Name: Jim Norton on Marrying a Transgender Woman
Uploaded: 2025-12-06T17:15:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jim Norton on Marrying a Transgender Woman' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jim Norton on Marrying a Transgender Woman' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-06. Transcript available.

Yeah, so unconceivable was your wife,
because your wife can't conceive.
You're married now.
Yeah, yes, yeah.
And do you feel like you kind of gave,
like, what was it like?
Because, like, that was your first marriage?
Yeah, my first and hopefully my only, yeah.
I only did it because when she came into the,
she was having a hard time,
so we did a 90-day fiancé visa to get her in.
So we got married 90 days after she came in.
Otherwise, I would have just dated.
But it's okay.
You fight different when you're married,
because you can't just go,
fuck you, get out.
Like, you're there.
So you got to resolve it faster.
You have to go back to your corner, kind of.
Got to go back to your corner, kind of.
I used to have three and four,
like, I would fight with girlfriends,
and then they would leave.
And then for three or four days,
I would just have hookers come over.
Like, it really was an ugly scene.
And this is a lot easier, a lot cleaner.
Yeah, does this feel easier?
Kind of like, does it feel like you kind of escape?
Because, I mean, I got, like, a lot of,
I think, commitment issues and stuff like that.
And I just feel like, man,
at some point I got to escape.
Like, not use marriage as an escape,
but I would love to not be kind of trapped
just in this stupid circle that I get in sometimes.
Yeah, it's like, it's almost like,
it's a lonely spiral, too.
Like, I forget, like, whenever I get pissed at her,
I'm like, yeah, but I was really depressed
when I was single.
Like, I wasn't happy when I was single.
I was miserable.
I hated being alive.
So if I fight with her,
and I'm like, yeah, this kind of sucks,
I'm like, yeah, but it's not,
it's me, I'm the problem.
Because if I'm single,
I'm even worse than I am right now.
So no, I don't want to,
I like being married.
I just, sometimes when you think I'm married,
you're like, ugh, fucking life is over.
But I'd prefer this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And at least you have someone
to be there with you in your life.
You're like,
and you kind of have a donkey to pin the tail
and you're like, fucking.
Yeah, the wife.
Yeah.
Fuck her.
What is she, what?
Yeah.
If there's things are wrong,
it's, ah, my fucking wife.
It's also a good excuse, though.
Like, ah, nah, my wife's not feeling well.
I got to go home and see my wife.
Like, there's little built-in things
that are kind of advantages
that I didn't see.
And I'm glad I did it
because if I didn't do it,
I would still be running in the same,
that's why I fattened up
because I literally am not doing
the same things I used to do on the road
to get like those little mini highs you get.
You know, now I'm just in the hotel room alone
and what do you do?
You order food at two o'clock in the morning
instead of having somebody come over.
Yeah.
It's not as fun.
So you're, and your wife is,
your wife is trans.
Yes.
Transgender, yes.
Transgender.
Yes.
Okay.
And so what does transgender mean exactly?
Because people use the term all the time
and sorry to go to like such rudimentary stuff,
but it means a man and a woman?
Yeah, like born in a male body.
And you know, they have never,
they can't say exactly medically
what makes a person transgender.
That's why there's so much arguing about it.
It's up to speculation.
Some people are like,
ah, you're just a crazy fucking guy in a dress
and other people are like,
no, you're born this way,
but they can't tell you medically
exactly what it is in the brain.
But yeah, she definitely was born in a male body.
But if you talk to her for five minutes,
you know, that's a woman's brain.
But I don't, I would lose the argument in court.
I don't have the argument in court.
You know, she definitely does not have a vagina.
Yeah.
You know, no, she's not at all.
Okay.
Hey, look, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's not even a penis.
I mean, it's a cock.
Oh, yeah.
Definitely.
Wow.
Were you able to discern over time
why you liked something so unique, kind of?
Like, is that a way to ask it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You ask whatever you want.
I mean, I don't know.
Like, it's one of those things where,
when it comes to sexuality and attraction,
what makes a person like what they like?
