Name: All Over the Place | This Past Weekend #109
Uploaded: 2018-07-02T13:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'All Over the Place | This Past Weekend #109' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'All Over the Place | This Past Weekend #109' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-02. Transcript available.

All Over the Place | This Past Weekend #109

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I'm out here in the middle of nowhere, man, but suddenly I'm right here with
you guys, and I feel like I know exactly where I am.
I'm not lost anymore.
You feel me?
Suddenly, I'm just, I'm just found, you know.
She was hotter than the blacktop, broke down at a truck stop.
She looked about as wild as the story she told
Said she was a Christian saving souls in Savannah
And the Lord was sending her to Alabama
Had a pistol in her boots
Blob head, dark roots
Said she got a hold, man, but I shouldn't be worried, though it seemed like she
was in a hurry
Higher than a junkie drying out in the slammer
Lord, I hope I don't die in Alabama
Yeah, Alabama
Higher than a junkie drying out in Savannah
Lord, I hope I don't die in Alabama
Thank you guys for being here
It is, man, it's summer
Look, I'm coming at you from
I've been in rural Illinois all weekend
In a town called Wyoming, Illinois
And it's the second year in a row that we've come out here
And done some stand-up
Doing the jokes and doing the joy
You know, and
Man, I was
Let me tell you this
Last year we came
And most of the townspeople came
And this is a small town
You know what I'm saying
This is a small town where
If somebody farts
Across town
And you don't
If you're not there to hear it
A few hours later
Somebody will just tap you on the shoulder
When you're over at the gas station
And be like, well, you heard what happened, didn't you?
And you're like, what?
And they're like, well
Lawrence
You know, he farted
So it's that kind of place
You can't even fart without somebody telling somebody else about it
You know, you'll hear people
Just, you know, reenacting other people's farts around town
Just because it's that kind of place
You know what I'm saying?
If somebody
If somebody sneezes upwind of you
Even if it's a mile away
Then you, you know
You'll hear somebody
You'll hear a gazoon tight
Down the hill
It's that kind of place where
You know, everything's just
Everything's connected
It's all
There's, you know, there's
Everything is just
Everything's connected, man
Like you'll even see
You'll see birds
And they look like they've been there a while
Like in Los Angeles
I see a bird
And it's like, oh
This fucker's just passing through
You know
He's just flying around
And maybe, you know
Shitting a little
And stuff like that
And copping a little bit of seed
And maybe, you know
Trying to fuck a falcon
Or something down by the beach
But after that
He's gonna jet town
But you're out here
And you know
I'm in these rural areas
You know
And it seems like
And you see a bird
And you're like
Oh, that
Okay
This his area
You know
This his block around here
You know
Maybe he's a parent
Or a granddaddy
You know
I saw a sparrow
Look like he probably had
A couple stepchildren
But you know
Everything has more of a story
Because everything has more of a
Has more room to have a story
You know
I think about that stuff sometimes
Like in a smaller town
And it's
You know
I don't know
I just get so dialed in
I get so dialed in
And I just
Everything just feels
Like
Say if you're driving past a park
In a small town
The toys in the park
And the swings
And the slide
They
Suddenly they stand out
Like they have room to breathe
They
They mean something
You know
They hold memories of
Of
Of people's pasts
And of
You know
Of
Children in the springtime
Or
You know
On a fall day
When
You know
School got out early
And the kids hit the park
You know
It just
Or the swing set
It might be like
Oh you know
Maybe you
You know
It's
That swing set
Holds memories
Of like a
You know
A boy
You know
First time he swang
Next to a girl
Because you remember that
I don't know if you remember that
I remember being in elementary school
And I was in elementary school
You know
Some kids didn't go to school at all
I mean
They had a boy in our town
Didn't go to school at all
And people thought he was deaf
And he just
Didn't know anything
So I don't know
Whatever happened to him
Dude probably
Honestly
Could have gotten hit by a car
Because
If you don't know about school
Man
You easily
You know
Could not know how streets work
Or
Could not know how basic
You know
How to deal with automobiliary
When it's
You know
Passing by
But anyhow
Yeah
And I remember the first time
You know
Like I would swing on a swing set
Next to a girl
Like my whole
My whole body
The side of my body
Next to the girl
Was just like
Just
Just
Almost
Rigor mortis
Had
Set in
You know
Just rigor mortis
My whole body
Just like
All the blood was over there
Just like
Listening for her heartbeat
You know
My whole
That side of my body
Was just so heavy
You know
The swing she was closest to
Next to me
Suddenly
Like
The other side of my body
Had just gone
Bleach white
And that other side of my body
Where she was
All the blood had run over there
I was just listening
Just trying to get as close to this
