Name: Christmas Spectacular with Will Sasso | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #158
Uploaded: 2018-12-20T14:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christmas Spectacular with Will Sasso | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #158' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christmas Spectacular with Will Sasso | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #158' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-20. Transcript available.

Christmas Spectacular with Will Sasso | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #158

Today's episode is brought to you by one of my favorite places to be on earth,
and that's Gray Block Pizza.
You know, I liked being, when I was young, I liked being in Louisiana, and as
an adult, I liked being in Gray Block.
And you can go to Gray Block Pizza, 1811 Pico Boulevard, on the way to the
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Gray Block, get that hitter.
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Today's episode features a man who is swollen with joy.
A man who's probably, when you think about men, probably one of the top, maybe
9,000 men on planet Earth, I bet.
He's a guy, you may know him from Mad TV.
You may know him just from, you know, people love this guy.
He's basically a human Santa.
You know, he's kind of the, he's that South Pole Santa.
He's that sweaty bad boy.
And he's known time after time from different podcasts.
This is, no joke, the first time he and I have ever really had a conversation.
Because we don't even really know each other.
We've just seen each other in the hallway sometimes.
And you've got to see him in the hallway because you've got to go around him.
I mean, really, it's his hallway.
And I'm just kind of waiting at the corner for him to pass so I can go down it.
Ladies and gentlemen, one of the top 9,000 men, I think I said.
Big Whitey himself, that honky donk, Mr. Will Sasso.
Happy Holidays, bro.
Happy Holidays.
You celebrate Christmas or don't?
I do.
Yeah?
Yeah, I do.
Do you celebrate Christmas?
Oh, definitely, dude.
So this is a safe space to say Merry Christmas.
Oh, definitely.
You can say that here?
Yeah.
I started saying it again.
Yeah, me too.
You know what?
Fuck people telling me you have to say Happy Holidays.
No.
You say it.
I say Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, because that's kind of what most people
are.
That's what's in the area.
Yeah.
I don't give a fuck if you have blonde hair and a little, and a tiny little
face.
I'll still say Happy Hanukkah to you.
Yeah.
I don't care.
Yeah.
If you can't even read.
When I was growing up, not a lot of people could read like they can now.
So you had to, you know, you couldn't really send a lot of Christmas cards.
You had to tell people.
You had to, you know, tell them to their face.
Yes.
You know, like in our area, we didn't really grow up like in the, you know,
reading area,
I guess, of the U.S. or some parts.
I grew up in like kind of like a site, like a non-reading area.
Yeah.
More like a non-verbal belt.
And we had, I mean, I remember one of our teachers tried to only teach us.
They only had 18 letters in the alphabet.
Wait, are you, are we going?
Yeah.
Oh, I don't know.
Are we?
Is this the Theo show?
We are.
Welcome to this past weekend, guys.
We got Will Sasso here.
Hey, what's up?
One of the probably top 200 or 300 men in America, maybe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I made the, well, this past year I was in the, just edged out of the top 200,
but I
was in the top 300 men in America.
Yeah.
And who do people, a lot of times, who beats you out for that?
Like, is there a guy you're always neck and neck with?
Yeah.
There's a guy named, well, there's a guy named Dale Fuzz who lives in Kentucky.
Oh, yeah.
Who, he's a school bus driver and he's a man.
And he, him and I go back and forth a lot.
We got a lot of the same type of man things.
I can see that.
D-Fuzz, dude.
Bus 161.
Sometimes the bus drivers will get that horn, the horn from a rig, you know,
put in the
bus.
Put in the bus.
Or if you're, in Dale's case, he has one of those, just this sort of thing.
So he can work this arm, because he's also the high school football coach.
Oh, yeah.
Of course.
Yeah.
But Dale's got it like that.
And we both like smoked meats and shit.
Oh, yeah.
So we kind of go back and forth.
And me, him, Kevin James.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I could see that.
Hovering around that 200 mark?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm always fighting for that 200 in men's magazine.
Top 200 men.
Do you?
Because you're kind of a bigger guy if I look at you.
I don't know.
I don't know.
If I'm reading your name, it seems like, oh, he could be any size.
I'm about 165 pounds.
Really?
Right now.
No, you're not.
I'm about 165, 170 pounds.
Are you saving up weight for something?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm getting ready for the, I'm playing the, I'm in the Dale Fuzz story.
Oh, are you really?
Yeah, we're going to shoot the Dale Fuzz story, yeah.
That's pretty cool.
It's independent, so we'll see.
Who else is in it?
We'll see what happens.
Well, Dale Fuzz has a cameo.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So he's playing, he's playing a bus driver, obviously.
Yeah.
Yeah, so that'll be fun.
And it's me, him, Tony Collette.
Oh, yeah?
Harlan Williams?
Harlan Williams.
Okay, yeah, you read The Hollywood Reporter.
Gary Buscemi?
Gary Buscemi, who finally gets a role after all these years, you know, being in
the shadow
of his little brother, Steve.
So it's going to be a good, it's going to be a good flick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can see that, man.
Is there a movie that you wanted to be in that you weren't in?
I probably would have, well, I was a little, maybe it was a little before my
time, but I
kind of, I like to, I like, you know, I'll watch Apocalypse Now and think that
Marlon Brando
was pretty good in that role, but I could probably get a, I don't know, it
would have been
one or two or not quite an embryo.
I could see you in Coach.
Have you ever seen Coach?
