Name: Michael Bisping | This Past Weekend #136
Uploaded: 2018-10-04T13:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Michael Bisping | This Past Weekend #136' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Michael Bisping | This Past Weekend #136' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-04. Transcript available.

Michael Bisping | This Past Weekend #136

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Ladies and gentlemen, the man that's in here right now has been a champion.
You know what I'm saying?
Now, think about something you're good at.
Now, think about being the best at it.
The best.
This man, he's, you know, he's an original American, if you will.
He's British.
And he is a sportscaster.
He's, I mean, he's an author.
I mean, he's probably one of the, he'd probably be a very violent babysitter
even.
We're just really happy to have him here.
Champion, personality, actor, Mr. Michael Bisping.
Dude, what about, do you guys have Halloween there in the UK?
Halloween in England.
Yeah, we do.
But it's not like it is over here.
Really?
I mean, you guys go overboard.
You really, really get into the Halloween, which is great.
I love it.
You know, my son's super excited, but, you know, the English, you know, we're
not Americans.
You guys go a little bit overboard on everything.
Is it too much, huh?
Everything, you know, which is great.
I love it.
But when you see like, you know, 47-year-old doctors standing in line at Ralph's
discussing what
they're going to dress up as, I can't help but roll my eyes a little bit and
say, get
a fucking grip, man.
You've got three kids at home and, well, I'm going to go as a fucking scary
ghost this year.
I'm like, dude, get a grip.
Come on.
A scary ghost.
You know, I'm going to go as Casper or whatever, a sexy wizard or something.
Yeah, well, especially out here in LA, you see a lot of male doctors going as
sexy wizards
as well.
This whole city.
Hey, I guess we go to different parties.
That's the whole definition of this city is a bunch of sexy wizards, man.
It's good.
Has it gotten, I feel like, especially like if you're in the West Coast, you
live in
California?
Yeah, yeah.
I live in Orange County.
Nice, man.
You know, an hour outside of LA.
And do you feel like, oh, you're really.
I'm spilling the coffee.
This thing's spilling his coffee.
You still got the shakes.
I'm from the fights.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
I'm all good.
All right.
I'm okay.
I'm just nervous, Theo.
I'm really, really nervous here.
I don't know if we're going to look at the judge's cards, but I think he lost
the first
round of that coffee right there.
I fucking did.
It's leaking everywhere.
Is it really?
No, no, no, it's not.
I'm just clumsy.
Oh.
But yeah, in the US, it's like, I feel like we're getting a little bit soft
over here.
Does it feel like, because I mean, America started in England.
We're just, you know.
America started in England.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I mean, I guess we founded the country.
Yeah.
You know, then you guys decided to do your own thing.
And we said, you know, have the ball and run with it.
Go with it.
You know, be our guest.
We're going to be bothered with the botheration of fighting a war across the
Atlantic.
I know you guys get very excited about it.
The war of independence.
It's like, dude, we had a very, very small outpost and an entire country beat
like a few
hundred of our soldiers.
And we're like, do you know what?
Have the fucking thing.
You were grateful bastards.
Yeah.
You guys sent the B team over, I think as well.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Did, um, did, do you think that America's got, is, is America like softer than
the UK though?
Cause I don't have, I don't have an understanding.
I feel like the West coast seems kind of soft to me.
Like Los Angeles.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
So yeah.
Like more liberal, whatever.
Um, I don't know.
Have you spent much time in England?
No.
Okay.
I mean, they're very similar, you know, very similar coaches.
Of course there is, there is, you know, subtle differences, you know, of course,
but yeah, generally pretty similar to be honest, you know, so I, I wouldn't say
it was softer,
harder, of course, different parts of the country are better off or harder or
poorer neighborhoods
or whatever, but you know, there's good and bad, rough and smooth everywhere
you go.
And you could really probably fist fight a pretty strong girl up in Newcastle.
I don't know if you've ever been out there.
I've been to Newcastle.
I went to Newcastle once.
Oh, for sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, Newcastle's, you know, that's a tough town.
Yeah.
That's a tough town.
A lot of vibrant, big, hardy women running around drinking, it seemed like.
Oh yeah.
No, for sure.
You know, you go out, that's the thing in England.
You go out on a Friday night and do the pub crawls.
Yeah.
But up in Newcastle and the North, in fact, everywhere in England, it's
freezing cold.
It's certainly in the winter.
Yeah.
But those women are hardcore.
They'll still go out.
No jacket, little tiny mini skirt, tits hanging out all over the place.
It's probably a flabby belly hanging out all over the place.
Blowing a gale.
Yeah.
Downpour, heavy rains, windy as fuck, minus three, they don't give a shit.
In a line.
Holding hands in a line, like one after the next.
Trying to get that next drink.
Oh, it's beautiful, man.
It's like watching those turtles that come onto the beach to have babies.
So it's like, it's almost like seeing like a rite of passage, I feel like, in
the UK.