I don't have the answer to that.
It's a pull.
It's like, you don't choose
what direction you're going to get pulled in sometimes.
Like, for me, attraction has never been like,
I'm going to go over there and like that.
It's going to be something hits me
and I kind of like lock into it
and I feel it and it pulls me that way.
You know what I mean?
Like a piece of art, kind of?
In a way, yeah, kind of, yes.
Yes, but living art.
One that you can really just, you know,
slap against your face.
Yeah.
Art you can sit on.
Like, dang.
Do you ever go places?
Now, do you have,
say if you are dating someone who's trans,
do they ask questions like,
why do you prefer this?
Or is that like something you kind of have to make
clear to them a certain way
so that they feel okay?
Is that a-
I think it's like any other relationship.
It's like in bed sexually,
like fucking or not fucking or that type of stuff.
No, I think even just like on a person-to-person basis,
like, do I seem like a trophy to you
or do I seem like something like a novelty
or like a nice piece of jewelry to,
like, you know, this artistic collection piece
or do I, do you really love me because of who I am?
Yes, and I think that any person,
any person has to, like, you know,
as a guy with money, you have to wonder,
hey, does this woman like me because of who I am
or because I have money?
And with her, she could be like,
is it because I'm transgender
that he wants to transgender?
I think that with any person,
you kind of like, you just,
you know what somebody's motives are after a while.
Yeah.
And if you're with someone as a trophy,
like, if I'm just like, hey,
I mean, we've been on and off for like,
I mean, back together since 2019,
so six years,
and we were a year and a half before then,
so by this point,
after seven or eight years,
you know what a person,
like, I was like, well, does she like me?
Does she like me because I have money?
But there's a lot of guys that have money,
and there's a lot of trans people,
so if that's all we wanted,
we could easily go out and find somebody else
who fit that criteria.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, she's beautiful.
Thank you.
Yeah, and so you guys live together, huh?
We live together.
I put her up.
Immigration was very slow.
It was just one of those things
where she had something she had to get fixed,
and we did it right,
but it's just, you know,
it's a slow process.
So while she was waiting,
I moved her to Montreal,
and I would drive up and see her,
and I wound up spending the whole pandemic there.
I drove up.
They're going to close the Canadian border.
So I drove up one day after the radio show,
and I just stayed for 15 months.
I was out of the U.S. for 15 months.
It was crazy.
Doing the radio show from there,
just living,
it was my first time living with anyone,
and it was in the pandemic
in a one-bedroom in Montreal.
Oh, my God.
And I'm like, if we can do this,
I can make this work.
Like, if we can,
because Canada was even panicky
more than the U.S. about COVID.
Oh, yeah.
You know, 8 o'clock curfew.
You know, they were really crazy up there about it.
So I'm like, if we can make it through this,
we can be okay, you know,
in New York and having a life together.
So was that kind of a moment for you where like,
okay, this is a big thing that I was able to do,
and that gave you the,
because sometimes I question,
like, how do I get to those next places?
I think when you're kind of like,
you know, I'm not 40s,
I'm single,
so it's like,
you're like,
will I ever get there?
You know,
what's really going to change?
Was that like a thing that really made it
kind of different for you?
Yeah, that made it like,
okay, this is a real thing.
Like, I had never done that with anybody in the States,
but we were forced to.
Because if I came back to the States once,
the border was closed,
I would not have been allowed back into Canada.
So I had to choose between like,
being in New York or my life with her,
like leaving her alone up there for,
we didn't know for how long.
So it was kind of like a loaded gun to your head,
like you're here or it's over.
And doing that,
I was just so grateful to be with her
and so like grateful to actually have a chance.
It was like a test run.
You got to do a test run and see like,
do I want to be with this person?
And we got along like way better
than I would have thought.
And so life here is fairly easy compared to that.
Wow.
But easy in a married way.
Like everything people told me about marriage is true.
Yeah?
Yeah, it sucks.
I mean, you know,
you got to answer to somebody.
Somebody's in your space.
Somebody doesn't like the shit I hang on the walls.
Like I don't like answering to a person.
