Name: Anthrax Challenge #3 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo
Uploaded: 2018-08-08T20:21:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anthrax Challenge #3 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anthrax Challenge #3 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-08. Transcript available.

What's up guys and welcome to the anthrax challenge number three. This is a
knife that was given to us by Reeves Blades a while back.
The first time we ever opened any mail that came into the studio. I want to
thank anybody that's ever sent anything in to us.
I think we'll put the address down below. Should we do that? Yeah, we'll put
the address down below so that if you want to send something in, you can do
that.
We've gotten a lot of great stuff. I want to show everybody one thing that came
in at the end of one of our episodes last week.
This actually was a Reeves blade. This was sent in by Reeves, a company called
Reeves Blades.
I'll put a link to their blades again down below this. This is a beautiful
blade, man.
If you're thinking about finishing off somebody, at least do it in style.
You don't want to kill your cousin with a damn kitchen knife.
Do it with something classy, you know what I'm saying? Show some respect for
your family.
So we got this. This is from Nick Nacarado.
And this is a beautiful American flag, man. Look at this piece.
You know, and I'm still a firm believer in America as a country.
I know a lot of people are denouncing it and everything, but also still living
here.
So, kind of weird, you know.
But I love it here, and this is a beautiful place, and this is a beautiful
piece.
And we'll put the link, and this is from Nick Nacarado.
I mean, this is a dang beautiful flag.
And I think that these are fairly decently priced items.
He might even give a code or something.
If he does, we can check with him right now and see if he'll give, like, a code
to any of our listeners.
He may not, but I'm going to ask him right now.
And if he doesn't, don't hold it against him.
It's a beautiful piece.
But I want to do a mail call.
I want to open up some things.
Now, the crazy thing is some of these things go to my home,
and I don't know if they are, like, regular mail that I ordered
or if they are stuff that you guys have sent in.
But I am ready right now to take the anthrax challenge.
Number three, you know what I'm saying?
They might try to poison the dog.
You never know.
You never know.
So, come on, get in there.
Okay, this is a beautiful box right here.
And if you look at just the outline of this box, this is ivory or something.
This might be, you know, cheap ivory, it feels like, almost cardboard, white
cardboard.
Ooh, now this is some different items.
Right here, look at this.
Colorful ideas in here, colorful items.
And I see a transforming walnut scrub.
Dude, if I scrub my walnuts anymore, dude, I've already really, really brought
mine to a boil a few times.
Dear Theo, you are one funny motherfucker.
Thanks for all your wisdom and laughs.
It helps me through my day.
I hope you like some of these skin care products.
You may have funkadelic hair, but your skin will be glowing.
Mull it over and get it back to me.
Hee hee.
Mull it over.
Let me know if you have any questions.
At scared, scar titty, scare titty, gang gang.
And this is a young lady, and she said that she would send me some stuff, and
she did.
And I'll put a link to her Instagram below.
If you want some of these beautiful Henriksen, Ole Henriksen, all day hydration,
nourishes.
Dude, don't go around with your skin fucking unnourished, you fucking maniac.
What if you had a child?
Would you let him starve and carry him around at the park?
No.
You'd feed your child, wouldn't you?
Well, think about what your skin.
Your skin is just a huge, stretched-out child all over your body.
You've got to feed your skin with nourishing stuff.
This is sheer transformation, perfecting moisturizer.
This is that kind of shit that'll make you, you know what I'm saying, go to bed,
a man, wake up a woman.
This will make you mail your nuts to your cousin.
This is that, you know, Jerry Jenner.
What's the man's name who did the sex change?
Jerry?
Bruce Jenner.
This is that clean truth, foaming cleanser.
Wouldn't this be crazy if you actually got the clean truth out of it, if you
washed your face and you had to tell somebody the truth?
Fuck, we'd all be dirty, wouldn't we?
Everybody's lying.
This is that rubbing buff, that transforming salt scrub.
Woo-hoo!
Dude, I ain't rubbing with salt.
Hell no, man.
I've made some poor choices, dude.
