Name: Emo Nemo | This Past Weekend #115
Uploaded: 2018-07-23T13:02:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Emo Nemo | This Past Weekend #115' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Emo Nemo | This Past Weekend #115' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-23. Transcript available.

Emo Nemo | This Past Weekend #115

Hey guys, before I start today's episode, I just want to let you know, so you'll
see in the episode, I'll change shirts if you're watching on YouTube, because I
started the episode and then I had to go do the show in Raleigh, my last show
on Sunday night and then I had to come back.
I know maybe you guys don't care, but what I realized while I was at the show
was that I hadn't taken my antidepressants in about three, tomorrow morning
will be my fourth day.
And some of you guys, if you don't take antidepressants, you don't care, you
don't know, that's fine.
But for me, man, you know, I get kind of chirped out, you know, I'm fine, but I
just get a little bit of, you know, I get a little bit of emo-nemo, you know, I
start kind of swimming around in my feelings too much.
So, it's not a disclaimer or anything, but I did notice, you know, before I was
leaving for the show that I was just kind of, you know, just kind of stressed
out.
It's just been a long week and then when you don't have that support, your
training wheels are gone, it can get a little tricky.
But I love you guys and let's get into the episode.
Today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.
Gray Block for that pizza that you need.
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All right.
Let's get that hitter live from Raleigh, North Carolina.
Raleigh, Raleigh, Raleigh.
Let's rely on ourselves to get through this episode.
Onward, baby.
Every night I like, every night I lock you away.
Every night I feel like a fake.
I put on a show, knowing nobody will go.
Mm-hmm.
Every night you sleep.
Every night I play a beat.
Steal your things that you know, but you still believe.
That it was me.
It was me.
Yeah, it was me.
There you go.
That's Jameson Flood with Every Night.
Every night I lie awake.
Every night I put on a, I feel like a fake.
I put on a show.
Interesting lines there.
You know, interesting lyrics.
Interesting notes.
For years, boy.
Interesting little sound bites.
Just things to think about.
You know, what's going on?
I'm here from Raleigh, North Carolina.
Dude, this one's coming to you by sunlight.
I put this thing up by sunlight.
Usually I put up the lamps and I tape this thing in the evening.
But I still have another show to do.
I got a show I got to be at and literally I'll be on stage in one hour from now.
So a lot of you guys are like, well, it's going to be a short episode.
It might be.
It might be that tiny dancer.
You know, this might be a mouse.
You know, this might not be a lemur.
This might not be a leopard.
This might be a mouse.
But it might be a circus mouse.
Well, yeah, you might have a little bit of a circus mouse.
Because some people, you know, a lot of mice can't do the shows.
And a lot of mice are powerful.
You know?
And if a mice gets electrocuted enough, he could be a rat.
So sometimes you don't need that leopard.
You think you need that leopard.
But you need that fucking shifty mouse.
Sometimes you get that mouse.
That little Brazilian jiu-jitsu fucking little, you know, that dirty little midget
marsupial.
You know, that crafty little fucking cheese snacker.
Think about it.
Dude, a mouse?
A lot of people talk about fancy animals.
You know, they talk about, you know, everybody's always talking about the polar
bears and shit like that.
Animals we don't even see, bro.
We don't know anything about the polar bears, dude.
What are you talking about?
There's a couple pictures of them.
Their hair's always yellow.
Because I guess a lot of them look like they smoke cigarettes.
You know, and so a lot of the smoke gets on your mustache like your granddaddy
used to have when he'd, you know, blow them Winston's.
And that smoke would get all, you know what I'm saying?
And if you didn't have a granddaddy with a yellow mustache and a little bit of
light green tinge on his cheeks, then maybe you didn't have a real granddaddy.
But yeah, man, a lot of animals, they're fancy animals out there.
You know, a lot of big animals.
And people talk about, you know, chimpanzees, you know, bonobos, you know, meerkats
and the like, you know, Komodo dragons.
But a lot of people, nobody wants to give credit to a mouse.
Think about a fucking mouse, dude.
A mouse, um, dude, a mouse could be anywhere right now.
What's in your sofa?
What's living in your sofa?
A fucking leopard?
Doubt it.
Maybe a mouse.
You know, a mouse have so many small practices.
Mouse love cheese.
We love cheese.
You don't think there's some, you know, you're, you can, you, you have so much
more.
You can relate to a mouse so much more than you can so many other animals.
Sometimes you get scared.
Mice get scared.
You know, mice don't like cats.
A lot of people don't like cats.
You know, but sometimes you want these big animals.
You want these fancy hitters.
But all you need is that mouse.
You need something small.
You need something.
You just need something.
You know, you got to keep it small.
Aim small.
Miss small.
You know, I don't want to keep it big.
I'm trying to stay focused.
It's been nice here in Raleigh.
Raleigh.
Well, first of all, you guys should have a meeting and decide how you're going
to pronounce your city.
Raleigh.
Raleigh.
Some guy said it like that.
I'm like, dude, that's not a name.
