Name: Anthrax Challenge #7 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo Von
Uploaded: 2019-01-24T07:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anthrax Challenge #7 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo Von' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-01-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anthrax Challenge #7 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo Von' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-01-24. Transcript available.

Anthrax Challenge #7 | Opening Up Fan Mail with Theo Von

all right we are here with um we're here with probably
i don't know man definitely i'm not i'm not you know i'm no pedophile or
nothing but
you seem like a damn you seem like somebody that still gets molested by older
people
even though you're how old uh i'm 22 yeah jesus bro i've never been molested
you haven't i don't
think so really though i don't know okay well i don't know it means yes dude i
gotta go call my
fucking uncle are you do you have an uncle yeah i do what's his name um i have
an uncle jay and i
have an uncle scott okay well no they're they're cool they're good sure they
are a lot of people
block out trauma johnny put on those trauma blockers all right stop talking
about me getting molested let's
talk about anthrax challenge number six christmas you can do this yeah yeah
merry christmas guys
welcome to uh the anthrax challenge number six um we've had no deaths reported
yet we have had two
people send in things that contain a good deal of broken glass and we got
something last week i think
that was alarming who got anthrax cd an anthrax cd that came in the album and a
couple people said
that they were wishing that i get anthrax so i'd never be back yeah i can see
that well we haven't
killed him yet we have we still have our little uh test gerbil right here um giovanni
paolo from um
where are you from again uh rhode island rhode island okay which isn't even a
real place or a real
island dude you grew up in a stray animal belt what the fuck are you talking
about i sure did dude
where are you from narnia where are you from dude huh wisconsin you're just
gonna take the first one
okay i'll give you the first one merry christmas to you johnny and this is how
christmas works
we have a gift right there there's a card on it we've had that one for a while
but it looked like
a such a nice christmas gift we wanted to save it thank you very much and that
is uh nick davis is
leading the charge here today where's it from uh it doesn't say a name but it
says yo here's some
sanitizer so you can cleanse yourself after touching other people's gifts fuck
anthrax bro who knows what
kind of people practice the dirty dark arts and touch this shit with their
greasy nectar hands after a
tugging stash it's a little aggressive wow it's all valid points yeah though
yeah to be honest very
true and a lot of people do masturbation and indoor and outdoor masturbation
you still masturbate
uh yesterday i did but overall no oh was that was that our fault from after
king and sting when we
showed you pictures of baloney nipples no i'm trying to think of what happened
to me was oh i was up late
and i was just feeling alonesome and so that i started to jerk off i was alone
yesterday my both my
brothers left my apartment i think i did it like maybe six times
you've never done that it's not funny a and b if you keep telling us about that
and if you keep
laughing like that like they're ill senior citizens hidden hidden in your body
do not pull the mic close
when you do that you were he's horrible on the audio levels but i will say we
don't on this past
weekend talk about masturbation so flippantly yeah oh we don't it's something
we don't it's something
we want to overcome oh i'm sorry not celebrate oh i'm like i'm chilling though
like i'll do it and
then i'll just like go hang out like i'm not like thinking about it all the
time do you just do it and
then think about what you just did uh first of all dude i try not to do it okay
second of all if i do
do it i usually take a nap after like on the nature channel like a lot of
animals after they
ejaculate they'll rest you know i'm not some dude who's coming and then leave
the mic where it is
i'm not someone who's coming and then running around dude i'm not running
around i can just do
my day yeah very scary oh here's some guy that just came on himself at his
house and now he's over
here buying socks you know have some respect for other people i think who sent
the gift and quit
laughing oh yeah you guys we need i got a gift right here from damn jones and
this is from a human
named damn and i respect that we used to have a guy named boss named donald cuntman
this is just a
bunch of hand sanitizer there's no and i got that reeves blade boy one of the
top 60 or 70 reeve
reeves blades ever watch out dude feel the weight of that baby boy that's like
a damn nine pound baby
right there yeah man why don't you go kill yourself i mean give it back to me
so that was just hand
sanitizer in that in that nice that's it hand sanitizer well announce what it
is johnny somebody mailed that
it's germ and show it to the show it to the camera no name on it there's not a
name on the box no card
and then damn jones sent me this
and this might be the bible maybe what is it
propit propitiation propitiation propitiation don't try to be funny here by
damn jones show it
to that cut cam i'll show you that cut cam right there
and this is a book that somebody wrote and it's very rare you see a book that
is on
usually it's black ink on white paper and they did the flip on here innovators
i'll read a couple of
quotes from it i'm real sorry about daisy your mama was a light in a dark world
and then i remember
sheriff so obviously this is a real whodunit thank you damn for sending in your
book that you wrote for
me to read and uh i will i will spend some time in it i like mysteries dude and
i knew some people that
got murdered so
wait what's the story behind that that's life brother that's what the dang
story is
oh this is for brian and brendan so this will put under this tree for the boys
next door
very sweet johnny what you got there um okay i got something
again with no name it just says uh it's from amazon um in vegas okay open that
