Name: Donnell Rawlings | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #150
Uploaded: 2018-11-22T14:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Donnell Rawlings | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #150' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Donnell Rawlings | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #150' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-22. Transcript available.

Donnell Rawlings | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #150

Today's episode is brought to you by Greyblock Pizza. Greyblock Pizza, 1811 Pico
Boulevard in Los Angeles. Greyblock, get that hitter.
What's up guys? Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. We are thankful for you
here and for being here with us whenever you're consuming this episode.
As well, Happy Thanksgiving. Nick wanted to say something to you guys.
I just want to say Happy Thanksgiving to all the listeners and enjoy that
turkey and that tryptophan.
That tryptophan, dude. Look, that's free dope, isn't it?
Yeah, that's white people dope according to our guest today.
That's true. That's white people dope according to our guest today.
Today's guest is a friend of mine. He's a confidant. He's a retired U.S.
military serviceman.
I don't know if he's retired, but I mean he ain't fighting today, you know.
He is someone that I look up to and no doubt he is one of the funniest people
that I know.
He's coming to tour in the next few weeks, I think, in Indianapolis,
Minneapolis and...
We'll have all those dates below.
And we'll have all those dates below, right?
And Detroit, I think it is, actually.
You may know him as Ashley Larry from The Chappelle Show.
It's my friend, Mr. Donnell Rollins.
I'm a little obsessed, huh?
You are?
Yeah, because you've been trying to get me to come to this podcast for probably,
I'll say, roughly like a year.
Yeah.
And then, pardon the Lord, but we're friends. I would come on anyway.
He was like, yo, we take care of our people. We send cars for them and
everything.
Yep.
And if I remember, I drove myself to your podcast today.
Yeah.
And I talked to all your other friends, the white people and everybody else had
cars.
Yeah.
I'm just trying to get a clear understanding on why I couldn't get a car.
And not only that I couldn't get a car, I know that your guests come up here,
you offer them beverages.
Yeah.
Like mint tea, wheat shots.
I don't have a lot of wheat shots.
And I'm a little upset because I don't know if this is racist or whatever.
The cucumber part is definitely white.
Okay.
The watermelon part, was it like, did you guys, like who was responsible for
giving a black guy?
There's a survey online.
It says, if you look up flavors that, that, you know, urban people like.
Right.
What urban people meaning?
People, you know, from.
From inner city?
From, from the city.
Yeah.
Overall.
Are they like a specific, are they a specific shade or anything or just anybody?
I mean, is it reserved just to Latinos or blacks?
I just want to get to the bottom of it.
And the reason why I want to get to the bottom of it, I consider you to be a
dear friend.
Yeah.
And I know you went through some legal issues about a week ago.
Yeah, I did actually.
As, as, as all of us always do.
And you, they got you.
They got me.
They got you.
And I, and you get time.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And I was excited to be here because I know if I can come to your podcast, that
means you're home.
Yeah.
You're free.
Yeah.
First off, it's good to see you.
Thank you, ma'am.
And with that said, I brought you some gifts.
Oh, damn.
That's what's up.
It's almost like a care package.
Mostly you would probably need this when you was in the joint, but I got you
these things coming
out the joint because I care about you.
Oh, respect, man.
I don't know if you want to.
You can, you can save for later.
You can show people.
I'll show people, man.
Yeah.
I think open it.
All right.
Yeah.
We got that hamburger helper boy.
Oh, Salisbury.
Yeah.
I couldn't.
Did you got to help yourself with the hamburger?
I didn't get the hamburger.
I thought it'd be kind of messy if I bought it.
So that's the start, son.
That's that start.
You know how many packs of cigarettes you get in the joint?
Well, you know, because you was in a joint.
How many packs of cigarettes you could get for one box of hamburger helper?
Oh, probably two packs.
Nah, that's two packs of Marlboro Lights.
Yeah.
Black people don't really smoke them too much, but you could get a carton of
Newports.
That's just, just, just for you to know the next time you're in.
Respect, man.
I really appreciate that.
Let me see this second item.
Oh, that ramen.
That's another favorite where you came from, son.
That's where if you meet somebody in a joint, you could treat them to something
at the
half.
Yeah.
If you got to pot to boil your water, you know how y'all was cooking in here.
Oh, I'll cook in the toilet usually.
But I wanted you to, you know, just coming home, I didn't want to put on your
face that
you was locked up, but I still want you to know that people know what you went
through.
What I was going through, my struggle.
And this right there, that rich and creamy boy.
Yeah.
And those were two dudes that I met in the joint, actually.
But the creamy, you know what I'm saying?
I don't even like to use.
You just came home.
Those words you can't use when you're locked up, rich or creamy.
Yeah.
But I just thought you don't, you know, you probably didn't have a lot of
desserts.
So you ain't even got it open.
And it's, I couldn't get a new one.
Oh, damn.
Yeah.
I felt like it was leaking a little.
It's a little used.
Oh, damn.
But it still get the same thing.
Just put it on your thumb and go to work, son.
Yeah.
That's that baby batter, huh?
Yeah.
That's definitely, man.
That's that little treat.
And what is this?
Oh, one avocado, huh?
Because you got, with all the other stuff I gave you, with the soda and
everything.
Make a salad.
I got to keep you healthy at the same time.
I like that, man.
All them SpaghettiOs, man.
That's for Thanksgiving, son.
That's a special treat.
You don't, that's not no everyday.
Everyday.
Oodles and noodles, you can eat those everyday.
But if somebody care about you, they send you that.
Now we're talking good stuff right here.
And what is this?
That's mascara.
I don't know what you was into when you was locked up.
Oh, dang.
Yeah, yeah.
If you want to get back in touch, or I don't know.
