Name: Snow Day | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #173
Uploaded: 2019-02-11T07:26:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Snow Day | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #173' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Snow Day | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #173' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-11. Transcript available.

Snow Day | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #173

Ah, well, here we go.
About that time, baby.
About that time.
There you go, baby.
Tonight is a night.
Well.
Okay.
Well, I downloaded that song and I didn't, I thought it was just about, I
thought it was
just instrumental and I thought it was just going to be about, about snow.
And apparently it's about December.
So, you know, I'm not trying to be a time traveler, so I'm going to shut it
down.
Good morning, good day, good evening, whatever time it is for you.
I'm grateful to be here today with you.
It is February, February 11th in the year 2019.
And, um, and it's snowing.
Dude, it is snowed up over here.
I mean, it is really snowy.
And I'm in Columbus, Ohio.
And snow is wild, man.
Think about snow.
Think about snow.
I mean, snow.
What is it?
We don't know.
I mean, we know that two, you know, two cold things, you know, they start doing
sex or
something up way up in the sky.
And next thing you know, they snow.
And there, you know, they start shedding little snow, you know, just spraying
out a little bit
of snow out of them.
And that's beautiful, man.
And it's really not, I mean, it's just hitting everywhere out here.
Snow.
They got snow, snow men.
People are building snow men, snow women.
They got a transgender, you know, they put a couple of, uh, you know, they took
the carrot
off of it and, um, put like just, you know, like a little, you know, somebody
put over
the crotch, one of those, um, you know, like a Rubik's cube.
So anything could happen down there in the crotch for some of the snowmen and
people are
just enjoying the time out here.
And, and I'm here in the middle of America in Columbus, Ohio, and it's snowing.
I didn't think it was going to be snowing.
You know, I was taking a nap and I was dreaming about, you know, I was, uh, I
was, where was
I?
I was at a, um, Kurt, at a curtain shop, you know, and I was, uh, looking at
different
curtains and stuff.
And, um, and then next thing, you know, I wake up and I'm thinking, you know, I'm
not
thinking anything cause I just woke up.
I thought I was looking for curtains, you know, but really I'm fucking in a, in
a hotel.
And then, uh, I come and look out the window and it's snow and man, it's
beautiful.
And it's wild to think that we're just on this planet.
We're on a ball of dirt and water in the middle of nowhere.
And suddenly a bunch of cold shit falls on you.
I mean, what is it?
What's going on?
Is there a greater plan?
I wish I'd have picked a better intro song, but sometimes you don't pick the
right intro
music.
You know, I remember at my grandfather's funeral, um, somebody, the DJ
accidentally played that
song.
Uh, it was a ludicrous song.
What did ludicrous say?
Um, it was the one, uh, where he dresses up like in the videos with like the,
uh, ludicrous,
you know, you have the, um, the, uh, incredible Hulk hands on anyway, but
imagine you being
there at the grandfather's funeral and they got the, you know, the DJ.
Oh, uh, get back.
He played ludicrous.
Get back, get back, get back.
You don't know me like that.
At my grandfather's funeral.
He did, you know, the guy messed up at the wake.
They had like a musical guy at the wake.
And next thing you know, everybody's like, Jesus, you know?
They're like, man, that, that old dude must've been into some wild shit.
If he's listening to, if they're playing ludicrous at his funeral.
Um, but, but good to be here with you guys, man.
I had quite a weekend here.
I've been here in Columbus, Ohio.
Uh, thank you to everybody that came out.
You know, I, I, I always say that.
And, um, and, uh, man, it's just been great.
I still have shows tonight.
It's Sunday right now.
And what have I been doing?
You know, it's Sunday.
I, uh, I, I'm thinking about maybe it's Sunday.
Maybe going for a run.
I, um, indoors.
Dude, I ain't running outdoors in the snow.
That'd be crazy.
If my legs were nicer, I would do it.
If my legs were nicer, I would do it.
I would get out there, I think.
But yeah, a lot of great people have come out.
A lot of people with blue eyes.
And I don't know if there's something going on.
You know, if more, I mean, this one guy came out the other night with these,
you know, these just fucking baby blue, just balls of the Lord's fucking booyah
bass in his face.
This dude had just, oh man, you, if you looked in his eyes, you didn't, you
didn't know where you were.
You could be, be molested or, you know, or anything while you were looking at
it.
You don't even know.
Somebody steal your shirt.
Steal your, you know, your 401k.
They take everything.
They'll take the stairs off your house.
They'll take the front stair walk off your house.
You'll, you'll open the door and fucking fall face first out into the shit.
I mean, this dude had some just blue hitters in his face.
I don't know what, I mean, it looked like, like he'd stolen them out of a
museum.
Like he hired Nicolas Cage to go out there and find him a set of eyes.
Cause this dude had some, I mean, just like, just like little pieces of Plymouth
rock.
Somebody put him in his damn face, in his head.
I mean, I would have had a dude, if I had eyes that nice, I'd have a fucking Doberman
Pinscher out there watching them.
You know, I'd have a damn Rottweiler.
Dude, I'd have a, I would have a Rottweiler watching my eyes at all times.
Cause I'd be worried somebody's going to show up with a sharp spoon and just
scoop me out
and wear my visuals around their neck.
You know, somebody, you know, one of those people in a fancy, you know,
a dictator or somebody like that.
Maybe somebody in Africa, one of those, you know, Sierra Leone, one of those
people that
are stealing, you know, whatever, doing all of that.
I want to tell you about a couple of things though.
Some updates, you know, today is the day we're going to announce those
Australia dates.
And I'm so excited.
