Name: Sex at Dawn Author Chris Ryan | This Past Weekend #100
Uploaded: 2018-05-31T13:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sex at Dawn Author Chris Ryan | This Past Weekend #100' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sex at Dawn Author Chris Ryan | This Past Weekend #100' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-31. Transcript available.

Sex at Dawn Author Chris Ryan | This Past Weekend #100

This episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza, Gray Block at 1811 Pico
Boulevard in Los Angeles.
I want to thank everybody today. This is our 100th episode.
And so I'm going to get into it more on the Monday episode, but thank you so
much.
This is absolutely crazy. I don't really know anything that's 100.
You know, I think my grandparents, the oldest one of my grandparents was, I
think, 90.
I think I petted a turtle once, actually recently in Maui, and it was, somebody
said it might have been 100 or something.
But you weren't supposed to pet it also because they said it's $5,000 if they
see you touching it.
So it's pretty much only the rich people, I guess, really get to pet it because
the government charges you that.
And anyhow, happy 100th episode. Thank you guys so much for being a supporter
for this long.
Also, I want to let you know that I once stood shirtless with Dan the Man Cummins
overlooking the African Serengeti.
And I asked him a question about something or other, and we talked for about an
hour.
You know, he talked about something because that man can really just ramble.
I mean, he's like just going down a beautiful just wormhole into whateverness,
and that's who Dan is.
And after the conversation, I was fulfilled to the max by whatever Dan said to
me because he knows a lot about things you really probably don't even know if
you want to know about or not.
And he has a podcast.
It's called Time Suck, and it takes you on a weekly delve through thoroughly
exploring and explaining a single listener-suggested topic.
And if you don't want to go down a wormhole yourself, let somebody else do it.
Find a topic you like.
Each Monday, he has new episodes.
It's irreverent and it's entertaining, and that's Dan Cummins.
The man finds layers, everything from menthol, cigarettes, bees with autism,
historical events, Loch Ness mice, mimes, where are they now, paranormal
encounters, and conspiracy theories.
Time Suck.
Every Monday, the link will be below.
This is episode 100, and we're happy to have a man who wrote a book recently
called Sex at Dawn that I listened to, slash read with my ears.
He has a new podcast as well called Tangentially Speaking.
He is a psychologist.
He's an author as well.
Chris Ryan.
My mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been
blown.
Yeah, you don't.
Wait, are you going to attack me at some point?
Is this when things don't go well?
I mean, I just...
This is a beautiful brain.
I mean, if it doesn't go well, maybe, yeah.
Someone mailed that in, actually.
I wonder if it's the same guy who sent me one.
Reeves Blades.
Is he in Texas?
I feel like everybody who makes a knife is in Texas.
Yeah.
Yeah, a guy sent me a handmade blade.
The blade itself was made from the leaves of a suspension on a car.
Oh, different guy.
Our guy said it was from the bones of his grandparents, so...
That's the handle.
I think, yeah.
So, different guy.
But yeah, actually, the blade could be.
We're here with Chris Ryan.
How are you today?
I'm good.
I'm good.
I'm shocked, though.
I didn't know I was coming to a studio and this whole professional scene.
Oh, right on.
Yeah.
I thought I was going to go sit in your dirty kitchen and you'd have Mike set
up on the
table next to last night's dinner.
Oh, man, that's...
That's how podcasts normally are done.
Yeah, that's true.
I guess...
Yeah, and we're still, I think, like that in our hearts.
I think we just tried to show up a little bit more in the atmosphere.
Yeah.
You know?
I'm a little stunned by the lights and all.
I actually, I've read Sex at Dawn.
I masturbated, not to the book.
It's been a big day for you.
But last night, right?
Here was something that happened to me last night and this is something that
happens to
me a lot.
It's good.
I was hoping we'd talk about masturbation.
Did you really?
Yeah.
I always talk about it.
Okay.
And I saw you and Rogan with your hat conversation.
Yes.
And I was like, oh, good.
There's a guy I can talk about jerking off with.
Yeah.
So, good.
Let's get right into it.
And so, here's what happens for me sometimes if I'm jerking off, right?
Because I know you're a psychologist.
And a jerk off.
And a...
Yeah.
Call me doctor.
This is perfect.
So, what happened to me was like, I try...
For me, I try not to masturbate right now because I feel like for me, I've
become addicted
to pornography and using masturbation as an escape.
From what?
I don't know.
Probably from having like some real feelings about things or like if I start to
feel something,
sometimes I'll just go to masturbation, you know, or I'll go to watching
pornography to
kind of check out from whatever maybe might be possibly making me have some
other feelings
that I don't want to experience.
So, I was done working in my kitchen and everything.
I was like, I'm not going to masturbate.
Thank God.
Made it through the day without masturbating or without watching pornography.
So, I shut down my computer, walked to the bathroom, and then I was urinating.
And then I had some thought about, ah, what was it?
What a great dick I have in my hand right now.
Got this great dick in my hand.
Yeah.
No, it could have been that.
I got this decent dick, you know?
I have a short neck.
My whole, you know, I come from a long line of short neck people.
Oh, do you?
So, my dick is that sort of, you know, it's squat.
It doesn't have the longest neck, but it shows up, you know?
You know, girth is more important than length.
Is it really?
Yeah.
Well, thank you for, because my dick can hear that.
Yeah.
But then, so next thing you know, I masturbated, and I was done.
And then it was like, and then I felt bad.
You masturbated into the toilet?
No.
That would be, what's that called when you go from urination directly into
masturbation
without leaving the toilet?
Being in a hurry.
Yeah.
Yeah, late for work.
Late for work.
