and show up out in the universe.
You know what I'm saying?
When you show up in reincarnation and you ball and you got a freaking jacket
full of shrooms, everybody's going to want to, you know, eat part of your
fucking outerwear and be your friend.
Let's hear more.
It basically eats you and you are put back into the earth naturally so that you
don't leave anything behind.
And so it takes away the casket, takes away everything else, and you just get
eaten by mushrooms.
So how do you feel about that?
You're eating mushrooms while you're alive.
Let the mushrooms eat you when you die.
Wow.
I'm going to find that TED Talk and I will post it in the info at the bottom.
That's, yeah, that's something, huh?
That shit, ooh, you know what?
That's a great idea.
What if it, like this, all the animals you ate during your life, okay, if you
had a little bit of chicken, you know, if you had a couple of, you know, a
little bit of vark, a couple of aardvark medallions or whatever, you know, a
couple of, you know, you had some, some pork loins or whatever, a little couple
of pig cocks, whatever you like, whatever you had during your life.
Now, when you die and you're in that casket, all those animals get to come and
eat you.
Wouldn't that be adventurous?
Because everybody would just, oh, dude, everyone would show up to funerals.
You're just sitting there being like, dang, I wonder what he ate.
Next thing you know, they got like a couple of horses roll up.
They got a zebra.
You're like, damn, Cheryl had been eating zebra.
That bitch had some tasty snacks.
You know, you got a fucking giraffe comes in there and just puts his long
tongue up in your ass.
Could you even fathom that?
What if that's how we did it?
Where that funeral, that was that payback.
You know, not only did people come to pay back their love and their, their, you
know, to reemote whatever you had emoted to them while you guys were alive.
You know, not did they, not only did people come to thank you for the
sensations that you had given them.
You know, and those just heart vibes as fucking, you know, just, just them
straight up beautiful Care Bear energy critters that you would just, you know,
just put into their soul.
Not only did they come to thank you for those, but that they also, but that
animals that you had eaten also got to, they got their strike back.
You know, can you imagine all the cattle that would show up?
All the steaks a lot of us have probably had.
All the cattle shows up and they come and get that, that, that snack.
They come like, oh, this fucking, you had my ribs, bitch.
I'm about to have your ribs and a cow just rolls off with a fucking half a rack,
you know, and no dip in salsas.
Gang, that'd be beautiful.
But I see, I see what you're saying there and I appreciate you telling me about
that.
They got that mushroom jacket.
So if you ate shrooms, shrooms eat you.
And then if they gave those shrooms out like 10 years later, they find those spores
and grow them out and give them to everybody that was at the funeral.
And everybody can take a mushroom and know what you've been going through.
Everybody can get that hitter out of you.
Wow.
Dude, we're on to something.
I love this idea.
I'm going to find that TED Talk and I'm going to put it in the space there so
you can see.
But that's that, you know what I'm saying?
That's that vegan jumpsuit, that mushroom straight jacket.
That's that vegan jumpsuit right there.
And that's what they're putting in, you know, that's what they're putting you
in.
You know, just in a fucking carrot coat with some, some radish Ray-Bans.
Daddy's going to heaven.
I like it.
Thank you for that call.
I appreciate that.
Thank you for that call.