Name: That French Lick | This Past Weekend #131
Uploaded: 2018-09-17T13:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'That French Lick | This Past Weekend #131' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'That French Lick | This Past Weekend #131' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-17. Transcript available.

That French Lick | This Past Weekend #131

This episode brought to you by Gray Block Pizza. Gray Block Pizza at 1811 Pico
Boulevard in Los
Angeles. Consider Gray Block. What's up you little sassy thundercats huh? You
little nippled gristle
lurkers. How you guys doing? How you guys doing? It's a wild time baby. I was
thinking you know
tech. Tech is the new fossil fuel. You realize that? Broadband is the new oil.
Think about
that. Broadband is the new oil. Am I nuts? I might be man. I just might be. Get
in there.
Thank you guys for being here. Good day to you.
30 miles on the Gulf Stream. I hear the south wind moan. The bridge is getting
lower. The shrimp
boat's coming home. The old man down in the quarter. Slowly turns his head.
Takes a sip from his whiskey
bottle. And this is what he said. I was born in the rain on the poncho train.
Underneath the
Louisiana moon. I don't mind the strain of a hurricane. They come around every
June. The high black water.
A devil's daughter. She's hot. She's cold. And she's mean. But nobody taught
her. It takes a lot of water
to wash away New Orleans. The man came down from Chicago. He gonna set that
heavy ride.
He said. It takes a whole lot of water to wash away New Orleans. And that song
right there is
Hurricane by Band of Heathens. And that song was submitted to us by our
listener Josh Wilcox.
And Gordy from the band gave us permission to use it. And I know there's a lot
of people out there
struggling or have been struggling with the rains. And they're struggling over
there, you know, Hurricane Florence, you know.
And that's a watery bitch that's out there. You know, that brackish bad girl.
She's out there, you know, just being a real, honestly a real bitch.
And I know that that water, you know, it's probably hit a lot of people's
possessions.
You know, you see a lot of people struggling out there. A lot of people, you
know, just, or a lot of people are gonna be going back to their homes and
things aren't gonna be there.
You know, and I was just thinking a lot about that.
You know, I was thinking a lot about, like, if you take off, you know, you take
my shirt or you take, and you take my hat or you take my, you know, it could be
for a, for a child, it might be a teddy bear or a blanket.
You know, or my favorite sheets. When I was young, I had these Smurf sheets.
And I always felt like, for some reason, I slept so much better when I had
those on my bed.
You know, or for a teenager, it could be a laptop or a cell phone. For an adult,
it could be a watch. Maybe it's a watch that your dad gave you or your
grandfather or a locket or something your mother gave your grandmother or a
dress or a wedding dress.
You know, something, the people are going home and something that they cherish
isn't gonna be there.
And all they're gonna be left with is, not all they're gonna be left with, but,
you know, it's why when we take away, when those skins, those skins that we,
the luggage, the things we carry,
when those are gone, when those get taken away and we're just left with
ourselves, you know, that can just be, I just know that's gonna be trying.
It's gonna be tough for a lot of people. So just know that you're not alone.
You know, that people are thinking about you.
And we'll find some places you can donate. We're gonna donate through our
Patreon.
We're gonna donate.
And we'll find a couple of links of places you guys can donate that are legit
sources of places to donate, if you choose to.
I'm not saying you have to, but we're gonna look up some good ones.
We're gonna make some donations from Patreon.
And, yeah, it's when all, when the things are gone, who are we?
You know, who am I left with when my, when, you know, when I'm just standing
there?
When I got, when all my little accoutrements and my doodads,
and when that's all, when that's all been waterlogged, when Mother Nature's
coming back and just, you know,
she's got, she's got that, you know, that saliva just, she's just soggy and
your whole world up.
I bet that takes a lot of faith in that moment, a lot of just, man, you got
each other at that moment, you know.
I'm sure that that really, you know, I'm sure that's a real test of who am I?
You know, what, can I do this?
You know, can I put my family on my shoulders?
Can I, you know, can I not, you know, can I not show my fear in front of my
children?
Can I, you know, just, I'm sure it puts a lot of things on a lot of parents,
especially.
A lot of parents' shoulders.
So just know that you're not alone this week and that other people are thinking
about you.
You know, I was inspired this week, man.
I was over there in Nashville.
And, man, when I tell you I had a great time, man, I had a great time.
Here, here's a call that came in.
This is somebody who's at the show.
Hey, Theo.
This is Brooke from Austin.
I was in Nashville this past week and I took my coworker to see your show on
Friday night, the late show.
And we had a great time.
It was hilarious.
We actually met you afterward.
And, dude, honestly, I don't know what happened, but I was so nervous to meet
you that I just, like, turned into an alien or something.
I think I blacked out, maybe.
You blacked out?
Like, what do you mean?
Like, you ended up dating brothers after the show?
Or what are you talking about, young lady, onward?
My mind was completely blank and I couldn't even think of, like, words to say
to you.
I think I just kind of walked up to you and said my name, maybe.
Hey, well, that's a great place to start, you know.
And I just appreciate you coming out, Brooke.
I'm glad you had a good time.
I'm glad you brought your coworker out.
That's sweet of you.
You know, and a lot of people came out.
I just wanted to put your call in there just to say thank you for coming.
And so I was probably nervous, too.
Look, it's nervous for me.
Like, I'm meeting a lot of people and, you know, I want to be respectful of
people's time.
And, you know, a lot of people, you know, they got their lady with them or, and
you don't want to be, you know, you try not to ogle and look at their lady's
breasts or nothing.
