Name: Thundercat
Uploaded: 2018-04-29T09:09:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thundercat' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thundercat' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-29. Transcript available.

We had a dude in our town, uh, this boy named Thundercat, yeah, T.J. was his
name.
Yeah, I don't know what the J stood for, but when the T stands for Thundercat,
who gives a fuck what the J stands for?
Put him while you're behind, you little wildflower, you know? And, uh, he was
born with some deficiencies.
Um, he had extra salivary glands in his face, you know? So when he would get to
smiling or feeling real joyous, he would spray out the sides of his mouth.
So he had to keep a cloth on him, you know, dry him up at the corners of his
mouth. That's friendship.
Unfortunately, uh, the devil got him twice. Yeah. Because he had hair growing
directly out of his face, you know?
Just, you know? Much hair as you could think of, just, you know?
And y'all ain't thinking about enough fucking hair, dude. Okay? I can feel when
people are thinking about the right amount of hair.
And I ain't feeling that shit right now.
The sisters used to cornrow his cheeks in the summer.
Give him a little bit of relief from the heat.
And they used to cut out around his eyes for the holidays so he could see his
gifts. Okay?
So that much happened.
And somebody one day yelled out, he's gonna die!
And they said that in church.
And in a small town, that's, that's a fucking doctor's opinion. You know?
So this boy Thunder, dude, Thunder got to quit school at 11 so he could die at
home.
Yeah. Because you can't die at school, bro. They don't want all of that shit.
You know?
They say they're all about equality and everything, but they don't want you
fucking dying on the premises.
And, uh, he got to quit school, right?
His parents let him smoke so he could live a little bit while he was dying.
So he'd be in a fucking yard just blowing wind.
And they bought him a truck, dude.
A man's truck. An adult man's truck. A Ford Ranger. Okay?
Right? It was the first one that he had. Like a little bitty man's truck, right?
It looked like there was a really a tougher man in the distance with a remote
control, controlling it.
And they welded it, dude, to a pole in his front yard.
They fucking welded this truck, a real truck, to a fucking real pole cemented
into the ground.
And he could drive as fast as he wanted in his fucking yard, dude.
And it was about, probably just about five feet between him and the pole, dude.
So he would just be in a tight spiral, bro.
Just doing like 70 miles an hour, bro.
Just fucking blowing windses, baby.
Just listening to Fugees and Blind Melon, baby.
Just no rain, baby.
Just no rain.
And he never did die, dude. He's 35 years old now.
So they just got bad information on him, praise God.
And, uh, yeah.
And his mother, she had varicose veins in her neck.
And they blew out and she died.
Yeah.
And the daddy, this is how they made money.
The daddy used to do slip and falls at Pizza Hut's.
And this is back when Pizza Hut was flexing, bro.
You know?
Dude, he used to do slip and falls at Pizza Hut's and he would sue them and get
that money.
And he was working the circuit one year in the southeast region.
And he died, dude.
And he fucking split his head open on a salad bar outside of Sarasota.
So that family fucking dies, dude.
We be dying.
They fucking die.
But, yeah, man.
I'll never forget that shit, man.
Just watching that dude drive around in a fucking circle in his yard.
Crazy.
And the truck started digging a hole into the fucking yard, dude.
So he was...
The irony was, he was probably nine feet under and never dead.