Name: What It's Like Going Into a Burning Building
Uploaded: 2026-02-04T20:26:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What It's Like Going Into a Burning Building' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What It's Like Going Into a Burning Building' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-04. Transcript available.

So take me on your first fire.
My first fire.
Well, I've been in car fires, rubbish fires.
We had water leaks, so many water leaks because it was such an old neighborhood.
When we go to a water leak, we got to find out where it's leaking.
Sometimes we got to break into the apartment, gas leaks.
We did everything, all the utilities up there.
So I do it for about three weeks.
I'm still wondering, oh, my God, what's going to happen with a job?
What's it going to be like?
I still have no idea.
I'm a canned man.
The probie gets the canned.
Okay, and the canned means what?
I got a fire extinguisher with a strap on my back, and I got a hook.
And I'm going to be the guy that if I can put out whatever fire I can with the
canned.
Oh.
Is it actually helpful?
Is the canned helpful?
It'll put out.
If a good canned man could maybe put out a room of fire.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, you get your finger over that thing.
You spread it around.
So it's real.
It's real, yeah.
Okay, got it.
Do you remember the day that you get your first fire?
Yeah, it was like three weeks in, and I'm doing my first 12-by watch.
So you have a house watch, you know, and you got to man.
Somebody's got to man it.
It's got a computer in there that comes on and tells you what your alarms are,
and you acknowledge
them.
You hit all the lights.
You send the companies out.
So I got to do my first 12-by.
So I've never done a watch alone yet.
So the 12-by was like, you know, it was a little scary at first.
And that's 12 hours?
No, 12 to 3.
You do a three-hour watch.
Okay.
So 12 o'clock came.
I went in.
I took the book over.
It's midnight.
And I'm sitting there.
And it's like 1 o'clock in the morning.
And all of a sudden, like 1.30, I start falling asleep.
I'm like, I'm sleeping.
Look, I've had a job before.
I know how it is.
I'm sacked out.
And all of a sudden, the alarm goes off.
The computer goes, it starts ticking out this alarm.
I'm like, oh, my God.
I was so scared.
I got up.
I hit the house watch light.
I'm looking at the ticket.
It says engine A4, ladder 3-4, first two, fire on an eighth floor.
So now I got to hit all the bunk room lights.
I got to hit the intercom.
So everybody goes.
I got to hit the three bells.
And then I got to acknowledge on the computer, both companies, 10-4.
And then I got to take the tickets and put them on the truck side and the
engine side.
And then I put my gear on.
And out the door we go.
Let's go, Tony.
I'm amped up.
Oh, man.
So now we get there.
It's 3.30, quarter to 4 in the morning.
And it's like a projects building, about 11 stories.
It was a pretty decent building.
It was on Amsterdam Avenue.
And so we're the forcible entry team.
Me, my lieutenant, who was this salty guy from the Bronx.
Spinelli, he was like a real, I mean, he was the war days, you know, back in
the 60s and the 70s.
How salty.
Salty means, you know, like, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yes.
He was salty.
Yeah, gout.
Burly mustache, unruly hair.
Gout and his smile, huh?
It's all bent and burnt, you know.
Yeah, dude, definitely.
Great guy, though, you know.
Yeah, it was like he was raised in an ashtray.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, this guy, yeah.
So we're the forcible entry teams.
The cam man, an iron man.
He's got an axe and a halogen and the boss.
And we're the three guys.
So now we go into the lobby door and we hit all the buzzes, 3.30 in the morning.
And there's people in there sleeping.
Yeah, no, they're in there.
So all of a sudden they start, but who is it?
Who is it?
And you're like, fire department, open the door, open the door, fire department.
So they buzz you in.
Now they go in the lobby, nothing's showing, nobody's bailing out, you know.
So I'm like, eh, I don't know, so this might not be it.
Take an elevator to the seventh floor because the fire was on the eighth floor.
So we get to the seventh floor and you never take the fire, the elevator to the
fire floor
for obvious reasons.
So we take it and we take the stairs to the eighth floor and we get in this
hallway and
now it's like a big projects hallway.