I jerked off one time with a handful of cardamom spice and a little bit of nutmeg
because I thought it had nut on it.
I was like, oh, this'll help.
But it just made my penis feel real, real hot.
But thank you for that stuff.
At Scartidy.
At C-A-R-T-I-D-Y.
All right, let's open this next gift right here.
What do we have?
This right here came in.
This is from Peebles.
And this is on Walnut Avenue.
So, we don't know what this is.
This could be something crazy.
And somebody, you might be walnuts if you're sending in something.
I hope this isn't any body hair.
And I've also considered, actually, whenever I get my hair cut, saving some of
the hair and mailing it off to somebody that's a fan of the show.
So, imagine getting a pack of hair in the mail.
Not from a murderer.
Now, that's something special that only this podcast does for you.
Now, here we got this wrapped up accoutrement.
What could this be?
Something soft.
Could be a hat.
Oh, this is a place called Biscuits and Porn.
So, a couple things I've done.
Definitely, boy.
I put jelly on everything.
You feel me?
And this is a t-shirt that someone sent in.
Biscuits and Porn.
So, thank you for that.
That's from a real company, I guess.
And there's not a note with it.
This is a previous note.
But that's it.
Thank you so much, Peebles, for that Biscuits and Porn shirt.
That could be a nice accoutrement.
You know, that's that full body, you know, that upper body wear.
Also known as a shirt.
Okay, here we have something right here.
It's called Cuff Covers LLC sent this in.
And this priority mail is $6.70.
And that's expensive mail.
And you know Kevin Costner brings around the expensive mail.
Sometimes I like to think about that at night, that Kevin Costner brings the
most expensive mail to you.
And here we go.
We got it right here.
Cuff Covers.
If you have cuffs, you can cover them.
Go cuff yourself.
I like that.
It's a play on words.
Go fuck yourself is what they're saying.
But they're saying cuff.
So basically, if you have a pant cuff, if you cuff your pants, now you can use
these cuff covers to go over them.
And that's kind of a neat thing.
I never thought about that.
It's kind of stylish.
If you want to be in the Navy or if you just want to be, you know, kind of, you
know, if you want to hit on men even, I guess, or hit on women.
This seems like something, honestly, that's more, is a little bit more for the,
I don't want to say homoerotic crowd.
But it's definitely, if I'm trying to meet a woman, I'm probably not going to
wear this, you know.
But if I'm trying to meet a man, I might put these cuff covers on and vice
versa.
This is if you're going same sex.
If you're leaving the house and you love your body so much, you want to get
another body that's just like yours, you know, and you're going same sex action.
This says, Dear Theo, good morning.
I've been debating on reaching out for a while.
I decided writing, then calling.
When you asked about your listeners, I thought someone like me might represent
a small category of your listeners.
I am a Marine Corps combat veteran, Purple Heart recipient.
Well, now I feel pretty awkward about making fun of these cuff covers.
I'm an inventor, small business owner, half black man.
And hopefully the half black isn't from, you know, a fire or something that he
was in.
Born in Georgia, raised in Buffalo, New York.
Go Bills, baby.
Over the past year, I've been listening to your podcast while running my
business.
You know, slanging them cuffs, he said.
And that's what he's talking about here, these cuff covers.
There are a few things on my mind when it comes to writing.
I guess with starting off, you're not wearing jeans skinny enough for my
product.
I hope you know someone who could wear them.
I know you've been seeing someone.
Maybe they could cover their cuffs with the pair I sent you.
So that's true, actually.
I could give these cuff covers out as a gift.
Now, here's the thing.
Somebody that's fashionable would wear these.
Somebody that's French or somebody that's from maybe Guatemala, you know, or
somebody that has, like, integrity.
Maybe Brendan Schaub would wear this shit.
You know what I'm saying?
He might wear these on his earlobes because he likes to be fancy.
He likes that fence.
I started a business and school got away from me.
I'm hoping you can do a special shout-out for my product or show it on your
podcast.
Come on.
Cuff covers.
