Name: Is Taxidermy the Dark Arts?
Uploaded: 2018-06-08T19:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is Taxidermy the Dark Arts?' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is Taxidermy the Dark Arts?' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-08. Transcript available.

Theo, what's up man? It's Chuck. Listen, I just realized I think I may be in a
little bit of the dark arts business myself.
Oh, big Chucky's out there DA-ing, huh? You sleepwalking? You sleepwalking in
motels, huh?
You sleepwalk at a Ramada, somebody will fucking pull out a pistole, bro.
Okay, Onward.
See, I'm in that taxidermy game.
Ooh. Really?
Now, that might be a dark art. Boy, you hiding cotton in the bodies of animals?
Dang, though, you making stuffed animals out of real animals?
Dude, the reason why we came out with stuffed animals is because we didn't want
people like you doing all of that.
That's crazy to me, man.
Think about that.
You know, think about this, though. What if they started doing taxidermy for
people?
You know, you could have your grandfather just have both of his arms up in the
air, and you could make him in like a coat rack.
Put his tongue coming out of his mouth, you could hang your hat right there.
Two coats on him, or maybe six coats if he's a strong grandparent, if he, you
know, still didn't have much osteoporosis.
And you could have him just right by the door, just all taxidermied up.
You know, don't forget your jacket. Pop Pop has it.
Let's hear more. Thanks for calling, Chuck.
You know, where, like, people go out and find an animal that's not quite ready
to be dead, but they make it dead and then bring it to me in hopes that I can
make it look alive again.
Ooh, I didn't think about that.
Because I bet that's starting to happen.
There's so many people that are, I think it's wonderful to be an animal lover.
And because if you can love an animal, it just shows, I mean, that's just
practice for loving humans.
And that's a beautiful thing.
I mean, you know, there's so many creatures out there, you know, and Mother
Nature knows what she's doing with all of them.
And even a June bug, you know, probably have feelings, you know, and it
probably has feelings all year around.
But to think that there's probably people that are starting to overly love
animals, like to the point where I think it's not healthy.
I think there are animal addicts.
And I could see, now that you mentioned this, Chuck, I could see someone
wanting to keep an animal in its prime.
And so then they exterminate their animal, their own loved animal, just to have
it taxidermy, to keep it how they want it.
And that's, I mean, that is, I mean, that's real, that's pretty much sorcery.
When you look at that, that is, that's probably grade A sorcery.
More, Chuck?
And sometimes people just bring delicious animals that they've eaten, and they
want them to look like they did before they were eaten.
So it's just a lot of different reasons.
What?
Wait, hold on.
People bring delicious animals that they've eaten, they want it to look like,
oh, oh.
So you're saying maybe somebody get that Thanksgiving turkey, you know, that
prized bird, that prized seasonal partridge.
And they eat it, but then they want it to look like they didn't eat it?
That's a new diet.
More?
But I just got to thinking about it, and I'm afraid that the taxidermy might be
in a dark heart.
It's not that I'm getting out, but it's definitely borderline at least.
Oh, well, I mean, you're definitely perverse.
It's definitely perverse.
If you're stuffing cotton or textiles into the deceased body of an animal, dude,
that's Slytherin.
There's no, man, you ain't Gryffindor, daddy.
That's Slytherin.
And if you can sleep at night, then that's very interesting to me.