The TV show?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I loved that show, actually.
Yeah.
It wasn't one of my favorite shows, but I could always watch it.
Watch it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was watchable TV.
Yeah.
It's gone a little bit on the wayside, man.
Yeah.
The past, the first, like, 25 years of that show were good.
The past 17, 18 years of that show haven't been as good as the first quarter
century.
There's Coach right there.
There's Coach.
Yeah.
Did you ever meet that guy?
No.
What's his name again?
Dale Henson, I think.
Dale Henson.
That is Craig T.
Nelson.
Craig T.
Nelson.
Never met him.
No, I've never met Craig T.
Nelson.
Wow.
And the other fellow is Jerry Van Dyke, Dick Van Dyke's brother.
Is it really?
Yeah.
The guy, the older fella.
I met Dick Van Dyke at the Comedy Store one night.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
He was like 140 years old.
He's amazing.
Yeah, that's Jerry Van Dyke.
Wow.
Yeah.
And, yeah, Dick Van Dyke is amazing.
I follow-
He is amazing.
I follow him or his wife on Instagram or Twitter.
I can't remember.
And I mean that to say he doesn't post, but his wife posts shit of him.
On his behalf.
Which is amazing.
Yeah.
Because this is Rob Petrie, for fuck's sake.
Yeah.
Petrie.
You know, if you think of the old Dick Van Dyke show.
The guy's been around for 100 years.
And he's like-
And she just shoots little videos of him, like, dancing and cracking jokes.
And he's fucking more entertaining than-
He's pretty hot.
He's on the top 100 man list.
Is she a pretty hot lady?
Is she a pretty hot-
I think, if you're a 100-year-old man, not that-
You know, I don't want to be ageist.
And I'm sure he could probably, you know, he probably does very well with the
ladies.
What's wrong with Chris D'Elia, do you think?
Because that's-
What's wrong with Chris D'Elia?
Fuck, I don't know if we have enough time.
If you had to pick six things, dude, because I don't want to be mean to them.
Six things.
Yeah.
Holy fuck.
Let me just say right now, I'm keeping the sand hat on, but it's hot as fuck in
here.
It's not that hot now.
What happened?
You said you were burning a candle?
Dude, I'm in a tank.
I don't have to tell him what happened.
Oh, what happened?
Well, we had a guy in here who had Tourette's syndrome, and-
That has nothing to do with how hot it is.
Well, he left a lot of heat.
Also, you don't know how to wear clothes.
You would maybe be cooler.
Yeah, I do not know how to wear clothes.
If I learned a thing or two about wearing clothes-
Dude, black is a hot, hot color.
That's all I wear.
That's all I fucking wear.
Well, right there, dude.
I like to keep it hot.
So you've probably got a lot of heat hibernating now.
What temperatures does your body run at, you think?
Ooh, I don't know.
Have you ever taken a steak and done a sous vide on a steak?
Okay, so sous vide-
What's that?
Coming in it?
Well, it's basically just preheating the fats and the meats together.
You put it in a sous vide bag, and you can even get a special sous vide pot,
and then you hang the little steak over in there.
And it just sort of, essentially, when you take it out of there, you could eat
it like that.
Oh, wow.
You wouldn't want to.
Is it good?
Well, then you throw it on the grill.
So then the inside, so you don't have a steak that, the inside's cold, but you're
outside.
I mean, if you're me, you like it Chicago or Pittsburgh style.
Oh, yeah.
Charred on the outside, rare on the inside.
I like it Pittsburgh style, a little bit of pink eye on the edge.
Yep, that pink eye, that ripple, that balloon knot inside.
Oh, dude.
So if you do the sous vide, and then you throw it on the grill or in your pan,
and so the outside's all.
So a sous vide is about 180 degrees Fahrenheit, maybe 181.
So, yeah, I can just like, you know, sit, I'll sit, I can just put a steak
between my legs or under my arm.
What is wrong with D'Elia?
No, he's good.
Wait, hold on.
Let's think of something, though.
Yeah, I guess he's all right.
Well, let's think of, well, what's wrong with Brian, um, Brian Callen?
Yeah.
Brian's strong for a little guy, for like an older guy.
Yeah, he is, he's a very strong 63-year-old man.
I know, damn.
Dude, he has to be worrying about existence, you know?
Yeah, yeah, he must be worrying about his mortality.
I'm 43 years old, and I have those sort of things where I'm like, oh, I'm
staring at mortality going,
I literally shouldn't eat that.
Wow.
Because I could go to sleep and not wake up again.
Really?
Well, why not?
Why not?
Crazier things have happened.
And what are, like, what kind of items are those that you're, you know, that
you have,
like, you know, you're having those, you know, kind of dining fears of?
Well, if I have, like, you know, some of my pals over, we're just going to hang
out, order
a pizza, watch a movie, seems innocent enough.
I'll look at that, you know, third or fourth slice of pizza, and that'll be the,
that'll
be the waypoint for me.
That'll be the, uh...
Where you know you got to tone it down?
Does it feel weird walking over to a pizza box for the fifth slice?
Does it feel weird walking over to the pizza box for a fifth?
No, I think if you're, I think once you get past three, then you're not worried
about
your own, if you're worried, if you think about your own mortality and pizza,
then every walk
to the pizza box should be, should be.
Yeah.
Yeah, but then your friends leave, and there's one or two slices left.
And what do you do with them?
I don't want to throw them away, would you?
I don't know