Nobody does.
No.
Well, I think it's one of the reasons,
especially like with comedy,
you just work for yourself.
It's just you up there.
There's nobody that's telling you.
The crowd tells you it's fine.
I'll accept it from a group.
I'm not taking it from one person.
Yeah.
You know, it's like,
it's a total space of complete control.
Yeah.
And it's very,
like I like the fact too,
that like when you're with someone,
can we talk about our lives on stage?
So like I've been with women who got so angry at me
for the things I said about our personal life
and she doesn't care at all,
which I love.
She loves the stuff I talk about,
like our personal life,
even matter how embarrassing it is
or how personal it is
or how intimate,
she doesn't care.
Wow.
She's like,
great,
go ahead,
do whatever you want to do.
She doesn't give a fuck.
Yeah.
I guess if you're cuddling up at night,
I mean,
both there's people have wieners in the bed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean,
you don't spend a hundred grand on immigration lawyers
for a dick smaller than yours.
Oh,
that's a good point.
Oh yeah.
Tara Fett,
Trump.
I'd love to see him.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She'll like that.
A lot of people get mad.
Why does he talk about her genitals?
Shut up.
Do you notice other men,
like if you're around other guys,
do you think there's like a lot of curious guys
who are into that universe
that are afraid to talk about it?
Yeah.
They ask questions.
I never mind though.
Like I'm not,
again,
and that's why I joke about her the way I do
because she's unbendable with that.
She doesn't care.
And I don't,
I couldn't have married a fragile personality.
No,
not you.
No,
you've always been very,
your own way and like aggressively your own way,
but also in a kind of,
I'm okay with where I'm at.
Yes.
You've never been in this apologetic way about yourself.
No.
And you can't,
like,
you know,
I want,
you want people to be respectful to your,
your partner when you introduce them
and everybody's been nice
and you don't want people to be dicks,
but I don't care what people think.
Yeah.
Like you,
you can't live your life and care what other people think.
I have fun with her.
She's my favorite person.
Like she's the person I should have married.
Like,
and do I get guys that are kind of curious?
Yes.
Um,
and I get a tremendous amount of messages from people who are like,
Hey man,
I'm really glad you talked about that because I,
and I don't talk about it in some serious,
like nobody wants to be scolded.
Nobody wants to be fucking lectured.
Yeah.
Just be with whoever you like.
Like,
you know what I mean?
And if you're worried about what other people think
and you live your life for other people,
you're a weak motherfucker.
And then just deal with that fact about yourself.
Yeah.
I've had moments in my life where I like didn't have certain girlfriends,
I think,
cause I thought some of my friends wouldn't be impressed with them.
Maybe we've all been there.
Yeah.
You know,
it just bumps me out when I look back at it at certain moments and not
like in a self pity type of way.
Like I'm like,
but when I look back,
I'm like,
man,
I wish I'd have,
cause in some ways I am my own person,
but in ways like that,
I think I,
I don't know.
I had some,
I had some tough times with it kind of.
But growing up,
I think it's kind of common too.
I mean,
you know,
I'm,
I'm a guy in my fifties now saying this,
like,
you know what I mean?
Coming up when you're a really young guy,
it's a little bit different.
We're more worried about what other people are going to say about us and more
like,
what if the,
like,
you know,
that whole,
that whole tidal wave of disapproval from people,
what are they going to say?
And after a while you're like,
I've,
I've been through it so many times.
I just don't care.
Yes.
Like,
you know,
but I've had fighters even ask me like,
uh,
like,
uh,
Hey bro,
does she like,
like,
but asking legitimate,
not trying to asking questions that they'd be afraid to ask publicly because
the people would think it was rude,
but there are things that they wanted to know.
Yeah.
Um,
and I never mind answering that stuff.
Yeah.
It's not,
it's not some giant sacred subject.
You know,
you just talk about it like you talk about anything else.
More people,
I guess now are more comfortable being themselves because you also,
it's like,
you know,
I mean,
I was,
when I was a kid,
I was,
I'm older than you.
So in the seventies,
I got called a get all the time.