I don't know if you've ever seen one of them, but they're painted green and
they got
like fluorescent lights and it's long.
So we go to all the doors and we stick our noses in the jams trying to smell
smoke.
We don't smell nothing.
So the boss says to my friend, Jimmy, the Duke, he says, go up to the next
floor and check
it out.
Calls down the battalion, says, yeah, we got nothing showing on the eighth
floor.
We're going to check out the ninth floor.
So with that, now we go into the hallway and my friend is on the top of the
stairs and
he says, Lou, I think we got something.
So I'm like, oh shit, this is it.
I'm in this project hallway, quarter to four in the morning.
I'm running up the steps with my hook and everything.
And there I, and I said, the boss says, what do we have?
And the Duke opens this door and I was like, oh my God, if there was a gate to
hell, this
was it.
Okay.
Black shimmering smoke that looked like satin curtains just going in all
different directions.
And my first thought was no way we're fucking going in there.
Right.
I see these guys.
Hey, look, let me see a two bedroom.
Yeah.
This won't work for us.
Yeah.
They're pulling their boots up and they're putting their air, they're turning
their bottles
on and everything.
I'm like, oh shit, this is it.
So now we're getting down on our hands and knees and the Duke tells me, you,
you hold
my coat.
Okay.
And I'm like, yeah, sure.
I'm holding your coat.
So you're behind him crawling?
I'm behind the Duke.
The boss goes in first, like this black abyss.
We just crawl into on the floor.
What are y'all looking for?
The fire apartment.
Oh, we got to find it.
Oh, so you, this is just the hallway.
The hallway.
Oh, I thought.
Somebody left their door open.
Pull up that hallway you had, Nick.
Is that the one from the actual building?
Oh, this is a general one.
Yeah.
I think, I know what you're talking about though.
It's narrow hallways.
Narrow hallways, long green.
Yeah.
Oh, look at that color.
Yellowish green.
That looked just like that.
Oh God.
So now we're on our hands and knees and I'm, I'm got his coat.
I got the can on my back.
I got my mask on and we're in total blackness and I'm crawling down like a
hundred feet
and I'm saying in my mask, I'm saying, what the fuck am I doing here?
This is fucking crazy.
I'm never going to do this again.
I felt so helpless.
And what am I going to do?
It's pitch black.
We're crawling in a hallway we've never been before.
Yeah, dude.
Oh yeah.
So we crawl up and then all of a sudden we, the Duke stops and he says, we're
at the
fire door.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
Can't see nothing.
Yeah.
It's almost seems like some kind of sex trafficking or something.
They, whatever's going on.
Anyway, whatever's going on, it sounds kind of out of sorts, you know?
It's out of sorts.
Anyway, so carry on.
Sorry.
So it's something that I'd never, I'm like, I'm not doing, I'm quitting in the
morning.
I swear to God, I was quitting.
I was like, what are we going to do in here?
Yeah.
We don't, can't see.
I'm on the ground.
So finally we call in and I crawl in and I hear the boss.
He's up ahead of us in the apartment already.
He says, bring the can in here.
So now I crawl past the Duke.
I'm on my hands and knees.
And about 10 feet up, I see the boss on his knees with a glow of the fire.
He goes, you see the fire?
It's to the left.
And I look and there's a room on fire.
It looks like cotton candy.
The flames are like all over the place.
And how much is it protecting you?
How much is your suit protecting you at that point?
Nah, nothing.
What?
You didn't take it off, bro.
Yeah, no.
They're just coats, you know, to keep you warm, basically.
You got your leather helmet on.
Keep you warm.
And at that point, does it kind of take on a, like, do you start to feel a
little bit
more empowered kind of or something?
No, I felt scared shit.
I just wanted to get out of there and get this fire over with.
So now I see him and he says, do you see the fire?
And I look to the left and I say, yeah, I see the fire.
I'm in this mask, you know.
And he says, hit it with the can.
I got the can and I'm on my knees and I go to hit it and nothing comes out.
I hit it again.
Nothing comes out.
I didn't have air in the can.
