Name: Jay Mohr Instigates Chris Farley l This Past Thursday Highlight
Uploaded: 2018-04-01T00:09:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Mohr Instigates Chris Farley l This Past Thursday Highlight' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Mohr Instigates Chris Farley l This Past Thursday Highlight' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-01. Transcript available.

i love you at the farley mural yeah man breath this young man named brady matthews
painted this
for me now as his first one well brady matthews needs to hear the story and
then we'll go jump
on to more stories yeah we'll jump on more stories in just a second david tell
and i shared an office
at saturday night live if you want to make sure nothing gets done put the two
of us in an office
like he had a box set of otis redding that lauren gave him for his birthday and
he cut a hole where
the mouth was and put a cigarette in it and lit it like that was two weeks of
laughter like how
long does the cigarette laugh one of them go faster and we're like he's
actually smoked we weren't
well so farley comes in on a rewrite night there's no reason for farley to be
in the building he was
the most beautiful man i ever met in my life ever my grandfather my other
grandfather read my mom's
dad maurice ferguson he was he was the one man that saw him he was the most
beautiful man ever and then
chris right behind him and chris wasn't sober the two years i was there he was
had his together and he
was you know in a van down by the river it's then yeah and he comes in he goes
what do you guys
doing and me and david tell go we'll give you a hundred dollars to take a shit
out the window
oh yeah but we said at the same time like creepy twins come play with us danny
we'll pay you a
hundred he asked us how what we were doing and our answer at the same time he's
from brooklyn i'm
from jersey he's jewish i'm catholic like i what we'll give you a hundred
dollars like the cadence
like we were singing a song together to shit out the window and he goes give me
the money first
and we're like oh fuck patent pockets bro and including and i'm not exaggerating
making lunch
baby four dollars in coins it was exactly a hundred dollars and so he takes the
paper money chris farley
puts it in his pocket and then reaches across my desk which is against the
window the longest way you
could go and fuck the strong motherfucker man yeah lifts that shit tilts the
desk and the coins like in
a cartoon ding ding ding into his pocket like ding ding like stacks of quarters
stacks of like ding ding ding
ding ding ding it was amazing drops the desk opens that giant ass window goes
up on the window ledge
and rests the window on the back of his neck facing in the building oh wow is
the 17th floor yeah he
could fall to his death at any moment especially at his weight that's a risk he
he's very graceful
man he was at no risk did he have long legs no he was just like a football
player and he just had
incredible balance you see him do cartwheels and shit and flips he was great
and the only thing in
the building was like his nose his hands that were on his knees and the snot
bubble coming out of his
nose and all the holding just his head against that window well yeah and he's
balancing on the ledge as
well right right but it became obvious and they do tell the story on stage it
became obvious
immediately that chris didn't get it to pop he didn't have to shit at all oh
but he had the money
and he always delivers and the deal's a deal but he always delivers so you're
doing that body tetris at
that point you know what i'm talking about i love you i swear to god i'll
fucking marry you
you start fucking playing janga with yourself bro because you got to find a turd
in you
body tetris i'm mad but that's true though you're just moving around yeah i
mean you're doing things
yeah that's when you get the diarrhea with the stomach ache you're like i gotta
move this bubble here
dude that's when you start that's when i need that shitty piece that comes down
makes it right and
comes down again yeah the one that fucks up your whole game yeah that little
hitter you need that
baller so like the windows rattling from effort like he's purple and he's it's
farly he's going like
i'll get it and is he saying stuff also to make you guys laugh at this point as
well he can't he's
insatiable that way he can't and after like a minute which is a long time when
a guy's above the
skating rink yeah like if you ever see like a fake one fake newton without the
newton
one of those like that size that shape like it was like square shape oh yeah
and it was thin oh yeah
uh i'll guess consistency fell like the snow through the window behind him fell
from his ass
