Name: Theo Von on Deer Hunting
Uploaded: 2018-08-23T01:24:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Deer Hunting' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Deer Hunting' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-23. Transcript available.

Because the crazy thing about deers, if you're trying to shoot a deer, this is,
dude, when
you think about the things that hunters go through, that hunters go through to
try and
shoot a deer, first of all, they go and get another deer to piss in a jug, okay,
which
I think is fucking insane, you know, unless you're trying to get that deer to
play football
for you or something, you don't trust it, and you don't trust some of its
workout methods.
But they get a deer to piss in a jug, then they take that wee-wee, and they go
and they
sprinkle it out, so another deer will come, will smell it and show up, then
when that deer
gets there, they shoot that deer, what?
Dude, why are you doing all of that?
I say man to man, get out there, get a knife, get two knives, get a knife and a
spoon, if
you want to fight a deer, quit hiding from 700 yards away.
Dude, they had a man the other day, shot a deer in Albuquerque, New Mexico, he
shot it
from El Paso.
It's too easy with these long-range scope pistols and weaponry.
Get out there and get a knife, get a fork, and get out there and fucking take a
deer on,
one-on-one, like a man.
Y'all out there shooting that bitch from fucking, you shooting a deer in
Montana and you shooting
that bitch from Boise.
Get out there, man to man, and get a deer out there, and get a spoon out there,
get one
big knife, and you also, you don't get two good weapons, you don't get two
knives.
You get a knife and you get a fucking spoon, boy, and you get up on a deer and
you get him
one time where you got to get him, get him up in the, you know, hit him in that
belly.
Just, you know, gap, gap, gap, gap.
Spack him up in that deer belly and then you, you know, get in there and spoon
one of his
eyes out or do whatever you got to do.
Be a man.
Shooting a deer from three states away.
Come on.
Grow up and be an adult and learn how to kill an animal and be a proper hunter.
That's one thing I have, I'll be honest, I never liked that shit about hunting.
You're out there, you guys are in a deer stand, you and your buddy out there,
saying y'all
ain't lovers and y'all up there drinking three things of whiskey and haven't
been home in
a week.
And y'all up there trimming each other's beard hair, you know, and reading
books to each
other at night, you know.
What's really happening out there, Stanley, huh?
Huh, Daniel?
What are y'all doing up there?
You're playing treehouse is what you're doing.
And then finally at the end of the week when y'all tired of each other and y'all
all out
of beef jerky, y'all shoot a deer with a scoped rifle from 900 feet away.
Get out there like a real man and fight a deer the old fashioned way.
Get a knife, get a spoon and get out there and see who's who.
You know, I just, I don't know.
Some of it seems, and also I'm not a hunter.
You know, I'm not a hunter at all.
I'm more of a, you know, I'm more of the hunted.
You know, I got beat up when I was growing up by these two redheaded twins,
these kind
of fucking thick twins, these big gingers, you know.
And, um, and I got jumped by a bunch of brothers a couple of times.
And what else?
And this one, dude, this one kid, man, this boy, he punched me and he was
supposed to be
in our class.
Dude, this kid was 40 years old.
This kid was 40 years old.
He had back hair, tons of back hair.
And some of it was gray.
He had gray back hair.
And this dude was in my class.
And he fucking punched me one time.
And I swear to God, I saw the damn Mayflower come over.
That boy, he just knocked my brain stem into the past, boy.
You know what I'm saying?
Just sent me on that pa-pop, that pa-pilgrimage.
Pa-pow.
Boy lit me up.
Thank you guys for checking out this clip.
And if you want to see another clip, then you can look at this clip or this
clip.
Either one of these.
So, did you pick one or are you still just watching me do this?
Because this is alarming.