The only pair of cuffs you want on.
Add some pizzazz.
Let me see.
He said,
Recently, I've been thinking about my mom, who was a single mom while raising
me, and her personal struggles.
As I said above, I am half black.
Okay, and it must be from his parents, not from an accident or something.
My mom is white, and now that I am an adult and this climate of race is so
abundant in our culture,
I find myself thinking about the stories I've heard she has went through.
Throughout my adolescence, I remember being teased that I was adopted because
my mom is white,
and I look mostly black.
Being born in Georgia, my mom received scrutiny from both black and white
communities for whom she loved
and what her son looked like.
2018, there's still a percentage of people who disagree with interracial
marriage are interracial people.
That makes me extremely angry and hurt that people disagree with me even being
alive.
Yeah, I could understand that.
Let me see.
Okay, and this guy just goes into a lot of different ideas and thoughts that he
has.
This is more of a personal letter, I think, to me.
But hey, cover your cuffs right there.
Let's see what else we got.
All right, we got something right here that came in from Megan Sunday, and this
is from Jinx, Oklahoma.
And that sounds like a place where actual anthrax might come from.
So let's see what she sent in.
She sent that box, and she put it in a bag.
Oh, look at that.
Be good to yourself, it says.
That's nice of her.
Thank you, Ms. Jinx.
Oh, this might be a little pet or something.
I hope it's not a pet.
It's been sitting in the corner for about three weeks.
Oh, look at that.
Gang, gang.
Look at that artwork here.
And that's from Megan Jinx right here.
This past weekend.
Let's see what we got.
Theo, what's up, son?
Love the podcast.
My brother and I enjoy the show in Oklahoma.
Keep up the great work.
We love you.
Good vibes and be well.
The Sunday siblings.
Oh, yes.
I did meet these people, and they are siblings.
Look at them.
And they're adults right there.
That's Megan and Matt Sunday.
Isn't that a fun name?
Isn't that a fun?
That's beautiful.
And isn't that nice when siblings go out and do something together?
This is a blank card I made for you to give someone special.
Oh, that was nice of you, Megan.
So I got this card right here.
Oh, look at this card.
It's that gang, gang, cock hitter.
You know what I'm saying?
You think you're about to get a little bit of a special moment,
and bam, boy, some dick.
And that's most of America, too.
And that's a real pink.
I mean, that is a fashionable.
That's one of those cocks you might see in Amsterdam, maybe,
or even probably France.
So thank you, Megan, for that surprise secret dick in the card.
Also, that faded dome barbershop.
They got a couple of items right here.
There's another thing, that faded dome right there.
And that's beautiful.
That's kind of a dope shirt, huh?
Get that faded dome hitter.
And if they have products, we'll put a link to it below.
But that faded dome, that barbershop.
I don't know what this is.
Lip balm, maybe?
I don't know.
Let's see.
Let's see.
Oh, faded dome barbershop.
New school dope meets old school dapper.
So that's dope and dapper.
And this is from Megan Sunday.
Faded dome.
106 North 1st Street, Jinx, Oklahoma.
You can get them tapers, them bald fades, them flat tops, them mohawks, edge
ups, designs,
straight razor shaves.
So you can go to faded dome over there in Oklahoma and get treated well.
Get that facial hair tightened up.
Get your head hair tightened up.
If your face ain't slick, grease your fucking face up.
You know what I'm saying?
Don't be a fucking freak with a dry ass face.
So thank you very much, faded dome.
And thanks for that, you know what I'm saying?
That surprise, boy.
That's that senior citizen.
You'll light up your grandmother with that beautiful card.
And we'll put a link to them below.
And I think that's everything.
So that is what came in this time.
We want to thank you, Nicarato, for the sign.
I want to thank you, Peebles, for the biscuits and porn.
We want to thank that faded dome.
And we want to thank our beautiful Marine.
Live update.
That half black man.
Yep.
We got a code for the flag.
Oh, wow.
We got a code for the flag right now.
So if you want that flag, we got that code.