I got beaten up and chased by older kids for doing little sexual things with
boys.
Um,
the word gets out.
Like he's a,
I get like,
it was nasty.
So it's nice that people aren't being treated that way anymore.
I didn't know that you had to had to had that kind of stuff happen.
And while I,
I think kids got called that,
like I certainly got called shit just for being like being smart in a
neighborhood
where it was uncomfortable to know shit.
Yeah.
Um,
you know,
like,
uh,
I wish it was for that reason,
but no,
that's not why they called me that.
I was nose deep on a belly button.
I earned it.
Hey,
some people call it penis.
Some people call it long pussy.
You know,
that's a new term for it.
A long pussy.
Like,
let's just say she's got a long pussy,
you know,
but dude,
yeah,
people are such perverts now who even,
but then also it is crazy because there has been this energy that we've all
been following
this,
like astute level of our government and this,
but then now you realize,
Oh,
these half,
these guys are damn pedophiles running around,
skeeting on fucking,
you know,
kids off the coast of fucking wherever.
It's like,
what's going on?
I that's why I don't believe any of it.
Like they're talking about what the marriage and the sanctity of marriage.
And then you find out that person's divorced.
It's like,
man,
I don't,
I don't want to hear you weigh in.
If you're divorced,
shut the fuck up about who can get married because you didn't do it right.
I'll show you my wife's penis.
If you want to miss,
you wouldn't care.
Yes,
you wouldn't care.
Oh dude,
maybe just do a drawing of it for me.
Okay.
All right.
You think just showing.
I'll kind of go like this a little.
All right.
Um,
I won't show it on camera just because just show it to me.
I don't want to see all of it at once.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's,
I can't show it all on camera cause she's a lady.
She wouldn't care for that.
No lady wants their penis shown completely on camera.
Oh,
for sure.
Dude,
I don't even want to fucking look at it.
I won't show it to you if you don't want to look at it.
No,
I'm okay.
I like,
um,
let me see here.
Hold on.
I'll,
you,
you,
you can,
I won't just,
I won't just hit you with it.
Yeah.
There's no surprise.
Let me find an acceptable photo that she would be,
uh,
that she would be proud of.
Okay.
Uh,
no,
no,
she wouldn't like that.
That's a video.
Um,
I'll find one for you.
Yeah.
Take your time.
I'm going to think about something else for just a minute.
All right.
You want to see?
Yeah.
Hold on.
Okay.
Yeah.
Whoa,
brother.
What?
Oh my God,
Jim,
your wife has that.
That's my lady.
That's my best gal.
Whew.
Wow.
That is a,
that is a tall pussy.
She's a tall lady.
She's a tall lady.
Oh,
that thing's in four H,
huh?
Yeah.
Oh,
you got to spray some roundup on that.
Yeah.
God.
Yeah.
You got to get back home.
Yeah.
I mean,
sometimes I need a break.
You know what I mean?
Your body collects and you're like,
let me just,
I'll take a little break.
Oh yeah.
You know,
you could freaking scratch.
You could,
uh,
file your nails down.
Yeah.
but it's,
but it's funny.
It's like,
it really is.
That's the main difference in the relationship.
It's like compared to other women I've dated as a person,
there's no difference.
Like our life is the same as anybody's life.
Thank God she has a sense of humor.
Right.
I love that she has a sense of humor.
I love that.
Oh,
you'd have to have that.
Yeah.
Um,
but some don't.
I've dated people who would get mad if I talked about certain things and I've
even gone out with trans girls that would be very mad at me just doing that.
So the fact that she has a good sense of humor,
man,
God,
if she didn't,
I wouldn't have done that.
Like I'm fucking around,
but yeah,
that's correct.
I mean,
yeah,
I wouldn't,
I mean,
I would never even look at some guy's wiener,
but it's a woman's wiener.
Yeah.
I mean,
I guess it depends on people look at that differently too.
Like there's a lot of people that are,
uh,
very anti,
uh,
that label being put on,
on trans women.
