Name: Theo Von Makes Dr. Jordan Peterson Laugh
Uploaded: 2018-09-26T05:50:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Makes Dr. Jordan Peterson Laugh' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Makes Dr. Jordan Peterson Laugh' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-26. Transcript available.

I know there is some data showing that in counties in the U.S. where marijuana
has been legalized,
the overuse of opiates for pain has decreased substantially.
That's awesome.
And the crime rates have gone down, interesting.
Well, people stoned on pot?
Dude, it's hard to pick somebody's pocket.
People break into a building?
I don't think so.
You're just not going to get it together to do that.
You might knock for a long time.
I think you might knock at the front door.
I don't think you're going to break in.
And you're not going to...
That's right, you might knock.
You're not going to go out...
What, are you going to go out in the alley and have a fight?
No, you're not.
A real slow fight.
Yeah, that's right.
While you're watching your hands, like, yeah.
So it's like chess with your hands?
Exactly, exactly.
That's not going to happen.
So, you know, I grew up on wild meat.
My dad hunts.
He still hunts.
He's 82.
You know, he's slowing down a little bit, obviously, because he's getting old,
but...
Yeah, he's using a gun now instead of a knife.
Yeah.
He's out there.
He doesn't just jump on the animal.
And I'm not trying to, like, you know, like, you know, smoke your salmon or
whatever the
term is in Canada, but it's like...
That's the only one we use.
Okay, good.
Yeah, dude.
All right.
Yeah.
Or, you know, like, you have to have some sort of a plan.
When I used to be a little bit more aimless, I was just like, oh, I want things
to be good.
It wasn't enough.
No, no.
Because things don't know how to just be good.
This is true.
All by...
Left to themselves, things go from bad to worse.
Yeah.
Things will go out of town.
Yeah.
Yes, there's entropy.
Yeah, like leave your house alone for a year.
Yeah.
See what happens to it.
It's like, oh, it's way better.
It's like, no, it's not.
It has black mold everywhere, right?
And a vandal has moved in.
There's graffiti everywhere.
And yeah.
Yeah, there's squirrels drawn a pentagram.
Like, things have gotten out of hand.
Exactly.
That's definitely not good when that happens.
Like, I'm 38, you know?
I mean, I'm kind of a late bloomer, so I'm kind of maybe like 32, really.
But I'm also like an old soul.
So, I guess I'm actually like, I'm back at 38.
But...
It was a quick trip.
Yeah, it was.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, and that's actually a huge part of the reason for free speech.
It's like, we have to stumble around like morons to stumble upon the truth.
Yeah.
We're going to say stupid things.
We're going to say wrong things.
Yeah, that's why it wasn't costly speech.
We needed to make it free because we're going to fuck it up so much.
Yeah.
Like, it was like, it's got to be free.
Right.
Because we're going to use so much of it to figure out where we're going.
Yeah, no, exactly.
That's right.
So, if there was a cost, it would be way too high.
Yeah, if there was a cost, it would be way too high.
Good point, man.
That's a nice way of thinking about it.
Write for 15 minutes about what your life could be like in three to five years
if you
had what you want, just so you know.
If you had what you want.
Yeah.
If you had what you wanted, what would it be?
Right.
Like, and don't be ridiculous about it.
It has to be hypothetically within your...
Well, that's it.
You can have a castle in the air.
Well, except they won't stay in the air, so like, you know, let's stay with...
And there's going to be laws.
Well, there's only...
Are there?
You know what I'm saying?
There's going to be laws.
They're going to tax you, probably.
Yeah, and there's going to be other people that you have to take into account.
So, let's assume this is like in the real world and everything, just so that we
can...
Okay, yes, 100%.
Okay.
Like, there's a place for hedonic pleasure, man, for sure.
Although, you've got to be careful of it, because it's a trap, right?
Well, alcohol and cocaine are a very good example of that.