Go to LGCYDecor.
Go to LGCYDecor.
And the code is DarkArts10.
And the code is DarkArts10.
One zero.
The code is DarkArts10.
And is that, go to Instagram or go what?
If you...
Or is it a website?
It's a website.
Okay.
So we'll put a link below to the website.
And the code is DarkArts10 to get that flag hitter.
DarkArts10 to get 10% off.
And that's a beautiful amount, you know?
So, all right.
I got to make an episode right now for Patreon.
And that's a Patreon-only episode that I'm going to put up.
But thank you for the beautiful stuff.
The Sundays.
Nice to see you guys in Oklahoma.
Go check out their barbershop in Jinx.
What else do we have here?
We got the...
Oh, yeah.
This is personal mail.
And...
Oh, oh.
And we got that old Hendrickson from ScareTity.
But thanks.
No anthrax this time.
So if you're going to kill me,
you guys are going to have to work harder than that.
And please don't try to kill me, actually.
But we'll see you guys next time.
Thanks for the gifts.
And thanks for supporting this past weekend.

Anthrax Challenge #3 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo

What's up guys and welcome to the anthrax challenge number three. This is a
knife that was given to us by Reeves Blades a while back.
The first time we ever opened any mail that came into the studio. I want to
thank anybody that's ever sent anything in to us.
I think we'll put the address down below. Should we do that? Yeah, we'll put
the address down below so that if you want to send something in, you can do
that.
We've gotten a lot of great stuff. I want to show everybody one thing that came
in at the end of one of our episodes last week.
This actually was a Reeves blade. This was sent in by Reeves, a company called
Reeves Blades.
I'll put a link to their blades again down below this. This is a beautiful
blade, man.
If you're thinking about finishing off somebody, at least do it in style.
You don't want to kill your cousin with a damn kitchen knife.
Do it with something classy, you know what I'm saying? Show some respect for
your family.
So we got this. This is from Nick Nacarado.
And this is a beautiful American flag, man. Look at this piece.
You know, and I'm still a firm believer in America as a country.
I know a lot of people are denouncing it and everything, but also still living
here.
So, kind of weird, you know.
But I love it here, and this is a beautiful place, and this is a beautiful
piece.
And we'll put the link, and this is from Nick Nacarado.
I mean, this is a dang beautiful flag.
And I think that these are fairly decently priced items.
He might even give a code or something.
If he does, we can check with him right now and see if he'll give, like, a code
to any of our listeners.
He may not, but I'm going to ask him right now.
And if he doesn't, don't hold it against him.
It's a beautiful piece.
But I want to do a mail call.
I want to open up some things.
Now, the crazy thing is some of these things go to my home,
and I don't know if they are, like, regular mail that I ordered
or if they are stuff that you guys have sent in.
But I am ready right now to take the anthrax challenge.
Number three, you know what I'm saying?
They might try to poison the dog.
You never know.
You never know.
So, come on, get in there.
Okay, this is a beautiful box right here.
And if you look at just the outline of this box, this is ivory or something.
This might be, you know, cheap ivory, it feels like, almost cardboard, white
cardboard.
Ooh, now this is some different items.
Right here, look at this.
Colorful ideas in here, colorful items.
And I see a transforming walnut scrub.
Dude, if I scrub my walnuts anymore, dude, I've already really, really brought
mine to a boil a few times.
Dear Theo, you are one funny motherfucker.
Thanks for all your wisdom and laughs.
It helps me through my day.
I hope you like some of these skin care products.
You may have funkadelic hair, but your skin will be glowing.
Mull it over and get it back to me.
Hee hee.
Mull it over.
Let me know if you have any questions.
At scared, scar titty, scare titty, gang gang.
And this is a young lady, and she said that she would send me some stuff, and
she did.
And I'll put a link to her Instagram below.
If you want some of these beautiful Henriksen, Ole Henriksen, all day hydration,
nourishes.
Dude, don't go around with your skin fucking unnourished, you fucking maniac.
What if you had a child?
Would you let him starve and carry him around at the park?
