Name: Reintroduce Yourself | This Past Weekend #137
Uploaded: 2018-10-08T13:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Reintroduce Yourself | This Past Weekend #137' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Reintroduce Yourself | This Past Weekend #137' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-08. Transcript available.

Reintroduce Yourself | This Past Weekend #137

Today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza, Gray Block, 1811 Pico
Boulevard
on the way to the beach in Los Angeles, Gray Block Pizza, get that here.
Today's episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.com.
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How we doing, you snazzy little princesses and petunias, huh?
You ready to test drive your own heartbeat?
Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
Are you ready to smile like a walrus on Molly?
The ocean is open, baby.
Get in there.
Get in there.
guitar solo
guitar solo
Oh yeah!
Tiny Sandhu is a man or something or it's a being, it's a creature, I don't
know what
it is, but it has an email and once in a blue moon, it sends an email with a
music, with
a music attached to it and it just says, hey, here's that hitter and that's
Tiny Sandhu
and he's been doing that since we started this podcast and he might be, I don't
know
what Tiny Sandhu could be, it could be like a man, it could be somebody that
lives in
the, if I think about it, it seems like maybe a little baby otter, like a baby
otter that
sometimes, you know, has been underwater just making music and just nibbling on
the hard
parts of his own tongue and just feeling the fucking lavender, just the
lavender just run
through his own bloodstream and that's Tiny Sandhu and I feel like that otter
every now
and then it comes to the top of the water and it just spits out into the air a
musical sound that
fills us up and that's Tiny Sandhu and he does that for us and that is back in
black, that's his
own cover written just for you and for me. Thank you guys for being here with
me today, it is, it's a
good day, it has to be, it has to be because it's the only one we have right
now, you know, I mean you
could wait till tomorrow but if you want, today can probably be good, so just
if today's starting
off for you in a shitty bro, give it another chance, give today another chance,
maybe y'all got off on a bad
foot, you think about that because you know that today only has, is a one-legged
deal, you know, and
today only has, it has one foot, so that foot can sometimes be good and
sometimes be bad, so if that's
the case, just give it a chance, give it a chance, let it take another step
into your life and see if that
next step is, is on the good, lands as a good foot, you know, because we have,
because, you know,
sometimes it's like, oh, I'm having a bad day, well then reintroduce yourself
to the day, reacquaint
yourself, let the day, you guys reconsider each other instead of sitting there
all day like, today sucks,
you know, today sucks, you know, today sucks, you know, we was out of
Philadelphia cream cheese and I can't even,
you know, we didn't have no, uh, you know, caramel topping last night for the
vanilla ice cream scoops,
today sucks, no, today didn't start off well, today is a one-legged deal and it
started off on that,
you know, it landed with that bad imprint into your, into your sandbox, so y'all
started off on a bad
foot, well let today jump again into your life, make an agreement with today if
it's not going well,
say, hey, hey today, I'm Theo and I want to see if maybe we could do this
differently and let the day
reintroduce itself and you guys give each other another chance, you got to give
things second
chances sometimes, it's hard, people give you second chances and sometimes you
got to give other people
second chances, good to be here, thank you guys for joining me, I, uh, man, I
got back from Charlotte,
I had a blast in Charlotte, um, we had, oh man, so many people came out, I want
to apologize for the
late show on Saturday, they had some, uh, people in the, uh, they had some
people, I think that was on
uppers, you know, they was probably on, I don't know what the heck they were on,
uh, you know,
repeated doses of liquor, maybe gunpowder, uh, you know, uh, harsh, harsh
cinnamon, one of them could have
been on, maybe somebody, maybe they had some apple pie and it was just so tart
that they just showed
up and were just complete assholes at the show, but finally they tossed those
clowns out, but, um,
but you know, I just say that because I know a lot of people, I'm not saying
that to demean those guys,
they threw some guys out, but what's not, what makes me upset is I know that so
many other people
come out to the show, they get a babysitter, they drive, you know, we had
people drive three, four, seven
hours to get to the, to Charlotte this weekend, and I was so excited, and then
you get some, some clowns
that come out and they're just selfish, they think it's all about them and they're
just ruining the evening
because they don't know how to be adults, and it just, uh, and it hurts me
because it, it, it makes it so
I'm unable to, you know, drop that hitter out there, I'm able, I'm unable to,
you know, do that, just
skeet that word out into the, out into the crowd and create a good, uh, a good
spider's web
of joy, but I'm happy to be back, uh, a friend of mine gave me a pin, somebody,
uh, came to the show
and gave me a pin, one of the curious crew that comes out to see, uh, my shows,
and, um, the pin was in
memory of his friend Alex that had passed away, and so I just wanted to say
thank you for that,
and we'll keep it here in studio.
Another thing we got in the studio, I got an autographed, uh, baseball, I got
an autographed
baseball and a baseball, I mean, I know you've seen it before, it's like a
little white ball,
it looks like a big, it looks like a big kind of nut or something off of a goat.