in the window onto my fucking desk oh that's a detroit dove right there it was
he wipes his ass with his
hand there's no paper we don't write we don't write yeah we do nothing in there
but fucking i watch him
smoke i do diamond push-ups and i call escorts and fucking barley wipes his ass
with his hand he goes
and starts doing like a zombie walk and starts chasing in quotes because he's
going doing a zombie
walk me and david tell are hauling ass down these hallways but like in scooby-doo
he's always right
fucking behind us he's just going his eyes are all the way in the back of his
head so we don't know how
he can see and he went from like haha to like oh no like terrifying like i
thought uh harbor heights
mexican mafia gang bangers on pcp and he wouldn't go down i'm like oh this is
great just like right
between the chin and from his middle of his eyebrow to like his bottom lip just
and then like a minute
in you go this is a horror movie like i'm getting tired and he kept going you
fucking near you i am
like somebody mitch malaney gets out of his car and beats him up and the whole
set mitch malaney like
apparently just fought in oakland his whole life it was amazing rest in peace
brother saved my life so
farley's chasing us around there's a hallway going to lauren's office that's
single file only
michaels yeah lauren green actually he took over the show for a while did he
really no he just mentioned
michael landon so jump on that i love michael landon i okay have you told him
now well i didn't
get my mom almost met him one time at the fairgrounds but um we're gonna get
into this on mine let's
start more stories with this okay because this ties right into everything i was
just saying about
your home okay it's fascinating he was the ideal he was the guy oh yeah i get
it
even the pajamas that were the whole body red pajamas you're like see that's
what a man wears
oh he was prince henry he was prince henry prince harry prince harry he was our
you know he was our
yeah yeah yeah he was estee lauder he was somebody you know he was the big deal
a tell and i had a single file only and i'm like i am i am 11 months removed
from college wrestling
so i'm like and this motherfucker's right next to me ass and elbows david tell
and he's like i'm like
neither one of us are giving it up and i'm on the bookshelf side and it hits my
shoulder and my
shoulder comes out of the socket goes around me like a grandma taking her bra
off at the table
yeah it felt like it just went around my body and if you're not sure you've
been knocked out it's like
i'm not sure if i napped or not you did because there's no way like no i didn't
nap like i don't
know if i napped like then you something happened yeah if you're like did i
just get fucking knocked
yes yes you did and i i'm standing there i'm laying on my back and farley in
the shithand he's like
and i'm like um and i go fuck you farley i broke my fucking joel i'm like
putting it on like really
acting i made myself cry and he goes are you okay and he stands up and i just
got up and i ran out of
the fucking building and i jogged home and i got under the covers it was like
the most amazingly
funny the most impossible thing the most frightening thing and i like fooled
like a beautiful man
into thinking i was hurt like that hurt me worse than anything he's like are
you okay like when he
stopped being a zombie it was like heartbreaking i just fucking wanted to throw
myself in front of a cab
but that's but it's almost perfect man i can imagine at that moment you're
under the covers
and you created all of these all of these things happened and you're filled
with all these feelings you're
filled with excitement laughter uh fear chicanery because you guys created this
crazy thing the the
the vision tomfoolery and rumpus the vision that somebody got shit on the
vision that you know hurt
and all of that it's like and then you were able probably just to like sleep
comfortably that's an
enormous event but it just shows how many feelings you have to have sometimes
as an alcoholic to be
filled with to be able to just oh it was an overload it was too many feelings
right but the one that got
me was that are you okay that that fucking to this day i i get if i think about
it long enough i'll
fucking cry like that's a beautiful beautiful man like there's a reason you
mentioned his name and
people go oh my god like yeah you think you know but you don't know but i'm
glad you know what you
know yeah but he was most beautiful man i ever met my life not named maurice
yeah yeah i'm trying to
think of the most beautiful man oh ours is always i mean growing up it was michael
and and as an
adult i haven't chosen but when i was young it was i'm right across from me
buddy