Name: Anthrax Challenge #4 | Theo Opens Fan Mail
Uploaded: 2018-09-16T21:43:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anthrax Challenge #4 | Theo Opens Fan Mail' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anthrax Challenge #4 | Theo Opens Fan Mail' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-16. Transcript available.

Anthrax Challenge #4 | Theo Opens Fan Mail

All right, guys, I'm actually sitting here in the studio today. Thank you for
being a part of the Anthrax Challenge.
And this is a Reeves blade, and this is one of the first things that was ever
sent into this past weekend, and so happy to have it.
And yeah, look, you never know when that Thrax is going to get you.
You know, you never know when Satan is going to pull your name out of his dirty
little hat.
And so today I'm willing to take my chances here. We got a lot of Anthrax-capable
packaging so that death dust could get up in daddy and rattle me to the core.
So I'm going to start with this big hitter right here, you know, this big thing.
This could be a damn Galapagos turtle right here.
And you got to know how to use a knife, dude.
And a friend of mine got stabbed when I was young, and I stabbed myself in the
hand once when I was cutting a piece of cake.
All right, let's see what's in here. This says, this is from Kayvan Mayberry
from Hudson, Massachusetts.
And he sent this big box of straight-up just swag right here.
Look at this, an art.
We got an art right there.
Ooh, it's still wet a little.
Ooh, it's been in here for like a, this thing's been in here for about a month.
This is one of the longest pieces that's been sitting in here.
Oh, yeah, Kayvan, boy, you hit me up right here.
And there you go.
Boy, that's some adult art right there.
You know what I'm saying, boy?
And that's a very select piece right there.
And this is, you know, we can name this art if we want to.
We can do whatever.
I call this one probably Hopeful Morning.
That's what I say.
All right, let's get this next hitter open right here on that Anthrax Challenge.
I don't feel very Thrax-y yet.
No itches.
So, ooh, see that blade almost slipped off and clipped my leg.
And you got to be careful you don't cut yourself open.
So, the future, the possibilities are endless.
Now, this is a, this came right here.
This is from Branded Bills.
And this, I'm guessing, is, we'll see.
Ooh, ooh.
Look at these frickin' chatty Cathy's right here.
Boy, them Louisiana hitters, boy.
Oh, look at this.
This past weekend hat.
What?
Whoa.
Now, I can have a big nose on top of my big nose, bro.
Dude, that's awesome.
Wow.
This past weekend, that's dope, man.
I might have to share these with the boys, too.
Dude, that's awesome, man.
That Louisiana one right there, that's swaggy, huh?
Nick and Gianni are in here.
Our producer and book are in here in the background.
You can't see them, but look at that headpiece, huh?
Wow.
Branded Bills.
And I guess they can do all kinds of stuff.
I don't know.
I'm going to have to check out their website, but that's their emblem right
there.
Dude, thanks so much.
Huge fan of your podcast and comedy.
Figure your logo would look great on our hats.
Here's some samples.
We'd love to wholesale them for you on the website.
If not, feel free to rock them.
Gang, gang.
Tim.
Thanks so much, Tim.
All right.
Next, we got Ryan Ballantyne sent this in.
This is from Hiawatha, Iowa.
And the crazy thing is, you wouldn't think there'd be a place named Hiawatha in
Iowa.
You know?
And I love Iowa, dude.
I got bit by a bunch of ants there one time because my car ran out of gas on
the side of the road,
and I stepped in some mud, and one of my sandals got sucked all the way into
the mud,
and I had to be barefoot for a while, and I got bit by a bunch of ants.
I had trouble in getting to Sala Salu.
It was a Dr. Seuss book.
And, you know, Dr. Seuss, A, has the same birthday as me,
and B, his real first name is Theodore.
Theodore Giesel.
Hey, Theo.
Like many of your newer fans, I first became aware of you on the Joe Rogan
Experience.
Then I was curious now to check out your podcast, which I've greatly enjoyed so
far.
Even though it seems like every comedian and their brother doing podcasts,
yours stands out and seems to resonate.
With people in ways that others can't.
Thank you, man.
That's nice of you to say.