If you got nice eyebrows, you might want to touch them up.
That might not be for the streets.
That's just for the bitches, son.
Yeah, no.
I'll put some of this on sometime, especially if I go back in.
Oh, and I got this power cable, too.
Yeah, because I know you probably didn't have access to your phone.
And I'm going to tell you, in a gift bag, everybody at some point, they want an
extra cord.
Yeah.
And that's an iPhone charger, too.
So I got you that because I care about you.
Oh, thanks, man.
This is awesome, dude.
And is it common if you have friends, like buddies of yours, that you'll give
them stuff?
Urban people?
Well, yeah.
Do you guys deal a lot in like, do you give?
Is that a common thing?
If you see a friend or a black guy who's gotten out of jail, do you give them
something?
Is there like a usual gift you'll give to somebody like that?
I mean, the best thing you want to give them is advice.
Yeah.
A lot of them don't usually take that, and that's the reason why they're in
there.
So a lot of my boys say, man, fuck all that advice.
What you got?
Yo, throw something in the bag.
Yeah.
And then when you come home, even if you wasn't really connected to that person,
you know,
like coming home is a big deal in the streets.
Yeah.
So you try to show them.
Some people give up money, clothes, whatever, but I'm not, you know, feeling
like that.
So I try to give out little care packages.
That's beautiful.
I took the time out to put those things together for you, son.
I appreciate it, man.
Thank you very much.
That's nice of you, bro.
My nigga.
My nigga all day.
Dude, you're probably one of my 60 or 70 favorite, you know, diverse friends
that I have, or probably
maybe even top 20, top 10.
I don't really even believe that you have 60 or 70 diverse friends, son.
And I don't want to blow you up.
If I would have said name them, naming me three times is not the same thing.
And also, you can't use a Wu-Tang clan because nobody knows how many Wu-Tang.
Anybody know how many Wu-Tang clans?
It won't stop.
It's little Wu's, man.
They got a new clan, man.
They got a new clan in town.
I had Frederick Douglass on that list, too, man.
So it goes deep, yeah.
I see you took, you really paid attention to Black History Month because a lot
of people
wouldn't even know who Frederick Douglass was unless it wasn't Black History
Month.
I appreciate you for being in a place, in a school where they taught you who
Frederick Douglass
was.
Yeah.
That's dope.
Where are you playing at next?
I'm on a, I got a tour now, the Funny Moves tour.
We start Live Nation.
I team with Live Nation.
Mm-hmm.
And they're doing some, you know, small theaters to see what can I make the
transition from night
club to the theater.
First stop is Detroit.
I think Detroit is on the 29th.
Your mood is closer.
Detroit is on the 29th.
You can pull it back if you want.
Yeah.
Move it however you want.
Detroit.
Oh, I'm Black, so I got to lean back.
That's what it is.
You got a recliner.
Damn, Black people.
You can't, I feel like you can't, where else?
Okay, you said Detroit.
I don't want to get through these.
I got a question.
Detroit, Minneapolis.
Yeah.
And Indianapolis.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Back to back.
29th, 30th.
That's a tough one.
That one, Indianapolis, son.
Like, once you go past three or four syllables, I get stuck, man.
You know, I'm clapping, Minneapolis, it's too many for me, son.
But y'all know what it is.
Ride it down.
Gang Gang.
Dude, that's it.
Gang Gang, son.
Free 69.
Oh, he's in, huh?
Yeah.
What do Black people think about 69?
They like, I mean, it's interesting because, like, he's a-
He's hype.
He's hype.
Anytime anybody represents Brooklyn, you know, brothers want to attach
themselves to that.
He's grimy.
But the same things that are street things that people, I guess, got connected
with him is
the reason why, you know, he's locked up now.
Yeah.
You know, I don't wish death or prison on anybody, but, you know what I'm
saying?
You got to know something's going to happen, too, when you're inviting people
to suck your
dick.
Fuck y'all this, fuck y'all, we got gats.
And it's so easy for the FBI and these tactical units to find these people
because all they
got to do is follow them on Instagram.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
How do we know y'all was going to be gang banging in Chicago?
Because you said pull up in Chicago.
Right.
You know, so I wish the best for them.
I respect the fact that a kid at his age could troll enough where they could
put themselves
in a situation where they got financial gains.
Yeah.
They popular.
And he made it.
He made it.
At the same time, the same things that you got popular for could be the death
thing.
So, you know, for all the trolls, I did be careful.
Do you think, he's like the rainbow Bobby Shmurda kind of a little bit.
It's Shmurda.
Sorry.
It's like, see, see why people, it's like, you got to drop the ER.
Well, you got to put letters together that don't go together.
No, you got to do, you got to take the ER off, son.
You can't, you can't do like Shmurda.
That's like the N word with the ER at the end of it.
I don't use that, man.
It's Shmurda.
Yeah.
It's Shmurda.
And Bobby Shmurda was the blueprint on how to get locked up.
Yeah.
And they're from like the same area.
And Brooke, I just don't understand why 6ix9ine didn't see it.
But, you know, I wish him well.
Don't drop the soap, son.
And, you know, hopefully, you know, the situation where the public can send him
one of the care
packages that I sent you.
Yeah, that's a good point, actually.
We should make a Bobby Shmurda, we should make a us, we should make a 6ix9ine
care package
and send one.
Yeah.
That'd be awesome.
Rainbow Skittles.
Yeah, dude.
What's he going to look like when he gets out, though, do you think?
Does the rainbow fade over time?
I don't know.
Well, if he comes out, he looks like we know something tragic happened.
We know that he didn't have soap on the rope, you know?
Yeah.
But the thing about it, he's only been charged, you know what I'm saying?
Now, here's the thing.
If for some reason, you know, none o