Name: Jamie Kennedy | This Past Weekend #98
Uploaded: 2018-05-24T13:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jamie Kennedy | This Past Weekend #98' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jamie Kennedy | This Past Weekend #98' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-24. Transcript available.

Jamie Kennedy | This Past Weekend #98

Okay, today's episode we'll get to in just a second. We have a beautiful guest
in, and this man has been through it all.
You know, he's had the highs and lows of a career.
And not the lows, but when you have highs, you have the alternate side of those.
You know, he's had the peaks and valleys, we'll say that.
And he's a special guy, and I'm happy to be in here talking about him and
talking with him.
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That's a month-long adventure, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
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I'm just sitting on your front porch.
Wondering how could I be...
Bro, you're right under Marin, dude.
I'm looking at the charts.
Holy shit.
Congrats, home.
I know you're recording right now.
Sorry.
405, bro.
I'm like, boss lost and close.
This is, I don't know, fucking helicopter on the freeway or some shit.
Bro, it's a fucking parking lot, dude.
I left before Google told me, so bear with me, man.
But, dude, I think people would listen to you, Jamie.
I really do.
I would listen to you.
You're just kind of this fascinating creature, I think.
Thank you, baby.
Are we on now?
You know?
Yeah, you're like a Loch Ness Monster, but you're not hidden.
It's like you're...
Humps are out.
Yeah, humps are out.
Jamie Kennedy is here with me today, and I'm super excited, man.
Yeah, dude, you've been working so hard.
I mean, I see you in the comedy clubs all the time.
I know.
I've been doing it pretty...
It's...
Let me ask you this, because it's like...
I've been...
I was like on the road forever, right?
Mm-hmm.
And then I did a thing with Melissa McQueen, and she's like,
you got to come to the store and do a show, and then I did, and then I was like,
you know,
talking to people, I'm like, if you're on the road all the time, you're doing
five or
six shows, why do you do, you know, in town?
Because you're dead.
And Bobby Lee, man, really hit me to it.
He's like, dude, you got to perform in town, in front of your peers, with your
peers, because
being on the road is completely different.
And then, ever since he said that about two years ago, I've just been like...
But also, I feel comedy has gotten super hot in, would you say, the last three
years?
Yeah.
In town?
Because I've been doing comedy for a long time, but...
Oh, and you tell me.
I mean, you might even know better.
Yeah, to me it has, but my breadth of perspective isn't as large as yours.
Well, stop using big phrases.
Dude, those are the only ones.
Big ones.
Well, I feel like, you know, in the last two years, I've been hitting the town
hard
because, you know, Netflix has been doing the specials, and now Hulu's opening
up and
Amazon, and everybody, I mean, you know, it used to be like a special, you
would drive
down Sunset Boulevard, and you would see, you know, one person, and it'd be
like, you
know, bigger and blacker, like, damn, that's like...
And now, it's like, yo, you see one building, you see a bench, you see...
I mean, there's specials.
There's a lot of specials.
There's so many specials.
So, it's like, I was like, I want to, you know, work on that and try to work
towards doing
a new special.
Yeah.
And that's why I've been doing it, but I have never, in my history, I started
in the late,
late, early 90s, almost late, but 1990 was when I did my first set.
I've never seen town this hot.
Really?
Yeah, I mean, dude, you go to the OR, you'll see 16 comedy superstars.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You being one of them.
Yeah.
And just like, bam, bam, bam, and it's like, people are so spoiled, and you go
on the road,
and you sell 400 tickets, and you're like, I'm the man, and then you're like,
doing 15 minutes,
and they're like, ooh, that was a tough set.
And you realize, because you're, everyone, you're playing for the Yankees.
Yeah.
And so, I was, I'm glad to be in town doing it, because it makes me better.
But it's like, it is intense.
It's fine.
Yeah, it definitely seems hot.
Are we good on the levels, Nick?
Okay.
But everybody is in it, and now, I'm not, because you were saying that before,
like, man, you're
hitting it hard, and now I don't want to stop, because I don't feel like I don't
want
to miss a step.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, well, that's what it seemed like.
It just seemed like you've been picking it up.
It's like, you know, I mean, half the shows I'm on, I feel like you're on most
of the time.
And has comedy always been with you in your career?
Because, I mean, when I first got hip to you, you know, you were mostly acting.
Mm-hmm.
And has comedy, but you were a comedian before that.
Yeah.
So, most people don't know that I started as a comic.
So, my heroes were, you know, I had a few heroes.
Eddie Murphy, number one.
Mike Myers, number two.
Oh, wow.
And, you know, I was kind of really into SNL.
You know, that was my goal.
So, I moved to L.A., it was an extra, it's a long story.
But then I started auditioning for improv groups in 1990.
And I got in a couple of improv groups.
And I would go to improv groups and do, like, they would have these groups at
schools.
And we'd do these shows.
And we'd get, like, 20 bucks a show.
Which is, like, you know, good.
You're making a living, right?
Then a lot of them shut down.
And there was.
Why, what was it?
Like, there wasn't, like, crimes or anything going on, huh?