No.
You'd feed your child, wouldn't you?
Well, think about what your skin.
Your skin is just a huge, stretched-out child all over your body.
You've got to feed your skin with nourishing stuff.
This is sheer transformation, perfecting moisturizer.
This is that kind of shit that'll make you, you know what I'm saying, go to bed,
a man, wake up a woman.
This will make you mail your nuts to your cousin.
This is that, you know, Jerry Jenner.
What's the man's name who did the sex change?
Jerry?
Bruce Jenner.
This is that clean truth, foaming cleanser.
Wouldn't this be crazy if you actually got the clean truth out of it, if you
washed your face and you had to tell somebody the truth?
Fuck, we'd all be dirty, wouldn't we?
Everybody's lying.
This is that rubbing buff, that transforming salt scrub.
Woo-hoo!
Dude, I ain't rubbing with salt.
Hell no, man.
I've made some poor choices, dude.
I jerked off one time with a handful of cardamom spice and a little bit of nutmeg
because I thought it had nut on it.
I was like, oh, this'll help.
But it just made my penis feel real, real hot.
But thank you for that stuff.
At Scartidy.
At C-A-R-T-I-D-Y.
All right, let's open this next gift right here.
What do we have?
This right here came in.
This is from Peebles.
And this is on Walnut Avenue.
So, we don't know what this is.
This could be something crazy.
And somebody, you might be walnuts if you're sending in something.
I hope this isn't any body hair.
And I've also considered, actually, whenever I get my hair cut, saving some of
the hair and mailing it off to somebody that's a fan of the show.
So, imagine getting a pack of hair in the mail.
Not from a murderer.
Now, that's something special that only this podcast does for you.
Now, here we got this wrapped up accoutrement.
What could this be?
Something soft.
Could be a hat.
Oh, this is a place called Biscuits and Porn.
So, a couple things I've done.
Definitely, boy.
I put jelly on everything.
You feel me?
And this is a t-shirt that someone sent in.
Biscuits and Porn.
So, thank you for that.
That's from a real company, I guess.
And there's not a note with it.
This is a previous note.
But that's it.
Thank you so much, Peebles, for that Biscuits and Porn shirt.
That could be a nice accoutrement.
You know, that's that full body, you know, that upper body wear.
Also known as a shirt.
Okay, here we have something right here.
It's called Cuff Covers LLC sent this in.
And this priority mail is $6.70.
And that's expensive mail.
And you know Kevin Costner brings around the expensive mail.
Sometimes I like to think about that at night, that Kevin Costner brings the
most expensive mail to you.
And here we go.
We got it right here.
Cuff Covers.
If you have cuffs, you can cover them.
Go cuff yourself.
I like that.
It's a play on words.
Go fuck yourself is what they're saying.
But they're saying cuff.
So basically, if you have a pant cuff, if you cuff your pants, now you can use
these cuff covers to go over them.
And that's kind of a neat thing.
I never thought about that.
It's kind of stylish.
If you want to be in the Navy or if you just want to be, you know, kind of, you
know, if you want to hit on men even, I guess, or hit on women.
This seems like something, honestly, that's more, is a little bit more for the,
I don't want to say homoerotic crowd.
But it's definitely, if I'm trying to meet a woman, I'm probably not going to
wear this, you know.
But if I'm trying to meet a man, I might put these cuff covers on and vice
versa.
This is if you're going same sex.
If you're leaving the house and you love your body so much, you want to get
another body that's just like yours, you know, and you're going same sex action.
This says, Dear Theo, good morning.
I've been debating on reaching out for a while.
I decided writing, then calling.
When you asked about your listeners, I thought someone like me might represent
a small category of your listeners.
I am a Marine Corps combat veteran, Purple Heart recipient.
Well, now I feel pretty awkward about making fun of these cuff covers.
I'm an inventor, small business owner, half black man.
And hopefully the half black isn't from, you know, a fire or something that he
was in.
Born in Georgia, raised in Buffalo, New York.
Go Bills, baby.
