Name: Is Theo a Trustworthy White? ft Bobby Lee | TPW Clips
Uploaded: 2018-07-28T19:49:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is Theo a Trustworthy White? ft Bobby Lee | TPW Clips' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is Theo a Trustworthy White? ft Bobby Lee | TPW Clips' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-28. Transcript available.

But can I say something about you, man?
Yeah.
You are one of those trustworthy whites.
Yeah.
Even when I first met you, not so much, but when I met you, I was like, this
guy would
never hang me.
Yeah.
I wouldn't.
Yeah, because you're like-
I'd sneak out there at night and give you water.
Oh, you're like a Schindler.
Yeah.
While you were hanging.
Right.
The day before they were going to hang you.
What?
The day before they were going to hang you, I'd sneak out there that night and
give you
water.
Yeah, but what if I said, hey, hey, hey, can you get me out of here?
I would say, I can't.
Why?
Because they're going to know.
They're going to know?
And I'll die too.
Okay, but I'm going to die.
Yeah, I know you are, buddy.
Hold on.
It's not that comforting.
It doesn't feel good.
Let it keep going.
You haven't fucking let the scene play out.
Okay.
I know you're going to die.
Let's start from the top then.
Okay.
Okay.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Yeah.
So it's nighttime, right?
Right.
And it's raining.
What year is it?
I have to know what year it is.
It's whenever you guys died, dude.
1670.
All right.
Let's do it.
Okay.
Let's just say 1967.
And your shoulder were more jacked.
Alabama.
Alabama.
We're fucking hanging Asians in Alabama.
Where?
This is San Francisco, wasn't it?
Where they killed a lot of Asian people?
Wasn't that where they?
No.
Well, that was in the 40s during World War II.
They had internment camps.
Yeah.
But they didn't hang the Japanese.
They just put them in camps.
Okay.
Then this was in China where they did this.
China, they, where was that?
There was a ton of, do you remember they would hang them by their, by their
hair?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where was that at?
I read a couple of books about this when I was young.
You don't remember?
Okay.
So let's just pretend.
Let's just pretend it's Alabama.
Okay.
It's Alabama.
In the 60s.
Because you're a white dude.
You're Southern, right?
Okay.
Yeah.
So I'm in a cage.
We're in a cage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're in a cage.
You're free, but you.
No, I'm in a cage.
I'm about to die the next day.
Okay.
Are they just going to let me roam free like I'm cow?
You're in a, one of those things.
These things.
Oh, I'm in a.
Stockard.
What do you call those though?
A guillotine.
No, guillotine is a knife on it.
The stocks is.
The stocks.
My bad.
No, no, no.
I'm not medieval.
My bad.
Yeah.
I'm in a stock.
You're in the stocks.
And so I'm going to.
Okay, it's nighttime.
Let me have the first line though.
Okay, it's raining.
Thanks for the water, even though it's raining.
Oh, yeah.
I didn't know it was going to be raining.
Yeah, but thanks.
I was parched.
No worries.
Choppy chop.
What'd you call me?
Nothing, guy.
Oh, okay.
I'm just making sure you're okay.
I'm fine.
Yeah, but I think they're going to.
I think they're going to do something tomorrow, like hang me or something.
I don't think hang you.
It's like a surprise party.
I think.
Oh, it is?
Yeah.
It's not my birthday or nothing.
Yeah, but it's like a big day for you.
It is?
Yeah.
Is it one of my.
I have a feeling it's going to be one of my last days.
Oh, it depends on how you look at it like that.
That's why I'm actually here right now to talk to you about Jesus Christ.
Oh, yeah.
No, thanks.
Oh, come on, guy.
Guy, no, thanks.
Look, guy.
But listen, can I just say, guy.
Yeah.
What's your name again?
My name is Reggie.
Can I call you Master Reggie then?
I mean, you can.
Master Reggie.
Yeah, just don't say it too loud.
Okay.
Can you sneak me out of here?
I'm going to see what I can do.
I can probably come back tomorrow night and help you.
Tonight, I can just give you water and also have this small bag of fresh pears.
Oh, I love pears.
Thank you.
I know you do.
Can you slice them?
Because my hands, I can't.
Yeah, I'll slice them.
Okay.
But if they're going to hate me tomorrow, then what's tomorrow night going to,
what is I
going to do?
Yeah, that's a good point, actually.
You're going to be a little late.
Can you say something inspirational to me to make me feel comfortable?
Yeah, I can.
Comfort me.
I'm going to tell you this.
What?
That even though a lot of the books and stuff just show that God just has a lot
of white
people in heaven, that everybody's allowed in heaven and that you're going to
be up there
and that you're going to be a king.
Will I be able to go in the white sections of heaven?
You can stop by.
You know?
Yeah, yeah.
But also there's some black...
Is it roped off or is there a fence up there?
Dude, the only thing roped off is going to be you tomorrow.
I'm just joking, guy.
It's just a surprise party.
Oh, man.
Okay, well, you're going to be there at the party?
I'll be there.
Cool.
But don't look me in the eyes.
Can I just say something about the scene?
I really didn't feel comforting.
I think that you're nicer than that.
Okay.
I'm being real.
I think this is my honest truth.
Okay.
And when I said that you were one of the good wives, I really meant it.
I believe that if I was imprisoned, that you would be really caring.
You would have tears in your eyes and you would really care.
I don't know if you can do that as an actor.
I don't think you have that kind of depth.
Like Johnny Depp?
Yeah.
But I'm just letting you know that we joked around just now, but in real life,
I really
believe that you would make me cry and go, thank you so much, sir.
Okay.
You can't do it now, I don't think.
I might be able to.
I don't.
Really?
Let's try it.
All right.
So I'm going to be real too, because.
Okay.
So here we go.
Is this taped?
Yeah.
Okay.
Sir.
I think they're going to kill me tomorrow.
You can't laugh, man.
You're fucking up.
No, but the way you looked at me was so fucking funny.
It wasn't funny, dude.
Let's do it again.
Sorry.
It's not funny.
You're going to fucking.
Cut.
Cut.
Let's do a scene.
All right.
But the way you looked at me was so sincere.
It made me laugh so hard.
So let's start.
All right.
All right.
I'm going to be real.
Yeah, that's what I'm supposed to do, you fucking piece of shit.
All right.
Just look away from me and turn to me like that when I say my line.
That's what I did, bro.
I know.
Let's get another shot at it.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Sir.
I thought that the white dude, I don't know if he was your brother or whatever
he goes.
I'm going to hang you.
You gook tomorrow.
You flat-faced gook.
I'm scared.
Time for you to die, you little fucking snap pea.
Is that it?
No, that's it.
Let me try again.
No, that.
All right.
That was.
Can I just say this?
Why'd you call me that?
I mean, that's just like an old nickname, I think.
Wait.
Wait.
From where you're from, you used to call Asians snap peas?
Dude, look.
I don't even know any Asians, bro.
You're the only Asian person that I know, dude, except for some like I've seen
on the
internet.
Allie Wong?
You know her?
I know her a little bit, though.
You've been around her, though.
I've been around her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't really know her.
Thank you guys for checking out this clip.
And if you want to see another clip, then you can look at this clip or this
clip.
Either one of these.
So, did you pick one or are you still just watching me do this?
Because this is alarming.