Well, yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
Seeing the bridal parties.
I don't even have ever thought.
Oh, the bridal parties.
Like in you.
The hen do's.
Yeah, the hen do's.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're fun.
You want to stay away from them.
Oh, it was like the Polar Express.
One of them coming right at me.
It was like nine of them in a row.
Yeah, no, for sure.
And probably one had a veil on and like some kind of sash around her, like she's
in a beauty
pageant, but she definitely doesn't belong in a beauty pageant at all.
Any woman that's doing that, I'm pretty sure my wife didn't do that.
Any woman that, yeah, yeah.
Stay away from them.
It's a bit much.
It's a little bit much.
A little bit much, yeah.
And Halloween, they're like, what kind of, I feel like you guys would have
really old
fashioned costumes, like the plague victims or like, you know.
The costumes?
Yeah, like Edgar Allen Poe.
I think these days, you know, American culture does tend to, you know, seep
into British culture
eventually.
Right.
I mean, we're a little bit slow to catch on to certain things.
And I feel like the Halloween vibe, everyone dressing up and all that, it's
starting to
catch on.
As I say, as kids, as children, we dress up.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
But now.
Not adults though.
No.
There's a bit more.
Because we're adults.
Because we're adults.
We don't fucking dress up as ghosts or wizards or witches because it doesn't do
anything
for us.
But as I say, now some people are getting a little bit cheesy.
Yeah.
And they're doing the whole fucking American Halloween party.
It's an infection.
America's like an infection kind of that infects the rest of the world.
Well, I wouldn't say it's an infection.
Listen, you're trying to get me to talk shit here.
No, no, no.
Look.
I love living here in America.
I'm a proud Englishman.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Proud Englishman, of course.
But yeah, you know, this is why I'm bringing up my family.
I love it out here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And do you feel, is it tough to have like British tradition in your house here
in America?
I just feel like America, it's just kind of, I love being in America too.
Like, I just feel like it overtakes everything.
I just feel like it like, it's kind of like a hedge that just kind of keeps
growing or a
vine.
I'm trying to think, I mean, there's not too many English traditions really.
I mean, we're trying to, well, we're starting to adopt American cultures really
like Thanksgiving.
That's not a thing in England, obviously, but, uh, you know, who doesn't like a
good roast
dinner?
Right.
Who doesn't like roast beef and all the trimmings?
So we're like, fuck it.
We're doing Thanksgiving now.
You know, and the way my wife looks at it, it's a warmup for Christmas.
Right.
So if we're going to have an argument or all shit's going to hit the fan, we'll
do it on
Thanksgiving.
Christmas goes smooth.
That's cool.
Um, you have, you have three children.
Do you have?
Correct.
Yeah.
And how is it, uh, do they look at you as like, is it tough to be like the man
in the
ring and then the man at the house?
Like, is it different?
Is it a different guy?
No, I mean, I guess, uh, I've always done it.
I've always done it.
So all they've ever known was, you know, dad is a fighter, I guess.
Now I'm retired.
It's a little different, but, uh, yeah, they, they, they, I don't know.
They, they, they disassociate themselves from that pretty easily.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
They don't look at me like that.
They don't treat me like that.
Certainly my teenage daughter doesn't give me any respect whatsoever.
I get a lot of eye rolling and told to shut the door on the way out.
That's what I get.
If she looked at me as a fighter, maybe she'd have a little bit more respect.
Yeah.
She's a teenage girl though.
Yeah.
I was an asshole when I was 15.
And she's not at your weight class either.
Yeah.
No, exactly.
Why is I slapped that bitch real hard.
But, you know, she, you know, not my weight class.
Right, right.
Yeah.
Hey, equal opportunities.
Hey, I agree.
Look, man.
Hey, dude.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Oh, I'm thinking about.
Love you, sweetheart.
I'm joking.
Of course.
I'm thinking about getting a sex change and fighting maybe at about 140 against
some women.
Somebody's done that.
Really?
That's happened.
I forget the name.
Fallon Fox.
Fallon Fox.
There was a whole controversy about that.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Do you feel like the fighting, like, do you feel like, um, that, you know, with
social
media and things, but us becoming more of like a me universe that, that, that,
that fighting
has gotten softer over the years at all.
Have you noticed anything?
Um, I don't know if it's anything.
What do you mean by me universe?
Like, just like everybody's more like when I was growing up, like we didn't,
everybody
didn't have a social media.
Everybody wasn't a star.
Everyone wasn't a star.
Okay.
I got you.
Um, I, I think generally, um, and the UFC is a bigger product these days.
It's a bigger brand.
It's, it's worldwide.
There's more shows.
It used to be, you know, a handful of shows a year.
Yeah.
So, so the, the, the, the talent pool was very small, you know, but they were,
you know,
they were very tough guys these days.
They're going to fill more shows.
So yes, of course you've got fantastic fighters.
You've got Khabib and Conor going on this weekend, an amazing fight.