Over the past year, I've been listening to your podcast while running my
business.
You know, slanging them cuffs, he said.
And that's what he's talking about here, these cuff covers.
There are a few things on my mind when it comes to writing.
I guess with starting off, you're not wearing jeans skinny enough for my
product.
I hope you know someone who could wear them.
I know you've been seeing someone.
Maybe they could cover their cuffs with the pair I sent you.
So that's true, actually.
I could give these cuff covers out as a gift.
Now, here's the thing.
Somebody that's fashionable would wear these.
Somebody that's French or somebody that's from maybe Guatemala, you know, or
somebody that has, like, integrity.
Maybe Brendan Schaub would wear this shit.
You know what I'm saying?
He might wear these on his earlobes because he likes to be fancy.
He likes that fence.
I started a business and school got away from me.
I'm hoping you can do a special shout-out for my product or show it on your
podcast.
Come on.
Cuff covers.
The only pair of cuffs you want on.
Add some pizzazz.
Let me see.
He said,
Recently, I've been thinking about my mom, who was a single mom while raising
me, and her personal struggles.
As I said above, I am half black.
Okay, and it must be from his parents, not from an accident or something.
My mom is white, and now that I am an adult and this climate of race is so
abundant in our culture,
I find myself thinking about the stories I've heard she has went through.
Throughout my adolescence, I remember being teased that I was adopted because
my mom is white,
and I look mostly black.
Being born in Georgia, my mom received scrutiny from both black and white
communities for whom she loved
and what her son looked like.
2018, there's still a percentage of people who disagree with interracial
marriage are interracial people.
That makes me extremely angry and hurt that people disagree with me even being
alive.
Yeah, I could understand that.
Let me see.
Okay, and this guy just goes into a lot of different ideas and thoughts that he
has.
This is more of a personal letter, I think, to me.
But hey, cover your cuffs right there.
Let's see what else we got.
All right, we got something right here that came in from Megan Sunday, and this
is from Jinx, Oklahoma.
And that sounds like a place where actual anthrax might come from.
So let's see what she sent in.
She sent that box, and she put it in a bag.
Oh, look at that.
Be good to yourself, it says.
That's nice of her.
Thank you, Ms. Jinx.
Oh, this might be a little pet or something.
I hope it's not a pet.
It's been sitting in the corner for about three weeks.
Oh, look at that.
Gang, gang.
Look at that artwork here.
And that's from Megan Jinx right here.
This past weekend.
Let's see what we got.
Theo, what's up, son?
Love the podcast.
My brother and I enjoy the show in Oklahoma.
Keep up the great work.
We love you.
Good vibes and be well.
The Sunday siblings.
Oh, yes.
I did meet these people, and they are siblings.
Look at them.
And they're adults right there.
That's Megan and Matt Sunday.
Isn't that a fun name?
Isn't that a fun?
That's beautiful.
And isn't that nice when siblings go out and do something together?
This is a blank card I made for you to give someone special.
Oh, that was nice of you, Megan.
So I got this card right here.
Oh, look at this card.
It's that gang, gang, cock hitter.
You know what I'm saying?
You think you're about to get a little bit of a special moment,
and bam, boy, some dick.
And that's most of America, too.
And that's a real pink.
I mean, that is a fashionable.
That's one of those cocks you might see in Amsterdam, maybe,
or even probably France.
So thank you, Megan, for that surprise secret dick in the card.
Also, that faded dome barbershop.
They got a couple of items right here.
There's another thing, that faded dome right there.
And that's beautiful.
That's kind of a dope shirt, huh?
Get that faded dome hitter.
And if they have products, we'll put a link to it below.
But that faded dome, that barbershop.
I don't know what this is.
Lip balm, maybe?
I don't know.
Let's see.
Let's see.
Oh, faded dome barbershop.
New school dope meets old school dapper.
So that's dope and dapper.
And this is from Megan Sunday.
Faded dome.
106 North 1st Street, Jinx, Oklahoma.
You can get them tapers, them bald fades, them flat top