It's like a total fuck up for a probie.
You should have put it in there?
That's my fuck up.
Oh, my first job.
So I said to the boss, I got no air in the can.
I've used that excuse a lot of times.
A lot of times over the years, buddy.
I'll tell you that.
And I want to apologize to a lot of those women out there.
But yeah, that was my excuse.
I got no air in the can.
You know?
That's a good analogy.
Yeah.
I got a ladder issue.
But go on.
Fully extended.
Fuck.
You must have been embarrassed, huh?
I wasn't embarrassed.
But yeah, I felt like, oh, man, I'm going to catch some shit for this.
Yeah, I embarrassed everything.
Did you just make a sound like you had air in?
No.
Like, whoosh.
I didn't make no sounds.
I couldn't believe it.
Because, I mean, you always check the can.
You know?
You got to pressurize it, put a little water.
So he says, all right, back out to the doorway.
So now the fire's coming out over our heads in the hallway.
And I get to the door.
We came in crawling.
And the elevator was right across from the apartment, the fire apartment.
And the door opens.
And there's 84 engine without a mask on or anything.
They took the elevator to the fire floor.
And they got stuck.
And they're going down on their knees.
And they're trying to put their masks on.
And I'm yelling in my mask.
I'm like, get the fucking line in here and put the fucking fire.
I'm screaming.
I'm like, out of my mind now.
So finally, they get in.
The line now, it's black again.
And the line is the hose?
The hose.
Okay.
And it's all asses and elbows now in this hallway.
You know?
That's what we call organized confusion.
And so they're bringing the line past me.
I see him get up to the room.
And the boss says, there's the fire to the left.
He crack.
I hear the line crack.
You know, get the water comes up.
He cracks it.
And now he hits it, you know?
And he starts pushing the fire in.
And I squeeze past them.
Because I got to search the apartment.
That's my job.
And you're searching for it to see if there's anybody in there.
The bodies, yeah.
Wow.
So now I'm searching along the wall.
I still can't see.
And I'd get to a window.
And I'd smash it out with my hook.
And I would stick my head out the window.
Because this is the first time I could see again since we left that stairwell.
Oh, yeah.
You got to get some fresh air.
Fresh air and some view of something.
So then I'd go around.
And then all of a sudden, they knocked it down fast.
And I run into the Duke, the Irons man.
And he's like, yo, Proby, you broke your cherry, man.
Congratulations.
And I was like, wow.
I took my mask off.
It was kind of like still gray smoke and steamy.
But it was better than the mask.
You know, because that was so confined.
So I said, yeah, Jimmy, I said my first fire.
But this might be my last fire.
I said, I don't know if I'm doing this again.
And there we were.
We overhauled the apartment.
And we threw the mattress out the window.
We took everything out.
Threw the street down into the street.
And who's down there catching that?
Or you just hitting whoever?
That's free.
Back then, like nobody.
Who gives a shit?
Yeah.
Just hopefully nobody's down there.
You yell out, look out!
And then you throw the burning mattress out the window.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Oh, shit.
I'll throw my ex-wife out that bitch, you know?
Don't suck.
Let's take that out.
Let's take that out.
And then I'm looking out this window.
And it's encrusted with all these embers and shit, you know, like gold and
amber and everything.
And it was like 530 in the morning.
And the Manhattan skyline was turning purple.
So I had all this beautiful thing I was looking.
I was like, wow, this is some sight, you know?
Excuse me.
Yeah.
I'll kiss those guys.
Yeah, it was definitely rock and roll, man.
I was like, yeah.
So now I had to get back.
And I put the air in the can when I got back, changed all the masks and
everything.
Now I had to go up and see the boss, you know?
Take my medicine.
So I walk up to the truck office and I knock on the door.
It's open.
And he says, yeah, come in.
And he's wiping his face down with a towel.
He just came out of the bathroom.
I said, I made like puppy eyes.
I said, Lou, I'm sorry about not having air in the can.
And he's like wiping his face.
He goes, yeah, don't worry about it, kid.
Shit happens.
