Name: Should We Trust Snakes?
Uploaded: 2025-12-09T16:00:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Should We Trust Snakes?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Should We Trust Snakes?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-09. Transcript available.

um i'll say this dude um i remember the first time that i saw a snake it makes
me think of what like
my perception and everything was like we're walking i was with my grandparents
we're walking
and suddenly i just kind of felt something on my like i had some just boots
were just fishing
um and something wrapped around my leg like that and it was a snake really yeah
and i was like oh
my god i couldn't move i was so scared i'd never seen a snake outside and you
know you heard about
snakes and i mean it had just fucking wrapped around just like it was like my
like my leg was
a stripper pole and this thing had just came to just fucking grind just
straight out of hell to
grind on me you know and my grandmother looked at it and she's like she goes i
remember she's like
did you summon that she asked me because my grandmother was out of her fucking
mind
and that's when i knew that it was just going to be a long life right there i
was like you think
and i looked in her eyes and she thinks i fucking a child that she barely ever
even welcomes in the
town she finally takes you to catch some bullheads in the fucking spoon river
out here and she and you
summoned the serpent she thinks i'm the fucking jimmy baker of fucking uh of fanged
lizards what kind of
snake it was um i want to say it was i want to say it was a water moccasin but
that may have just been
the lure of me growing up in louisiana because i don't know if they have those
in illinois or not
you know no i don't believe they do but i worked on a farm in louisiana and at
lunch break we would
always just walk around if they had a boat that was turned over we'd flip it
over and there'd be a
water moccasin under it every single time dude yeah that that's that's a cool
snake there is a
they were scary though there's like a there's an idea and i kind of buy it that
um
from from like a evolutionary standpoint or we carry this sort of like this
i want to preface this by saying i'm not a geneticist okay we care uh despite
despite your
impressions i'm not a geneticist but uh that we carry with us this innate let's
say this sort of
genetic marker whatever this innate fear of serpents yes do you know i'm saying
like it like it does
you well it it does you well to be like standoff you follow me a hundred
percent yeah oh dude i think
anybody would be creeped out there's nothing yeah there's something so why are
we so scared of snakes
do you know i want to look let's look that up a little bit snakes there's a but
it feels dude when
you see oh they're not right man and it feels so foreign oh i will say this we
interviewed this blind
girl one time right and we're just learning about what it's like to be blind
and some of like the
different stuff and she talked a lot about animals and like getting to spend
time with animals and the
feelings you get and she says that she doesn't get any feeling from a snake
like there's no energy that
she gets really and that's when i was like dude if a snake yeah tanya milo milo
jovic i spent i spent a
month in africa this summer and we saw a black mamba a snake called you know
that's the most that's
the deadliest snake like they just kill you when they get you the guy we're
with so you'll never see
one then we saw one so all we talked about was black mambas yeah he didn't bite
anybody right but
all of a sudden like anytime i sat down once i saw that son of a bitch i saw a
puff adder a black
mamba and a cobra damn okay what is a puff adder oh he's a bad mother licker
man pull up how he gets
around pull up how he gets around a puff adder yeah watch how he gets around
you think of a snake doing
a serpentine movement for sure well check his ass out pull up pull up him
getting around oh shit he just
wiggles along like a like a centipede shorty bay got that fucking he not even
look at that no he
don't need to do he doesn't even leave a footprint he don't need to so that's
what you call cutting
corners right there that's the kind of employee that i need dude that dude just
he's got little
his scales just walk man yeah that's crazy i don't know if this is true you
want to hear something
they told me about that thing this kenyan dude told me he told me that i don't
know if it's true
but it's just a great it's a wonderful detail he told me that puff adder so he
strikes so fast
we just caught one crossing the road and got on mess with a little bit not up
close but distant
mess with it that puff adder strikes so fast this guy was telling me this could
be total lore don't
even look it up because i don't want you to refute it because it's too cool he
says that he can hit a
balloon twice he can hit a balloon twice for it pops which i don't even know
what that means but
doesn't it sound cool it sounds you know like you can fight before the balloon
deflates i don't know
oh yeah so he's got he's got a bad venom so anyways we see one of these we see
a
a black mamba who can cruise around with half of his length up in the air
if he's seven foot his head when he's cruising through the woods when he's
pissed his head's at
your navel damn he's a bad bad bad dude well he's got some calves on him
that's what's amazing to me you know why do indian people love fucking with
these things
and kill bill it's a black mamba that kills uh that kills uh michael madsen's
character is it
really yeah it's black mom anyhow well point i was gonna make about that innate
fear of snakes is if
you could do time machine shit okay and you talking time travel i'm gonna okay
this would be like a really good question to to have okay the good use of if
you had like one pass
one time pass um here's the thing that would be on my list of shit i would be
curious about
when human like after the sort of african diaspora and humans started colonizing
the whole world
right um the people that came the people that became the first americans
and came in from alaska you always hear about the bearing land bridge right the
land bridge is the
size of texas it wasn't like a bridge it was like a landmass like people
people colonizing the new world would have been born and died on the bearing
land bridge without
thinking that they were going anywhere they were just living their lives got it
and slowly spread
down and there's like in you it's like a like kind of natives they became
native right who the people
that became the inuits by our understanding the people that became the inuits
came much later got it
okay they came from the japan and the illusions and whatnot but these like siberians
came into the
new world so by this point you have hundreds of generations hundreds of
generations of people
had lived in a snake free environment because they'd lived in the arctic oh
hundreds of generations
and then they're they're they slowly generation to generation to generation
they slowly move down
the north american continent there's two theories that like alaska you know
they don't have a snake
right there's two theories there's one that they came through the mid-continent
and maybe emerged
down around edmonton alberta onto the great plains that was a fashionable idea
for a long time
the currently fashionable idea is they came down the coast okay so now you've
had you have hundreds
of generations of people that would never have seen or experienced a snake yeah
and you got snakes
down there but all of a sudden they spread southward yeah and at some point one
of those sons of bitches
is out just right fuck he's out cruising around doing his deal yeah there's one
laying there that
happened like that happened that happened if you could take your time machine
and go see that guy see that
snake did he go fuck or did he jump down and grab it that was some good time
machine shit right there
wow say this if he was with someone else when it happened you have to cut that
person's throat
immediately i think because you would think they have something to do with this
like they're in on it
like that's what i would do you're like who the fuck who summoned this yes yeah
like yeah your distant
ancestor summon that snake yeah you would think it was like other i don't know
but you'd probably seen
fish but i don't know do you just get that energy yeah like then you would be
able to answer the
question that's the way the one way to be able to answer the question do humans
have some baked in
shit or is it not that right yeah you'd have to go all the way back there's
probably another way too
you could take a child at birth buy one sequester it somewhere well they do
that all the time there's
indian babies playing with snake yeah but take one and sequester it so it doesn't
get any information
from any human beings oh yeah let it become an old person and throw a snake in
that room do they jump
back that'd be easier and less expensive than time travel but it wouldn't be as
authentic and
you'd run into like uh you'd run into legal and if they've been alive so long
are they going to
not care anymore like i don't you damaged them psychologically and stuff by
locking them up in
that room and shit you know yeah they're like i don't give a fuck it's
something snake because then
the detractors would be like yeah but he was so destroyed psychologically that
this is not telling
us anything right yeah i think you're just fucking with a uh with a with a with
a um yeah a person
you victimized yeah of this whimsical scientific study oh yeah i think at that
point you're really
looking at the uh elizabeth smart of reptiles kind of vibes you know and i don't
think that's
what we want no it is gonna be a time travel problem yeah we'll go time travel
Thank you.