Name: Anthrax Challenge #6 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo Von
Uploaded: 2018-12-08T17:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anthrax Challenge #6 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo Von' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anthrax Challenge #6 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo Von' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-08. Transcript available.

Anthrax Challenge #6 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo Von

Happy almost holidays. This is the Anthrax Challenge.
And I want to thank everybody for sending in different items through mail and UPS.
And I think some stuff got dropped off here, Nick, or no?
Yeah, definitely some suspicious packages showing up at the door.
Yeah, one of them has, I don't know if, hopefully that's ketchup on the outside
of this, one of them.
But some seedy items.
Today, you know, I'm joined by producer Nick, who's here.
What's cracking?
And also, intern Gianni.
And Gianni is, where are you from, Gianni?
I'm from Providence, Rhode Island.
Ugh, sound like a real shithole.
So, Gianni just came back.
Where were you shooting, Gianni?
You were working on something.
Gianni's an actor as well.
I was shooting a movie for Blumhouse.
First of all, nobody knows what that shit is, dude.
It's a horror movie.
A lot of people know it.
It's with Octavia Spencer.
Okay, so you're shooting a movie.
Correct, yes.
Okay.
And in the movie, what do you play?
Not a film, dude, a movie.
Okay?
You're not fucking, you're not Arnold Schwarzenegger, dude.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, no, I know what you're saying.
Who do you think you are, dude?
But I wouldn't say Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Olivia Duff, bro?
Get your life together.
It's not Olivia Duff.
Yeah, you're not.
It's Haley.
No, it's not Haley.
It's Hillary.
Her sister's Haley.
Oh, Hillary Duff.
Listen to this.
So I was in, I was in Las Vegas one time and Hillary Duff asked me to like come
to their
like VIP or whatever.
Wait, what's the one?
She saw you and said, come to my VIP.
Hold on.
Haley is the one.
Hillary married a hockey player, right?
Yeah, Mike Fisher.
Yeah.
So Haley, anyway, we ended up chatting and then we ended up swapping numbers
and then I
went and met up with her out in Los Angeles one night at a club and then I
ended up trying
to go home.
I ended up going home with one of her friends and trying to hook up with one of
her friends.
And you didn't get lucky?
No.
And then that ruined my chance to also try and date her, who I thought she was
actually kind
of a sweet girl.
But anyway, so that's what happens when you do cocaine somewhere.
So, but you're here today and you're a movie, you're a movie actor.
Yes.
And, and also you were just doing a television show with 50 cents.
And how was it?
It's, it's just 50 cent.
There's no S on the end of that.
50 cents.
Just 50 cents.
Okay.
It's good.
It's a good show.
It's so much fun to be on.
Really?
Yeah.
Cause it's just like super cool.
I'm the only like white guy on the show.
There's like two other white guys.
And when you see each other, do you know, do you notice that you guys are white
together?
I mean, no, we don't like band together.
Like it's just.
Are you guys on a text chain or not?
Be honest.
No.
Okay.
No, but like, it's the most fun show to be on.
Really?
I love it.
Yeah.
It's great.
Everyone has a good time.
So I love it.
I actually heard that the vibe on that show is pretty good.
Yeah.
Okay.
So today we have anthrax challenge and we're going to open up a couple of gifts
and, you
know, it's almost the season of, you know, it is the season of the holidays and
Thanksgiving
and we're going to do one more anthrax challenge before Christmas.
So if there's anything else you guys want to send in, don't feel any
obligations, but I
just want to let you know we will do one more.
But today, yeah, we just wanted to open up some gifts kind of together so that,
you
know, it's that time of year.
So, Gianni, why don't you pick something out that feels good to you?
And don't forget about this big hitter over here.
Okay.
We'll save that one for last, the biggest one, right?
Isn't that what you usually did as a kid or no?
Or did you not get presents?
Oh, no, we got, I'm trying to think of what we got one year.
That was really big, I think.