You got fucking, dude, you got adult asthma, son.
You might have water in your lungs, baby.
You got them fucking titanics in your chest, dude.
Your shit's sinking.
You know what I'm saying?
You might want to tell the band to keep playing because you fucking going down
with your own fucking, with your own breathe ship.
You know, you got them fucking inner body bags, those breath shuttles, and your
shit's filling up with water.
He's like, welcome to Raleigh, North Carolina.
Like, bro, you need to get checked out.
Or you don't even need to get checked out.
Just know that your shit is, you got some fucking interior leaks going on.
You know, just know that when you have a glass of water, probably about 6% of
it ends up in your lungs.
Just know how, you know, know what your intake is like.
But it's been nice here.
What's been going on?
You know, sometimes I get amped up and sometimes I get more amped down.
You know.
Sometimes I get like a tiger.
Sometimes I feel like a loud animal and sometimes I just feel a little bit more
like a mouse.
You know, and I like being a mouse, I think.
You know, because a mouse,
you know, a squeak is pretty specific.
A mouse can't do, make a lot of sounds.
You know, a mouse can make a squeak.
So you have to be very,
you got to be specific.
You got to try and be articulate.
You know, you have to try and be effective.
You know, people are,
I say people,
and I'm,
when I say people,
I'm talking about myself.
I just don't want to feel alone.
So a lot of times I'll say people or I'll say we.
But I,
man, I think there's going to start to be people.
I,
here I do it again.
I think that silence,
that peace is just that it's all going to start to become so much more of a
commodity.
Like, you know,
like back in the old days,
it used to be like,
oh,
there's gold in those hills over there.
And people would show up to go get the gold.
But,
you know,
I feel like in 10 years,
it's going to be like,
oh,
there's a,
there's a,
there's no advertisements over in those hills over there.
Or there's no,
you know,
no,
no,
there's no,
you know,
backhanded marketing over there in that cave over there.
There's no loud noises that you don't want.
There's no constant music,
constant sounds,
constant,
just loudness.
There's peace of mind over there.
That's can,
that's the new gold,
that peace of mind.
You know,
it used to be a gold mine,
M-I-N-E,
and now it's peace of mind.
You know what I'm saying?
I'll be in there all day with a pickaxe,
just trying to get a fucking moment of solitude,
a moment of silence,
a moment of,
just a moment of that.
A moment of mouse.
Because man,
they got,
it's a lot of tigering.
It's a lot of tigering.
They got a lot of false tigers out there,
scratching at you,
and trying to get our attention.
They got a lot of,
you know,
crazy cats over here,
dancing and dancing.
Next thing you know,
I've been watching this cat for two years,
and this cat ain't doing anything for me.
But here I am yelling at you.
And I'm not trying to preach about things.
I don't know what I'm thinking about.
When you get down here in the south, man,
and you get lifted up.
You get the spirit.
This is Andy Griffith country.
A lot of people don't know Andy Griffith.
He was,
he was from Mount Arie.
Where is he from?
Andy Griffith.
He's from,
I believe it's,
Arie.
I don't know how you pronounce it.
Andy Griffith.
He's from right around here.
He went to UNC.
He's from Mount Arie,
North Carolina.
Andy Griffith.
He had,
he had a children,
Andy Griffith Jr.
And Dixie,
and Dixie Griffith.
And he died in Manteo,
North Carolina,
July 3rd.
And he was born in June.
And he died in July.
And so,
you know,
he was a,
he was,
he must've been a shot of light
and a shot of warmth
because he showed up in the summer
and left in the summer.
And that wasn't a winter man.
But Andy Griffith,
one of the best storytellers
ever.
You know,
and you can still find a lot of his stuff
on YouTube
and if you really go looking.
And some of my favorite storytellers,
Jerry Clower
out of Yazoo City,
Mississippi.
Still one of the greatest
albums ever sold.
You go look on albums
sold all time.
And it's a,
it was a small man
out of Yazoo,
Mississippi.
One of the greatest storytellers
of our time.
And you know what?
I felt a little inspired,
man.
You know,
I like telling stories
and I get inspired by men like that
and Andy Griffith.
And we went to the park.
I went to the park over there
with my buddy Kevin.
My buddy Sneaky Kevin showed up
and I,
T-shirt Kevin,
they call him.
And I met him,
him and his brother
were,
you know,
drinking beer
and playing skill crane
trying to win stuffed animals
on a cruise ship.
And I saw that man and I said,
damn boy,
you know,
and they're probably in their 40s
or even their 60s.
I don't fucking know,
bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Even when you look at them,
you don't,
you don't know what's going on
with them really,
you know,
calendarically,
you know,
age wise.
But,
but I saw those two gentlemen
playing a skilled crane,
drinking canned beer,
trying to win stuffed animals,
man.
And I said,
fuck,
I got to talk to these guys
right here,
you know,
because these guys are on to something.
These guys are on to something.
Trying to win a real quiet little bear
or a fucking,
you know,
a litt