If they had a big, big goat that had hard, hard nuts, uh, that's what a
baseball looks
like, and, um, and it's autographed by Noah Syndergaard from, uh, the New York
Mets, and
I saw my first game ever was a Mets game years and years ago, and, uh, and, um,
and I'm a
fan of Noah, and he, and he's a supporter of mine, and so he gave me this
autographed ball,
and a friend of mine copped that for me, and, um, and saw him at an autograph
session
the other day, and he wasn't signing any, any balls, but he signed one for us
here at this
past weekend, and so, uh, we're very appreciative of that, and it's nice, we're
gonna have it in
studio, we're getting some of the studio kind of put together in a new
atmosphere, um, nothing
crazy, but, but, uh, but it's gonna be new.
What's going on?
Charlotte, I had a good time, I had a good time.
You know, I went out there, went over to Mertz, they got Mertz, and they got
soul food
at Mertz, and I don't know if you ever had soul food, but they call it that
because when
you put it in your body, your fucking soul shows up to meet it.
I mean, soul food is just, dude, you might not even think you have a spirit,
and you put
a, I mean, these, these yams were so candied, bro, they were, they were LGDBQ,
um, you know,
they were don't ask, don't tell yams, these things were sweet, I mean, I had yams,
they
had a, I had a catfish filet, man, you could taste the lake, you could taste, I
mean, it's,
it tasted like I was eating a stack of beautiful postcards.
You could taste the people camping in the distance and making coffee in the
morning, you could
taste the, uh, you know, a family picnic and by the edge of the stream, that's
how damn
good this catfish was.
You could taste the mem, the memories that were inside of this catfish's head,
in its brain,
in its soul.
And that's how good that catfish was.
That catfish filet, boy, I put it in my mouth and that mother, I swam right
down my gullet.
And that's soul food.
Food that meets your soul.
Food that when it goes in your body, your soul, your soul says, oh, well, what
is this?
This was made with love and care and affection.
This wasn't made by some, you know, you got to beat it out of a box and they
got a prize
at the bottom of it or something.
You know, back in the day, they used to have, you know, cereal or macaronis.
And in the end of the, at the bottom of the box, they'd have a little trinket
in there.
You know, a little, you know, a rape whistle or something like a little, uh,
you know,
one time it had a, it was a, um, it was a piece of, uh, like a, a peppermint
stick.
And it was just loose in the box.
Fuck, I actually, that might've just been, somebody just spit a damn mint into
the cereal.
But, you know, they had a different thing.
When I was young, they had a little item in there and you'd reach your hand.
Dude, I remember when the cereal, when you got that cereal, the frosted flake,
when you get the frosted flake and they got, they used to have a toy in the
bottom.
They would put a toy in the bottom, a little, you know, a little seat, you know,
a rape whistle
or a little, uh, you know, a picture of a monkey kind of holding its nuts or a
little statue of,
um, you know, Benedict Arnold, Arnold.
And they'd put it in the bottom and you had to slide your hand.
You had to, you had to, I mean, you had to have precision and get your hand
right down the side
of that box all the way to the bottom.
And then you had to make a perfect right, uh, 90 degree turn with your hand and
feel up under
the side of the cereal.
Take you nine minutes, bro.
If somebody came up and you had, you couldn't get your arm out fast.
This was a slow vibe because you couldn't spill the cereal out of the bag.
It might, you do no, but you ain't spilling cereal where I'm from.
Because if a flake hits there, somebody's tongue is going to catch, is going to
meet it halfway
to the ground.
And you get that and you reach your hand out under there and you get that prize
and you
would pull it out.
And it would be a tattoo or something, you know, some, it says give blood on it,
or it
would be a, uh, a neck tattoo or something.
You could lick it and put it on your neck.
Says, you know, something save these hoes or, you know, uh, something fun, you
know, or like
a little locket around.
It would have like a little locket with a picture of like an old man or
something in it
that you didn't know and you could wear that, but they had different prizes in
the cereal
box and man, it was, I mean, it was fun to have back in the day.
That's one thing I really, really miss.
You know, I miss a lot of back in the day, man.
I miss being young.
I miss, uh, you know, I'm still happy that I'm alive though.
You know, that's the thing.
It's like, I'm happy to be able to have memories.
You know, memories are pretty, are pretty cool, aren't they?
Aren't they pretty cool, do you think?
Memories are pretty cool because, you know, in memory, it's like your brain is
saying, oh,
you know what, bro?
I'm a whole owner of this for us, daddy.
And that's pretty cool, you know?
Because, you know, it's nice to know that your brain, that there's something
inside of
you that's working for you sometimes because oftentimes our brains can work, uh,
against
us, you know, or not have some of our best interests at hand.
And that's the, and that is the, the definition of the dark arts right there.
You know, we've talked about it over the years and that's the definition of the
dark arts
is when your brain is making choices and you're doing 