Oh, my brother broke the window out in the living room.
So we didn't have a window in there for like fucking about six weeks.
And for Christmas, he had to use his big present to get us a fucking window.
So he got this huge pane of glass, bro, for Christmas, dude.
Bro, he tried to act all excited about opening it up.
Dude, it's fucking, and it was just a fucking window, bro.
I don't know.
I feel like that would be exciting for the family to get the window in the
middle of winter.
Yeah.
I guess in Louisiana.
Well, we were excited as a family, but he wasn't excited as a young man.
Like, everybody else is getting, you know, a roller skate or like a little, you
know,
a little hatchet or something.
And he gets a window pane.
Yeah, a fucking window, dude.
You know?
And then he couldn't even play with it.
Like, we at least tried to like be on different sides of it and like put our
hands on it and
stuff and do like.
And then who installed it?
Did you install it?
Window games and stuff, but we didn't.
No, I don't know who installed it.
Probably some man.
Probably some fucking pedophile.
Like a lot of like freelance contract workers also, you know, they do.
They dabble in the dark arts.
Well, not that maybe.
That's crazy.
But in something that could be wild, you know, drugs or, you know, driving with
a suspended
license or, you know, deadbeat dadding, which seems to be like an Olympic sport
these days.
Anyway, here, I'll pick one and give it to you, Jenny.
So there we go right here.
And this is from Walton.
Oh, do we have that knife?
Yeah, we got a couple knives there.
We got one.
We got our Reeves blade on the other side of that pepper plant.
Okay.
And we got one from Ridge.
So a couple, a blade for each of you.
Okay.
And this one is from Walton, Kentucky.
And I'll give you, I'll use that Reeves because I'm familiar with it, but I'll
give you that
piece right there.
Dude, if I cut myself, I'm going to sue the shit out of you.
Always cut away from your body, as our listeners like to point out.
Yeah.
Is that what they say?
Yeah.
They're very worried about Theo.
Yeah.
Well, I've had it.
I mean, I've cut it in my hands two times over the years and it's alarming.
One time I made a bunch of mushrooms, got a girl's phone number, got so excited
at a
party, ran towards a chain link fence, literally got her number.
She was the hottest girl ever named Noel or Noel.
And, um, and literally ran, jumped over a chain link fence, cut my hand open on
top of the
fence, pile mushrooms.
Then my buddy's like, dude, you had, it's blood is flowing out.
He's like, you got to get that blood out of you.
He goes, what you need to do, put your mouth on the cut, suck the blood out.
So dude, I am literally sucking.
I could feel the blood going from my heart down my arm.
Cause I'm sucking blood out of my own body.
I can't believe you're still alive.
For all the bullshit you've said when you were growing up.
It's a good idea you stopped doing drugs.
The two stories you've told so far have been you fucking up on drugs.
Oh man.
And I did, and I messed the date up.
It was bad.
All right.
What do we got here?
Yeah.
What do we got there, Janny?
It looks like a G.I. Joe, right?
Oh, wow.
Oh, that's a Rat King.
Oh.
I don't think that's a, is it?
Yeah.
Dude, that's an actual Rat King.
Oh, Rat King, 1989.
Wow.
This is a real toy.
Is that from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Yeah, that's an original Rat King piece.
And he has real rats on his back.
And I'll show you that.
Is that cam on right there?
It is.
It is.
And that's that Rat Cam right there today.
So we got that.
Can you look up the Rat King and tell us any more information about him, Nick?
Theo, thanks for the podcast.
This will make a great addition to the studio, Gang Gang.
Wow.
Matt?
Dude, thank you very much, Matt.
This is pretty cool.
And Gianni, that was your gift, but this is mine now.
And Nick has a little bit of information on the Rat King character.
The Rat King is a fictional character from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
multimedia franchise.
The character was created by Jim Lawson and first appeared in the comic Tales
of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles No. 4, written by Jim Lawson.