No, it was just, like, you know, how long, how profitable is an improv group?
Yeah, that's true.
If the school board isn't paying you to do a show about, you know, better
nutrition, but make it funny.
Or, you know, fire drills or whatever, right?
Yeah, nuclear warnings, hurricane warnings, dude, everything.
Yeah, so, I, exactly.
Well, now you couldn't even do that.
If you went to schools now, you'd have to, they wouldn't let five comedians
into a school.
No, no way.
In the afternoon, like, one o'clock, it's like.
When the kids are tired.
And you put a hat on, and it's like, you don't know what character that hat's
going to be.
And it's like, I need a location, the Playboy Mansion, you know, or whatever.
And everybody's a pedophile.
You're like, man, it'd be crazy.
Say that.
Dude, well, there's just so many pedophiles out there now, man.
I got, I quit, I got rid of the app, the Stranger Danger app or whatever.
What is that?
Where you can see how many pedophiles are in your, like, area.
Is that a real thing?
Yeah, it's like Stranger Danger, it's called.
And you can see how many pedophiles in your area.
Dude, there's so many.
It's, I won't even jerk off, because I'm afraid somebody's going to molest my
semen.
Like, there's so many pedophiles.
It's baffling, bro.
Wait, where's the semen go?
Oh, so you're saying your semen turns into a human?
No, what I'm saying is, there are so many.
If you were to get on this app now and see it.
Yeah.
I don't even know if we can pull it, if we can pull up the site or something,
but there's Stranger Danger.
It's where you can see how many pedophiles registered, you know, people in the
union, I guess, is unionized.
But registered sex offenders are, who are within your area.
But, dude, it's everybody.
Like, I think everybody.
So then what I was saying, I won't even masturbate, because I'm afraid somebody
will come over and just touch that, you know.
Yeah, oh, I got it.
Just because it's so young.
So that's where I was going.
That was so good.
See how smart he is?
Thanks for laughing, man.
It makes me happy.
I have a question.
Yeah.
So, did you ever notice, I'll go back to what we were talking about, but the
teachers.
Oh, look at this.
Oh, God.
Is that real?
Oh, yeah.
Is that real?
Yeah.
Are you kidding?
That's just off of Culver Boulevard.
Yeah, it is, brother.
Damn, all the red dots are touchers?
Yeah, that's a Shake Shack, baby.
Everywhere is a Shake Shack.
Oh, my God.
Ah, I'll say Shake Shack, Shake Shack, because I really do like that hamburger.
I like the hamburgers.
Have you ever seen so many hot teachers touching?
I know.
Is it a story every couple of days?
Am I right?
Well, yeah, what is that?
What is it, you think?
Because something is, do you think something is going on, or do you think that
it's just
now it's a popular story?
Always been, and I think the internet has made everything transparent, and I
think it's always
been happening, but now everything, you can see everything.
Was there a teacher that ever tried anything with you or did something?
Because you were tall.
You're a tall guy, so you probably had that, you had an opportunity.
So that height helps, right?
Oh, nobody's, a teacher's not touching a fucking short kid.
Adam's apple.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, you're short kids.
So I don't want to name names.
Okay.
But first of all, you know, I used to do this joke, which is true, which I was
on Ultra Boy,
and I was never even touched, which made me feel like I wasn't cute.
Yeah.
So, you know, I had to join the Boy Scouts.
But here's the thing, is that we did have a teacher who was a nice guy, and he
would take
me and my buddies out to Burger King, like once a week, you know, when you get,
remember
those, like.
Was he handicapped?
No, he was normal.
Oh, because I know a handicapped guy that would do that.
He would do that in the Philly area, but that's a good observation.
So he would take us out, three of us, and we would just, you know, eat those Whoppers,
and we'd get fries, and he would really let us order.
Yeah.
And then, I didn't think anything was weird until, because we're from Philly,
so Philly,
we kind of like turn the tables on the touchers, we like touch the touchers.
Yeah, yeah.
And so he, we used to eat jawbreakers.
That was a big thing in eighth grade, seventh grade.
Beautiful candies, too.
Yeah, and they were big.
Hard to deal with, but good.
Yeah, and they were big, and they would, these things would puff up your cheeks.
So when we would eat them in school, we would get in trouble.
So in an order of not to get in trouble, we would make him eat it.
And the game was, how many jawbreakers could you fit in your mouth?
And so we had him put about three and three in each cheek.
I mean.
This old guy?
He was middle-aged, nice guy, who took us to Burger King.
And he's like, I can fit seven.
And he had that accent, and I wasn't knowing what he was.
He goes, I can fit eight.
And so.
What accent is that?
Three, you know what I'm saying?
I can fit seven.
But you know that area of the world, whatever that is.
That soft accent.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
Soft Texas, whatever he is.
That cotton throat.
Cotton throat.
And we jammed him in there to the point where we're putting him in at the
Burger King, jawbreakers
in his mouth.
He's like, I can fit more.
And this stuff was like, you know, Charlie Chipmunk.
And it wasn't until I was probably like, you know, 23, and I'm sitting on my
couch, you
know, like, you know, just after a Taco Bell audition, I'm li