And I was like, oh, oh, wow.
Thank you.
I was 23 years old, you know?
So now I'm walking out.
And he goes, hey, kid.
And I turn around.
He goes, you did a good job.
And I was like, oh, wow.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
And then I'm driving home saying, am I quitting this fucking job?
Because it was like nothing I've ever experienced.
And growing up, I did a lot of crazy things.
But this was the scariest thing I ever did.
But yet it was so exciting and thrilling.
I mean, I got home and the grass was so greener.
The sky was so blue.
And the air that I was breathing was so appreciated.
Because you were alive.
I was alive, man.
It made me, I was like, wow, that was something.
Dang.
Of course, that wasn't my last job.
I went 21 years more after that.
So.
So.

What It's Like Going Into a Burning Building

So take me on your first fire.
My first fire.
Well, I've been in car fires, rubbish fires.
We had water leaks, so many water leaks because it was such an old neighborhood.
When we go to a water leak, we got to find out where it's leaking.
Sometimes we got to break into the apartment, gas leaks.
We did everything, all the utilities up there.
So I do it for about three weeks.
I'm still wondering, oh, my God, what's going to happen with a job?
What's it going to be like?
I still have no idea.
I'm a canned man.
The probie gets the canned.
Okay, and the canned means what?
I got a fire extinguisher with a strap on my back, and I got a hook.
And I'm going to be the guy that if I can put out whatever fire I can with the
canned.
Oh.
Is it actually helpful?
Is the canned helpful?
It'll put out.
If a good canned man could maybe put out a room of fire.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, you get your finger over that thing.
You spread it around.
So it's real.
It's real, yeah.
Okay, got it.
Do you remember the day that you get your first fire?
Yeah, it was like three weeks in, and I'm doing my first 12-by watch.
So you have a house watch, you know, and you got to man.
Somebody's got to man it.
It's got a computer in there that comes on and tells you what your alarms are,
and you acknowledge
them.
You hit all the lights.
You send the companies out.
So I got to do my first 12-by.
So I've never done a watch alone yet.
So the 12-by was like, you know, it was a little scary at first.
And that's 12 hours?
No, 12 to 3.
You do a three-hour watch.
Okay.
So 12 o'clock came.
I went in.
I took the book over.
It's midnight.
And I'm sitting there.
And it's like 1 o'clock in the morning.
And all of a sudden, like 1.30, I start falling asleep.
I'm like, I'm sleeping.
Look, I've had a job before.
I know how it is.
I'm sacked out.
And all of a sudden, the alarm goes off.
The computer goes, it starts ticking out this alarm.
I'm like, oh, my God.
I was so scared.
I got up.
I hit the house watch light.
I'm looking at the ticket.
It says engine A4, ladder 3-4, first two, fire on an eighth floor.
So now I got to hit all the bunk room lights.
I got to hit the intercom.
So everybody goes.
I got to hit the three bells.
And then I got to acknowledge on the computer, both companies, 10-4.
And then I got to take the tickets and put them on the truck side and the
engine side.
And then I put my gear on.
And out the door we go.
Let's go, Tony.
I'm amped up.
Oh, man.
So now we get there.
It's 3.30, quarter to 4 in the morning.
And it's like a projects building, about 11 stories.
It was a pretty decent building.
It was on Amsterdam Avenue.
And so we're the forcible entry team.
Me, my lieutenant, who was this salty guy from the Bronx.
Spinelli, he was like a real, I mean, he was the war days, you know, back in
the 60s and the 70s.
How salty.
Salty means, you know, like, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yes.
He was salty.
Yeah, gout.
Burly mustache, unruly hair.
Gout and his smile, huh?
It's all bent and burnt, you know.
Yeah, dude, definitely.
Great guy, though, you know.
Yeah, it was like he was raised in an ashtray.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, this guy, yeah.
So we're the forcible entry teams.
The cam man, an iron man.
He's got an axe and a halogen and the boss.
And we're the three guys.
So now we go into the lobby door and we hit all the buzzes, 3.30 in the morning.
And there's people in there sleeping.
