Name: Anything Can Happen In a Van | TPW Clip
Uploaded: 2018-08-04T20:34:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anything Can Happen In a Van | TPW Clip' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anything Can Happen In a Van | TPW Clip' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-04. Transcript available.

man remember going out on the town when you were young man you're 16 years old
or you were
you know 22 and you hit the town anything could fucking happen bro a friend
pulled up he showed
up in a fucking van he didn't even drive a van one of his parents drove a van
and one of his
parents who were probably were not super smart let their son a 16 year old kid
take the fucking
van to go out at night is there any how has that not caught on to parents don't
let your fucking son
take the van a van is just a trap house on wheels anything could happen dude if
somebody had a car
it was like oh things was limited you know you could ride around you could
listen to some music
you could put some beers in a trunk you could smoke a joint right somebody had
a fucking van
dude if your friend had a van bro anything could happen you could start a small
business you could
run a butcher shop in the back of that bitch son you know what i'm saying y'all
doing 40 miles an
hour and fucking dropping bacon bits out the back in a van anything could
happen in a van
you could start a little family back there you could run a you could start an
advertising agency back
there you know it's mad men back here in the in the third row dude if you ever
had a van with that
third row anything could happen in a van but i remember when you were young the
night the night was
thick boy you got out you know your friend picked you up at eight o'clock y'all
rolled out if you was
girls you was a couple of bad bitches rolling out you know put in your fucking
you know put in a real
you know put your strongest tampon in and hit the town we doing it tonight daniela
you know you know
what i'm saying maria you know what i'm saying huh huh susan huh tiffany
tonight we letting it all hang
out no bra tonight girl i'm letting these titties touch the wind man i miss
that being young you every
dude i remember we go out man i remember one time my buddy picked me up and he
had a van he had the
longest van you could get if you ever seen that van it was like for church
right but then every now
and then somebody who wasn't with the church would get the church van dude that
thing had nine rows
you know i'm saying the eighth row was just for sin the ninth row bro they had
usually like a little
you know a cooler back there a couple of get you a couple of uh you know some
juice hitters some um
you know capri suns you know you get them capri suns and you just juicing
yourself up just dousing
yourself up with fruit juices in that ninth row then you jump back over the
seat into that eighth row
and sin again boy you know i'm saying drop your sin stick in and you had maybe
a lady back there if you
was being real wild you might have had a little man back there with you you
know and that was it man
that church somebody somebody who wasn't with the church got that church van
and anything could happen
dude they have the fourth row that was that was for remedial reading they had
tutoring going on in the
fourth row the fifth row they had somebody was usually grilling cheeses or you
know doing grilling cheeses
there somebody hit you with that small that just that if if i don't know if you've
ever eaten a
grilling cheese but they're good you know somebody someone was had a dog back
there and they were talking
about you know maybe they were going to listen to widespread panic or something
i mean anything that lost when somebody got that when somebody that wasn't with
the church got the
church van
dirty magic could happen you know i'm saying dirty fucking magic
you know they had dirt you know the one of the rows it was somebody doing magic
or pretending they
were doing magic but really they were just trying to touch each you know just
trying to get a little bit
of touch you know a little bit of david david coppin feels you know what i'm
saying oh come back here
i'm gonna pull a rabbit out this hat but then you get back there and the only
thing in that hat is
you know a little bit of regular cock and you're like oh this this ain't a
rabbit
this ain't a rabbit you know but i'm gonna let that thing hop around on me
man being young man when you were man anything could happen when you were young
and when you had a
friend that got to somebody that wasn't with the church got that church van
could you believe a parent much less a parent with the church first of all what
is the church
doing selling that van back out into the world what do they think is going to
happen
not every family has 19 children remember that van you know the long van i'm
talking about
that thing was like a 40 seater you could put two baseball teams in the van and
still have a couple
rows for referees to sit between them but any man was some wild stuff happened
with somebody who
wasn't with the church got a hold of that church van and they had a boy like
that in my town this
beautiful boy named samson and he would come pick us up in that church van bro
do one of the windows
immediately we couldn't get it open somebody just fucking broke that bitch out
with a hammer
and we were so full we were in like the sixth row you couldn't even hear the
the glass break in the
front and we was smoking giants in there we was smoking just american children's
giants just blowing just
huffing huge amounts of marijuana into our lungs and i'm talking them horse leg
hitters man
we had one boy with us he was so weak he couldn't even hold up some of the big
giants we was smoking
he couldn't even hold them he had to hold them with both arms and then also get
one of his legs up
there to hold that giant you know he had to fucking put uh he had a he had to
get two hands and a foot
up there to hold that giant up to his mouth and he was just huh dude people
smoking horse legs dude
equestrians you know i'm saying the kind of joints that might test positive for
uh for doping for
steroids they'd then be horse legs baby just
dude i i remember i got high one time you know they picked me up at eight o'clock
i got so high i fell
asleep at 8 15 i was unconscious right uh but still i was young man and you
could you could faint or pass
out you could die when you were young and you wake back up two hours later and
people are like where
you been you're like i've been fucking dead in row six i'm like well come on
back man you're like i'm
back now you know this is reincarnation past that jaunt again and you get jaunted
up but i remember all
kind of stuff people you know using um you know making uh you'd have a one row
seven or row eight
somebody making illegal footwear anything could happen you know they had a
couple of children back
there with printing presses you know um you know making propaganda flyers
anything could happen
you know you know the first or second row that's where people that really you
know
some people were just looking for a ride hitchhikers everybody was in that in
that that church van
when somebody with that wasn't with the church got a hold of it you know you'd
have people in in the
second row you'd have or the third row you'd have people touching each other's
crotches you know
fangabonging you know fangabonging each other or but by the seventh row they'd
be raising a child
the same people later that evening it was just you know anything could happen
you get married in row
five you know what i'm saying child rearing in row seven divorced in row 11
working for the city in
row 12 bam son you got a whole fucking life going on in that church van boy
thing had 46 rows dude
they had a funeral going on row 39 somebody gone somebody died and this time
died for full-time
this full-time 40 hours a week dead we're not talking part-time but man that
was a wild that
was wild and that was wild being young thank you guys for checking out this
clip and if you want
to see another clip then you can look at this clip or this clip either one of
these so did you pick
one or you still just watching me do this because this is alarming
Thank you.