You know
Young lass as I could
You know
Because I was feeling
You know
It's just what I was feeling
I mean
I was just feeling alive
And I think that
That that's what you see
Whenever you're in a smaller town
Things just stand out more
You know
Like
And things have more room to breathe
You see a tree
And you're like
Oh that tree
You know
Somebody has a story
That goes with it
Or
Oh my grandfather
And I used to sit under there
And you know
We used to read
Or think about stuff
Or you know
My uncle used to hide behind there
And you know
You're
Whatever he wanted to do
Drink lemonade
Or something like that
Or just
You know
Make homemade tires
Or whatever he wanted to do
Comb his hair
You know
Put motor oil in his hair
And comb his hair
And wear fucking tight shirts
You know
And put fucking sand
You know
Put sand
You know
Put sand in his shoes
And just pretend he was at the beach
I mean everybody
You know
But I just feel like
In a small town
You get more stories
You know
You get more
I don't know
Things just have more room
And I feel like that man
When I get
When I'm in the cities
When I'm in some of the city
I just
You feel a little bit more
You ever put a file
In a zip drive
You ever do that
If you're emailing somebody
You'd send them a group of files
At once
But you can zip drive it
And it's the same information
It's just like
Air sealed
Kind of
It's like
Compact
That's how I feel
When I'm in the city
There's just no room
Even sometimes
For my imagination
To reach its arms out
Of my brain
And just
You know
Pet the world
And that's one
And that's something
That drives me crazy
Sometimes
And I feel like
I'm not gonna get that
I'm not gonna get that space
I'm not gonna get any
Of that brain
You know
I'm never gonna have that again
And then I come to a town
Like I did this weekend
Over here
To Wyoming, Illinois
And man
This place
1,600 people
And I came here last year
And
And it's a
You know
The town could probably use
A little bit of diversity
Here and there
You know
It's definitely a little bit
You know
It's
It's
It's got a little bit
It's definitely got some
Old school white in it
But it's good people
You know
I mean
Most of the people
Are just friendly
You know
Just loving people
You know
You see a lot of people
Up here
That raise foster children
And do that sort of thing
You know
A lot of people
Are
You know
Have
Church as part of their lives
Or religion of some sort
You know
It could be whatever
Their religion is
But I think
In smaller towns
There's just more
It feels like
There's more room
For anything
And
And I had a good time man
It was nice just to
You know
Suddenly just feel
Human
Because in Los Angeles
Things can get so unhuman
And look
I love
Look
I have a lot of great friends
In Los Angeles
But I'm just saying
There's so much going on
It's almost like
Time
And mother nature
And
Life
Cannot keep it all
Organized
And
And when you're in LA
It feels like the world
Is just kind of juggling
A million things at once
And when you're out here
It feels like the world
Has just like
Kind of set the balls down
On the ground
And
And the balls can rest
They don't have to be
Flying around in the air anymore
So it's just nice man
It's nice to be a part of it
And it's nice to get into a place
And feel like I'm okay
In these places
You know
Driving past cornfields
And
Reminded me
When I used to
You know
Plant corn and cotton
And
You know
Seeing
You know
Driving by a fair
You know
Drove by like a small town
One of those carnivals
You know
Those shady carnivals
Come to town
And
It's usually a lot of alcoholics
And people
You know
Different types
Of methamphetamines
And
People
You know
Hopped up on uppers
Basically trying to keep
Goldfish alive
Traveling from town to town
And you get
You see one of those
Go on
And
Just reminded me
Of time
I used to be out there
You know
Trying to touch
A little bit of titty
Or vomit behind a
Super slide
Just things
I don't know
Maybe it's just
Because I'm from
A smaller place
I see a smaller place
And it reminds me
But it's also nice
To know that
I don't feel disconnected
From those places
You know
I don't
And that's something
I worry about
A lot of times
Like
About how
How I change
Or how I can change
From living in a city
Or living in one place
You know
And how you become
More accustomed to things
Because as humans
We become accustomed
So easily
It's
Like people always say
Don't forget where you came from
You don't forget
Where you come from
But you get used to
Feeling like
Where you are
You know
It's amazing
How adaptable we are
And how I bet
You can go
Forward and backward
And that's
You know
Life's exciting
Like that
Dude
We got a crazy week
We got Jordan Peterson
Coming in
A lot of people
Are really excited
About that
And I'm grateful
You know
He's coming in this week
And he's a premier
Thinker
You know
I was just talking
With my buddy
Simon Rex
About him
And
He kind of
If you're not familiar
With him
You know
You can check out
Jordan Peterson
He's a speaker
He's a brain
He's a mouth
He's a orator
He's a thinker
He's a philosopher
And
And he's a professor
In Canada
But
You know
I think he almost
He has this voice
That embody
That like
I don't know
A lot of men
From my generation
Feel like
It almost seems like
They were fatherless
Or the