Yeah, no, they're in there.
So all of a sudden they start, but who is it?
Who is it?
And you're like, fire department, open the door, open the door, fire department.
So they buzz you in.
Now they go in the lobby, nothing's showing, nobody's bailing out, you know.
So I'm like, eh, I don't know, so this might not be it.
Take an elevator to the seventh floor because the fire was on the eighth floor.
So we get to the seventh floor and you never take the fire, the elevator to the
fire floor
for obvious reasons.
So we take it and we take the stairs to the eighth floor and we get in this
hallway and
now it's like a big projects hallway.
I don't know if you've ever seen one of them, but they're painted green and
they got
like fluorescent lights and it's long.
So we go to all the doors and we stick our noses in the jams trying to smell
smoke.
We don't smell nothing.
So the boss says to my friend, Jimmy, the Duke, he says, go up to the next
floor and check
it out.
Calls down the battalion, says, yeah, we got nothing showing on the eighth
floor.
We're going to check out the ninth floor.
So with that, now we go into the hallway and my friend is on the top of the
stairs and
he says, Lou, I think we got something.
So I'm like, oh shit, this is it.
I'm in this project hallway, quarter to four in the morning.
I'm running up the steps with my hook and everything.
And there I, and I said, the boss says, what do we have?
And the Duke opens this door and I was like, oh my God, if there was a gate to
hell, this
was it.
Okay.
Black shimmering smoke that looked like satin curtains just going in all
different directions.
And my first thought was no way we're fucking going in there.
Right.
I see these guys.
Hey, look, let me see a two bedroom.
Yeah.
This won't work for us.
Yeah.
They're pulling their boots up and they're putting their air, they're turning
their bottles
on and everything.
I'm like, oh shit, this is it.
So now we're getting down on our hands and knees and the Duke tells me, you,
you hold
my coat.
Okay.
And I'm like, yeah, sure.
I'm holding your coat.
So you're behind him crawling?
I'm behind the Duke.
The boss goes in first, like this black abyss.
We just crawl into on the floor.
What are y'all looking for?
The fire apartment.
Oh, we got to find it.
Oh, so you, this is just the hallway.
The hallway.
Oh, I thought.
Somebody left their door open.
Pull up that hallway you had, Nick.
Is that the one from the actual building?
Oh, this is a general one.
Yeah.
I think, I know what you're talking about though.
It's narrow hallways.
Narrow hallways, long green.
Yeah.
Oh, look at that color.
Yellowish green.
That looked just like that.
Oh God.
So now we're on our hands and knees and I'm, I'm got his coat.
I got the can on my back.
I got my mask on and we're in total blackness and I'm crawling down like a
hundred feet
and I'm saying in my mask, I'm saying, what the fuck am I doing here?
This is fucking crazy.
I'm never going to do this again.
I felt so helpless.
And what am I going to do?
It's pitch black.
We're crawling in a hallway we've never been before.
Yeah, dude.
Oh yeah.
So we crawl up and then all of a sudden we, the Duke stops and he says, we're
at the
fire door.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
Can't see nothing.
Yeah.
It's almost seems like some kind of sex trafficking or something.
They, whatever's going on.
Anyway, whatever's going on, it sounds kind of out of sorts, you know?
It's out of sorts.
Anyway, so carry on.
Sorry.
So it's something that I'd never, I'm like, I'm not doing, I'm quitting in the
morning.
I swear to God, I was quitting.
I was like, what are we going to do in here?
Yeah.
We don't, can't see.
I'm on the ground.
So finally we call in and I crawl in and I hear the boss.
He's up ahead of us in the apartment already.
He says, bring the can in here.
So now I crawl past the Duke.
I'm on my hands and knees.
And about 10 feet up, I see the boss on his knees with a glow of the fire.
He goes, you see the fire?
It's to the left.
And I look and there's a room on fire.
It looks like cotton candy.
The flames are like all over the place.
And how much is it protecting you?
How much is your suit protecting you at that point?
Nah, nothing.
What?
You didn't take it off, bro.
Yeah, no.