I think a lot of it has to do with your sincerity and warmth,
not to mention Garrison Kaler-esque storytelling skills.
I'm sending you a book that you might appreciate.
It's one of Dr. Seuss' lesser-known works.
I had trouble in getting to Sala Salu,
a tale about learning to face your fears.
It could also be viewed as a coming-of-age story.
Thank you for being so gracious to your fan base.
I wish you all the best.
Onward, Ryan Ballantyne.
And that's a picture of him, too.
And so he got that Ola Mills hitter right there.
Very white guy.
All right, we got this box right here,
and this is from K-Lan Keith.
And this say,
In the Wick of Time.
And you got to use this knife,
that Reeves blade to carve right in there, boy.
I could have been a damn doctor.
Look at that.
Fast surgery.
You want the fastest surgeries in the game, boy.
Appendectomy.
A liver transplant.
Two hours or less.
Money back.
Money back.
Free shrimp buffet.
Oh, here's a couple of wicks right here.
And y'all know my boy Joey P. Monte
giving me my usual candles.
Ooh, we got those gang, gang hitters.
He got those labels on these thangs, boy.
Ooh.
That smell like, uh...
Mmm.
That smell like high school.
That smell like high school, bruh.
Damn.
That gang, gang.
Boy, that thing smells like high school.
That's cool.
That's a dope candle right there.
Thank you very much.
And this is from...
Again, this is from, uh...
K-Lan Keith,
In the Wick of Time.
And that's a play on words for
In the Dick of Time.
All right, this is coming right here
from Zach Mendoza.
This is from Pasadena, California.
No anthrax yet, boy.
So y'all gotta step your game up, dude.
Ooh, look at that.
Farley.
Look at that Farley on the back.
Wow, that's like a young Farley, huh?
That looks like Farley
or anybody who's fat.
You know what I'm saying?
Wow, that looks a young Farley right there.
Let's see what we got here
from my boy Zach Mendoza, dude.
In Mendoza, that's Mayan.
You know, that's a Mayan last name.
And a lot of the Mayans
were fishermen
and they build
you know,
they did a lot of hidden
type of activities.
So a lot of the stuff
that Mayans did
we don't even know about
because they're
a very secretive culture.
Oh, and here's some stuff
from Zach Mendoza.
Oh, here's some different pictures
and stuff he did, I guess.
Oh, it's just some different artwork
that he does.
Here's a card.
Here's a letter.
Hey Theo, you're an incredibly funny guy.
I'm an emerging artist
and I listen to this past weekend
all the time
while I work on my dark arts.
The large Farley painting
you have in your office
is awesome
and really illustrates
the energy that Chris Farley
oozed in every scene.
I saw a recent anthrax challenge
and the idea struck me
to sing this letter.
I hope my small painting
of George Carlin
included in this package
finds you well.
Ooh.
Oh my gosh.
That's awesome, dude.
You know, I saw George Carlin
in, there's a college in New York.
I saw Ithaca.
I saw him in Ithaca, New York one time
and I sat in the back row.
Me and my friend David Pruding
and David's a photographer now
but I sat in the back row.
Dude, that is so cool.
That's like the smallest picture.
Johnny, check that out, man.
Oh, that's awesome.
It's dope, huh?
Yeah, thanks so much, man.
This is really, really cool.
You got some nice art here.
How do they make this stuff?
I don't know.
This man is an artist.
Zach Mendoza.
And he does a lot of neat arts.
If you want to see more of Zach Arts,
we'll put the link below.
Thanks so much, man.
This is really, really swaggy.
I'm going to put this in a special space.
Wow, dude.
That's so cool.
And I'm so grateful
that I got to see George Carlin
before I died.
And yeah, that's Chris Farley
looking young, you know?
Wow.
That's really, really sweet.
Thank you, Zach.
Thank you very much
and best of luck
in your art and endeavors.
And really, really cool pictures on here.
Really, really...
Now, I wish I could do art like that
and draw people's faces
and everything,
but I can't.
I don't have that type of skill set.
I'm more of a kind of an indoor guy
and kind of a guy
that doesn't paint up,
that can't paint
for, you know, overall.
So, thank you.