The Rat King was born and raised in Boston and later migrated to New York.
He remains one of the more enigmatic characters in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
with various appearances depicting him either as a villain, neutral character,
and even an ally at times.
Wow.
He has distinguishable attire, which consists of filthy, tattered rags and most
prominently various bandages covering his body.
So that part sounds like Theo.
Yeah, I could go with the tattered rags.
I'm definitely not, you know, I don't really have those Chris D'Elia.
They have those fancy shoes.
Yeah, bro, what are you wearing right now is what I want to know.
Oh, these shoes I got, where, at the mall?
Those look like, yeah, those look like Nordstrom shoes, like Nordstrom Rack.
Yeah, well, you're dressed like Gwen Stefani, okay, in 1960.
You're dressed like somebody who played on the, you're dressed like a soccer
kid.
Oh, look at this.
Okay, do not bend.
This is from Dennis or Denise Zanella.
And I want to say thank you very much from American Icon Autographs and Rancho
Bernardo.
And let's see what this says.
Okay.
Sorry, I did not have any anthrax to send you.
Wow.
I did, however, print some 8x10s that I thought would be enjoyable.
I first found you on Rogan's podcast and have been listening to yours ever
since.
You have a great sense of humor and your random comments or one-liners get
stuck in my head.
I appreciate you for the enjoyment you have brought into my life.
Thanks.
Oh, that was nice.
That's very nice of this man.
And this is from Icon Autographs.
So, I guess that they have different autographs from different performers and
entertainers.
Might let you autograph one of these one day, Gianni.
And these are, whoa, look at some of these, huh?
That's me.
But, I mean, right here you have Nikki Glaser, who is one of our guests.
You have Adam Hunter, who's just a friend of mine, who's a comedian, who's
never been a guest here.
I looked at this for way too long, and I realized I was on camera.
It's a picture of Schaub's ass, and now...
Look at this one.
Joey Diaz, huh?
Whoa!
Wow, he's gonna die soon.
Look at that.
And that is a beautiful look, but that is wild, huh?
Oh, there's me somewhere in Mexico.
Look at the guy in the back.
Oh, Kate Quigley.
What is this, dude?
What is going on here, brother?
I'm gonna put this one seem a little bit homoerotic, and I'm gonna put this one
on that cam.
Ooh, look at young Joe Rogan.
Isn't that crazy?
Look at the earring.
Look at the little Michael Jordan hoop earring.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Dang.
Michael J. fucks with you.
You know?
That's crazy, dude.
Bro, look at this one.
Is Brendan Schaub in a fight?
Brian Callen's on his phone in the background.
Oh, my God.
What is this about?
This is the craziest package of pictures.
Here's Brendan hugging a black guy in a fight at the end of a fight.
I don't think that's what's happening.
Oh, it's definitely what's happening.
Look at this, dude.
This is really intense, and here's, I think, CM Punk getting beaten by somebody.
There's Burt Kreischer.
Wow.
This is so wild.
Jeff Dye.
Wow, there's some really neat ones in here.
They're you on Rogan?
That's me when I was young.
Is it actually?
Yeah.
Pretty cool, man.
It definitely is.
I have one of my ears pierced.
Oh, yep.
I have my hair.
I have my nose and eyes and mouth and shirt.
That's to me.
What else do we have?
Anything good here?
Wow, look at this guy.
He looks like a straight up.
Bro, you look like a serial killer, dude.
But that also kind of goes out at night and does well.
Okay, yeah.
Like a killer that also does a little bit of sex.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, great.
You're aging in reverse in those pictures.
Yeah, man.
Jesus.
Yes, dude.
I think I definitely was younger back then.
There's definitely a lot of these kind of turning me on.
I have a big nose in all these pictures, which is interesting.
So that just must be something wrong with the filter.
So we'll, yeah.
You kind of, Johnny hung on to this one of Brendan showing his ass for a long
time.
I was looking a