Name: Theo Welcomes Theo
Uploaded: 2018-10-03T03:58:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Welcomes Theo' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Welcomes Theo' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-03. Transcript available.

Hi, Theo. My name is also Theo.
Oh, that's beautiful. So from, you know, Dos Teodoros. Onward.
And I am 30 years old. I am from Kansas City.
Kansas City. I'm trying to come out there soon. Onward.
I'm a musician, just a professional multi-instrumentalist, and I am also a
transgender man.
I've, you know, I've been transitioning from female to male.
Okay, you're going female to male. Okay, onward.
First off, I just wanted to say, like, thanks for just, thanks for your podcast.
Thanks for putting yourself out there, because I've been listening to you for
maybe about, like, less than two months.
And it's really been helping me a lot.
Oh, that's sweet of you to say that. I appreciate you saying that. Onward.
Through my mental health problems that I've been dealing with this year.
So, thank you for that.
Oh, I can imagine.
If you transition in from one sex to another, I can't even imagine the mental
health part of it.
Jeepers.
Dude, I can't even, you know, I'll watch an episode of Sex in the City, and I
can barely hold it together sometimes.
So, onward.
I was curious, being a transgender guy, I do not know the first thing about,
like, being a dude.
I don't. I don't. I know, I don't know how to approach the social aspect of it,
even though that's exactly, like, how I feel.
And so, I was wondering if, you know, maybe you had any advice, or any, you
know, especially advice on how not to, like, seem creepy or weird.
Because I know people are going to start thinking that now.
They don't generally think that of women, but they will think it of men.
And I really don't want to come across like that.
So, that's pretty much it.
Thanks again.
Yeah, thanks for calling.
No, this is super interesting.
How do you get, yeah, how do you be a dude?
Well, you showed up at a really wild time, young lady.
I don't know if I, I mean, I almost want to say right now, it might be safer to
go back across the river, you know?
It's a scary time to be a man right now.
But at the same time, I'm going to do it, you know?
And you're going to do it.
And I commend you.
That's got to be really, really brave.
You know, I've never been, you know, I've locked my keys in my car, you know?
But I've, I can only imagine if you locked your, you know, if you feel like God
kind of locked your, your gender keys, you know, in the vehicle.
And you, you got to pop that lock and, you know, and maybe, and renegotiate the
ignition a little, you know?
They, to be a guy these days, I mean, I think first of all, you got to get some
cool, some kind of, maybe some nice slacks, you know?
And some nice pants.
I think a hat, if you like to do a hat, some guys do a hat.
I think these days, guys are a lot more supportive of each other than they used
to be.
I don't think you have to do steroids anymore, so you don't have to do that.
You can, I think getting into sports is super good.
You know, even if you just watch as a fan playing some fantasy sports, and it
might not be something that you like, but, I mean, I guess you're asking for
things that I think make it easier to associate with other men.
So those are some of them, being able to talk about sports, being able to, you
know, UFC, that kind of stuff.
At first, I didn't like watching UFC.
I don't like watching people really beat each other.
But then you start to see that a lot of these men are heroes, and that they
have goals, and that they have ambitions, and the fighting is just the way that
they, it's just their, it's their physical process of chasing their dreams.
And so I started to really enjoy it more when I look at it like that.
How else to be a guy?
I would say maybe spit on the ground sometimes.
You could do chewing tobacco if you want.
I don't recommend it because you could get hooked into the tobacco world, but I
used to do it for a while.
I worked on a farm, and I didn't feel like that much of a guy.
I had to guy up a little bit, and so I'd stuff a couple, you know, socks in my
junk area by that fucking, you know, by that little meat tongue, you know, that
low tongue that you got, that wiener.
And I'd put a couple socks in there and start doing chewing tobacco because I
was trying to bulk out and man up a little bit.
I've done a lot of things to try to seem manly over the years.
So how do you welcome over to the boys' side?
I mean, it's wild.
This is like the craziest game of Red Rover I've ever been in.
You know, let me catch your name again at the beginning.
It was also Theo.
Oh, fuck.
At least, maybe I'm not egotistical enough that I don't remember in this sense
because it's my own name.
But Theo, welcome.
You know, wow, I get to welcome a Theo to the man, to being a man, being an
adult male.
Look, it's tough these days, though.
You're not, especially you're white guys.
So, you know, they're going to blame you for everything.
You know, even if you didn't do something, you could be blamed for it.
But people, the media right now does not like you, so you've got to be careful.
So just be careful.
You know, be cognizant of what's going on.
I don't know if it's a safe time to look a woman in the eyes.
A lot of women out there in certain cities.
Most of America, you still can.
Some places, it's a little dangerous.
So I would just be a little bit weary out there.
But welcome over to the man's side.
You know, we can use some good men over here.
And it's nice to see that they got women coming over to this side.
You know, because we've had a lot of men slip over onto the other side.
You rarely see that bad, you know, that bad boy coming back over here.
But Red Rover, Red Rover, sent Theo right over.
And all aboard and welcome.
Thank you for calling in.
And that's got to be a brave journey.
You know, I've done some different things in my life.
Community college.
You know, I got poison ivy.
You know, I had my penis hole kind of enlarged when I was young.
I've tried to learn Spanish about six times.
But I've never been through anything like that.
And I bet that that's the Mount Olympus, really.
You know, you're doing it all.
You're doing it all.
Boy, that remodel, huh?
Woo!
Red Rover, Red Rover, sent Theo right over.
And look, if you learned anything while you were over there, get over here and
tell us.
Because they taking these men out right now.
If you a man, if you even, I'm thinking about mailing my dick to another
country and going and getting it later.
So you might be coming across at the wrong time.
But no matter what, we're happy to have you.
And that's a wild journey you're on.
And I love you, Theo.
And welcome, Theo.
This is crazy.
It's almost like I'm talking to myself.
Wow, you know what's crazy is my sister can't even read.
But what does it have to do with us right now?
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.