All right.
Now, we...
All right.
Now, we got from James McDaniel.
And this is from
North Kansas City, Missouri.
And, you know,
I want to come to Kansas City
so badly.
All right.
Let's see what we got here.
PX, Extra Pedestrian.
Pauly...
Pauly...
Pauly Mamas.
4355.
I listen to you.
Dear Theo,
I listen to you
and it puts me in a good mood.
I'm a singer-songwriter
and multi-instrumental
and just recorded an album
and impressed 300 copies to vinyl.
I don't tour,
so I have no anticipated way
to sell them all.
So, I figured I'd give some away
to people,
including podcasters
that have inspired me.
I grew up in a small town
called Pine Prairie
in Evangeline Parish
near Mamu.
And I was born in 1981
so I can relate to
some of the culture
you talk about.
I've also done EMDR therapy
over the last several years
like you talked about
on Joe Rogan's last podcast
and it made a huge
positive change in my life
and helped me get over
a lot of childhood issues.
I'm a big proponent
of it myself.
In a way,
this album I just finished
is all about the growth
and challenge
and challenging experiences
associated with that therapy.
Wow.
EX, EX, Extra Pedestrian.
That's hilarious.
Extra Pedestrian
by Mr. James McDaniel.
Thank you so much, James.
We might have to get
a record player in here
at some point
or a vinyl player
and be able to experience this,
to experience this.
Muchas gracias, brother.
And down there near Mamu,
boy, you guys got a lot of,
y'all got gators down there
and all the type of quail.
You guys got quail
that have fucking molars
in their mouths, you know?
A lot of dangerous animals,
those fucking tall rats.
You know,
I've seen a bunch of
fucking muskrats
from down there
that could,
I mean,
I've seen a muskrat
that could tie
a damn boat knot.
Really, really unique animals.
So, thank you.
No anthrax yet.
And we got this
swaggy little thing here.
And it doesn't,
oh, Theo,
Art of War Project,
Lakewood, Colorado.
This thing is bright.
A warrior's journey
to inner peace.
Wow, and you can imagine
this dude is naked
and has a bunch
of necklaces on.
This guy is probably
doing drugs, you know?
Ghost Army.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Theo.
Hey, Theo.
Huge fan of the podcast
and comedy.
I've heard you talk about
getting into meditation.
This book talks about
how I arrived
in a place to be able
to meditate daily.
It's everything.
Much love.
Kurt, or Gust.
Kurt.
Oh, man.
This is cool, man.
And you can see
this dude really
letting it out.
And he's got both arms open
and he doesn't have,
you know,
they got a man
drinking water in here
wearing war outfits.
This is it.
So, thank you so much, man.
I appreciate this,
Kurt Bean.
Kurt Bean,
right there, baby.
Ghost Army.
And that's a nice gift.
And if,
and as I get more
into meditation,
maybe I'll delve
into a couple of,
see there's some poetry
in here,
an adult experience.
Even some ghosts.
It looks like some pictures
that has ghosts
and lightning
and outdoors.
There's all kind of stuff.
Thank you so much,
Kurt Bean.
And this is from
Miriam Hennin,
the Bee Lady.
And that's what it says
on the outside.
From the Bee Lady.
Okay.
This says
Vanishing of the Bees.
Narrated by Ellen Page.
And so this is a book.
This is a movie.
Oh, this is a movie.
And I would like
to read this
because I like bees.
You know,
I always wanted to
work in a bee colony.
Okay.
And honeycolony.com.
I guess they do
different types of honey.
And this dark case
looks like it could
definitely have
anthrax in it.
Ooh.
What is this, dude?
Is this one of those
shoot-up kits
you see on intervention?
I'm a little scared.
Ooh.
This is a...
Oh, my God.
This has a crazy liquid in it.
CBD oil.
CBD oil.
Thank you so much for this.
I don't know if I can
take this
since, you know,
I don't look into it.
And, uh...
It's very sweet of you.
The bee lady.
Miriam Hennion.
Hinen.
Hinen.
Hineen.
Hineen.
Theo, I'm so happy
you exist in this world.
I own an online health
and wellness company.
And s