But I,
I think that,
uh,
you know,
but if you,
if you spend any time with my wife,
it's just,
it's not a man's brain and people are like,
dude,
just say,
admit it.
You're gay.
We don't care.
I understand why people say that.
Yeah.
And I,
I really do.
Like I get it.
And again,
I couldn't prove the point in court because it,
my,
my partner has a penis.
Like there's no way around that.
Um,
but you know,
unless you have a long way to time to walk,
um,
or a small ladder.
Uh,
but you know,
that seemed like a woman's wiener to me.
Well,
yes,
that's how I look at it.
I mean,
but,
but I understand why people say,
just admit you're gay,
but it's,
there's a difference and I can't describe the difference,
but I understand the difference internally.
Um,
if I was a homosexual at this age,
I would tell people,
I don't give a fuck.
Like if,
like I,
it's not a,
that I'm running away from saying something that people think I should say.
Um,
you know,
sometimes I miss vaginas.
I mean,
I like them.
Yeah.
But,
but Hey,
here we are.
Here we are.
And happy and happy.
There you go,
brother.
Oh yeah.
That thing is a damn God.
That thing's a damn lunchable.
You got going on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You got to respect it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyone's got to respect that.
Like even somebody who's not into that lifestyle would go,
you know what?
Round of applause.
You know,
yes,
sir.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

Jim Norton on Marrying a Transgender Woman

Yeah, so unconceivable was your wife,
because your wife can't conceive.
You're married now.
Yeah, yes, yeah.
And do you feel like you kind of gave,
like, what was it like?
Because, like, that was your first marriage?
Yeah, my first and hopefully my only, yeah.
I only did it because when she came into the,
she was having a hard time,
so we did a 90-day fiancé visa to get her in.
So we got married 90 days after she came in.
Otherwise, I would have just dated.
But it's okay.
You fight different when you're married,
because you can't just go,
fuck you, get out.
Like, you're there.
So you got to resolve it faster.
You have to go back to your corner, kind of.
Got to go back to your corner, kind of.
I used to have three and four,
like, I would fight with girlfriends,
and then they would leave.
And then for three or four days,
I would just have hookers come over.
Like, it really was an ugly scene.
And this is a lot easier, a lot cleaner.
Yeah, does this feel easier?
Kind of like, does it feel like you kind of escape?
Because, I mean, I got, like, a lot of,
I think, commitment issues and stuff like that.
And I just feel like, man,
at some point I got to escape.
Like, not use marriage as an escape,
but I would love to not be kind of trapped
just in this stupid circle that I get in sometimes.
Yeah, it's like, it's almost like,
it's a lonely spiral, too.
Like, I forget, like, whenever I get pissed at her,
I'm like, yeah, but I was really depressed
when I was single.
Like, I wasn't happy when I was single.
I was miserable.
I hated being alive.
So if I fight with her,
and I'm like, yeah, this kind of sucks,
I'm like, yeah, but it's not,
it's me, I'm the problem.
Because if I'm single,
I'm even worse than I am right now.
So no, I don't want to,
I like being married.
I just, sometimes when you think I'm married,
you're like, ugh, fucking life is over.
But I'd prefer this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And at least you have someone
to be there with you in your life.
You're like,
and you kind of have a donkey to pin the tail
and you're like, fucking.
Yeah, the wife.
Yeah.
Fuck her.
What is she, what?
Yeah.
If there's things are wrong,
it's, ah, my fucking wife.
It's also a good excuse, though.
Like, ah, nah, my wife's not feeling well.
I got to go home and see my wife.
Like, there's little built-in things
that are kind of advantages
that I didn't see.
And I'm glad I did it
because if I didn't do it,
I would still be running in the same,
that's why I fattened up
because I literally am not doing
the same things I used to do on the road
to get like those little mini highs you get.
You know, now I'm just in the hotel room alone
and what do you do?
You order food at two o'clock in the morning
instead of having somebody come over.
Yeah.
It's not as fun.
So you're, and your wife is,
your wife is trans.
Yes.
Transgender, yes.
Transgender.
Yes.
Okay.
And so what does transgender mean exactly?
