Name: Ron White | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #154
Uploaded: 2018-12-06T14:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ron White | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #154' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ron White | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #154' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-06. Transcript available.

Ron White | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #154

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Today's episode is, we're featuring today one of the last white heroes, I would
say.
You know, this man, he's got his own tequila.
He's been drinking so long and entertaining so long that he, he didn't develop
alcoholism,
but he definitely, he had just developed his own alcohol.
And it's called Number One.
And he is, he is a, he is nothing short of a trailblazer.
This man has been performing for a long time out of Texas.
It's my mother's favorite comedian and one of mine as well.
I'm honored to be actually going, this will be in his home today where we are.
It is Mr. Ron White.
Did you ever meet, this is probably before your time, did you ever meet Jerry
Clower?
No, no, I knew his word from being a kid, but no, I never met him.
He was still doing gigs and I'd see him, he'd come to like play high school
auditoriums and stuff.
Yeah.
But, but I did enjoy the work, you know, when I heard it.
Yeah, his albums, I love, I still listen to his albums.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, one of them is like one of the all time highest selling comedy albums
ever.
Like, I, I think it's like greatest hits or something.
But, yeah man, thanks for letting us be in here today.
Sure, welcome to Taterland.
Yeah, I know, huh?
The house that comedy built are one of.
Right.
And you got this dog here named Mustard.
Yeah, Mustard won't leave us alone, by the way.
Okay.
He'll never chill.
He'll, uh, he'll want you to throw that ball somewhere.
I think we're probably going to have to lock him up.
What do you think, Mustard?
He's handsome, huh?
Yeah, why don't you go ahead and take him downstairs.
Where's he from?
What country or city is he from?
He's from, uh, he was born somewhere in Kentucky.
And, uh, I bought him, uh, when I was living in Atlanta, right before I moved
out of Atlanta.
I bought him for me and I bought this Australian, uh, shepherd for my mother.
Oh, nice.
She likes animals?
Yeah, mother, mother does.
And, uh, well, she likes dogs.
Yeah.
I think they have a cat over there, too.
But what'd your mom do whenever you were growing up?
Did she, what did, did your mom work or you're just, your dad worked?
No, mother worked.
Uh, she had a, the earliest, uh, one of the earliest memories I have is, uh,
she was a cashier in this little grocery store in this little tiny dirt town in
Texas.
And, and, uh, and my mother was beautiful, beautiful.
Wow.
And, uh, so she was, man, I guess she'd have been 25 or six in this little bitty
dusty town.
They, you know, she was probably the only true, you know, hot babe in the whole
city.
They wanted her to stay, I bet.
Yeah, they did.
They took a hit.
They took a hit the day my mom left.
And, uh, yeah, people don't realize, yeah, like, uh, you get kind of used to it
in some of these bigger cities, like seeing a lot of beautiful ladies.
But in smaller towns, it was like that one girl, you know?
Right.
So you imagine the town, Christy Brinkley grew up in Oklahoma and they were
like, uh, you're going where?
I'm going to, okay.
I'm going to follow Christy.
Dude, I remember they had this girl in our town, this girl named Chrissy Hunt.
And she wasn't even, I mean, she was just on our street, but she had like a chipped
tooth, but she was like the first girl that like showed me any attention.
And I just remember thinking that took her to like another level, you know?
The chip in the tooth or the fact that she cared?
I think, I don't know which one, probably a little bit of both.
Combination plate.
Yeah.
That chip in the tooth let me know that, you know, she, you know, if we got in
a relationship, she'd be able to go through some things.
You know, I think.
All right.
There was some value in that.
So, but, and you're married now.
No, you're not married now.
I don't know, man.
I don't know what it is.
The, uh, no, I'm, I'm not married.
I'm going through a thing with, uh, somebody that's claiming we were married,
but we weren't.
Yeah.
So, and it's going to be a big, you know, it's a big uncomfortable thing.
So, um, is that up?
Is that, is like, uh, is that upsetting or is it like kind of scary or is it
just?
Well, you know, it, I was just hoping we could all be fair, you know?
Yeah.
And the fact that we can't be, you know, we, uh, that, you know, it's, it, and
it was also, you know, a family ties also and her brother and I are partners
and the tequila company.
And.
Oh yeah.
Uh, number one, right.
Good friends with her mother.
And I've known them all for 30 years and, um, my mother and her mother are
really good friends.
And so, you know, I hoped it wouldn't end up in, in, uh, in court, but that's
where it's going to be.
Dang.
You know, somebody else trying to chip up, to chip a hunk off for themselves.
And, uh, that's disheartening, huh?
Yeah.
A little bit.
Especially if it, and did you feel like, cause I know you've been married
before.
I mean, I, I, I met your most recent wife.
I just know that you had been married before.
I know that just from like the internet and stuff, but I met your most recent
wife at the comedy store one night.
Um, this probably maybe a year and a half ago or something.