Man, I can't even imagine that I'm going to go to Australia and that's so
bizarre to think that I'm going to go to Australia to another country and that
people are going to come out to see the shows.
That's just bad.
I mean, it's, that's just beyond, I can't even, I don't even know how it makes
sense.
You know, I don't even know how it makes sense, but I'm really excited about it.
I'm going to let you know this right now.
You know, today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza and Gray Block
Pizza.
That's a pyrie, you know, that's a pie, you know, place that makes special pies
over there in Los Angeles, 1811 Pico Boulevard.
On the way to the beach, Gray Block, get that hitter.
I also want to let you know that today's episode is brought to you by, by, um,
hold on, I'm getting this audio right.
By, uh, our small business sponsor.
And this is a book and it's called the Meathead Manifesto.
And it is written by Brody McVitt.
Sorry, Brody McVittie.
And if you want to support a small business like we do, and I'll tell you it,
man, I checked out the Meathead Manifesto by Brody McVittie.
And this guy makes reading about fitness actually enjoyable.
It's a how-to book.
It's a how-to book for people who have no fucking clue what they're doing in
the gym.
Okay.
Uh, Brody covers topics like how to tell if your personal trainer is a straight
up D-bag.
How to tell if you're a D-bag client.
If you're a doush bag, daddy.
If you're a doush bag, man, then you got to tighten up.
But one of y'all is probably a doush bag.
Um, the Meathead Manifesto is the only how-to guide you'll ever need.
If you're into bodybuilding and girls and nutrition, then you'll love this irreverent
take on concepts like how to handle your raging jealousy and fat like the stuff
you need, not what you are.
And that's how to get good fats.
You know, it's funny.
A lot of different nuts and everything have good fats in them.
And that's what I used to say.
You know, if a girl was thinking about giving me a blowjob, I said, you know,
nuts really got a lot of healthy fat in them.
So, there's that.
But you can head on over to Brody's website, www.brodymcvittie.com or at BrodyDrew,
B-R-O-D-Y-D-R-E-W on Instagram.
And click on the This Past Weekend section for a special discounted copy of the
book today.
That's Brody McVittie, B-R-O-D-Y-M-C-V-I-T-T-I-E.com.
And head to the This Past Weekend section for a special discounted copy of the
Meathead Manifesto.
And I used to be a meathead, man.
I used to get, you know, I used to get straight up damn meaty out there, dude.
So, you can support small businesses like we do here at This Past Weekend.
And that is a small business advertisement right there.
An author.
And everybody's wanted to write a book and that man went and did it.
That's that Meathead Manifesto.
And, you know, you've seen these beasties in the gym.
You know, some dude got, you know.
I mean, just, you know, he's just done so many reps.
He just, you know, he does curls and all the pimples on his face pop at once.
Just, you know, shatters his fucking taste buds.
Everything just flies right out of his mouth.
You know, just, you know, just creaming out of his own pores.
You know, he's all hopped up on protein powder.
One of those guys that usually, a lot of times you'll see them like dripping
liquid protein into their eyeballs.
And, you know, some of them will even take a damn McNugget and, you know, do
them suppositories just to get a couple extra grams in the old B-hole.
You know, they're like that.
People that just got to have that protein.
Some of them will fucking suck an egg right out of a chicken's booty.
You know it?
Just to get that extra six grams that's in an egg.
And, you know, an egg has six grams of protein in it.
Isn't that pretty wild?
And then, I guess it's not that wild, actually.
So, but let's get in.
I'm going to announce the dates in just a minute.
Let's get into a call or two real quick that came in.
Here we go.
Yo, what's up to you?
My name is Dylan.
I'm here with my brother Nick.
We're from upstate New York.
Gang, gang, Nick and Dylan.
And upstate New York, that is neck tat country.
So, if you ever wondered, you know, do I have a neck tat or what does it seem
like to have a neck tattoo?
Well, go to upstate New York and meet a couple ladies or a couple men.
And, you know, sometimes they'll have turtlenecks if they're ashamed of
themselves.
And you got to peel down that turtleneck and you can see usually they got a
picture of, you know, like a little, they'll do sometime a, you know, if it's a
guy that's been to prison,
and it'll have like a weird mix of shit, like a gun and then like a little
Mickey Mouse and a Minnie Mouse or something.
Sometime ladies will have like a soup spoon or, you know, a garbage plate or
something.
If they're from Rochester, they'll have that tattoo to stack a meat and cheese
on their neck.
Thank you for calling, fellas.
Onward.
I see you on that Business and Biceps podcast, bro.
I'm a big fan of Corey G and Johnny Bosco and Mo C.
You know, I follow Corey G's workouts.
The dude is insane.
But what he does works.
All those guys, you know, they got some good shit going on there.
And I was just wondering what you take from those guys and what you learned and
apply to your life.
I think it's helped a lot with my personal development and growth.
So, yeah, I was wondering what you learned from them.
Gang, gang, homie.
Gang, Papa.
Thank you for the call.
And you know what?
This is what I did while I was here.
You know, there wasn't a lot of time.
Because here's the thing.
Like, I fly into Columbus, right?
I lose three hours on the flight.
So, I leave at 6 a.m.
You know, I got up at 4.45, right?
And I'm not complaining.
I'm grateful.
Because I get to do something that I love.
I get to come and see a lot of dope people and some real questionable people as
well.
But, you know, I get out there and next thing you know, I fly here.
So, you lose that three hours.
You get off the plane, you get to the hotel, you get settled, you hit the shows,
you know?
And you do it like that.
And you barely got a time to get a little bit of, you know, to put some freshener
on your skin or get freshened up.