Because people use the term all the time
and sorry to go to like such rudimentary stuff,
but it means a man and a woman?
Yeah, like born in a male body.
And you know, they have never,
they can't say exactly medically
what makes a person transgender.
That's why there's so much arguing about it.
It's up to speculation.
Some people are like,
ah, you're just a crazy fucking guy in a dress
and other people are like,
no, you're born this way,
but they can't tell you medically
exactly what it is in the brain.
But yeah, she definitely was born in a male body.
But if you talk to her for five minutes,
you know, that's a woman's brain.
But I don't, I would lose the argument in court.
I don't have the argument in court.
You know, she definitely does not have a vagina.
Yeah.
You know, no, she's not at all.
Okay.
Hey, look, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's not even a penis.
I mean, it's a cock.
Oh, yeah.
Definitely.
Wow.
Were you able to discern over time
why you liked something so unique, kind of?
Like, is that a way to ask it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You ask whatever you want.
I mean, I don't know.
Like, it's one of those things where,
when it comes to sexuality and attraction,
what makes a person like what they like?
I don't have the answer to that.
It's a pull.
It's like, you don't choose
what direction you're going to get pulled in sometimes.
Like, for me, attraction has never been like,
I'm going to go over there and like that.
It's going to be something hits me
and I kind of like lock into it
and I feel it and it pulls me that way.
You know what I mean?
Like a piece of art, kind of?
In a way, yeah, kind of, yes.
Yes, but living art.
One that you can really just, you know,
slap against your face.
Yeah.
Art you can sit on.
Like, dang.
Do you ever go places?
Now, do you have,
say if you are dating someone who's trans,
do they ask questions like,
why do you prefer this?
Or is that like something you kind of have to make
clear to them a certain way
so that they feel okay?
Is that a-
I think it's like any other relationship.
It's like in bed sexually,
like fucking or not fucking or that type of stuff.
No, I think even just like on a person-to-person basis,
like, do I seem like a trophy to you
or do I seem like something like a novelty
or like a nice piece of jewelry to,
like, you know, this artistic collection piece
or do I, do you really love me because of who I am?
Yes, and I think that any person,
any person has to, like, you know,
as a guy with money, you have to wonder,
hey, does this woman like me because of who I am
or because I have money?
And with her, she could be like,
is it because I'm transgender
that he wants to transgender?
I think that with any person,
you kind of like, you just,
you know what somebody's motives are after a while.
Yeah.
And if you're with someone as a trophy,
like, if I'm just like, hey,
I mean, we've been on and off for like,
I mean, back together since 2019,
so six years,
and we were a year and a half before then,
so by this point,
after seven or eight years,
you know what a person,
like, I was like, well, does she like me?
Does she like me because I have money?
But there's a lot of guys that have money,
and there's a lot of trans people,
so if that's all we wanted,
we could easily go out and find somebody else
who fit that criteria.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, she's beautiful.
Thank you.
Yeah, and so you guys live together, huh?
We live together.
I put her up.
Immigration was very slow.
It was just one of those things
where she had something she had to get fixed,
and we did it right,
but it's just, you know,
it's a slow process.
So while she was waiting,
I moved her to Montreal,
and I would drive up and see her,
and I wound up spending the whole pandemic there.
I drove up.
They're going to close the Canadian border.
So I drove up one day after the radio show,
and I just stayed for 15 months.
I was out of the U.S. for 15 months.
It was crazy.
Doing the radio show from there,
just living,
it was my first time living with anyone,
and it was in the pandemic
in a one-bedroom in Montreal.
Oh, my God.
And I'm like, if we can do this,
I can make this work.
Like, if we can,
because Canada was even panicky
more than the U.S. about COVID.
Oh, yeah.
You know, 8 o'clock curfew.
You know, they were really crazy up there about it.
So I'm like, if we can make it through this,
we can be okay, you know,
in New York and having a life together.
So was that kind of a moment for you where like,
okay, this is a big thing that I was able to do,
and that gave you the,
because sometimes I question,
like, how do I get to those next places?