bad boy up that could
very possibly be just uh equipment for the podcast but we'll see okay that's
true and i have some
other books oh nice nice high ground apparel what are those johnny um mating in
captivity
oh wow that's my life story and the state of affairs rethinking infidelity are
they both by
esther esther pearl pearl is that one by esther pearl this one is yep by esther
pearl
so then she must have she must have wrote these wow a lot of information here
so we have books by
damn jones these are new york times bestsellers mating in captivity takes a
hard line against one of
the most time-honored institutions in human history the sexless marriage it
reads like a cross between
the words of jacquas lacking and french woman don't get fat i've seen some big
french boo boo she's cute
though is she yeah nice little oh very cute very cute lady psychotherapist too
so she's not going to
let you really relax during dinner i'm sure you know and that's esther pearl a
fresh looking infidelity
uh thank you for these miss perel i could probably use both of these so i'm
gonna peep some of that
what do we have here a bag of uh soft linens it feels like and this is from
high ground it says
high ground apparel which is for the knife i don't want to grab it yeah stay
away from me
okay stay away from me until we're really friends which hasn't really happened
yet and look at this
beautiful little shirt is that cool yeah what does it say it says uh
high ground oh i got i mean it's a big one smells strong boy
oh man that's that relax that's for mr sasso that thing's extra extra large you
know that's that
relapse cardigan this ain't for mr sasso you can put one of his kneecaps
but high ground apparel since them and they definitely the paint is fresh on
those they
might have painted those they might have i feel like we never let nick open
them isn't it so
exciting like open these like nick if you want to come in and cut one open you
just got invited in
don't invite other people over to people's houses and you just got invited
you little turtle i take great pleasure on your guys's faces watching you open
them i don't need
to you didn't think that was a nice thing to do to invite nick i thought it was
very nice we just
don't have enough seats no i'm just saying to come over and maybe open one up
and though i'm doing
stuff back here it's all right he's busy back there look at all the stuff he's
doing stop pointing at
people with this one nick got me this one let's speak in a nick yeah i thought
we should have
saved that one for last would you get me johnny i didn't get me some advil
because i'm tired of
listening loud little white japanese ass dude this is custom built is it yeah
this was not a gift
this was is it a window from theo's for theo's brother this is a purchase oh
this might be a peep
in time bring your own window that's an old trick oh wow nick you get a nice
burlap sack
oh yeah and this is a hundred percent lap isn't it that's beautiful you get
your potato sack
oh what is it man
is it new orleans saints
is it the king it's louisiana oh yeah
that's awesome dude the state louisiana flag dude that's dope hold it up
that's a bird on there too huh union justice confidence and they spelled
everything right
would you have known that's what the flag says yeah had you been asked no i
wouldn't have
and that's beautiful that's a pelican man that's a brown pelican right there
and that that comes from our our guy nick at legacy flags he's gift us a couple
american flags but this
one i had made special wow man that's awesome thank you very much and he put a
dark blue on here
that's that louisiana state flag and that's nick at legacy flags uh guess i'm
the most least like
employee now here if i can this past weekend yeah you're an intern you're not
even under contract
so it's not true very could be the last afternoon you ever spent in this
building
but you're handsome you can see the guy on power he plays a 16 year old drug
dealer on power i do
power season six yeah another white guy selling drugs to dark people man
my my business associate is uh is actually african-american is he really good
yeah well
what do you mean good i'm just saying all types of people sell drugs i know i
bought them from all
types dude all right let's thank you nick this is awesome very nice thank you
nick you don't get
it gian yeah you're welcome thank you very sweet of you yeah i think this will
kind of make the studio
our own a little bit more man it's hot as fuck i know it's already starting to
get hot wait can we
open the door you guys don't have to hold it up anymore i feel like that might
be that's a good
point that's a good point can we open the door
oh it's a little it's a little elf costume oh that oh we've a little church
outfit that was actually
ordered uh one day shipping for our will sasso episode and it did not arrive in
time but they've
already refunded us they have oh should we got it yes we got a free we got a
free costume santa's
little hipster and this guy i'll buy uh johnny should absolutely have to put
that on right now
should i put it on at the i'll put it on at the end of the episode yeah the end
is now you freak
get it on santa's little helper dude they're busy this time of year that's why
i think that's it get in there johnny this is from black and gold sports shop
oh who that say
they're gonna beat them saints let's see it looks like a saint's thing does it
yeah let's see that
beautiful piece man we knew it was gonna be stands when you said black and gold
shop oh that's true
that 504 boy it's pretty fire huh that's cool i like that it's cool it's all it's
almost not that
cool but then it's cool do they how come everyone sends you such big shirts
they think you're a burly
guy what do you think i can fit into a large shirt how you look like a medium i'm
38 years old nobody's
a medium 38 dude you know unless they were raised mark walberg's a fucking
small dude that guy's
walking around in smalls wow the zen of listening mindful communication who's
that from in the age of
distraction rebecca z shafir book of the year award winner or they just wrote
that on there
yeah it doesn't say from where poor listening is the cause of divorce
depression burnout
customer dissatisfaction low scho