Oh, even if I stay up and have two pieces of key lime pie, I feel like I've
gone to Dante's
Seventh Circle, you know what I'm saying?
Like, so I feel you there, you know?
But yeah, there is a place and time.
How do you prep for a debate?
Is it like, do you have a Gatorade or something before you do?
Bubbly water.
Well, the only thing I eat is like sparkling water and meat.
So, that's...
I have some sparkly...
It's like, it's so funny, because I'm on these tours, eh?
And if you're a tour, if you're renting theatres, they ask you, well, what do
you want before
the tour, right?
So, you can pretty much specify whatever you want.
Like Perrier and prosciutto.
Well, that's like, I'll have six bubbly waters.
Like, that's all you want?
It's like, yeah, I know, it's really sad.
I could have 20 dancing girls and a whole buffet.
So, if you've got some water, put some bubbles in it, man, because we'll have a
real party
then.
The bar scene, the heavy drinking scene, there's something kind of edgy about
it, you know,
and something kind of adventurous about it.
And, you know, you see that, it's kind of dramatized in people like Tom Waits,
who's
got that real hard edge, or Johnny Cash, or people, hard-living guys, you know.
Oh, yeah, guys with six or seven livers in them.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Yeah, well, there's something kind of romantic about that.
Yes, but I'm noticing the way it affects other men like me.
Yeah, well, people have said that, you know, that I've got this kind of old-fashioned
appearance, in a sense.
I don't mean just my voice, but just...
Yeah, like you just came on a train, and the train just came out of nowhere,
and you're
like, oh, you know, this guy's selling some, you know,
this is some beautiful snake oil.
Snake oil, yeah, but that's the other thing that people say, too.
It's like, oh, snake oil salesman.
It's like, well, no, not exactly.
No, this is practical.
Personal responsibility is not snake oil.
Agreed.
Agreed.
Snake oil, I think...
It's the opposite of it.
It's the opposite of it.
Like, yeah, you've got problems, it's because you have things to do.
Yeah, but I feel like there's this aimless kind of...
There's a lot of men wandering around aimlessly.
Yeah, well, there's a lot of confusion, too, because...
But they're listening to you.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, well, men...
They're finding you.
Yes.
Like, it's like you're like this cool stepdad that showed up that actually,
like, cares
about our mom or something.
Mm-hmm.
That's a good one, man.
You know, and not to put a pressure on you...
No, no, that's a good one.
That's a good one.
But I'm noticing from...
You actually need a plan for your life, because the thing is, a plan gives you
goals, things
to aim at.
And, like, imagine you went to the shooting range and you didn't have a target.
Mm-hmm.
Well, what the hell fun is that?
What are you going to do, shoot your rifle into the air?
There's nothing about that that's useful.
Shoot your friend, shoot your wife.
You're still shooting.
Right.
But it's not fun.
Right.
There's no game.
That's right.
And the game is to hit the damn target.
Who makes you laugh?
Is there a comedian over time?
Mitch Hedberg.
Oh, yeah, huh?
Oh, yeah, man.
King of the one-liners.
Oh, dude, he's a Canadian aphrodisiac, isn't he, Mitch Hedberg?
Yeah, he's damn funny.
And so I like stand-up comedians in general.
I liked...
Who's the guy that just got in trouble in New York?
Oh, Louis C.K.?
Louis C.K.?
Yeah.
Louis C.K., it's like, oh, God, are you really going to say that?
Yes.
Oh, that's so funny.
He's so deviant, kind of.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like Louis C.K. a lot.
I think he's really funny.
Canada has a lot of great comedians.
Yes, certainly.
Harlan Williams, Howie Mandel, those are two friends of mine, and those are
funny men.
Oh, yeah, there's lots.
Canadians can really produce comedians.
You've got to keep yourselves entertained when it's 200 below.
That's true.
Somebody better be funny.
I should...
The other thing I...
I'll sit and tell you our stories.