I think when you're kind of like,
you know, I'm not 40s,
I'm single,
so it's like,
you're like,
will I ever get there?
You know,
what's really going to change?
Was that like a thing that really made it
kind of different for you?
Yeah, that made it like,
okay, this is a real thing.
Like, I had never done that with anybody in the States,
but we were forced to.
Because if I came back to the States once,
the border was closed,
I would not have been allowed back into Canada.
So I had to choose between like,
being in New York or my life with her,
like leaving her alone up there for,
we didn't know for how long.
So it was kind of like a loaded gun to your head,
like you're here or it's over.
And doing that,
I was just so grateful to be with her
and so like grateful to actually have a chance.
It was like a test run.
You got to do a test run and see like,
do I want to be with this person?
And we got along like way better
than I would have thought.
And so life here is fairly easy compared to that.
Wow.
But easy in a married way.
Like everything people told me about marriage is true.
Yeah?
Yeah, it sucks.
I mean, you know,
you got to answer to somebody.
Somebody's in your space.
Somebody doesn't like the shit I hang on the walls.
Like I don't like answering to a person.
Nobody does.
No.
Well, I think it's one of the reasons,
especially like with comedy,
you just work for yourself.
It's just you up there.
There's nobody that's telling you.
The crowd tells you it's fine.
I'll accept it from a group.
I'm not taking it from one person.
Yeah.
You know, it's like,
it's a total space of complete control.
Yeah.
And it's very,
like I like the fact too,
that like when you're with someone,
can we talk about our lives on stage?
So like I've been with women who got so angry at me
for the things I said about our personal life
and she doesn't care at all,
which I love.
She loves the stuff I talk about,
like our personal life,
even matter how embarrassing it is
or how personal it is
or how intimate,
she doesn't care.
Wow.
She's like,
great,
go ahead,
do whatever you want to do.
She doesn't give a fuck.
Yeah.
I guess if you're cuddling up at night,
I mean,
both there's people have wieners in the bed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean,
you don't spend a hundred grand on immigration lawyers
for a dick smaller than yours.
Oh,
that's a good point.
Oh yeah.
Tara Fett,
Trump.
I'd love to see him.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She'll like that.
A lot of people get mad.
Why does he talk about her genitals?
Shut up.
Do you notice other men,
like if you're around other guys,
do you think there's like a lot of curious guys
who are into that universe
that are afraid to talk about it?
Yeah.
They ask questions.
I never mind though.
Like I'm not,
again,
and that's why I joke about her the way I do
because she's unbendable with that.
She doesn't care.
And I don't,
I couldn't have married a fragile personality.
No,
not you.
No,
you've always been very,
your own way and like aggressively your own way,
but also in a kind of,
I'm okay with where I'm at.
Yes.
You've never been in this apologetic way about yourself.
No.
And you can't,
like,
you know,
I want,
you want people to be respectful to your,
your partner when you introduce them
and everybody's been nice
and you don't want people to be dicks,
but I don't care what people think.
Yeah.
Like you,
you can't live your life and care what other people think.
I have fun with her.
She's my favorite person.
Like she's the person I should have married.
Like,
and do I get guys that are kind of curious?
Yes.
Um,
and I get a tremendous amount of messages from people who are like,
Hey man,
I'm really glad you talked about that because I,
and I don't talk about it in some serious,
like nobody wants to be scolded.
Nobody wants to be fucking lectured.
Yeah.
Just be with whoever you like.
Like,
you know what I mean?
And if you're worried about what other people think
and you live your life for other people,
you're a weak motherfucker.
And then just deal with that fact about yourself.
Yeah.
I've had moments in my life where I like didn't have certain girlfriends,
I think,
cause I thought some of my friends wouldn't be impressed with them.
Maybe we've all been there.
Yeah.
You know,
it just bumps me out when I look back at it at certain moments and not
like in a self pity type of way.
Like I'm like,
but when I look back,
I'm like,
man,
I wish I'd have,
cause in some ways I am my own person,
but in ways like that,
I think I,
I don't know.
I had some,
I had so