So, next thing you know, next thing you know, I had literally masturbated, and
then I felt
bad.
And that's kind of where I was.
And so, I just thought, man, I just feel bad about, I felt like some sense of a
negative
feeling.
And then I was like, well, maybe I'll just, I'll talk to Chris about this
tomorrow, just
ask him about it.
Ah, okay.
All right.
So, we're doing therapy?
No, you don't have to have any thoughts.
Oh, I have lots of thoughts.
But I want to know, like, I guess, I don't like the fact that I feel bad about
it, I guess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you know, the first thing I would, I don't know how deeply you want to
get into
this, but were you raised in a religious tradition?
Mm-mm.
So, do you have, do you feel any sort of negative thoughts when you have sex
with a woman?
Or, I don't know if you're straight, I assume you're straight.
Yeah, I'm straight.
Yeah.
I mean, unless something happens later in life, you know, I could have late
onset homosexuality.
Could happen.
Could happen, yeah.
But yeah, I'm straight.
Keep hanging out with muscular guys like Joe.
Yeah, I know.
Rogan's strong, huh?
He's strong.
How strong is he going to get?
He can't get stronger.
He'll break his own, he'll break his own skeleton.
He can't.
I mean, come on.
You got it.
It's true.
Yeah.
Have you seen photos of him when he was a young guy?
Yeah.
He's a good looking dude.
Very handsome.
He looked more, yeah, he looks very Italian.
Yeah, exactly, with the hair.
Yeah.
I saw a young clip that he posted recently of him doing stand-up, and it was
like, wow, that's him.
Yeah.
And he wasn't like as beefy by far.
I mean, he was like a more sort of normal body.
Yeah, he could have been almost, he could have been like a Russian dancer or
something, but one that, you know, kind of a lower key when that's him?
Yeah, that's him.
Wow.
Yeah, he's already into the muscle phase there.
Yeah.
Yeah, but he would look to, he was more of a lean guy whenever he was, at first,
started doing comedy.
Yeah.
But yeah, so then I just felt bad, man.
I didn't grow up with a strong religious thing.
I think for me, it's just, I try, you know, the pornography has just gotten so
strong that it's hard to fend it off sometimes.
And I'll go immediately from my imagination where it almost evolves into a
scene I could see from porn, and then next thing you know, I'm watching porn,
if that makes any sense.
So do you watch porn for a long time, or are you just going for five minutes
and do your business?
I'm in and out.
Yeah.
I'm effective with the porn.
So what's the negative, what's the source of the negativity?
I don't know.
If it's not religious, is there, like, there's something inherently ugly about
coming, or are you watching, like, porn that you're ashamed of?
There's, like, it's really nasty, and is there something in the porn that you're
not into?
What if there's no porn involved?
What if you just jerked off?
Would you still feel bad?
I think if I did it excessively, I would still feel bad.
What's excessively?
Like, a couple times a week, I think.
Why?
Where do you come up with that number?
I don't know.
I think for some reason, I think, I feel like it weakens me somehow.
You feel that physically, or on an emotional, psychological level?
I guess I feel it a little bit physically, but then it really, like, gets
deeper into, like, an emotional, psychological level.
Yeah, that I just feel like it makes me less of a man or something sometimes.
That's interesting.
Yeah, I don't have any of those associations with it.
In fact, I'm very sort of wary of anything that makes me question messages that
I get from my body.
So, for example, I don't like alarm clocks.
I like to wake up when I wake up.
I don't like, you know, when I started reading all the shit about how you have
to drink eight glasses of water a day, I was immediately like, where's that
coming from?
That's bullshit.
Who says that?
Yeah, a camel.
You drink when you're thirsty.
That's why you have the sense of thirst, right?
Eat when you're hungry.
Like, every instruction that I get from society telling me to not trust the
messages I'm getting from my body, I'm immediately.
Now, I know some, in some cases, they're probably right.
But 90% of the times, you know, that I've lived long enough now to see that
information be discredited again and again and again.
Like, that water thing.
Yeah.
That comes from a study that was first put out years ago by Gatorade.
Right.
And it wasn't about drinking water.
It was about drinking fucking Gatorade.
So, it's bullshit.
There's no scientific basis whatsoever for saying you have to drink a certain
number of glasses of water per day.
How much water is in the food you're eating?
How dry is the atmosphere you're in?
Right.
How much are you sweating?
Yeah, if you're in Arizona or Maine, it's totally different.
Exactly.
And your physiology, right?
Like, some people don't sweat.
Some people sweat a lot.
It's total bullshit.
Yeah.
So, my feeling about masturbation is, like, unless there's some, you know, you
were alluding to earlier, like, maybe there's something that's making you feel
anxious.
And so, you jerk off as a way to distract yourself from solving a problem or
dealing with something in your life that's making you unhappy.
I'd say that could be an issue.
But to me, there's, it could be alcohol.
It could be collecting baseball cards.
It could be, you know, online shopping.
It could be chasing pussy.
It could be lots of different ways to distract yourself.
And masturbation, actually, is probably one of the least destructive of all of
them, you know?
Yeah.
You're not pulling anyone else into your trip.
It's pretty quick, and you can get back to your life.
It feels good.
I've never felt guilty about jerking off.
Wow.
And a few times a week, shit, dude, at your age.
Yeah.
A few times a day.
I was jerking off, like, morning, night, and lunch break, if I could get it.
Oh, wow.
Hell, yeah.
How old are you, 30-something?
I'm 38.
Dude, come on.
Yeah.
That shit's got to go somewhere.
Yeah, I guess I don't know.
No, this is, this is, like, yeah, I don't know why somewhere I guess I
developed some negati