They're just coats, you know, to keep you warm, basically.
You got your leather helmet on.
Keep you warm.
And at that point, does it kind of take on a, like, do you start to feel a
little bit
more empowered kind of or something?
No, I felt scared shit.
I just wanted to get out of there and get this fire over with.
So now I see him and he says, do you see the fire?
And I look to the left and I say, yeah, I see the fire.
I'm in this mask, you know.
And he says, hit it with the can.
I got the can and I'm on my knees and I go to hit it and nothing comes out.
I hit it again.
Nothing comes out.
I didn't have air in the can.
It's like a total fuck up for a probie.
You should have put it in there?
That's my fuck up.
Oh, my first job.
So I said to the boss, I got no air in the can.
I've used that excuse a lot of times.
A lot of times over the years, buddy.
I'll tell you that.
And I want to apologize to a lot of those women out there.
But yeah, that was my excuse.
I got no air in the can.
You know?
That's a good analogy.
Yeah.
I got a ladder issue.
But go on.
Fully extended.
Fuck.
You must have been embarrassed, huh?
I wasn't embarrassed.
But yeah, I felt like, oh, man, I'm going to catch some shit for this.
Yeah, I embarrassed everything.
Did you just make a sound like you had air in?
No.
Like, whoosh.
I didn't make no sounds.
I couldn't believe it.
Because, I mean, you always check the can.
You know?
You got to pressurize it, put a little water.
So he says, all right, back out to the doorway.
So now the fire's coming out over our heads in the hallway.
And I get to the door.
We came in crawling.
And the elevator was right across from the apartment, the fire apartment.
And the door opens.
And there's 84 engine without a mask on or anything.
They took the elevator to the fire floor.
And they got stuck.
And they're going down on their knees.
And they're trying to put their masks on.
And I'm yelling in my mask.
I'm like, get the fucking line in here and put the fucking fire.
I'm screaming.
I'm like, out of my mind now.
So finally, they get in.
The line now, it's black again.
And the line is the hose?
The hose.
Okay.
And it's all asses and elbows now in this hallway.
You know?
That's what we call organized confusion.
And so they're bringing the line past me.
I see him get up to the room.
And the boss says, there's the fire to the left.
He crack.
I hear the line crack.
You know, get the water comes up.
He cracks it.
And now he hits it, you know?
And he starts pushing the fire in.
And I squeeze past them.
Because I got to search the apartment.
That's my job.
And you're searching for it to see if there's anybody in there.
The bodies, yeah.
Wow.
So now I'm searching along the wall.
I still can't see.
And I'd get to a window.
And I'd smash it out with my hook.
And I would stick my head out the window.
Because this is the first time I could see again since we left that stairwell.
Oh, yeah.
You got to get some fresh air.
Fresh air and some view of something.
So then I'd go around.
And then all of a sudden, they knocked it down fast.
And I run into the Duke, the Irons man.
And he's like, yo, Proby, you broke your cherry, man.
Congratulations.
And I was like, wow.
I took my mask off.
It was kind of like still gray smoke and steamy.
But it was better than the mask.
You know, because that was so confined.
So I said, yeah, Jimmy, I said my first fire.
But this might be my last fire.
I said, I don't know if I'm doing this again.
And there we were.
We overhauled the apartment.
And we threw the mattress out the window.
We took everything out.
Threw the street down into the street.
And who's down there catching that?
Or you just hitting whoever?
That's free.
Back then, like nobody.
Who gives a shit?
Yeah.
Just hopefully nobody's down there.
You yell out, look out!
And then you throw the burning mattress out the window.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Oh, shit.
I'll throw my ex-wife out that bitch, you know?
Don't suck.
Let's take that out.
Let's take that out.
And then I'm looking out this window.
And it's encrusted with all these embers and shit, you know, like gold and
amber and everything.
And it was like 530 in the morning.
And the Manhattan skyline was turning purple.
So I had all this beautiful thing I was looking.
I was like, wow, this is some sight, you know?
Excuse me.
Yeah.
I'll kiss those guys.
Yeah, it was definitely rock and roll,