You're trying to just be a natural, you know, a comfortable legal adult and be,
you know, you know, be legitimate in your own, you know, make good brain
choices and not be trying to brain down on somebody, you know, somebody's.
Bro, this one guy brought a lady out.
Come on, boy.
Dude, look, if they drove past a dairy farm, bro, I'd be damned if somebody
wouldn't herd her up, bro.
She had them straight up milkers on her, son.
She had some, look, I've had 2%.
She had about, this lady would have had 40%.
She had them just, you know what I'm saying?
Them leche, you know, them leche bad boys, you know?
Them leche malo, them leche malo hermanos.
I mean, she just, dude, you couldn't, you need a, dude, look, if you motorboated
that, man, you'd have to have, you better hope that a game warden comes by in a
shit, in his little boat and checks on you.
Because you could drown out in there.
You could drown.
This lady had no joke.
I even told her husband straight up.
I said, bro.
I said, look, I love you.
I'm respectful of you guys.
But your wife got them danger bags out here.
Because, dude, they had like, they had a dog about a half block away.
And this dog stop and looked.
The dog stop and looked at human adult breasts.
Said, that's when you know, boy.
She had a couple of fucking, just rib cage Plutos, baby.
I mean, just two fucking big old space shuttles on her chest, man.
Real, real hitters.
But thank you for coming out.
I want to say that.
And also, we had some people that escaped the storm.
They, you know, they had to relocate and they came out to the show.
And I thought that was really, really awesome.
I want to say the guy's name was Tyler.
I can't remember exactly.
But I know him and his girlfriend came out and they had a great time.
And, man, that just, you know, it felt so good to be a part of, you know, just
making something good.
Man, we had fun, dude.
We had so much fun in Nashville.
Man, somebody came and brought me some treats, some Louisiana treats.
Boiled a little bit of coffee and chicory.
And I don't know if you ever had that coffee and chicory, bruh.
Chicory will make you just turn into a squirrel, bruh.
You know what I'm saying?
Chicory, dude.
Chicory will give you that fucking, you know?
You know that face you make when you're eating corn on the cob?
Chicory will make you do that, man, with no corn.
Just, you know what I'm saying, boy?
Chicory will turn you into something.
Turn you into a little tree squirrel.
You know?
Or just even a little tree mouse.
Chicory will give you that, you know, that's that bass, you know, that's that
bass line.
That's that nature's Tourette's right there.
That, yeah, yeah.
Chicory, boy.
Make you seem like your fucking, like your heart, like your spine is doing
little sneezes.
You know, like, chicory got that, you know, in it.
It'll turn you up.
They brought me out some pralines from New Orleans, man.
Just some nice treats.
I got somebody made me this nice bracelet they got.
Somebody else brought me some bracelets.
One of them said onward.
One of them said, you are loved.
One of them said, get that hitter.
Dude, I look, man.
I just want to thank you so much to everybody that came out of Nashville.
I cannot thank you enough.
Oh, breasty Jeff came out, breasty Jeff.
Remember, Jeff was somebody that called in and he had, speaking of breasts, and
this might
be a breastisode.
This might be the breastisode ever.
He had them, you know, them man to tots.
And he had them, boy.
And look, so he comes up.
We start talking.
He's there with this lovely lady.
Next thing I know, he's like, hey, man, it's me, Jeff.
And I'm like, holy shit.
And then I turn to the line.
There's a line of people there.
And I said, guys, it's Jeff with the tits.
And he broke the tits out.
Them boy tots.
You know?
And look, man, I'll tell you this, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm into women.
You know, I prefer women unless, you know, it's, you know, I'm stuck on an
island and
dude is fucking being real.
And some dude is being real nice to me.
I prefer women.
You know, this, mi preferencia is, you know, el chupa, chupa, chupa.
And, and, but man, he had some fucking, I mean, he had some just, just a couple
of little
just, they look like mounds are kind of just hard honey, bro.
I mean, they were B's too.
They were not, you're thinking A's, aren't you?
Some of y'all are thinking lowercase A's or uppercase A's.
No, he had them fucking, I mean, B's, but also look like each one of them had
maybe a
staph infection.
It was, you know, they were taut.
They were just some taut B's and they were beautiful.
And the whole crowd cheered.
Everybody was like, yeah, hey, that's Jeff with the tits.
And then some lady got pissed.
She's like, at her husband.
She's like, don't be looking at that, at that man's tits.
Like, damn, dude.
People are turning out around here.
But then we had so much fun, man.
So many great people came out.
A young lady named Allie came out.
I want to thank her.
Jeff, Bresty Jeff came out, man.
You know, he came out with his lady.
And if you're on the YouTube, we're flashing pictures of both of those people.
And we'll throw a couple of other pictures of some people that came out to the
show.
Who else?
I mean, just so many people came in and, you know, brought gifts and nice
things and just
made it such a memorable experience, man.
Nashville is beautiful.
Nashville is beautiful.
And, dude, I'll be honest.
I'm thinking about going there in a couple of months and maybe looking for a
place and
having the opportunity to, you know, to be back and forth in between places.
And just the vibe there is good, man.
The vibe there is good.
And thank you so much for coming out to Zaney's this weekend.
Oh, dude.
So the manager, one of the managers there, his father passed away, right?
I don't know if you put this on my Instagram.
And look, we're all going to pass away.
You know what I'm saying?
So if you think in your brain you're going to be out here