Um, she came by.
Uh, what'd she look like?
Uh, she looked.
I'm not sure if that was her or not.
Oh, I hope it was.
Uh, I mean, this is lady was like a brunette.
Yeah.
Mexican girl.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She had like definitely some fire in her, you know?
No, she's a, yeah.
She has, she was like kind of tough.
Yeah.
She was, yeah.
She looked like she was doing flamenco, even if she wasn't doing it, you know?
She's a crazy, crazy talented human being.
Yeah.
Uh, but we were never married.
So I, but I, you know, it's, it's easier to say this is my wife than it is to
explain it.
Yeah.
Well, she wouldn't sign up for enum, so I wouldn't sign up, you know?
Yeah.
It's just, uh, so it was kind of, that's what most people thought, but, uh, but
she's crazy
talented.
One of the best singers I've ever heard in my life and a really, really dynamic
performer.
Is that one of the things that you think like attracted you to her?
I remember hearing a girl sing when I was in junior high school and it was the
first time
I'd ever heard a girl sing and play the piano.
And yeah, I would have married that girl right there.
And I don't even know what she looked like.
She could have looked, she could have been a man.
First time, um, I saw her sing, she was, uh, probably right at 32 years ago.
And, uh, she was like 19 or something like that.
And she was on stage with this band, just tearing it the fuck apart.
I mean, I'd never seen vocal performances to this day, you know, like she, she
was classically
trained opera singer, you know, do play, sing and rock and roll to make a
living.
And, and, uh, you know, right then I was like, what, what do I, and then her
brother stabbed
me and I kind of came out of it.
Really?
No.
Oh, that's beautiful.
That sounds like a Mexican.
I don't know what that's called.
I feel like it's like a new year's Eve.
Like, I don't know.
I'd love to be Mexican next time, I think, or Latino, you know, if I come back,
I want
my name to be Juan Pablo Montoya.
Really?
My name is Pablo Montoya.
Yeah.
It would be great.
I could do that.
I could, or maybe I could do Vietnamese.
I think that seems exciting too, you know?
Hang, hang.
Yeah.
Right now, now, dude, you're off.
You're off.
You're, you're, you're young in the show and now you want to be Juan Pablo Montoya.
You think?
I think so.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I could do that.
I think Latino I would be, I think I would be, I don't know if I would be black
yet.
I'll be black like in maybe one, maybe the next time, like if I did two or
three reincarnations
and then like got to pick different ones, that'd be pretty cool if you got to
go through all
of them, you know?
Like all the ethnicities and all the.
Well, you certainly have a little different perspective.
You're just tired of this white guy shit, aren't you?
It's run its course for you.
I don't know.
Sometimes I feel like it's like in America, it's kind of like, it's not run its
course, but
it's like, it's, you know, thing, it's just, it's getting wild out here, you
know?
It's just very, it's a lot, it's even more, it's way more diverse than even
when I was
young, you know?
It's just, it's changing.
I guess America's just always been like a changing place though, you know?
It's in a constant state of flux.
That's for sure.
What's the town that you grew up in like now?
Same exactly.
Is it?
Yeah, nothing changed there.
It was a grain elevator then, it's a grain elevator now.
Yeah.
The Fridge, Texas is the name of the place.
And I went back maybe 12 or 13 years ago.
It was long enough ago that they had brick and mortar record companies that
were selling
my records.
And so I came up and did a show for them in Amarillo and they gave me this big
white stretch
limousine.
And I have a half sister that's in radio there and Shay.
And so we got in it and went back to Fridge, was about 60 miles away.
And I had been there since I was a kid.
And we were trying to find this little house that mother and I were talking
about it today
that the day before she had me, she was staining the floors.
My dad, my grandpa built this house.
And in the next day, she, she had me.
She was staining the world.
Yeah, right.
She was staining the whole planet with me.
But it's, and I couldn't find the house.
And then I went back and I remember my mother's house, my grandmother's house
is this great
big house with these little trees.
But that was, you know, 40 something years ago.
Well, it turns out it's a little bitty house with gigantic trees.
The trees got huge and the house wasn't ever big.
I was just really little.
It was bigger than our house.
So I just thought of it as the big house with the tree.
And so we, I found it and then I, and then for some reason I knew how to get to
my house
from my grandmother's house.
Oh, that's cool.
When we drove straight to it and, and it's just this little bitty thing and
maybe 800 square
feet, little white clapboard house.
And, and, uh, but they were carpenters and they built a fence and to make it
fancy, they put
a curved top on the fence and, uh, they went, it was low in the front and it
got a little
taller and it went back in the back, but they never finished it because my
father got transferred
and we moved to, uh, Houston.
So when I was still like that, seven, it's still not finished.
Wow.
It's exactly the same far along as it was when my dad quit building it.
Everybody else said, ah, fuck it.
That's good.
I didn't leave it like that.
Was the